Monkey Island II: LeChuck's Revenge (8/19)
9:14
This is me playing Monkey Island II: LeChuck's Revenge. Not a speedrun.
In this part: Guybrush makes a bet with some fisherdude, visits the library, frames Kate Capsize, and visits Governor Phatt again.
Tags: monkey island lechuck's revenge guybrush threepwood captain cate capsize framed governor phatt library fisherman betting pirate pirates ARR gameplay ron gilbert
Added: 1 year ago
From: Blackadder125
Views: 498
[Guybrush Threepwood enters the Phatt City Library and looks around]
GUYBRUSH: [to himself] There are so many books here ... I'll never be able to find anything.
LIBRARIAN: [from off camera] Shhh!!
[he looks at a lighthouse model sitting on a table]
GUYBRUSH: [to himself] This looks like a lighthouse on a beach.
LIBRARIAN: [from off camera] Please, be quiet!! You're disturbing people!
GUYBRUSH: [to himself] There's a model lighthouse lens inside.
LIBRARIAN: [from off camera] Lower your voice!! This is not "hog-calling" practice!!
[Guybrush walks up to the elderly female librarian at the front desk]
GUYBRUSH: Hi, I'm looking for a book.
[the librarian, who had been writing something down, turns and looks over her glasses at her new patron]
LIBRARIAN: Shhhh!!!! This is a library! Whisper! Now, what is it?
GUYBRUSH: I'm looking for a book.
LIBRARIAN: Do you have a library card?
GUYBRUSH: [lying] I must have left it in my other pants.
LIBRARIAN: But you do have one?
GUYBRUSH: Certainly.
LIBRARIAN: I'll have to issue you a temporary card ... I'll need some personal information. Name?
["Guybrush Threepwood", "Captain Dread", "Herman Toothrot"]
LIBRARIAN: Address?
["221B Baker Street", "10 Downing Street", "1060 West Addison", "1600 Pennsylvania Avenue"]
LIBRARIAN: Age?
["Ummm ... twenty-one", "Errrr ... twenty-one", "Ninet-- uh, twenty one"]
LIBRARIAN: Occupation?
["Consultant", "Free lance", "Unemployed", "Pirate"]
LIBRARIAN: Vices?
["Nose picking", "Jaywalking", "Murder, arson, thievery, that sort of thing"]
LIBRARIAN: I see ... All right, here's your temporary card. You may check books out of the library, but only four at a time.
GUYBRUSH: That's about as many titles as I can remember anyhow.
LIBRARIAN: What book are you looking for?
GUYBRUSH: I don't know, what have you got?
LIBRARIAN: You expect me to name every book in the library? Use the card catalog like a normal person.
[Guybrush looks at the card catalog, then returns with his selection]
GUYBRUSH: Pardon me, Miss.
LIBRARIAN: What do you want this time?
GUYBRUSH: I'm looking for a book.
LIBRARIAN: What book are you looking for?
GUYBRUSH: Do you have "Is It Soup Yet"?
[the librarian wheels away in her chair and retrieves the book from the backroom]
LIBRARIAN: OK, here you go. Anything else?
GUYBRUSH: I'd like "The Joy of Hex".
[she again wheels away and retrieves the book]
LIBRARIAN: OK, here you go. Anything else?
GUYBRUSH: Could you find "Great Shipwrecks of our Century"?
[she again wheels away and retrieves the book]
LIBRARIAN: OK, here you go. That's your limit. You'll have to give some books back before you can check out any more.
---
From miwiki.net:
The Phatt City Library is an important reference centre in Monkey Island 2: LeChuck's Revenge. It has so many books that they literally overflow the shelves and get stacked up on the floor. Despite the existence of a card catalogue, the only person able to successfully locate any volume in the library is the rather stern librarian, who is strict on the rules but seems to greatly enjoy sliding around the library on her wheeled chair to retrieve requested books. She does not tolerate much noise at all, often shushing visitors, and even threatening Guybrush Threepwood when he attempts to blow the ship's horn while inside.
The card catalogue contains a total of 207 books, though the library contains many more which were not included in the catalogue. The book titles are conveniently placed in alphabetical order, and feature famous titles such as Lick the Silver Spoon, an autobiography by L. Phatt, and Big Whoop: Unclaimed Bonanza or Myth?.
