Jacob Two-Two and the Bookworm Brouhaha
Episode 37. Don't mess with library ninjas.
Tags: jacob two-two ytv canadian nelvana
Added: 1 year ago
[scene opens with Jacob in bed reading a library book]
JACOB: [whispers] "Every step led us deeper and deeper into the inky blackness. A pebble tumbled down from somewhere above, and the torchlight danced in a sudden gust of wind. 'I don't think we're alone,' said--"
[the door to his attic bedroom suddenly opens]
JACOB: Dad! You scared me, you scared me!
MORTY: We're even ... you almost gave me a heart attack.
[he walks over and turns off the desk lamp]
MORTY: Lights out, kiddo.
JACOB: Aww ... but I'm almost finished!
MORTY: Mom's orders, Jake. Bedtime was hours ago.
JACOB: Just one more chapter! Just one more chapter!
[his father laughs]
MORTY: What're you reading?
JACOB: "Encyclopedia Andy and the Cloaked Assassins of Doom!"
MORTY: Must be a real page-turner ... Is it as thrilling as "The Amazing Ronald Versus the Moldy Mummy?"
[he gives his father a sly look]
JACOB: Nothing's as thrilling as one of your books, Dad.
MORTY: Good answer.
JACOB: He's lost in the Forgotten Tomb of the Forbidden Pharaoh!
MORTY: Hmm, sounds like you're just getting to the good part. As an author, I heartily approve of your enthusiasm for reading ...
[he hands Jacob a flashlight]
MORTY: [whispers] Just don't tell your mother.
JACOB: Thanks, Dad. Thanks.
MORTY: Goodnight, son.
[he leaves, and Jacob gets under the covers to continue reading]
JACOB: [whispers] "'I don't think we're alone,' said Hassan. 'Just rats,' I whispered, trying to sound like I believed it."
[cut to later that night, as Jacob (still reading) lets out a yawn]
JACOB: [whispers] "Little did I realize we were being watched by the ... "
[the flashlight turns off and Jacob begins to snore, when a female ninja appears in his window and reaches for the book (as he mumbles in his sleep)]
JACOB: Hmm? Doom, it's ... Hmm? It's the Cloaked Assassins of Doom.
[he suddenly wakes up and sees the ninja grab the book out of his hands]
JACOB: Ahh! A Cloaked Assassin of Doom!
[the ninja flips off of the windowsill, landing perfectly on her feet]
JACOB: Hey! Give that back!
[he goes to tackle her, but she flips over him]
JACOB: That's a library book!
[she throws a sleeping gas bomb on the floor, as Jacob gets woozy]
JACOB: [weakly] That's a library ...
[the ninja jumps out the window as he passes out, then cut to the next morning with Jacob "asleep" on the floor]
JACOB: No ... come back.
[he lets out a snore, then bolts upright in bed]
JACOB: My library book! Huh?
[he looks around, then sees his book on the bed]
JACOB: Ahh ...
[he suddenly notices a bookmark in the book, with a picture of a clock and a red exclamation point]
JACOB: Oh no! Oh no!
[he falls to his knees]
JACOB: It's overdue!
[cut to the kitchen, where Jacob's mother is pouring a glass of orange juice]
FLORENCE: Here ya go, honey.
[Jacob enters the scene, frantically getting dressed and grabbing his skateboard (while still clutching the book)]
JACOB: No time, mom! I have to get my book back before the library opens! It's overdue, it's--
[someone reaches in from off camera and takes the book]
[cut to Jacob's older brother holding the book]
DANIEL: How far overdue are we talkin' here, squirt?
JACOB: It was due yesterday!
[he jumps up to try and grab the book, but Daniel holds it over his head]
DANIEL: Yesterday? So, what's the big deal, pipsqueak? The fine's only a nickel!
JACOB: I've never been late before!
MORTY: No late fines, ever?
JACOB: Never! I have a perfect record!
MORTY: So that's what all the rush is about. Get in before opening, and it's counted as yesterday's return.
JACOB: Right! And I can still have my perfect record!
[his father takes the book out of Daniel's hand]
MORTY: A worthy quest. Y'know, the public library is a fine and noble institution. We should all pay it the same respect as you do, Jake. Knowledge for free for everyone is a glorious concept, like--
JACOB: Dad, they open at eight o'clock!
[he checks his watch, then tosses the book to Jacob]
MORTY: Better hustle, kiddo.
[cut to Jacob skating down the street in a mad rush to get to the library]
JACOB: Coming through!
