Friday, December 23, 2011

Case Study No. 0142: Unnamed Male Librarian (CSI North Pole)

CSI: North Pole 1 "Christmas Served Cold"
Nibbles the Christmas Elf Cop must solve the toughest case he's ever had, using only his gun, or he won't get any Christmas cookies.

Written and Directed by
Matt Sloan and Aaron Yonda

Produced by Courtney Collins

Cinematographer Tona Williams
Tags: csi north pole miami nibbles nipples santa claus holiday video comedy elf spoof parody christmas funny xmas gift crime show cop police series tree force stolen gun shot shoot chase action scene investigation detective accident one liner librarian killer watership down mystery
Added: 3 years ago
From: blamesocietyfilms
Views: 87,027

[scene opens as a detective enters a house to find a policeman crouching next to something]
DETECTIVE: Wadda we got here?
POLICEMAN: [stands up] Eh, stolen gift, sir ...
[cut to a closeup of a chalk outline on the floor in the shape of a gift-wrapped box]
POLICEMAN: Family's over there.
[camera pans around to reveal a mother with two young children, sitting on the couch and crying]
POLICEMAN: Looks like for these kids, Christmas is cancelled.
DETECTIVE: Okay, let's get the forensics team in here.
NIBBLES: [from off camera] Not so fast!
[camera pans around the reveal Nibbles the elf standing next to the Christmas tree]
NIBBLES: Stolen gifts are my jurisdiction!
["CSI: North Pole" flashes on screen]
DETECTIVE: Nibbles ... Little far from the North Pole, isn't it?
NIBBLES: When there's a Christmas crime, it's my job to search around for Christmas clues!
[he pulls out a gun]
NIBBLES: Now get outta my way and let me work!
[cut to Nibbles flying through the air over a snow-covered mountain range]
[cut to Nibbles speaking to Santa at his workshop]
NIBBLES: I was at the crime scene. I found some trace elements of nutmeg and cookies ... but I got nothing on this guy. He's good.
SANTA: Sounds like the work of some kind of snow monster!
NIBBLES: Sounds like someone's been slacking off a little!
SANTA: Whu--?
NIBBLES: You put his name on the naughty list on accident, didn't ya?
SANTA: I never mistake a child on my lists! I always put them on the proper list! And you're a sunuva bitch!
NIBBLES: I want off this case, Santa ...
SANTA: [holds up a plate of cookies] Nibbles, I was going to offer you a cookie from this plate of cookies, but now I will not! I withhold cookies from you, until this case is solved!
NIBBLES: That's not fair!
SANTA: [eating one of the cookies] Mmm! You like cookies, doncha boy?
NIBBLES: [licks his lips]
SANTA: Go solve that case, we can share these ...
[cut to Nibbles sitting in a bar, drinking a bottle of beer]
NIBBLES: I don't know, Mister Flakes ... I can't crack this case! I feel like a big pile of shit!
[camera pans around to reveal that Nibbles is sitting with an crudely animated snowman]
NIBBLES: I'm all washed up ...
MR. FLAKES: I'm made out of snowflakes ... and surprises!
NIBBLES: Sometimes I think I'm gonna get killed on one of these missions ...
MR. FLAKES: [responds with idiotic laughter]
NIBBLES: And when an elf dies, it's a thousand times worse than when a human dies ... because elves live a thousand times longer.
MR. FLAKES: One time I was murdered by a plow ...
NIBBLES: I think I'm gonna give up on Christmas ...
MR. FLAKES: Derp! Derp!
NIBBLES: Santa's counting on me ... the old fat ass.
MR. FLAKES: [gibberish]
NIBBLES: Thanks, Mister Flakes ... you've been a big help.
MR. FLAKES: Happy anniversary!
NIBBLES: Uh ... right. See ya!
[he gets up and leaves]
MR. FLAKES: I can't feel my feet, they're frozen!
[cut to Nibbles flying through the air over a snow-covered mountain range]
[cut to the detective still inspecting the crime scene, as Nibbles walks in with an apologetic look on his face]
NIBBLES: I'm sorry I was such a jackass before ...
DETECTIVE: That's alright, kid.
NIBBLES: Any new developments?
[he holds out a book in a plastic bag]
DETECTIVE: We found a copy of the Richard Adams classic, "Watership Down."
NIBBLES: Criminal must be a librarian ...
DETECTIVE: Actually, there are a lot of possibilities--
NIBBLES: [grabs the book out of his hand] Nope, I'm on it!
[cut to Nibbles walking through the library, until he stops at a male librarian standing behind a podium with a sign reading "The Library"]
LIBRARIAN: Hello, sir. Welcome to the library--
NIBBLES: [through clenched teeth] Give it back!
LIBRARIAN: I, I don't understand. I'm a librarian ...
[he throws the copy of "Watership Down" in front of him]
NIBBLES: Look familiar?
[the librarian gets tongue-tied before running away, so Nibbles chases him out of the library, brandishing his gun]
[the librarian stops at a brick wall, turning to face Nibbles]
NIBBLES: It's over, librarian!
LIBRARIAN: I just wanted a present! I'm a lonely grown-up, I don't get gifts anymore!
NIBBLES: Christmas isn't about gifts! It's about family time dreams, and childhood wishes ...
[the librarian pulls out a shotgun]
NIBBLES: And this!
[he shoots the librarian several times point-blank in the chest]
LIBRARIAN: [spits up blood before slowly sliding down the wall]
NIBBLES: I guess those bullets were long ... overdue?
[after delivering that line, he gets a pained look on his face]
NIBBLES: Uh goddd ...
[cut to Nibbles flying through the air over a snow-covered mountain range]
[cut to Santa's workshop]
SANTA: Nipples, you solved the case!
NIBBLES: It's Nibbles, Santa ...
SANTA: I'm sorry, I have another elf named Nipples. He delivers adult toys ... Good job! Just in time for cookie plate!
[Nibbles takes a cookie and starts eating]
SANTA: We've got lots of other cases, Nipples ...
NIBBLES: It's Nibbles! Nih-BULLS!
SANTA: Last week, there were three different snow castles that were melted by improperly roasted chestnuts ... Get over there and find out if it was arson!
NIBBLES: [throws up his arms] Aww!
SANTA: There's plenty of crimes left, and lots of Christmas holidays!
NIBBLES: Santa, you piece'a shit ...
SANTA: Ho ho ho!
NIBBLES: Grrr ...
SANTA: [eats another cookie] Mmm!

Written and Directed by
Matt Sloan, Aaron Yonda

Produced by
Courtney Collins

Nibbles: Aaron Yonda
Santa/Librarian/Mr. Flakes: Matt Sloan
Detective: John Varda
Cop: Rob Matsushita
Deputy: Craig Johnson
Mom: Andrea Varda
Kid: Aaron Thorson
Kid: Alex Thorson

Tona Williams

Lights and Sound
Rick Fatke

Justin Sprecher

Music Composed by
Andrew Yonda

Animation and FX
Saul Mandel

John Lee

Special Thanks
The Law Library
Mickey's Tavern

Blame Society Productions
(c) 2008

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