In the second episode of Monkey Island 2: LeChuck's Revenge, "Four Map Pieces", Guybrush must visit the library to check out a book on shipwrecks, Great Shipwrecks Of Our Century, in order to locate the wreck of the Mad Monkey. He also tries to check out Famous Pirate Quotations in order to find Rapp Scallion, but the book has been checked out already by Governor Phatt and Guybrush must retrieve it from him.
Layout and Location
The Phatt City Library is located along the northern coast of Phatt Island, in close proximity to the docks and piers. It is the only known library in the entire Tri-Island Area. The only other Library in the known Monkey Island world is the Spinner Cay Library in the Jerkbait Islands, located in the Gulf of Melange.
The exterior of the library is built of stone, and a sign reading 'Library' is hung over the arched door.
At the front of the library, next to the door, is a display model of a lighthouse which is to be built in Phatt City to reduce the number of shipwrecks. Inside the lighthouse is a powerful lens which Wally is able to use as a monocle, after Guybrush Threepwood stole his original.
Next to the Librarian's desk hangs a framed picture of what appears to be the LucasArts logo. This was most likely included as an 'in-joke' by the developers of the game.
Unbeknown to the Librarian or the Phatt Island authority, the library is surrounded by an illegal gambling game and a secret club that rigs the game.
The layout of interior of the library bears a striking resemblance to the Kolyma Library in 'King's Quest II'.
Policies
* According to the Voodoo Lady, the Phatt City Library's overdue fees are "pretty steep".
* All who wish to rent a book must own a Library Card.
* Only four books can be checked out at a time.
The Librarian
The Librarian of the Phatt City Library is a stern old lady. She plays a small role in the second game. She is responsible for getting any books Guybrush asks for in the game. Despite fitting the stereotype of a grouchy, old female librarian, wearing thick glasses she seems to take extreme pleasure in riding around the library with her chair, smiling joyfully as she fetches a book. The chair is also telescopic to help her reach books which have been placed on high stacks.
Although she doesn't have a huge role in the game she is integral as Guybrush needs to borrow a number of books from the library to solve puzzles. She is entirely absent in the game's Lite Mode.
In the Special Edition, she is voiced by Nancy Linari.
---
From worldofmi.com:
* There are 207 books in the Phatt Island Library's card catalog, and 33 cross-references.
* Of the 207 books in the library, only one has already been checked out - "Famous Pirate Quotations", to L. Phatt.
* Melanie Leary is the most prolific author with 8 books, followed by Guybrush Threepwood with 4 books, and then L. Phatt and Simon Finkleberth with 3 books each.
* The name "Melanie Leary" is an anagram for "Elaine Marley."
* If Guybrush doesn't have anything interesting to say when he looks at a book, he says, "This is a pretty useless book, I'm not even sure why I checked it out."
ADULT ENTERTAINMENT
"ZELDA CARBUNCLE TELLS ALL"
MEMOIRS OF A WOMAN OF DUBIOUS PLEASURE.
ANIMATRONICS
"ANIMATRONICS"
BY WALT WHIMSY
It's technical stuff, I can't understand a word of it.
ANIMATRONICS
"UNDER THE SURFACE"
BY WALT WHIMSY
It's technical stuff, I can't understand a word of it.
ANNOTATION
SEE FOOTNOTING
ARCHAEOLOGY
"X NEVER MARKS THE SPOT"
BY I. JONES
ART
"VAGUENESS AS AN ART FORM"
ART/PHILOSOPHY
"IDEALISM OR SURREALISM?"
PHILOSOPHY/ART TEXTBOOK.
BEVERAGES
"BEVERAGES FOR EVERYONE"
You know, I don't believe there's a man, woman, or child alive who doesn't occasionally enjoy a lonely beverage.
BIG WHOOP
SEE: TREASURE
BIOGRAPHY
"BOTH HANDS EMPTY"
THE HERMAN TOOTHROT STORY.
BIOGRAPHY
"BOTH HANDS MOVING"
THE STAN STORY.
BIOGRAPHY
"BOTH HEADS EMPTY"
THE FETTUCINI BROTHERS STORY.
