The Secret Diary of a Librarian 1
Alice Temperley Emma Packer
Directed by Otto Kylmala www.otsofilm.com
Camera by Joni Juutilainen
Sound by Christian Burnett
Written by Emma Packer
Thanks Barnsey :)
Tags: OTSO Film
Added: 1 year ago
[scene opens with a female librarian (bowl haircut, dark jacket, yellow blouse, large white collar) sitting at a table with stacks of books piled around her, as she speaks directly to the camera]
ALICE: This is the audio-visual recording of "The Secret Diary of a Librarian." It's Friday, the twentieth of July. The time is twenty-one forty-two.
[she stutters, but manages to get the words out and smiles]
ALICE: I-I-I am Alice Temperley! Not to be mistaken for the British fashion designer, although as you can see, I'm bang on trends!
[she smiles again]
ALICE: I'm the head librarian at the British Library ... I'm a great admirer of Melvil Dewey, the legendary inventor of the Dewey Decimal classification system, without which the whole world of books would be in a complete disarray of catastrophic proportions, on a scale with the Holocaust!
[she laughs nervously]
ALICE: I love books, but I'm not a bookworm ... I've never needed m-m-many friends in life, books are my friends!
[she gets a serious look on her face]
ALICE: I'm not a bookworm, though!
[she smiles again]
ALICE: The difference between a friend and an acquaintance is ... uh, a friend will help you move a body!
[she smiles weakly]
ALICE: My least favorite part of being a librarian is dealing with the people that c-c-come to the library, the majority of which are complete and utter divs! Disgusting unintelligent vermin!
[she smiles, then looks up as if she's just realized something]
ALICE: Encyclopedias are notably heavy ... and I imagine, if dropped from a certain height on somebody's head, could do a lot of damage.
[she smiles wickedly, then looks back at the camera and composes herself]
ALICE: Monetary fines are simply not enough in deterring these divs in bringing back their books back late ... One of my favorite pastimes is comparing people to books!
ALICE: For example, if I were a book, I would be Jordan's autobiography ... because I can't sing or dance, but I've got great knockers!
ALICE: "The Warhorse" ... m-m-mentioning no names, Camilla Parker Bowles!
[she looks down]
ALICE: I'm yet to think of a book for David Cameron, but I don't imagine he is a fan of "The Importance of Being Earnest!"
ALICE: T-t-there comes a time when you look into a mirror, and what you see is all that you will ever be ... and then you accept it. Or you kill yourself!
[she gets a wild look in her eyes, then calms down]
ALICE: Or you stop looking in mirrors ... Tennessee Williams.