podge and rodge series 1 episode 11-the eggtimer
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a scare at bedtime series 1 episode 11-the eggtimer
Tags: podge and rodge series 1 episode 11 the eggtimer a scare at bedtime irish ireland funny comedy
Added: 7 years ago
From: killannelad
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[scene opens with an exterior shot of Ballydung Manor, then cut to inside where two male puppets are lying in bed as a large rat scurries by]
RODGE: Podge! Podge! Didja see that? Them fekkin' rats are getting as big as cats!
[he pulls out a shotgun]
RODGE: Should I, should I kill them?
PODGE: He's big, alright, but not big enough for a good juicy roast.
RODGE: Eh, you're right ... Granny would have him downed in one bite.
[he chuckles]
RODGE: How come, though ... uh, she always gets first suckle on the tail?
PODGE: 'Cause with a bit'a luck, she might choke!
[they both laugh]
RODGE: Oh, we're fierce mean!
PODGE: Yeah, but not as mean as ... Oxter McLaughlin from Mullinasnot!
[he breathes in deeply, getting ready to launch into his story]
PODGE: Oxter lived in a farm with his daughter, Delores.
[cut to black and white scenes of Delores (played by a non-puppet actress) doing menial tasks around the McLaughlin farm]
PODGE: [in voice over] Misses McLaughlin had died of utter misery when she was a mere child, and since then Delores was forced to wait hand and foot on her mean old father.
[cut to a closeup of her father (played by a puppet that looks like Podge)]
OXTER: You're my property until you're eighteen ... if ya live that long!
[cut back to Podge and Rodge in their bedroom]
PODGE: He treated her more like a slave than a daughter ... but the meanest thing of all, was having to boil his eggs!
RODGE: That's hardly mean now, Podge ...
PODGE: Oh, it was when you knew what the penalty was ... if the eggs were overcooked!
[cut to Oxter (now played by a human actor) sitting at the kitchen table]
PODGE: [in voice over] He used to sit down without a word, and place his precious eggtimer in the middle of the table.
[he places a large hourglass on the table and turns it over]
PODGE: [in voice over] If she boiled the egg one grain over the eggtimer, he would take his stick to her!
[cut back to Podge and Rodge in their bedroom]
RODGE: Why didn't she just run away?
PODGE: Ah sure, where would she go? She had no friends, she knew no one! And besides, Old McLaughlin had told her the only way she'd leave the farm ... was in a box!
[cut to Delores and her father entering the local library]
PODGE: [in voice over] Once a month, she was permitted to go to the library with her father, and take one book home.
[cut to Delores running her finger across one of the shelves, when she stops and pulls out a book]
PODGE: [in voice over] Ah, it was nearly always the same book ...
[cut back to Podge and Rodge in their bedroom]
RODGE: Was it "The Stud" by Jackie Collins? Ohh ...
PODGE: No! It was a book on foreign places!
[cut to Delores daydreaming while doing her chores]
PODGE: [in voice over] And she'd while away at her chores, dreaming of being swept off her feet ...
[cut back to Podge and Rodge in their bedroom]
PODGE: By some handsome man!
[cut to a young male librarian (wavy hair, glasses) looking through a drawer in the card catalog]
PODGE: [in voice over] And when a new librarian started work ...
[cut to the librarian placing a copy of "Wuthering Heights" back on the shelf (as Delores watches from the background)]
PODGE: [in voice over] Called Ruarlach Ni Bowlan ...
[cut to Delores approaching the front desk with her book, handing it to the librarian]
PODGE: [in voice over] It looked like her dreams might become a reality.
[cut to a closeup shot of the librarian stamping her book]
RODGE: [in voice over] Tell us more ...
[cut back to Podge and Rodge in their bedroom]
PODGE: So she came up with a clever plan ...
[cut to various shots of Delores and the librarian flipping through books]
PODGE: [in voice over] And the two fell in love, via notes they used to pass to each other in the pages of her library books.