BIOGRAPHY
"A FISTFUL OF BARNACLES"
JOURNAL OF CAPTAIN TWIDDLYMORE
BIOGRAPHY
"LICK THE SILVER SPOON"
BY L. PHATT
BIOGRAPHY
"ME AND BLACKBEARD"
BIOGRAPHY
"THE TIME I BLEW UP LECHUCK"
QUESTIONABLE MEMOIRS OF GUYBRUSH THREEPWOOD
I can't believe I'm reading my own memoirs.
BIOGRAPHY
"YIKES!"
MEMOIRS OF CAPTAIN GILBERT
Yikes!
BODY
"UNUSUAL BIRTHMARKS"
BREAKFAST
"BREAKFAST AT MEATHOOK'S"
BUSINESS
"HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE"
BY BLUEBEARD
CANNIBALISM
"HOW TO SERVE YOUR FELLOW MAN"
BY LEMONHEAD
Yikes!
CANNIBALISM
SEE ALSO: SELF-HELP
CATALOGS
SEE SUBHEADINGS
CHEESE
"GUIDE TO CHEESES OF THE WORLD"
REFERENCE
CHILDREN'S BOOKS
"THE SINISTER BEAST UNDER THE BED"
Hmm... Good bedtime reading...
CHILDREN'S BOOKS
"TREASURY OF PIRATE CHILDREN'S STORIES"
CIRCUSES
"ALFREDO AND BILL'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE"
FICTION
CIRCUSES
"DAMN THE HUMAN TORPEDO"
THE ORIGIN OF THE HUMAN CANNONBALL TRICK.
CLASSICS
"GREAT EXPECTORATIONS"
BY CAPTAIN LOOGIE
This is very...
...thick.
COLLECTABLES
"JUNK, JUNK, AND MORE JUNK"
A GUIDE TO COLLECTABLE MEMORABILIA.
COOKING
"NOTEWORTHY PIRATE FOODS"
Hey, it's blank!
COOKING
"VISCOUS FLUIDS YOU CAN MAKE AT HOME"
CRAFTS
"CROCHET EYEPATCHES FOR FUN AND PROFIT"
CROSS-REFERENCE
SEE REFERENTIAL OBSCURANTISM
CRYPTOGRAPHY
"THE CODE IN MY NOSE"
UNIQUE MESSAGE DROPS THROUGH HISTORY.
Sounds uncomfortable.
DEWEY DECIMAL SYSTEM
SEE ORGANIZATIONAL SCHEMA
DISASTERS
"GREAT SHIPWRECKS OF OUR CENTURY"
FROM THE LIME-LIFE DISASTER SERIES.
Says here the Mad Monkey sank at ??N, ??W.
DISEASE
"FASCINATING FACTS ABOUT SCURVY"
DISEASE
"SHIPBOARD DISEASES"
Gross.
DOGS
"DOG ENGLISH DICTIONARY"
REFERENCE
It says here that "Arf has twenty-seven meanings in Dog.
EDUCATION
"PREPARING FOR THE PIRATE APTITUDE TEST"
BY S. KARPMAN
ENTERTAINMENT
"QUIET ON THE SET"
ENTYMOLOGY
"TOMATO WORMS"
AN OWNER'S MANUAL
ENTYMOLOGY
"ORIGINS OF PIRATE WORDS"
It says here that most pirate lingo can be traced to Phoenician restroom grafitti.
EYESIGHT
SEE:VISION
FARTHINGTON DYNASTY
SEE: GAMES
FASHION
"SUMMER SWASHBUCKLING FASHIONS"
THREE YEARS OF THE POPULAR PERIODICAL
FICTION
"E-TICKET"
FICTION
"FIVE MORE THAN I NEEDED"
FICTION
"HEDGEHOG DAYS"
FICTION
"NOT SO MUCH AS A DOUBLOON"
AN ANTHOLOGY OF SHORT FICTION
FICTION
"VERY, VERY SHORT STORIES"
Yep, these are short all right.
FINANCE
"EASY WAYS TO MAKE MONEY"
FISH
"BIG BOOK OF FISH"
ILLUSTRATED GUIDE TO FISH OF THE WORLD.
It's a bunch of neat pictures of fish.
FISHING
"LIMPIT FISHING: THE LOST ART"
FOOD
"I MARRIED A MUENSTER"
BY S. CHEESE
FOOD
"LIFE-SIZE AND LARGER"
FOOD
"RATS AS A PROTEIN SOURCE"
Ick.
