The Masters of Library Science
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["The 87th Annual Masters of Library Science Croquet Tournament" appears on screen]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Good afternoon, folks! I'm Melvil Dewey, and welcome to the eighty-seventh annual "Masters of Library Science" croquet tournament!
[cut to an exterior shot of the New Hanover County Library]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Set in beautiful New Hanover County Public Library, the Masters has attracted some of the world's top croquet professionals ...
[cut to various shots of librarians posing for the camera holding croquet mallets]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Including the likes of Harry Tuchmayer, Bratis Roseboro, Susan Wood, and more ... Eighteen holes of croquet excitement, two hundred thousand books, one champion! Who will it be?
["Hole No. 5, Local History" appears on screen]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Let's go to hole number five, local history department ...
[cut to an older female librarian (short blonde hair, glasses, green sweater, brown skirt) about to hit a croquet ball through the stacks]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Beverly Tetterton setting up, needs to get around the two hundred year old atlases to save par ...
[she hits the ball between two atlases set up on the floor to resemble a wicket, as she raises her hand in victory]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Bank shot, and it's through!
["Hole No. 7, Children's Department" appears on screen]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Hole number seven, children's department ...
[cut to another female librarian (bowl haircut, glasses, red shirt, brown pants, multi-colored socks) measuring her shot]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Former US amateur champion Margaret Miles setting up.
[cut to the librarian hitting her ball around a stack of books on the floor (with titles like "Little Hands : Sand" and "Exploring Our World : Deserts"]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] She makes it past the sand trap ...
[cut to a closeup of the ball rolling past another stack of books (with titles like "The Water Cycle" and "The Kingfisher Young People's Book of Oceans")]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Around the water hazard ...
[cut to a closeup of the ball rolling between two children's books, set up to resemble a wicket]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] And it's good!
[cut to the librarian celebrating, then to a pile of stuffed animals (as someone off camera shakes the fox to make it appear to be "cheering"]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] And the crowd is going wild!
["Hole No. 8, Non Fiction" appears on screen]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Hole number eight, non-fiction ...
[cut to an older male librarian (grey hair, suit and tie) standing next to a bookcart and flipping through one of the books]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Harry Tuchmayer, studying up on this one ...
[cut to Harry speaking to another male librarian (balding, blue shirt, black pants) who is lying on the floor and measuring the ball with a croquet mallet]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Calling over reference librarian James Daniel to further assess the situation ...
[cut to a closeup of the ball, as Harry wipes the carpet in front of it with his hand]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Dusts off the green, and here we go ... This is for back-to-back birdies.
[cut to the librarian hitting the ball between two books on croquet, set up to resemble a wicket]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] The shot ... and it's in!
[cut to a shot of the librarian celebrating]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Beautiful shot!
["Hole No. 10, Fiction" appears on screen]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Hole number ten, fiction ...
[cut to another female librarian (short blonde hair, glasses, blue blazer, beige pants) hitting her ball]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Phyllis Smith, looking for a possible birdie.
[cut to a closeup of the ball as it rolls past a stepstool]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Past the bookstep ...
[cut to a closeup of the ball as it rolls past some books on the floor]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Around some novels ...
[cut to the ball as it rolls between two books set up to resemble a wicket]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] And it's through!
["Hole No. 11, Early Literacy Outreach" appears on screen]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Hole number eleven, early literacy outreach department ...
[cut to a young female librarian (frizzy brown hair, glasses, white sweater, white pants) lining up her shot]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Amy Read, in trouble! Takes an unlikely route, get some luck on this one ...
[she hits it, then cut to a closeup of the ball as it rolls past some books on the floor]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Bounces it off the board book hazard ...
[cut to a closeup of the ball as it rolls past another stack of books]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Passes the training documents ...
[cut to the ball as it rolls between two books set up to resemble a wicket]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] And it's good!
[cut to the librarian celebrating]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Unbelievable!
["Hole No. 12, Audio Visual" appears on screen]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Hole number twelve, audio-visual department ...
[cut to an African American male librarian (bald head, fedora, glasses, brown sleeveless shirt, brown pants, black and white socks) setting up his shot]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Bratis Roseboro, showing off the guns!
[he hits the ball]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] We haven't seen a hole in one all week. This one ...
[cut to a closeup of the ball as it rolls past some self-playing digital audiobook devices laid out on the floor]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Past the Playaways ...
[cut to a closeup of the ball as it rolls past some CD cases laid out on the floor]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Past the CDs ...
[cut to a closeup of the ball as it rolls past some DVD cases (with titles like "Woof! A Guide to Dog Training" and "A Dog's Life")]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Around the dogleg, right ...
[cut to the ball as it rolls between two VHS cases set up to resemble a wicket]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] And it's in!
[cut to the librarian as he struts around the "course"]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Bratis Roseboro, he is simply on fire!
["Hole No. 13, Reference" appears on screen]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Hole number thirteen, reference department ...
[cut to a young female librarian (long blonde hair, purple sweater, grey pants, giant purple-and-green hat) about to hit her ball in between two volumes of the "Encyclopedia of Religion"]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Susan Wood has to make this one to stay with the leaders ...
[she hits the croquet ball]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Her shot ...
[cut to a closeup of the ball as it rolls past some books on the floor]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Past the grant documents ...
[cut to a closeup of the ball as it rolls past another stack of books]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Around the dictionaries ...
