Thursday, May 28, 2015

Case Study No. 1988: "My local librarian is a wrinkly, balding, very old man"

My Local Librarian
Track title: My Local Librarian

Description: A song about being old, gay and desperate. Yes, it is autobiographical!!!! ;O(


My Local Librarian

My local librarian is a wrinkly, balding, very old man
So I asked him what he does for sex now he's past his shag by date

His lips are thin and his nipples are saggy he's got a double chin and his buttocks are baggy
Oh it must be awful being 28

But he says his sex life is active still
Just now he's old he think of lots of different things to getting a thrill

So he'll make you touch his penis by pretending it's a snake
Make you like his bottom by hiding in a cake
Sits on young men on the bus and say it was just a mistake, but he always gets hard
Faints in front of Fireman so they give him mouth to mouth resuscitation, but he's really wide awake

And he says when you're old you have to get it where you can,
So he manipulates his nipples watching Richard and Judy with a Tescos finest flan.

He'll run naked through the park scaring people on the benches
Flashes at Chessington world of adventures
Hides in the changing rooms erect at Marks and Spencer's, and looks at mens pants
Stimulates one nipple with his zimmer frame and the other with his dentures

He goes to the hospital a nurse undresses him
Pulls down his trousers, her hands caresses him
Puts a finger where the sun don't shine and asks if it stresses him, he simply smiles
Then he stands naked by the buttons in a lift and waits till someone presses him.

Lyrics by: Robert White

Music By: Robert White

Performer: Robert White

All copyright of all parts of this song belongs to the musical comedian Robert White


robertt homaswhite [at]
07815 473896
Twitter: @robertwhitejoke

Website etc. :

Tags: Robert white comedy gay piano song original comedian keyboard Librarian (Profession) Piano (Musical Instrument) Comedy (Film Genre)
Added: 4 months ago
From: Robert White Comedy Songs
Views: 14


After graduating in music, Robert White spent eight years doing various jobs before trying comedy in 2004. He was finalist in the Hackney Empire New Act Of The Year competition in 2006 and in 2010 won the Malcolm Hardee award for comic originality at the Edinburgh Festival.

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