FOOD
SEE ALSO: CANNIBALISM
FOOTNOTING
SEE VICIOUS PEDANTRY
GAMES
"HAL BARWOOD ON MONKEY 2"
A CRITICAL REVIEW.
"Less is more, guys!"
"You can't polish a turd."
GAMES
"FAN-TAN FANATIC"
BY ELROY T. FUNBUN
GAMES
"KING OF SHUFFLEBOARD"
AN ACCOUNT OF THE FARTHINGTON DYNASTY.
GENEALOGY
"MY MOTHER THE CART"
STRANGE BUT TRUE TALES.
This is creepy!
GENETICS
"HOW TO MAKE A JACKALOPE"
I wonder how they get them to cooperate?
GEOMETRY
"PROPERTIES OF THE ELLIPTIC HYPERBOLOID"
It's technical stuff, I can't understand a word of it.
GHOST PIRATE LECHUCK
"WHEN I BLEW UP LECHUCK"
ONE OF THREEPWOOD'S WORST.
The catalog was right, this IS pretty bad.
GHOST PIRATE LECHUCK
"WHERE I BLEW UP LECHUCK"
ONE OF THREEPWOOD'S WORST.
The catalog was right, this IS pretty bad.
GHOST PIRATE LECHUCK
"WHY I BLEW UP LECHUCK"
ONE OF THREEPWOOD'S WORST.
The catalog was right, this IS pretty bad.
GODIVA, LADY
"THE SHIRT OFF MY BACK"
BIOGRAPHY, SEE ALSO ADULT ENTERTAINMENT
Darn, no pictures.
GRAVE ROBBING
"POPULAR PUNISHMENTS FOR GRAVE ROBBERS"
Yikes!
GROG, ADDICTION TO
"I AM BLACKBEARD'S LIVER"
THE HORRIFYING TRUE STORY OF A CONFESSED GROGAHOLIC
Just say no to grog.
GROUPINGS
SEE CATALOGS
HEADINGS
SEE CROSS-REFERENCE
HISTORY
"CAREFUL WITH THOSE CANNONBALLS!"
LEGEND OF THE GLASS-BOTTOMED ARMADA
"Careful With Those Cannonballs!"
HISTORY
SEE ALSO: SCABB ISLAND
HOGWASH
"REMEMBERANCE OF MOLLY"
HUMOR
"BAD PUNS FOR BAD PIRATES"
BY N. FALSTEIN
heh.
Heh, heh.
Hooo ha ha ha.
AHAHAHA!!!
HOOHAHA-- "He was stumped!" --HAHAHAHA!!
Ahaha.
Aheh.
Oh well, I guess it wasn't that funny.
HUMOR
"DUMB PIRATE JOKES"
HUMOR, GALLOWS
"SO YOU'RE GOING TO BE EXECUTED..."
DOZENS OF THINGS TO SAY ON THE CHOPPING BLOCK.
Gulp.
ICE CREAM
"PIRATES' FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVORS"
Hmm, Pistachio Dryrot, Salmonella Chip, Grog 'n' Cream...
IDOLS
"TIKIS OF THE SOUTH PACIFIC"
REFERENCE
IGLOOS
"IGLOO CONSTRUCTION MADE EASY"
IMAGINARY NUMBERS
"THE NEW TAX LAWS"
LIGHT FICTION.
It's a bit dry, and I don't like the ending.
INDEXES
SEE INDICES
INDIAN BURNS
"HOW TO GIVE GREAT INDIAN BURNS"
INDICES
SEE TITLES
INFERIORITY
"THE COMPLEX COMPLEX"
INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE
SEE IMAGINARY NUMBERS.
JACKALOPE
SEE GENETICS
JELLO
"THE STORY OF JELLO"
JELLYFISH
"OUR SPINELESS COUSINS"
JUSTICE
"KANGAROO COURT"
CRITIQUE OF THE MODERN JUDICIAL SYSTEM.
JUVENILE BEHAVIOR
"COW-TIPPING ENTHUSIAST"
COLLECTED ESSAYS ON FORM AND STYLE.
KARATE
SEE MARTIAL ARTS
KARMA
"MY KARMA JUST RAN OVER YOUR DOGMA"
SEE ALSO: PHILOSOPHY
I think philosophy stuff is just a waste of time.
