Friday, June 29, 2012

Case Study No. 0416: Unnamed Female Librarian (Kick Buttowski)

Kick Buttowski - If Books Could Kill
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[scene opens outside the home of twelve-year-old daredevil Clarence "Kick" Buttowski, as he receives a copy of Billy Stumps' "Live Til It Hurts!!!" in the mail, then tears open the package to read the author's autograph on the inside front cover]
BILLY STUMPS: [in voice over] Hey Kick, live til it hurts! Signed, Billy Stumps.
KICK: Sweet ...
[he tries to run back into his house, but runs right into his best friend Gunther Magnuson as they both fall over]
KICK: Can't talk, gotta get to my room!
GUNTHER: Can't talk, gotta get to the library!
[they keep running into each other, until they finally move aside, allowing Kick to run up to his bedroom and hide under the covers with a flashlight and "his" book]
KICK: Ahhh. Billy, it's just you and me now ... What the?!
[he throws off the covers to reveal he's holding the wrong book]
KICK: [reading] "Whistling ... For Boys"?!
[he looks up from the book cover in disbelief]
KICK: This is Gunther's book! Gunther!
[he grabs his skateboard and heads for the library, but is too late to stop Gunther from dropping his possession into the book deposit slot]
KICK: Oh ...
[he tries to stick his arm into the slot but can't reach the book, while Gunther sees him holding his whistling book in his other hand]
GUNTHER: Hey, my book!
[he takes it and begins whistling perfectly, so Kick grabs the book out of his hands and drops it into the slot, then makes his way to the entrance]
GUNTHER: Where you going?
KICK: [angrily] To get my one of a kind Billy Stumps official signed greatest book in the world back!
[Gunter suddenly becomes very frightened]
GUNTHER: Kick! No! Stop! The librarian! She's evil! Eeevil ...
[he stares at him blankly]
GUNTHER: She keeps anything you return! One time, I returned my sandwich, and she wouldn't give it back!
[cut to a flashback of Gunther carrying a stack of books and placing them one by one into the deposit slot]
GUNTHER: Book ... book ... sandwich ... book ... Sandwich!
[realizing his mistake, he tries to reach into the slot and retrieve the sandwich, but a pair of arms reaches out and grabs him]
[the librarian laughs maniacally from off camera, then cut back to Gunther and Kick standing in front of the library]
GUNTHER: It burned!
[Kick ignores him and knocks on the door, as a seemingly nice old lady answers]
LIBRARIAN: Ooh, a young reader! How may I help you?
KICK: Hello, ma'am. My friend dropped my book in the night deposit ...
[he looks over, but Gunther has run over and is hiding in the bushes]
GUNTHER: [whispering] Eeevil ...
KICK: I need to get it back.
[he tries to walk into the library, but the librarian puts out her hand and stops him]
LIBRARIAN: [sweetly] I'm sorry, dear. The library's closed.
KICK: But ... but it's only twelve o'clock.
[she answers him with a slightly firmer tone, but is still smiling]
LIBRARIAN: I said we're closed ...
[she slams the door in his face, causing him to fall backwards down the stairs, so Gunter comes out of the bushes and stands over him]
GUNTHER: Pure, pure ... eeevil.


[Kick sneaks into the library at night (with Gunther monitoring him via security camera), and sees his book sitting on one of the shelves]
KICK: [whispering] My Buttowski sense is tingling ...
[he slowly begins pulling the book off the shelf, when the lights come on, and he turns to see the librarian by the light switch]
LIBRARIAN: Oh, I wish you hadn't come back ...
[she begins laughing maniacally, as lightning strikes in the background, then cut back to Gunther watching the proceedings from outside]
GUNTHER: Aahhhh!
[cut back to inside the library, as Kick grabs the book and tries to run away, but the librarian follows him with her book cart]
LIBRARIAN: No running in the library!
[she pushes the cart towards him, so Kick jumps on, not realizing that the cart is heading straight for the card catalog]
KICK: Aw biscuits ...
[the cart crashes, sending Kick flying into the copy machine]
[she tries to jump at Kick, but he moves out of the way and the librarian ends up caught in the copy machine]
KICK: Uh ...
[he tries to run away, but the librarian suddenly appears and begins throwing index cards like ninja throwing stars, eventually pinning him to the wall]
LIBRARIAN: Everything in the library belongs to me, including you!
[she picks up his book and begins laughing, when Kick notices an open window]
KICK: Sorry lady, but it's checkout time!
[he pulls away from the wall - leaving his clothes stuck to the index cards - before grabbing the book and jumping out the window]
[cut to Gunther outside the library, as Kick (not yet visible) stands before him]
KICK: She's good, but I'm ... better!
[cut to a shot of Kick wearing just his underwear, as he holds up the book triumphantly ... but the actual book falls out of the Billy Stumps dust jacket, revealing that he actually has the copy of "Whistling For Boys"]
GUNTHER: My books again!
LIBRARIAN: [from off camera] Looking for this?!
[camera pans to the open window, where the librarian is holding the real book and laughing]
KICK: Clever girl ... Time for the final chapter! Gunther, I'm going back in!


