Library Security Guard
A library security guard is over zealous in his duties at a local high school.
Tags: library security guard smack legs jarad andrew bookcase plant chair quiet
Added: 5 years ago
[scene opens with a male security guard getting dressed (adjusting his tie, zipping his fly, putting a flashlight in the pocket of his suit jacket, putting on his sunglasses), as "Library Security Guard" appears on screen]
[cut to the security guard entering Hunter High School, then cut to him sitting and talking with the female principal]
PRINCIPAL: Thank you for responding to our ad here at Hunter High School. Uh, due to the recent increase in theft at our library, we have decided to hire some help.
[she puts her hand on his shoulder, then walks back to her chair]
PRINCIPAL: To maintain a quality environment for students and teachers alike.
[as she sits down, the security guard stares at her legs and smiles (ignoring the rest of what she has to say, which comes out sounding like gibberish)]
PRINCIPAL: So can you start today?
[he snaps out of it (punctuated by the "record needle scratching" sound effect) and looks up at her]
SECURITY GUARD: I'm your man!
[he gets up and shakes her hand, then cut to the security sneaking around the library (at one point trying to "hide" with a tumbleweed over his head)]
[cut to a male student trying to hide a book under his jacket, when the security guard jumps out with his flashlight (and also pointing his finger like a gun)]
BOOK THIEF: Ah!
[the student runs off, while the security guard "twirls" his finger before reholstering it]
[cut to another male student sitting at a desk in the library, when he waves to an unseen person off camera]
LOUD STUDENT: Ryan!
[the security guard appears behind him and slams his head on the desk, then puts a finger to his lips]
SECURITY GUARD: Shh! Be quiet!
[he looks up and waves to two female students walking by]
SECURITY GUARD: Hi ...
[cut to more shots of the security guard sneaking around the library]
[cut to another male student handing a book to the female librarian at the front desk]
LIBRARIAN: You have a dollar seventy five fine.
MALE STUDENT: I'm not gonna pay that!
[he tries to walk off, but the security guard appears with a vicious shoulder tackle to the gut]
[cut to another male student drinking from a water bottle, when the security guard runs up from behind and hits him over the head with a book ... then, as the student goes down, he gives him a few kicks before running off screen, then returns with a flying elbow drop]
[cut to another male student calmly walking through the library carrying a book, when the security guard appears and kicks him in the face]
SECURITY GUARD: What up now, beeyotch?
[cut to several more students being attacked by the security guard for no apparent reason (via sliding drop kick, elbow to the back of the head, being shoved face first into the book shelf while browsing for a book)]
[cut to the security guard reigning blows down upon an unseen victim (stopping only to pick up his sunglasses when they fly off his head), when the school intercom fires up]
PRINCIPAL: [via intercom] Could the library security guard please come to the office ... now?
[the security guard stops punching, licks his knuckles, and gets up before walking off screen]
[cut to the security guard inside the principal's office, crying with his face buried in his hands (although the camera switches to his POV to show that he's looking between his fingers at the principal's legs again)]
PRINCIPAL: Well Greg, uh ... Some parents have been complaining about the condition their children have been coming home in. So, due to this information, for the time being we are going to let you go, and I think we can do without your overzealousness.
[he stops crying and takes the flashlight out of his jacket pocket, then (after kissing it) he reluctantly places it on the table before standing up to leave]
PRINCIPAL: Ahem, wait!
[he stops, then lifts his pant leg and pulls out a mini-flashlight from his sock before handing it to her]
[cut to the security guard walking out of the high school, where he finds a group of injured students (screaming and holding various weapons) standing in a row in the parking lot, waiting for him]
[cut to the security guard ripping off his tie]
SECURITY GUARD: Bring it!
[he runs at the angry mob, as the scene cuts to black]
Security Guard ... Jared
Principal ... Lena
Students ... Mrs. Fields' 3-4 Drama Class
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No students were harmed in the making of this film.
Well, Jared cut his head open, but he's just an idiot.