KEELHAULING
"KEELHAULING: METHODOLOGY AND PRACTICE"
KETCHUP
SEE VEGETABLES
KIDNEYS
"THE LITTLE ORGAN THAT COULD"
POP-UP BOOK OF KIDNEY FUNCTIONS.
There are little pop-up kidneys in it!
Ick!
KLEPTOMANIA
"KLEPTOMANIA"
It says here that kleptomania is the nigh-irresistable compulsion to take anything not nailed down.
Hmmm...
LABYRINTHS
SEE ZIP CODES
LANGUAGE
"HIP LINGO FOR PIRATES"
A DICTIONARY OF MODERN SLANG TERMS.
Hmmm...
"Aaargh."
"Yaarr."
"Shiver my timbers."
"David Jones' locker."
"Dead men don't tell stories."
I should brush up on some of these.
LICE
"LOUSE RANCHING FOR FUN AND PROFIT"
LUNCH
"AFTERNOON AT MEATHOOK'S"
Fascinating...
LYRICS
"ROCK AND RAUNCH"
BANNED RECORD ALBUMS OF THE PAST DECADE.
I don't see what's so bad about these lyrics.
MAGIC
SEE VOODOO
MANATEES
"DAMP DAMSELS OF THE DEEP"
MANATEES
"THE SAILOR AND THE SEA COW"
-- A FABLE
MARTIAL ARTS
"THEORY AND PRACTICE OF BONE BREAKAGE"
Hey, this guy's only a PINK belt!
MATHEMATICS
"CUBIC LEMNISCATE FORMULAS"
Boy, is this stuff boring.
MAZE CONSTRUCTION
SEE ANNOTATION
MILITARY
"THE STEATH SAILOR: WHY IT WON'T SAIL"
MONEY
"MAKE EASY MONEY AT HOME"
It says I should send in two dollars for details.
MOUNTAINS
"THE MAJESTY OF THE SIERRAS"
Sierras?
Majestic?
I think not.
MUSIC
"ELVIS LIVES"
PREDICTIONS OF FUTURE MUSIC BY NOTTRUEDAMUS
MUSIC
"GRAMMY AWARD WINNERS OF THE RENAISSANCE
MUSIC
"VOLUME FIRST"
MUSIC
"WORLD'S WORST PIRATE SONGS"
Hey, "A thousand bottles of beer on the wall."
MUSIC
"XYLOPHONE FOR BEGINNERS"
MYSTERY
"HOW MUCH WOOD?"
FROM THE WOODCHUCK MYSTERY SERIES.
I think the butler did it.
NARCISSISM
"FEELING GOOD ABOUT NARCISSISM"
The 'about the author' part goes almost the whole way through the book.
NARCOLEPSY
"CONFESSIONS OF A NARCOLEPTIC
Boy, what a sleeper.
NEW AGE
"DYNANETICS BY L. RON GILBERT"
Who does this guy think he is, anyway?
NIGHT
"SOUNDS UNDER THE BED"
NOISES
"A DEFINITIVE GUIDE TO CARTOON NOISES"
NOOGIES
"HOW TO GIVE GREAT NOOGIES"
NORMALITY
"A WHITE PICKET FENCE"
SOCIOLOGICAL STUDY.
NOSES
"HONK IF YOU HAVE TO"
COLDS, ALLERGIES, AND OTHER AILMENTS.
NOSTALGIA
"SODA FOUNTAINS OF MY YOUTH"
BY PONCE DE LEON
Boy, does this guy ever wan to relive his childhood.
NUMEROLOGY
"NUMEROLOGY FOR BEGINNERS"
NYLON
"USES OF NYLON BY PIRATES"
OBESITY
"MORE OF ME TO LOVE"
BY L. PHATT
OBSCENITY
"&$*#!"
SYMBOLIC EQUIVALENTS OF OBSCENE WORDS AND PHRASES.
This stuff is really repulsive!
OKRA
"MY FAVORITE GUMBO RECIPES"
SEE ALSO FOOD.
OLIVES
"SCOURGE OF THE PIZZA"
EXAMINATION OF FORCED OLIVE CONSUMPTION
OPTIMISM
"THERE'S ALWAYS A RAINBOW"
I hate people who write books like this.