[cut back to Podge and Rodge in their bedroom]
PODGE: And old McLaughlin suspected nothing!
RODGE: Huh!
[cut to Delores at her desk writing a note]
PODGE: [in voice over] She wrote a note back to him, professing her undying love!
[cut back to Podge and Rodge in their bedroom]
PODGE: She would elope with him, a-and meet him at the crossroads at midnight! That evening, Delores handed the book, with the note, to her lover, and went home and secretly packed for her new life ...
RODGE: Come on, Podge! Too much tale, and not enough tragedy!
[cut to Delores sneaking out of the house, as her father is asleep in a chair]
PODGE: [in voice over] At eleven thirty, she snuck out. Old McLaughlin was snoring in front of the fire ... As she was leaving, she stole his precious eggtimer!
RODGE: [in voice over] Ha, a bit of revenge! I like that!
[cut back to Podge and Rodge in their bedroom]
PODGE: Midnight, at the crossroads, the librarian's car approached.
[cut to a car pulling up in a grassy field, then back to Podge and Rodge in their bedroom]
PODGE: Her heart beat widely, as she opened the passenger's door ... only to be greeted, not by the lips of her lover--
[cut to Delores opening the car door and finding her father inside]
PODGE: [in voice over] But by the clenched fist of her father!
[cut back to Podge and Rodge in their bedroom]
RODGE: But what about the boyfriend?
PODGE: Oh, he was sittin' in the backseat.
RODGE: Would he not help her?
PODGE: Sure, how could he with an axe through his head?
[cut to a closeup of Oxter (back in puppet form)]
OXTER: You'll bury this booger, like ya did your mother!
[cut back to Podge and Rodge in their bedroom]
PODGE: The old man said.
[cut back to the Oxter puppet]
OXTER: That young fella of yours put up a bit of a fight. Gave me quite a ... appetite. I look forward to me--
[he smacks his lips]
OXTER: Eggs in the morning!
[cut back to Podge and Rodge in their bedroom]
PODGE: Delores sat in shock, as they drove up the winding roads to the quarry.
RODGE: Ah, the quarry's a great place for burying bodies ...
[cut to the car pulling up to a quarry]
PODGE: [in voice over] The car pulled up at the edge of the quarry ...
[cut back to Podge and Rodge in their bedroom]
PODGE: And old man McLaughlin told Delores to get the shovel outta the boot ... It was to be the last chore he ever gave Delores!
[cut to Delores wedging the shovel underneath the back tire of the car]
PODGE: [in voice over] As she used the shovel as a lever, and with all the strength as she could muster, from all the years of hard grind ...
[cut back to Podge and Rodge in their bedroom]
PODGE: She pushed the car over the edge, and it burst into flames as it hit the quarry floor ... The papers said the young librarian committed suicide, and drove himself into the quarry because Delores hadn't turned up at the crossroads that night. Rumor has it she's in Boston--
[cut to scenes in a diner]
PODGE: [in voice over] And has boiled eggs with her father every morning.
[cut back to Podge and Rodge in their bedroom]
RODGE: I thought he was dead!
PODGE: He is! But she replaced the grains of sand in his beloved eggtimer ...
[cut to a closeup of the hourglass]
PODGE: [in voice over] With the ashes of his corpse!
[cut back to Podge and Rodge in their bedroom]
PODGE: Heh heh heh ... Four minutes worth of ashes, mind.
RODGE: But uh, that'd boil 'em hard.
PODGE: Mmm, yeah ... Just the way she likes 'em!
[they both laugh]
PODGE: Ah, serves 'im right!
[a cat suddenly appears at the foot of their bed]
PODGE: Oh, hey there ...
RODGE: Oh look, Podge! Podge! Look!
PODGE: What?
RODGE: Pox has got, he's caught that rat in his mouth! Look!
PODGE: Ah no, that's not the rat ... He's been in the chamberpot again.