[he avoids several obstacles (having his face obscured with newspapers held by people at the bus stop, careening through wet cement, etc.) before running into a fire hydrant that launches him into the air]
[cut to a slow-motion shot of Jacob sailing through the air before slamming into the glass door of the library with a splat ... but the book slips safely through the return slot and right into the waiting hands of a male librarian (gray hair pulled back into a ponytail, goatee, glasses, red vest, blue undershirt, blue jeans)]
[Jacob slowly slides down the glass and lands on the floor (as the librarian watches him fall), then cut to the giant clock above the library as it strikes eight]
[cut back to Jacob, as he excitedly gets up while the librarian unlocks the door]
JACOB: I made it! Alright, my perfect record is safe! It's--
[the librarian reaches over and grabs his shoulder]
[cut to inside the library, where a female African-American librarian (overweight, black hair in cornrows, gold necklace, purple dress) is typing at the computer, when Jacob and the male librarian walk towards her]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: A lengthy lending history, not a single late fine!
[cut to a shot of the computer screen, which shows Jacob's picture with a green checkmark]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Very impressive!
MALE LIBRARIAN: Oh yeah, you should've seen him in action! He makes returning library books an extreme sport!
[he hands the book to her]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Since you got the book in before official opening, it will be counted on yesterday's list of returns! Ha, but you already knew that, didn't you?
JACOB: My record is still perfect?
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: You also hold the Montreal record for the most books checked out in a single year! If only all youngsters were as well-read as you, Jacob ...
[she gets off her chair and walks towards them]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: These are dark days for libraries. Budget cuts, DVDs, TV, video games ... We're taking a beating!
MALE LIBRARIAN: I've even heard kids say that they think reading is ... boring.
JACOB: Boring? But the Cloaked Assassins of Doom gave me goosebumps!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: The library needs young blood like you, Jacob! How'd ya like to volunteer your services, huh?
MALE LIBRARIAN: You could have first dibs on new books! No torn pages, no jam fingerprints!
JACOB: No jam fingerprints? When do I start, when do I start?
[cut to Jacob and the male librarian walking through the library]
MALE LIBRARIAN: Your first assignment will be a true test of courage and determination ...
[he reaches into a supply closet, then hands Jacob a mop and a spray can]
JACOB: "Racoon-Away" ... Raccoon-Away?
MALE LIBRARIAN: We've got a family of them living in the Natural History section ... You've had your rabies shot, right?
[he puts a football helmet on Jacob's head, then cut to him shoving Jacob into a room filled with raccoons]
[cut to outside the Natural History section, as the librarian watches Jacob being thrown out of the room over and over (even though he keeps valiantly trying to go back in)]
[cut back to Jacob's house, as his father hears the front door open]
[Jacob enters, bruised and with his clothes covered in filth]
MORTY: Whoa, what does the other guy look like?
[Jacob drops the torn-to-pieces mop on the floor]
JACOB: Actually, the other guy was a family of raccoons ...
[he flops down on the couch next to his father]
JACOB: I never guessed volunteering at the library could be so dangerous ... I thought I'd be reshelving books and stamping due dates.
[cut to Jacob's father, who seems to be fighting back tears]
MORTY: You're volunteering at the library?
[he jumps up on the couch in a burst of fatherly pride]
MORTY: My son, the library volunteer! A noble knight doing battle against the forces of ignorance!
JACOB: I lost, Dad. The forces of ignorance have pointy teeth and little hands that can throw stuff.
MORTY: That was just round one, Jake ... Did Aesop let a bad day stop him from writing his fables?
JACOB: No ...
MORTY: Would a bad review make Shakespeare throw in the towel?
MORTY: Think of the books, Jake! You have to get right back on the horse that threw you ... or raccoons, as the case may be.
JACOB: You're right, dad! The library needs me!
[cut back to the library, as Jacob (with football helmet) sticks a sandwich into the pointy end of the ruined mop]
[he jumps up on a book cart and rides it like a horse into the Natural History section]
[the male librarian closes the door behind him, then (after a brief struggle can be heard off screen) he opens it as Jacob rolls back out (using the sandwich as bait to lure the raccoons out)]
[cut to the front door of the library, as Jacob sticks the mop into the cart and jumps off, then the raccoons follow it outside (and Jacob slams the door shut behind them)]
JACOB: Ahh ...