ORANGUTANS
"OUR HAIRY COUSINS"
I have a lot of cousins like that...
ORGANIZATIONAL SCHEMA
SEE LABYRINTHS
ORIGAMI
"PAPER BUFFALO"
ADVANCED ORIGAMI DESIGNS.
"Paper Buffalo"
ORTHAPEDICS
"HEAR THE SOUND OF MY FEET TALKING"
It's about zen orthopedics or some such foolishness.
PHILOSOPHY
"DELIBERANCE"
A PHILISOPHICAL TREATISE.
PHILOSOPHY
"RASTAFARIAN PHILOSOPHY"
I don't get it.
PILLAGING
"ALL ABOUT PILLAGING"
FROM THE POPULAR HOW-TO SERIES
PILLAGING
"MASTERS OF PILLAGING"
INTERVIEWS WITH SOME OF THE BEST.
Wow!
These guys are real pirates!
PIRACY
"PIRATING PRIMER"
FOR THE NOVICE PIRATE.
This is about something called "software" piracy.
POETRY
"THREE SHEETS TO THE WIND"
POETRY BY PIRATES.
This is some of the worst poetry I've ever read.
QUOTATIONS
"FAMOUS PIRATE QUOTATIONS"
Quotations:
"Aaarrrrrrrg!"
"Happiness is a warm Manatee."
"Kiss me, I've got scurvy."
"Mouthwash? We don't need no stinking mouthwash!"
"Violets are blue, roses are red...
We're coming aboard. Prepare to eat lead."
Pirates:
-Barney Gout
-Commander Buttonhead
-Fester Leach
-Old Skunk-Eye
-Rapp Scallion
RANCHING
SEE LICE
RECURSION
SEE RECURSION
RECIPES, VOODOO
"THE JOY OF HEX"
101 ESSENTIAL VOODOO RECIPES.
I think it's meant for advanced voodoo practitioners.
The writing's way too technical for me.
REFERENTIAL OBSCURANTISM
SEE GROUPINGS
ROMANCE
"AMOUR'S AGONIZING ADIEU"
BY MELANIE LEARY
Argh!
ROMANCE
"DESIRE'S DISTASTEFUL DENOUEMENT"
BY MELANIE LEARY
Dumb!
ROMANCE
"FASCINATION'S FINAL FRENZY"
BY MELANIE LEARY
Fiddle-sticks!
ROMANCE
"LOVE'S LINGERING LASSITUDE"
BY MELANIE LEARY
Truly disgusting.
ROMANCE
"NEXT TO NOTHING"
BY E. MARLEY, AN ACCOUNT OF HER TIME WITH GUYBRUSH THREEPWOOD.
If you can't say something nice, you're not supposed to say anything at all.
Much less write a whole BOOK.
ROMANCE
"PASSION'S PERSISTENT PRESENCE"
BY MELANIE LEARY
Why would she write this?
ROMANCE
"ROMANCE'S WRETCHED RESIDUE"
BY MELANIE LEARY
Ridiculous!
ROMANCE
"SIN'S SORDID SWAN SONG"
BY MELANIE LEARY
Stupid!
ROMANCE
"YEARNING'S YELLOWING YESTERDAYS"
BY MELANIE LEARY
Yuck!
SAILING
"IF I ONLY HAD A DRAIN"
PERILS OF SHOWERING ABOARD SHIP
SAILING
"SAFE SAILING"
SALMON
"LOX AND LOCKS"
MODERN PROBLEMS FACING SALMON.
SCABB ISLAND
"SCABB ISLAND HISTORY"
AN INTRODUCTION
Says here that Scabb was first settled as a quarantine island for skin diseases.
It later became a haven for pirates because of it's distinctive lack of authority figures.
SELF-HELP
"PIRATES WHO LOVE TOO MUCH"
SELF-HELP
"NOT EATING PEOPLE AND FEELING GOOD ABOUT IT"
CONFESSIONS OF AN EX-CANNIBAL
SHARKS
"KILLERS OF THE DEEP"
A STUDY OF CARIBBEAN SHARKS.
SHIPBUILDING
"MODERN SHIPBUILDING"
BY G. STEELE
SHIPWRECKS
SEE: DISASTER
SIN
"THE HIDDEN SINS OF CALCULUS"
Boy, this is reactionary!