[Rodge leans over the side of the bed and begins vomiting]
PODGE: Oh, get it up, you'll feel better then! Uh ...
[cut to an exterior shot of their house (as the retching noises can still be heard from inside)]
PODGE: [in voice over] Pox, get away from that puke! Stop eating it! And that's the last time you're gonna eat my shite! Get outta here, you dirty devil! Get outta the house! Get away with ya!
RODGE: [in voice over] Uggghh ...
PODGE: [in voice over] Ah, you'll feel better in a minute ...
---
From wikipedia.org:
"A Scare at Bedtime" (also known as "Podge and Rodge: A Scare at Bedtime") is an Irish television show, produced by Double Z Enterprises and broadcast by RTE, featuring the two puppets Podge and Rodge as the hosts of a spooky tales and urban myths comedy show. It ran for nine series, with a total of 150 episodes from 1997 until January 2006.
A Scare at Bedtime was originally commissioned by RTE to fill a ten-minute gap that was left before the 23:00 News due to the short running times of American shows that preceded it. This show took its name from the nightly RTE show called "A Prayer at Bedtime," which overlaid the text of a Roman Catholic prayer over serene images with choral music playing. A Scare at Bedtime, first aired in 1997, is close to being the polar opposite of this, with extremely adult content, lewd jokes and slightly obscene anecdotes being related by the two puppets and 'Tales of Caution' acted out in live action segments. Podge's origins on The Den is ignored, as the backstory gradually established on A Scare at Bedtime, presents Podge and his identical twin brother Rodge to be both in their sixties, and living in Ballydung Manor, a converted insane asylum for most of that time, with a lunatic nurse that they call "Granny" who practices the dark arts (since she is dating Satan, whom they refer to as the "quare fella" throughout the series) . They were also then given full names also: Padraig Judas O'Leprocy and Rodraig Spartacus O'Leprocy.
Each episode follows the same pattern: Rodge, the dumber of the two, arrives home. Originally the pair would get into bed but in later seasons they sat at the kitchen table. They talk about what Rodge was doing, with Podge usually insulting him. This leads Podge on to telling a story (acted out by live actors) about some people (whose names are usually sexual innuendos, e.g. Chris Peacock, Ulick McGee, Neil Down, Mickey Scratcher and Inspector Bush) who inevitably come to an unpleasant end. Rodge interrupts the story with stupid comments and/or reference to masturbation. It ends with Podge punishing Rodge for no reason.
---
From imdb.com:
Season 1, Episode 11 ("The Eggtimer")
2 February 1998
Oxter McLaughlin treats his daughter Delores like a slave, she has to boil his eggs every day for exactly three minutes, no more no less. But things reach boiling point when he discovers that Delores has fallen in love with a young librarian.
---
From ballydung.com:
The tale of Dolores McLoughlin from Mullinasnot, and her mean father Oxter. Her life had been a misery ever since her mother died, as her father now treated her as his personal slave. He said that the only way she would ever leave the farm they lived on would be in a box. He had a particular fondness for boiled eggs, and would time his daughter with his own egg timer as she prepared his meals. If she overcooked the egg by one grain of sand, he would lay into her with a stick. Once a month, she was accompanied to the local library, offering the only source of happiness in her life. When a dashing new librarian, Ruarlach Ni Bowlan, started working there, Dolores fell completely in love, and the two would exchange notes left in the books she took from the library, thus keeping the whole affair from her mean old father. One evening, she arranged to elope with her lover. She left the farm at 11.30, with her father asleep. Ruarlach's car pulled up at their meeting point, and her father jumped out. Ruarlach was in the backseat - complete with axe embedded in his head. Her father drove to the nearby quarry, telling Dolores that she had to bury her young lover. While he waited in the car for her to return with a shovel, she summoned all her strength to use the shovel to lever the car over the edge into the quarry. She placed the ensuing ashes from her father's corpse in his eggtimer.
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