Case Study No. 1128: Staff of Unnamed Library (Do It In the Stacks)

Do It In The Stacks
1:36
Don't tell me you've never fantasized about this before
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Added: 2 years ago
From: zuperbeef
Views: 1,798

[scene opens in a college library, as a male student (wearing sunglasses and a leather jacket) is staring into the camera and singing, while the students and librarians around him go about their normal business]
STUDENT: When I'm working late nights, and I'm by myself ...
[he holds up a book]
STUDENT: I feel like an old book, I'm just sittin' on the shelf.
[cut to the student looking up from his desk, staring at a female student sitting at the opposite table]
STUDENT: [in voice over] Lookin' 'round at all the hotties, I feel tingles in my body.
[he slides his sunglasses down the bridge of his nose and continues staring at her]
STUDENT: [in voice over] Now I'm thinkin' super naughty, all these sexy literati.
[cut to the student sitting at another table]
STUDENT: We should do it in the stacks, do it in the stacks, do it in the stacks, yeah.
[cut to the student in the stacks area, as he holds up a bottle of champagne]
STUDENT: I got my champagne, I'm wearin' hair gel ...
[cut to the student in the stairwell outside of the library]
STUDENT: Me and you, girl, let's do it in the stairwell!
[cut back to the student in the stacks area]
STUDENT: I see your Machiavelli, I see your T-I-Eighty-Nine ...
[cut back to the student sitting in the library]
STUDENT: And this prince thinks, that you're lookin' mighty fine!
[cut to the student standing behind the female student and singing (while she continues reading, oblivious to his presence)]
STUDENT: Because it's me and you, and this tension is so wild ... as you're flippin' through your books, girl, I'm trippin' on your style!
[cut back to the student in the stacks area]
STUDENT: I just wanna pick you up and take you somewhere we can be alone ... and when no one can see us, baby, give this dog a bone!
[cut to the student in another section of the stacks]
STUDENT: We can do it in the stacks, do it in the stacks, do it in the stacks, yeah.
[cut back to the student standing behind the female student]
STUDENT: Let's have a due date ...
[cut to the student looking over his sunglasses at something off camera]
STUDENT: [in voice over] 'Cause I've been checking you out.
[cut back to the student sitting in the library]
STUDENT: Anticipatin' fornicatin' or just messin' about!
[cut to the female student standing in the stacks, holding the bottle of champagne and smiling]
STUDENT: [in voice over] But if you're thinkin' that I'm thinkin' what you're thinking's what I'm thinkin' ...
[cut to the female student dragging the male student through the stacks by the arm (as he turns to the camera with a goofy smile on his face)]
STUDENT: Then poke me on my Facebook, or message me on LinkedIn!
[cut back to the student sitting in the library]
STUDENT: But baby, I still got this fear that a bit of "stack"-tion isn't why you're here ...
[cut to the student sitting at another table]
STUDENT: You're over there, reading books, taking notes, learning more ... All I wanna know is, baby, what you're truly yearning for! No!
[the student stands up, clutching a copy of "The Logic of American Politics", and walks off camera]
STUDENT: [in voice over] It's too late now. I must approach you, and then ask you out ...
[cut to the student walking by the female student's desk ... and he keeps walking, as she doesn't even look up at him]
STUDENT: [in voice over] To satisfy my urges, I must gather up my courage. I will come and talk to you, and hopefully I can encourage you to ...
[he walks by a second time (partially covering his face with the book), but the female student again does not react to his presence]
STUDENT: [in voice over] Do it in the stacks, do it in the stacks, do it in the stacks, yeah.
[cut back to the student standing behind the female student]
STUDENT: We'll just do it in the stacks, do it in the stacks, do it in the stacks, yeah.