SIN
"TOP SEVEN DEADLY SINS"
'Sloth' is my favorite.
SLANG, PIRATE
"SHIVER MY TIMBERS"
SEE ALSO: LANGUAGE
"Yarrrr, matey."
I wonder if anyone really talks like this.
SOCIOLOGY
"SOCIAL DARWINISM AND SOCIAL DISEASE"
COMPARATIVE SOCIAL THEORY.
An interesting comparison.
SOLITAIRE
"A MILLION AND ONE WAYS TO PLAY SOLITAIRE"
BY HERMAN TOOTHROT
What a rip.
Number 236,709 and number 645,212 are practically the same.
SPIRITUAL
"GIFT OF THE LIZARD PEOPLE"
SPIRITUAL
"OVER THE CROW'S NEST"
STUPIDITY
"WALK THRU WALLS: THE INTELLIGENCE AVOIDER"
AN ANALYSIS OF THE SYSTEM, PAT PENDING.
I certainly don't need this...
I can walk straight already.
SUBHEADINGS
SEE MAZE CONSTRUCTION
SUBTRACTION
"SUBTRACTION: ADDITION'S TRICKY PARTNER"
It's technical stuff, I can't understand a word of it.
SURGERY
"OPERATING WITHOUT A NET"
TECHNIQUES FOR SAFE SURGERY.
It says to always use latex gloves.
TATTOOS
"WHY CHICKS DIG TATTOOS"
Hmm... Maybe I should get one.
TATTOOS
"TATTOO-RELATED SKIN INFECTIONS"
Hmm... Maybe I shouldn't get one.
TATTOOS
"A CHILD'S FIRST BOOK OF TATTOOS"
Aw, the teddy bear is cute!
TEA
"TEA PARTY MASSACRE"
BY LOUISA DE LA CRUZ
"Tea Party Massacre"
THEATER
"BEYOND HEARTS AND QUESTION MARKS"
SHADOW PUPPETRY FOR THE TWO-HOOK PIRATE
THREE-HEADED MONKEY
"THE PRIDE OF LOCH NESS"
This guy thinks the legendary Three-Headed Monkey is actually the son of the Loch Ness Monster.
TITLES
SEE HEADINGS
TOAST
"THIRTY THINGS THAT TASTE TERRIFIC ON TOAST"
TOENAILS
"MODERN TOENAIL COLLECTOR"
PERIODICAL COMPENDIUM.
It's a bunch of clippings from some magazine.
TOYS
"COLLECTABLE TOY TRUCKS"
Here's an interesting one: the Junior Ultra Soldier Commando Assault Vehicle™.
TRAVEL
"THE CARIBBEAN ON NO DOLLARS A DAY"
A PIRATE HANDBOOK
TREASURE
"BIG WHOOP: UNCLAIMED BONANZA OR MYTH?"
It says here there were four pirates:
Rapp Scallion (the cook)...
...Young Lindy (the cabin boy)...
...Mister Rogers (the first mate)...
...and Captain Marley.
They buried their treasure along with plenty of booby traps on a place believed to be called Inky Island.
They made a map which they divided into four pieces, each man taking one.
Rapp Scallion later opened the Steamin' Weenie Hut on Scabb Island.
It was a huge success but fell into disrepair after Rapp was killed in a flash fire.
Young Lindy drifted aimlessly, down on his luck until he mysteriously came into money while panhandling on Booty Island.
He used the cash to bankroll an advertising firm which failed after it's gross mishandling of the Gangrene 'n' Honey account.
Mister Rogers retired off the coast of Phatt Island.
He marketed homemade contest grog brewed in a bathtub until his recent disappearence.
Captain Marley vanished while sailing in the America's Cup race.
His boat was leading at the time.
TREE SURGERY
"ANAESTHETICS FOR DECIDUOUS TREES"
TRILOGIES
"WHY PEOPLE SHOULDN'T WRITE TRILOGIES"
BY SIMON FINKLEBERTH
TRILOGIES
"WHY PEOPLE WON'T READ TRILOGIES"
BY SIMON FINKLEBERTH
TRILOGIES
"WHY PEOPLE WRITE TRILOGIES ANYWAY"
BY SIMON FINKLEBERTH
TRIPE
"DESSERT RECIPES FOR TRIPE LOVERS"
Ick.