[cut to the two librarians looking at each other and smiling, then to a montage of Jacob working in the library (dusting shelves, stamping books, reading to little kids, etc.) before the clock strikes eight and the patrons leave for the night]
JACOB: Goodnight! Thanks for reading!
[he waves at them, then locks the door behind him]
JACOB: Well, that's it for today. Guess I'll be going ...
[he suddenly notices that the two librarians are nowhere to be found]
JACOB: Hello? Anybody here?
[his voice echoes through the stacks, then a paper airplane hits him in the back of the head]
JACOB: Ow! Hey, who threw that? Who threw that?
[he opens the paper and reads it]
JACOB: "Rendezvous in the Mystery section. Signed, Sherlock Holmes."
[he gets a confused look on his face]
JACOB: Sherlock Holmes? Of course, "Sherlock Holmes" the book!
[cut to a copy of "Sherlock Holmes" on one of the shelves]
JACOB: Here it is ...
[he goes to take the book, which activates a hidden mechanism that swings the bookshelf around]
[cut to behind the bookshelf, where Jacob is banging on the wall]
JACOB: Help! Get me out of here! Let me out!
[a slot in the floor suddenly opens, and a scanning machine rises up out of it]
ROBOTIC VOICE: Library card, please.
JACOB: Huh? Oh ...
[Jacob takes his library card out of his pocket, as a beam of light emerges from the machine and scans it]
[cut to a closeup of the machine, as Jacob places his hand down and it scans his fingerprints]
[cut to another shot of the machine, as Jacob places his face down for a retina scan]
ROBOTIC VOICE: Identity confirmed.
[the machine lowers back down into the floor, then the whole room begins to shake (as if it is an elevator going down at a high rate of speed)]
[it suddenly stops, and the door on the opposite wall opens]
JACOB: Oh ...
[he groggily looks through the door, then gasps]
JACOB: Wow ...
[the camera pans around the underground lair, filled with electronic equipment ... and a ninja typing at a computer terminal]
[cut to a chair on the other side of the room, as it swings around to reveal the female librarian (now wearing a ninja outfit but without a mask)]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Welcome to Library Ninja Control! I knew you wouldn't disappoint us!
[the other ninja pulls down his mask, revealing that he is the male librarian]
MALE LIBRARIAN: Sorry about all the cloak-and-dagger stuff, but ninjas are sticklers for secrecy.
[an alarm suddenly goes off]
MALE LIBRARIAN: Whoa, looks like we got a kid in Sector Nine defacing a Canadian history text!
[the giant screen on the wall changes from a map of the city to a security-camera shot of a kid drawing glasses and a moustache on a portrait in his book while laughing]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Twenty years ago, we would've had that little delinquent in custody before he got started on the eyeglasses!
[the male librarian leans next to Jacob and whispers in his ear]
MALE LIBRARIAN: The entire library system is underfunded and short-staffed.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: The one bright light is a small band of fearless warriors, pledged to do battle against the forces of literary darkness!
MALE LIBRARIAN: You've proven yourself to be a valuable asset to this library, Jacob.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: We think you may even have a higher calling ...
[she points at the giant screen, which now shows a drawing of a purple-clad ninja striking a pose over an open book]
JACOB: You want me to be a library ninja? A library ninja?!
[cut to a training montage where Jacob tries to stand on one foot atop a pile of books while balancing a single book on his head (he fails several times before finally maintaining his balance)]
[cut to another training exercise where Jacob has to sneak behind three stacks of books without being seen]
[cut to Jacob tracking down several overdue books throughout the city (hiding in a locker, hiding in a desk drawer, hiding on the ceiling with suction cups on his hands), each time leaving a card with the "Library Ninja" logo for the delinquent patrons to find]
[cut to Jacob returning to Library Ninja Control with the overdue books]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Your training is complete. You have proven yourself worthy, Jacob.
[she hands him a ninja uniform]
JACOB: It is a great honor, sensei.
[he bows to them]
MALE LIBRARIAN: Our ways and rituals must not fall into the wrong hands, for they might be used against us.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: A library ninja is sworn to secrecy, as symbolized by our secret greeting.
[she looks around, then they both put a finger to their lips and shush Jacob (along with several ninja poses and hand waving to complete the "greeting")]
[cut to Jacob as he tries to emulate the greeting ... he falls down after the initial shushing, but quickly gets up and finishes with the excited hand wave]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Now, let's show you the desperadoes we are dealing with ... the library's most wanted!
MALE LIBRARIAN: They operate using aliases and forged library cards to keep one step ahead of us!