[the librarian is happily bringing the Billy Stumps book back for reshelving, when Kick jumps through the skylight on his bicycle and grabs it]
LIBRARIAN: Not on my watch!
[she pulls a copy of "Mobility Scooters: Advanced Edition" off the shelf, which reveals a secret entrance where a pink scooter (with skull and crossbones decal) is parked]
[cut to Kick as he looks back to see the librarian (wearing a Pickelhaube helmet) following him ... she eventually pulls up beside him, then laughs as she grabs the book and passes him]
KICK: Well played ...
[Kick begins chasing her through the stacks like they're running an obstacle course, until he turns on the "turbo" and grabs the book, then makes a hairpin turn and heads off in the opposite direction]
[the librarian slams on the brakes - causing her false teeth to momentarily fly out - before turning around and resuming the chase]
[she eventually catches up and grabs the book, sticking her tongue out at Kick ... but she gets careless with her taunting and ends up banging her face against one of the bookshelves, causing the book to fly out of her hand and land on a nearby table]
[Kick put on the breaks and heads for the table, grabbing the book, but the librarian literally runs through the table - destroying library property in the process - in order to keep up with Kick]
[clutching the book in his teeth, Kick runs into a giant statue of Rodin's "Thinker", using it as a ramp to try and jump back through the skylight]
[the librarian pulls out two of her grey hairs and fashions a makeshift lasso, grabbing Kick at the last second before he makes it out]
[Kick is pulled back and falls into one of the bookshelves, causing a domino effect that nearly crushes the librarian ... except that the last bookshelf catches on the "Thinker"'s knee]
[gravity does cause all of the books in that last bookshelf to fall out and bury the librarian]
[Kick recovers and sees his book fall in the middle of the room, but the librarian emerges from the pile of books, and sees his book as well]
[on opposite ends of the room, they begin driving towards the book at a high rate of speed, eventually crashing into one another]
[cut to outside the library, as Gunther watches the proceedings on his camera, when the force of the collision causes the video feed to go out]
[cut to the front door of the library suddenly opening, as a cloud of dust obscures a figure emerging who looks suspiciously like the librarian]
GUNTHER: Uh oh ... eeevil.
[the dust clears to reveal that the figure is actually Kick, with the handlebars of his bike wrapped around his helmet]
[he holds the book above his head]
KICK: Got my book!
GUNTHER: Awesome ... Careful, there's a spider over there!
[Kick, suddenly afraid, cautiously moves away from the entrance and heads for the stairs]
GUNTHER: Geez Kick, I'm really sorry I got your book stuck in the library ...
KICK: Apology unnecessary ... Tonight was epic!
GUNTHER: Really?
KICK: And one more thing ...
[he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a sandwich]
GUNTHER: My sandwich!
[Gunther grabs it and eats it in one bite, burping loudly]
[camera pans over to show the two as they walk off into the sunset, when the librarian - in a disheveled state - appears from the dust cloud]
LIBRARIAN: You may have won this time, but you'll be back! They always come back ... to the library!
[she begins to laugh maniacally, then suddenly returns to normal and - humming sweetly to herself - walks back into the library]



"Kick Buttowski: Suburban Daredevil" / "If Books Could Kill"
Prod. Code: 102A
Premiered: February 13, 2010
Written by: John Derevlany, Nate Knetchel, David Shayne
Directed by: Chris Savino

"If Books Could Kill" is episode 2a of Season 1.

Kick recieves an autographed book by Billy Stumps in the mail. But when rushing to his room to read it, he accidentally bumps into Gunther a couple of times, getting his book mixed up with Gunther's due library book. Unfortunatly, it's too late for Kick when Gunther puts Kick's book in the library drop-off post, thinking it's his own book. To make matters worse, the librarian won't let Kick have his book back. Kick and Gunther set up a plan for Kick to sneak into the library after dark. But when caught by the librarian, it turns into a chase where both of them are trying to get the book. Finally, after destroying half the library, Kick manages to escape with his book, and a sandwich Gunther returned by accident.

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