Monday, October 21, 2013

Case Study No. 1065: "The Librarian's Lament"

Brokendown Gentlemen - John Leonard & John Squire.
The albums comic song.
Tags: folk song porno porn books singer library reading funny comic misunderstanding
Added: 2 years ago
From: knibscratch
Views: 87

One fine Monday morn as I sat at me desk
In the old public library down in the square
In comes an old woman all heavily laden
With all sorts of groceries costly and rare

And what can I do for to help or assist you?
Says I unto her with a nod and a smile
It's a book that I'm wantin', says she, cause I hear you've
The finest selection in many a mile

Let me guess then, says I, as to what you'll be needing
To suit a fine lady such as yourself
And what could compare with a romantic novel?
And quickly I reaches one down from the shelf

Now here's a fine tale of a handsome brain surgeon
Whose spirits are low and his mind in a rage
Til his troubles are eased by a fair pretty maiden
And wedding bells chime on the very last page

That's not what I'm wanting at all, says the lady
In truth for to tell ya, the book's not for me
But it was my husband who sent me to see
If you have in this place any pornography

If it's pornography that you're wanting, says I
Well, you've found the right place as you'll very soon see
For under my counter, I have a fine stock of
The dirtiest books in this whole country

Lady Chatterly's Lover, Last Exit to Brooklyn
My Old Perfume Garden and Carnal Desire
And every volume is bound with asbestos
For fear your hot breath set the pages on fire

We've got Swedish au pair girls all dressed up in rubber
And handsome transvestites, both gallant and gay
And every perversion that's known unto man
And it's all on the rates, there's no money to pay

Oh, I think there must be some mistake, says the lady
Cause that's not the stuff that I'm wanting, indeed
For my husband's a pawnbroker, not a sex fiend
I fear it's not this that he's wanting to read

Well, he heard about pornography from a friend
And I fear that some comical error he made
For hearing the word and not knowing the meaning
He thought it was something to do with his trade

The old pawnbroker's wife, she seemed highly amused
When, with rage, I began for to stomp and to swear
And I picked up a copy of Portnoy's Complaint
And I told her to stuff it the devil knows where

But out of adversity comes opportunity
So the old prophets and sages do say
And the pawnbroker's tale, well, it caused great amusement
When told to my colleagues the very next day

And being well known as a writer of songs
That are written on broadsheets and lavatory walls
I went back to me house and I wrote down this song
And I called it The Tale of the Man with Three Balls



Subject: The Librarians Song
From: Tig
Date: 11 Apr 01 - 10:28 AM

John Leonard and John Squires used to do a song about a pawnbroker who heard there were "pawnography" books in the library - and requested to borrow them. Has anyone got a copy of the words. It was recorded on their LP in the 70's -Gentlemen of Leisure - but my copy was nicked!

From: GUEST,fleetwood
Date: 11 Apr 01 - 09:39 PM


Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Librarians Song
From: GUEST,Banjo-Flower
Date: 13 Apr 01 - 05:14 AM

I think this song was written by John Connelly

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Librarians Song
From: Tig
Date: 13 Apr 01 - 08:29 PM

Thank you Fleetwood, 'tis the very song. Yes, it was writen by John Connelly - a librarian - but not to the Streets of Larado. Thanks for the help.

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