[cut to a wanted poster on the wall, showing a man in a trenchcoat holding a piece of origami]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: The Creaser!
[the next poster shows a skinny man dressed up like Rambo, except the bullet belt is filled with pencils]
MALE LIBRARIAN: The Soiler!
[the next poster shows a little girl holding scissors and a string of paper dolls]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: The Slasher!
[the next poster shows the kid who was defacing the history book]
MALE LIBRARIAN: And you've already dealt with ... The Doodler!
[the final poster shows a shadow of a man with a big question mark in the middle]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: And finally ... The Bookworm!
JACOB: The Bookworm?
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Yes! He's worse than all the others combined!
[Jacob reads the fine print on the poster]
JACOB: "Has the world's most overdue library book. He was last seen ... thirty years ago?" Thirty years?
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Many have tried to track him down. All have failed.
MALE LIBRARIAN: Imagine the good work we could do if only we could find him and make him pay his late fee!
JACOB: Let's track him down and bring him to library justice!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: There's not much to go on, I'm afraid. Our most recent surveillance photograph is twenty five years out of date, and too blurry to be of any use. His last known address, Twenty Seven Rue Saint-Antoine.
JACOB: Maybe that's where I can pick up his trail.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: I admire your enthusiasm, Jacob, but ... are you sure? The Bookworm is a cold-blooded and devious foe!
JACOB: It's my duty! My dad says I'm a noble knight doing battle against the forces of ignorance!
[he takes the file on the Bookworm and walks towards the exit, as the two librarians bow to him]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Your father would be proud of you, Jacob ... if you could tell him, that is.
MALE LIBRARIAN: Uh, which you can't.
[they both shush him, and he shushes them back (including the rest of the greeting without falling down)]
[after believing that the clues point to his father being the Bookworm, Jacob returns to Library Ninja Control]
JACOB: It doesn't make sense, it doesn't make sense! I just wish it didn't all add up ...
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: [from off camera] Still on the slimy trail of that Bookworm, Jacob?
JACOB: He's not slimy!
[the librarians give him a confused look, so Jacob tries to cover his tracks]
JACOB: I mean, well ... maybe the Bookworm's not as bad as you think he is.
[he closes the file on the Bookworm (which now includes a picture of his father when he lived at Rue Saint-Antoine as a teenager)]
JACOB: Maybe he's changed, or maybe he just forgot about the book ... Yeah, that's it! Maybe he forgot!
[the female librarian leans over towards the male librarian]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Perhaps we've pushed our young acolyte too hard, hm? He's exhibiting distinct signs of "ninja burnout" ...
MALE LIBRARIAN: It wouldn't be the first time the Bookworm got the better of one of our agents.
JACOB: I wish I'd stuck to reshelving books ...
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Nonsense, you're a natural born field agent!
MALE LIBRARIAN: We have total faith in you!
[they each take him by the arm and shove him into the elevator]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Go home and get some rest, Jacob! Read a good book! Tomorrow is a new day!
[the door closes, but not before the photograph of Jacob's father slips out and falls on the floor ... which the female librarian sees and picks up]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Hmm ...
[Morty is hosting a poker night with his friends, when Jacob tries to confront him about his suspicions]
MORTY: Now, what was it you wanted to ask?
JACOB: It's about "Ace Handley and the Curse of the Jade Scorpion" ...
MORTY: Ahh ... Y'know, reading that book when I was a kid really changed my life!
JACOB: It did?
MORTY: Until "Curse of the Jade Scorpion," I never realized reading was so much fun! Then I realized that somebody had to write those books ... Next thing y'know, look who's a writer!
LEO: Hey, is this a poker game or a book club?
MORTY: Heh heh, right. Jake was just asking if he could borrow it.
JACOB: I was? I mean, yes ... Yes I was!
MORTY: Go ahead, partner. It's up in my office, in the "A"s for "Ace."
LEO: You still got that old book? Who in their right mind would hang onto some stupid book for thirty years?!
[cut to Jacob in his father's office, as he finds the book]
JACOB: I know! I'll return the book and say the Bookworm escaped, then I'll tell Dad I lost it! That way Dad won't get into trouble ...
[he stops in his tracks]
JACOB: Ugh, which will get me into trouble ... but at least he won't have to pay the fine.
[he starts pacing around the room]
JACOB: But maybe I will for letting the Bookworm get away!
[he hears a noise outside, then turns to see the female librarian (in her ninja garb) at the window]
JACOB: Gasp, library ninjas!