[cut to the ball as it misses the encyclopedia "wicket"]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Aaaaand just a bit outside! No good!
[cut to the librarian throwing her hat off in disgust]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Susan Wood, not happy about that one ...
["Hole No. 15, Computer Lab" appears on screen]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Hole number fifteen, computer lab ...
[cut to a young male librarian (tattoo sleeve on left arm, red-and-white golf hat, green-and-white striped shirt, white belt, red plaid pants, green socks, blue tennis shoes) about to take his shot]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] James Hudson has been on fire all day!
[the camera pans down to show he is standing on a computer table
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Let's see if he can make the lightning-speed internet connection green on this one ...
[he hits the ball, as it goes past two computers and through two books set up to resemble a wicket]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Oh, it's in!
[cut to the librarian doing a celebratory dance on the table]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Gotta love those pants! Beautiful outfit!
["Hole No. 16, Technical Services" appears on screen]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Hole number sixteen, technical services department ...
[cut to an older female librarian (white hair, white backwards baseball cap, blue shirt, grey shorts, sandals) lining up her shot around some BWI boxes and bookcarts]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Caroline Eisenstein, in trouble ...
[she hits the ball, which bounces off one of the boxes]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Her shot ... BWI denied! Oh no!
[the screen goes black, as the leaderboard is shown]
Scoreboard
Hudson -13
Roseboro -13
Miles -12
Tuchmayer -11
Tetterton -10
Read -8
Smith -6
Eisenstein -2
Wood +24
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] And after seventeen holes ... we can see Hudson, Roseboro. Tied, thirteen under. Margaret Miles, trailing one behind.
["Hole No. 18" appears on screen]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] And now, we head to picturesque hole number eighteen of the New Hanover County Public Library.
[cut to Bratis and James walking up the stairs in slow motion]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] It'll be a battle to the finish between Bratis Roseboro and James Hudson.
[cut to the two librarians squaring off nose to nose, as James pushes Bratis away with his croquet mallet]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] These two players do not like each other one bit ... You see the shove from Hudson. Bratis Roseboro knows it's on!
[cut to a closeup of James, as he blows on his croquet mallet (like it's a smoking gun)]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Both players limbering up.
[cut to a closeup of Bratis as he bounces up and down]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] They know what's at stake ... The winner of this hole will be crowned champion of the Masters of Library Science croquet tournament!
[cut to James eating a banana, then cut to him at the top of the stairwell with his mallet]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] James Hudson is at the tee box first ...
[he hits the ball, then cut to a closeup as it bounces down the stairs]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] His shot, beautiful! Straight down the stairway fairway!
[cut to a closeup of the ball as it rolls past some books on the floor]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Through the new book hazard ...
[cut to the ball as it rolls into some books laid out on the floor arranged in a semi-circle]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] And on the green in one!
[cut to Bratis at the top of the stairwell, as he hits his ball]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Bratis Roseboro answering back ...
[cut to a closeup of the ball as it bounces down the stairs]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] His shot is on target as well ...
[cut to a closeup of the ball as it rolls past the same books on the floor]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Through the new book hazard ...
[cut to the ball as it rolls into the same semi-circle of books]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] And yes, he's on the green! Little bit better position than Hudson ...
[cut to James kneeling down next to his ball]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Hudson needs to make this to keep the pressure on Roseboro ...
[cut to James hitting his ball towards two stacks of magazines set up to resemble a wicket]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] His shot ...
[the ball ends up going wide and missing the wicket]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Oh, just a bit outside! No good!
[cut to Bratis adjusting his fedora as he stares at his ball]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Bratis Roseboro ... one man, one shot, one champion.
[cut to Bratis hitting the ball, then to some "onlookers" standing nearby (as one older woman suddenly yells out)]
SPECTATOR: In the hole!
[the other onlookers all shush her, then cut back to a closeup of the ball as it goes in between the two magazine stacks]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Unbelievable! What a shot by Roseboro!
[cut to Bratis falling to his knees and pumping his fists in celebration]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] He is the champion! Ho-oh my goodness!
[cut to James sitting in the corner and crying]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] James Hudson, crying like a baby ...
[cut back to Bratis as he kisses his mallet and jumps around in celebration]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] While Roseboro kisses his mallet after the win! Doing the dance! Feeling it ... feeling it.
[cut to Bratis as another male librarian (brown hair, glasses, straw hat, green shirt, black vest, white pants) shakes his hand]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Roseboro shaking hands with yours truly, Melvil Dewey ...
[he then takes a grey jacket and places it on Bratis]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] And is now being awarded the coveted Masters of Library Science croquet jacket.
[cut to a closeup of the patch sewn onto the lapel of the jacket, reading "MLS Croquet Champ"]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Only the best of the best have the honor of wearing such a fine jacket ...
[cut back to Bratis as he again shakes Melvil's hand, then pulls him in for a hug]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] An historical day for Bratis Roseboro ...
[cut to Melvil handing Bratis a large poster reading "A Century of Stories, New Hanover County Public Library, 1906-2006"]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Roseboro's also being awarded ... the lifetime library card from New Hanover County Public Library!
[cut to Bratis (now by himself) holding the "library card" over his head and celebrating]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Roseboro can now check out books ... and never have an overdue fine the rest of his life!
[cut to Bratis holding a little gold statue]
MELVIL DEWEY: [in voice over] Roseboro, the champion!
["Melvil Dewey Productions" appears on screen]
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