Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Case Study No. 1371: Unnamed Female Librarian (Hostage)

2 idiots hold a librarian hostage.
Tags: hostage by mashed5 J&B JB funny idiots
Added: 2 years ago
From: mashed5
Views: 304

[scene opens with a female librarian (wearing a Mexican wrestling mask) sitting in a chair as a man with guns stands over her]
IDIOT 1: [from off camera] We've been expecting you.
[cut to one of the idiots directly addressing the camera]
IDIOT 1: Hi ... So, me and my friend (whose name is Friend), we're robbing this library and here's our librarian. We are holding her hostage. We failed last time, so we are going to kill her unless she gives us fifteen million bookmarks.
["The Hostage" appears onscreen, as the librarian addresses the camera directly]
LIBRARIAN: Help me, help me! They have a grenade ... and I have to go potty!
[one of the idiots points his gun at her]
FRIEND: Shut up, old lady!
[the librarian falls out of her chair and starts having convulsions on the floor]
[cut to one of the idiots standing over her, holding a grenade]
IDIOT 1: Okay, I--
LIBRARIAN: [quietly] Help me ...
IDIOT 1: I'm pulling the pin! In five, four, three, two ...
[as he's about to pull the trigger, there's a knock at the door]
IDIOT 1: [walks off camera] Shut up ... You better shut up! You don't know what I got!
[he walks back onscreen holding a gun, then goes to answer the door]
IDIOT 1: Hello?
[someone reaches in from off-camera and grabs his gun]
IDIOT 1: Oh!
[the idiot gets shot in the head by the unseen assailant]
IDIOT 1: Uh ...
[the assassin walks into the room, stands over the unconscious librarian, and shoots her in the head]
ASSASSIN: [to the camera] I'm bad too!
[he walks away]

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