[the door then opens, and an unseen person (i.e. the male librarian) reaches in and turns the lights off]
[the screen goes dark, as the sounds of fighting can be heard]
MALE LIBRARIAN: I've got him!
[the female librarian turns the lights back on, as it's revealed that the male librarian is on top of Jacob (even though he's wrenching Jacob's leg backwards and the sound of breaking bones can be heard, Jacob has a bored look on his face as if it doesn't even hurt)]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Jacob?
MALE LIBRARIAN: [pause] Where's the Bookworm? We know he's here somewhere!
JACOB: I'm sure there's an explanation ...
[he hears another sound from outside, then turns to see an unseen hand taking the book out the window]
[cut to outside the house, as the two librarians jump out the window after him]
JACOB: Wait! Maybe he just forgot to return it!
[they look around, then see the Bookworm (obscured in shadow) throwing garbage can lids at them, which they easily block before running after him (as a rope made of bedsheets drops down behind them and Jacob shimmies down)]
[cut to a tent set up in the backyard, as the two librarians surround it before jumping in and attacking the Bookworm]
JACOB: Please be careful, he's got a bad back! He's--
[Morty's friend Leo suddenly emerges from a hole in the roof of the tent and tries to escape ... but runs right into Jacob, causing both of them to fall to the ground]
LEO: Wh-What happened?
LEO: Uh oh ...
JACOB: Leo Louse is the Bookworm?!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Great work, Jacob!
MALE LIBRARIAN: The Bookworm's slimy trail has finally come to an end!
LEO: Who you callin' slimy?
[cut to inside the house, as Jacob puts the book down on a table]
JACOB: All the clues pointed to you, Dad ... You lived at the Bookworm's last known address!
MORTY: It was a duplex! We lived upstairs, the Louses lived down.
JACOB: But how did you end up with the missing book?
MORTY: Check the inside cover.
[he opens the book, and reads from the inscription inside]
JACOB: "Happy birthday, from your pal ... Leo?"
[he turns to someone off camera]
JACOB: You gave my Dad an overdue library book for his birthday?!
[cut to Leo surrounded by the two librarians (still in ninja garb but without their masks)]
LEO: Hey, it's the thought that counts!
MORTY: If I know Leo, he didn't wanna pay the late fine.
LEO: It was a whole five cents!
[the female librarian takes out a notepad and begins writing]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Let's see, thirty years at five cents a week, allow for compound interest, and that now comes to ... six thousand four hundred and seventy three dollars and sixty five cents!
[she hands the notepad to Leo, who stares at it and faints]
[the two librarians smile and bow to one another, then cut to the library (where the two are back in their "civilian" outfits)]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Congratulations, Jacob! Collaring the Bookworm gave the library a much-needed injection of funds! Leo has agreed to volunteer to work off his fine ...
[she chuckles, then Leo walks by pushing a book cart and mumbling to himself]
LEO: Ugh, books ... Nuthin' but trouble!
MALE LIBRARIAN: We sold that first-edition Ace Handley at a rare book auction.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Not only are we able to restock our shelves ...
[she runs over to a billboard showing a new addition to the library]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: We're adding a new wing to the library!
JACOB: Does Leo know the book he gave Dad ended up being worth a fortune?
[Leo walks by again, this time pushing an empty cart while sobbing uncontrollably]
MORTY: Same old Leo ... he always did get emotional over happy endings.
[everyone laughs, as the screen cuts to black]
Jacob Two-Two and the Bookworm Brouhaha (2006)
Jacob becomes a Library Ninja and vows to track down the Bookworm.
Season 3 Episode 11
Jacob Two-Two and the Bookworm Brouhaha
When it comes to his nearby public library, Jacob Two-Two has a perfect record and a record as well for using it the most. When he goes the extra distance to return a book on time, the librarians notice his dedication and ask him to volunteer at the library. Jacob happily excepts and after sticking out some tough duties, is inducted into a secret society of Library Ninjas. He immediately proves himself a competent agent and is given a special assignment --- The Bookworm. The Bookworm has the world's most overdue library book, last seen thirty years ago. This book is titled Ace Hambly, Boy Detective: Adventure of the Jade Scorpion and The Bookworm has repeatedly managed to keep it hidden, despite attempts at capture. Jacob dives head-first into the assignment, but makes a surprising and disturbing discovery that stops in his tracks. He worries that foiling The Bookworm may get someone very close to him in deep trouble.