Thursday, June 4, 2015

Case Study No. 2004: Unnamed Female Librarian (Laughosity)

Library book due
Sevyn receives a letter saying she owes a book in which she is certain she never took out.

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Tags: overdue library book who reads? sevyn cars german germany back to school hate summer reading sucks! books kim michelle memorial laughosity laughocity laugh funny ich bin ein berliner shirt silly band commercial comedy actor entertainment
Added: 4 years ago
From: Laughosity
Views: 7,005

[scene opens with a teenage girl opening a letter]
SEVYN: Gosh ...
[the top part of the envelope sticks to her finger, and she tries to shake it off]
SEVYN: Eww ...
[she takes out the letter, then cut to a closeup of its contents]

Memorial Library

Dear Sevyn,
You have an overdue library book in which we would like to have returned. This book must be returned along with the amount of money due for its absence from the library for so long. If you do not have the book, then the payment due will be added to the amount of what the book initially costs. The book initially costs $16.25. Your amount due is listed below in bold:


We would appreciate that you return the book and payment as soon as possible. Payment goes up 10 cents a day that it is missing from the library. Thank you for your cooperation.

[the camera zooms in on the amount of the fine, then cut back to the girl with a shocked look on her face]
SEVYN: Fifteen dollars? For a stupid book!? Oh no ...
[she sighs and shakes her head]
SEVYN: No, this is ... I don't even remember taking a book out! I'm going to that library right now!
[she walks off camera, then cut to a young female librarian (brown hair in a bun, flower in her hair, glasses, grey cardigan sweater, white blouse, long black skirt) shelving books in the library, as the girl approaches her with the letter]
SEVYN: Um, excuse me ...
[the librarian turns to the girl, puts a finger to her lips, and violently shushes her]
SEVYN: [whispers] Excuse me ...
LIBRARIAN: [whispers] Yes?
SEVYN: I got this in the mail today, and it says I owe a lotta money but I never took this book out.
[the librarian takes the letter and quickly looks it over]
LIBRARIAN: Yes you do.
[she smiles and gives the letter back, as the girl gets a confused look on her face]
SEVYN: But ... I never took the book.
LIBRARIAN: Well ... I'd love to help you, but it's my lunch break.
[she points at her wrist (she's not wearing a watch), then starts to walk away]
LIBRARIAN: So ... good luck with that!
SEVYN: Wait ...
[cut to outside of the library, as the girl follows the librarian]
SEVYN: Wait, I don't owe a book!
[the librarian (without even turning around) keeps walking]
LIBRARIAN: Yes you do!
[the girl stops and throws her arms up in frustration, then mumbles to herself]
SEVYN: No I don't ...
[cut to the librarian in a clothing store, looking through some sweaters, when the girl pops her head out from behind the clothing rack]
SEVYN: I don't owe a book!
LIBRARIAN: Yes you do!
[the librarian pulls the sweaters back in front of her face and walks way, then cut to the librarian walking (by herself) down the street]
[cut to another angle of the librarian, as she sees something on the ground and bends down to pick it up ... revealing that the girl was somehow standing right behind her]
SEVYN: I don't owe a book!
[the librarian jumps at the unexpected sound of her voice, causing the item she was picking up to fly out of her hand off camera]
[cut to a sewer grate, as the quarter the librarian had picked up drops down into it]
[cut to the two running over to the sewer grate, as the librarian stares angrily at the girl (with her hands on her hips), while the girl looks down apologetically]
SEVYN: Sorry about your quarter ...
[cut to a closeup of the librarian's face]
LIBRARIAN: Now you owe me a book ... and a quarter!
[cut back to a shot of the two of them, as the librarian storms off camera]
SEVYN: I don't have a quarter! Or a book!
[she runs after the librarian, then cut to the interior of a car, as the girl pops up from the backseat]
SEVYN: I don't owe a book!
[the camera pans over to show another girl (not the librarian) is sitting in the driver's seat]
CAR OWNER: What're you doing in my car?!
SEVYN: Oh, um, sorry ... Wrong car.
[she pops back down, then gets up again]
SEVYN: Y'know, um ... Can you give me a ride home?
CAR OWNER: Get outta my car!
[she opens the door and gets out]
SEVYN: Sorry! I just live, like, a mile away--
CAR OWNER: I don't care!
SEVYN: Please?
CAR OWNER: No! Just go!
[she dejectedly walks away]
CAR OWNER: My god!
[cut to the librarian in her kitchen, eating a piece of pie, when the girl pops up and sticks her face on the window]
SEVYN: I don't owe a book!
LIBRARIAN: Yes you do, you psycho stalker! Go away!
[she walks off, as the librarian grumbles to herself before trying to continue eating]
[cut to another shot of the librarian as she's about to take a bite, when the girl (now once again holding the letter) walks into her kitchen]
SEVYN: I don't owe this book!
LIBRARIAN: Y'know what?
[she drops her fork on the plate in anger, then grabs the letter]
LIBRARIAN: Gimmee this! Gimmee this!
[she rips up the letter and throws the pieces in the girl's face]
LIBRARIAN: Y'know what? You don't owe a book anymore! Okay? You don't owe a book, you don't owe me money, okay? Just leave me alone!
[the girl smiles]
SEVYN: Thank you!
LIBRARIAN: But you still owe this book ...
[the librarian pulls out another piece of paper and hands it to the girl, who starts reading with a look of confusion on her face]
[cut to a closeup of the girl's face, as the "needle skipping off the record" sound effect plays]
SEVYN: Four hundred and thirty eight dollars?! That's worse than before!
LIBRARIAN: Don't you remember taking that one out?
[the girl stares off into the distance, as the sounds of a harp playing can be heard (signifying a flashback), then cut to the librarian shelving books when an even younger girl walks up to her with a copy of "Winnie the Pooh and Tigger Too"]
YOUNG SEVYN: This is the book I wanna take out.
[the librarian smiles and takes the book]
LIBRARIAN: Okay, but don't forget to bring it back.
[she hands the book back]
[the younger version of the girl walks off camera]
LIBRARIAN: Alright ...

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