ULCERS
"WHY YOU SHOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT ULCERS"
UMBRELLAS
"GIANT UMBRELLAS AND OTHER BITS OF ART"
Sounds dangerous.
UNDERPANTS
"WEDGIES; HARMLESS FUN OR SADISTIC TORTURE?"
It says here that the wedgie was once used as a law enforcement practice.
VEGETABLES
"VEGETABLES CHILDREN WILL EAT"
That's odd, it claims ketchup is a vegetable.
VICARIOUS LIVING
"POPULAR SPECTATOR SPORTS"
I can't find stoat wrestling in here.
VICES
"101 VICES"
BY J.P. AMPLEFORM
Hey, only 30 to go!
VICIOUS PEDANTRY
SEE DEWEY DECIMAL SYSTEM
VIOLINS
"THIRTY NON-MUSICAL USES FOR YOUR VIOLIN"
Wow, I bet that WOULD keep the cats away...
VIRUSES
"THINGS YOU CAN CATCH BY READING A LIBRARY BOOK"
Uh, oh...
VISION
"PATCHES"
VOLCANOES
"WARM ALL YEAR ROUND"
REAL ESTATE HANDBOOK.
VOODOO
SEE: RECIPES, VOODOO
VULGARITY
"GROSS THINGS TO SAY AT PARTIES"
--snicker--
I especially like the one about sauerkraut.
WAITING
"IS IT SOUP YET?"
A JILLION THINGS TO DO WHILE WAITING IN LINE.
WALLPAPER
"ANYWHERE BUT MY ROOM"
DESIGNS FEATURING CUTE CARTOON CHARACTERS.
WALLPAPER
"IMPACT OF YELLOW ON SMALL CHILDREN"
PSYCHOLOGICAL STUDY.
WALLPAPER
"LIVING IN LIME"
ONE THOUSAND LIME GREEN DESIGNS
Ick.
WALTZES
"DANCING ON THREE LEGS"
WARTHOGS
"THE MISUNDERSTOOD PET"
WEALTH
"OPULENCE AS A SOCIAL ART"
BY L. PHATT
WILD ANIMALS
"MEET MR. TIGER"
POP-UP BOOK.
Neat, the pictures pop up.
WINE
"SNIFFING THE CORK"
HOW-TO FOR THE WINE SNOB.
WOODWORKING
"OUT ON A PLANK"
XANTHIPPE
"LIFE CYCLE OF THE SHREW"
XENOPHOBIA
"HEY YOU KIDS, GET OFF OF MY LAWN"
XYLOPHONE
SEE: MUSIC
YACHT CLUBS
"PIRATE'S GUIDE TO CARIBBEAN YACHT CLUBS"
YACHTING
"ALL YOU NEED IS THE CAP"
YACHTING ON LAND.
YAKS
"THE YAK IS SLOW BUT THE EARTH IS PATIENT"
YAWNING
"THE YEARN TO YAWN"
PSYCHOLOGICAL STUDY OF YAWN ENVY
YETI
"INTERVIEW WITH A SNOWMAN"
YIDDISH
"FEH, AND OTHER USEFUL TERMS"
REFERENCE
"Feh, and Other Useful Terms"
YODELING
"YODELING FROM THE TOP OF THE LUNGS"
A STUDY OF YODELLING AS AN OFFENSIVE WEAPON.
YORKSHIRE PUDDING
"NOT QUITE REALLY PUDDING"
ARTICLES AND RECIPES.
"Not Quite Really Pudding"
YO-YOS
"AT THE END OF THE ROPE"
YO-YO POLITICS.
YO-YOS
"BOUNCING AND BEHAVING"
INTERMEDIATE YO-YO TRICKS.
"Bouncing and Behaving"
YO-YOS
"SPINNING AT THE END OF THE STRING"
YO-YO PHILOSOPHY
ZINJANTHROPUS
"PIRATES OF THE PLEISTOCENE"
ZIP CODES
SEE INDEXES
ZIPPERS
"ZIPPER THEORY"
ZIRCONIUM
"THE MOST BEAUTIFUL ELEMENT"
ZOOLOGY
"JUST ONE OF THE PRIMATES"
ZOOLOGY
"ZOO ANIMALS MORE INTELLIGENT THAN HUMANS"
It's too thick, I don't have time to read it.
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