Monday, December 19, 2011

Case Study No. 0132: Unnamed Male Librarian (Charlemagne and Nibbles)

The Librarian
Confusion with the librarian
Tags: Comedy Library College Confusion
Added: 4 years ago
From: charlemagnenibbles
Views: 1,216

[scene opens inside a college library with a young male librarian (who looks suspiciously like Kenneth from "30 Rock") sitting behind the front desk, when a male student approaches and rings the bell for service]
MALE PATRON: Hi, I'm looking for a book.
LIBRARIAN: Okay, sure thing. Lemme get this thing fired up ...
[he starts typing on the computer]
LIBRARIAN: Here we go. What can I do ya for?
Patron: I'm looking for Moby Dick.
[he begins typing]
LIBRARIAN: "Dick-comma-Moby", and search by author, and "Enter". Nope, nothing. Sure the first name's not "Dick"? Seems like it would be.
[the student gives him a funny look.
LIBRARIAN: Oh, let's try "Richard" ...
[he begins typing again]
LIBRARIAN: No, nothing. What's the name of the book you're looking for?
MALE PATRON: Try Hermann Melville.
LIBRARIAN: And who's that written by?
MALE PATRON: Try the author and the title.
LIBRARIAN: Okay. Kill two birds with one stone ...
[he gets a surprised look on his face]
LIBRARIAN: "Kill Two Birds With One Stone", great name for a book!
MALE PATRON: Are you serious?
LIBRARIAN: Oh, I love books.
MALE PATRON: Um, okay ... Let's try Huckleberry Finn.
[he begins typing again]
MALE PATRON: No! Try Mark Twain!
[the librarian smiles and holds up a "Shhhh Please" sign]
LIBRARIAN: You and me both, buddy ... Computers!
[the patron gives an exasperated look]
LIBRARIAN: I thought these things were supposed to be helpful, but I have to ask ... friend or foe?
[the patron just stares at him]
LIBRARIAN: Oooh, sharks! Yeah, under "Finn" ...
[he begins typing again]
MALE PATRON: No, I don't think you're understanding me. It's a book ...
LIBRARIAN: I know, it's a library ... I think I should know that, I'm a librarian!
MALE PATRON: Look, I'm short on time here, boss!
LIBRARIAN: Lemmee guess, marine biology class ...
MALE PATRON: What? No ... What?!
LIBRARIAN: Schneider! Yup, I had him ... He's a shark!
[he makes a menacing move with his hand (like a shark snapping its jaws shut), then waves it off with a smile]
LIBRARIAN: Heh, just kidding ...
MALE PATRON: No, Moby Dick and Huckleberry Finn are the two books I'm looking for.
LIBRARIAN: I got that.
[a female student walks up to the desk]
FEMALE PATRON: Excuse me, do you know where I can find "Thus Spoke Zarathustra" by Nietzsche?
LIBRARIAN: Upstairs, take your first left, past "World Religions" in the Philosophy section. Third shelf down, fourth book in from the left.
FEMALE PATRON: Thanks so much!
[she walks off]
LIBRARIAN: It is my pleasure ...
[he turns his attention back to the male student]
LIBRARIAN: Okay, "sea creatures" ...
[he begins typing again]
[disgusted, the male patron walks away, as the librarian simply shrugs his shoulders]



Charlemagne and Nibbles are Ian Putnam and Gary Wallace, comedy actors, writers, and producers.

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