A Day in the Life of a Librarian
We have been invited to document the day-to-day proceedings at Wadjimup Community Library. Join us, as we get a glimpse into the hardships and struggles that these women face on a daily basis.
Tags: documentary mockumentary library librarians spoof comedy satire Parody Funny Life Day Humor Sketch Humour (Literary Genre) hilarious lol laugh transvestite student school film
Added: 1 year ago
[scene opens with several exterior shots of a library]
NARRATOR: Wadjimup Community Library is home to some of the finest library staff in the country.
[cut to several interior shots of the library]
NARRATOR: These devoted women are an inspiration to us all, and our cameras have kindly been invited to document their fascinating stories. So join us for the journey, as we explore ... the day in the life of a librarian.
[cut to a shot of a "female" librarian (i.e. a man in a pixie-cut wig wearing a shawl over a polka dot blouse with a red skirt) talking on the phone, as "Helen, Head Librarian" appears on screen]
[cut to another "female" librarian (i.e. a man wearing a bouffant wig with a brown sweater over a grey t-shirt) pushing a book cart, as "Susan, Receptionist/Shelving" appears on screen]
[cut to another "female" librarian (i.e. a man wearing a long wig with a tight black blouse over large fake breasts) pulling a book off the shelf, as "Gail, Cataloging/Library Behavioural Supervisor" appears on screen]
[cut to the three librarian posing for the camera, as "A Day in the Life of a Librarian" appears on screen]
[cut to Susan sitting at the front desk by herself]
NARRATOR: It's Monday morning.
[Helen enters, as Susan stands up and smiles while handing her a stack of papers]
SUSAN: Good morning, Helen.
[Helen (without acknowledging her greeting or breaking stride) grabs the papers and heads for the back room]
NARRATOR: Here at Wadjimup Community Library, the library staff are preparing themselves for the new day ahead, and all of its challenges.
[Helen (putting on a fake smile) walks up to Gail sitting at her computer terminal]
HELEN: Morning, Gail! Could you sort and file those for me, please?
[she hands the papers to Gail and leaves, who (once she makes sure Helen is out of sight) promptly drops them into the wastepaper basket, then the camera follows Helen into her office]
HELEN: [in voice over] My name's Helen, and I'm proud to say that I'm head librarian here at Wadjimup Community Library!
[cut to Helen in her office, speaking directly to the camera]
HELEN: I like to think of myself as the fun one around here! Um, the captain of the ship, so to speak ... Um, we have a lotta fun! Uh, y'know--
[cut to Helen hiding behind the counter holding a megaphone]
HELEN: [in voice over] Hanky panky, library shenanigans!
[she jumps up and yells into the megaphone]
[Susan covers her face in fright, while Helen just smiles]
HELEN: [in voice over] Call it what you will ...
[cut back to Helen in her office, speaking directly to the camera]
HELEN: But we do do a lot of serious work around here.
[cut to Helen sitting at her desk, reading a magazine with her feet up]
HELEN: [in voice over] Um, my job entails a lot. Uh, making important phone calls ...
[cut to another shot of Helen, as she gets up and closes her office door]
HELEN: [in voice over] Sifting through paperwork. Overseeing the other librarians. Um ...
[cut to a shot from outside Helen's office, as you can see her through the window right before she closes the blinds]
HELEN: [in voice over] I do so much work, sometimes I catch myself sleeping on the job!
[cut to a shot through one of the slits of the blinds, as you can see Helen putting on a sleep mask before slumping over in her chair]
HELEN: [in voice over] Um, the Japanese, they've got a word for it ... "Inimaru!" It means "working too hard," and--
[cut back to Helen in her office, speaking directly to the camera]
HELEN: That's why I'm the boss!
[cut back to Susan at the front desk, staring at her computer screen]
NARRATOR: Over at reception, Susan is busy helping a client.
[a young female patron approaches the desk]
STUDENT: Hi, do you have--
[she holds up a finger in the air to cut off her question]
[the camera pans over to show she's playing Solitaire]
SUSAN: [in voice over] My name is Susan
[cut to Susan sitting in the library, speaking directly to the camera]
SUSAN: I'm the receptionist here at the library!
[cut to another shot of Susan sitting at the front desk]
SUSAN: [in voice over] I spend most of my time at the front desk, making sure all the books get returned.
[cut to Susan pushing a book cart through the library]
SUSAN: [in voice over] But on top of that, I'm also head shelver, which means I'm in charge of making sure all the books get put back on the shelves.
[cut to a shot of Susan reshelving a book]
SUSAN: [in voice over] Um, if you think about it, if there was no books on the shelves ... there'd be nothing for people to read.
[cut back to Susan speaking directly to the camera]
SUSAN: So, without me, there'd be no library.
[cut back to Helen in her office, as she turns to the camera with a shocked look on her face]
HELEN: She said what?
[she pauses, then picks up her megaphone and calmly talks into it]
[cut to Susan at the front desk (still playing Solitaire)]
HELEN: [from off camera] Susan, could I have a word ... with you in my office, please?
[she gets up and enters Helen's office]
HELEN: Susan, it's come to my attention that you've been saying some rather ... blase statements about the library.
[she points at something behind Susan]
HELEN: Look at the door. What does it say?
SUSAN: "Helen, Head Librarian."
HELEN: Mmm. What does it say on your door?
SUSAN: [pause] I don't have a door.
HELEN: Exactly. Mm hmm. That's right. I am head librarian, hence this is my library. Any questions?
SUSAN: Well, I just--
HELEN: Get out.
[she gets up and leaves, then cut to Gail at her computer terminal]
NARRATOR: Behind the scenes, Gail is more deeply engaged with the cataloging that is required to keep the library afloat.
GAIL: [in voice over] I'm Gail, and I probably do the most work out of all of us.
[cut to Gail sitting in the library, speaking directly to the camera]
GAIL: For most of the day ...
[cut to a shot of Gail filing papers in the backroom]
GAIL: [in voice over] I'm kept in the back room, making sure these plates don't tip over.
[cut to a shot of some students entering the library]
GAIL: [in voice over] However, at around three forty five, four o'clock--
[cut to a closeup of Gail, as she looks up from her paperwork]
GAIL: [in voice over] Some kids from the school down the road start to pour in ...
[cut to Gail sauntering through the library, flipping her hair to one side]
GAIL: [in voice over] And that's when the real Gail starts to show through!
[cut to one of the students sitting in a chair and using his phone, when Gail comes up from behind and grabs it out of his hands]
GAIL: [in voice over] As library behavioral supervisor, it is my duty to ensure that the rules that I laid down thirteen years ago are enforced.
[cut to another student sitting at one of the computer terminals, when Gail looks over his shoulder and then suddenly resets it]
GAIL: [in voice over] I have a zero tolerance policy to misbehavior in the library, and the workplace ...
[cut back to Gail speaking directly to the camera, as she flips her hair to one side]
GAIL: And I'm not afraid to show it!
[cut back to the female student waiting at the front desk (while two more students are now waiting in line behind her)]
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, at the front desk, Susan is struggling to keep up with the workload.
STUDENT: Excuse me.
[she looks up from her Solitaire]
STUDENT: Do you have a dictionary I could borrow?
SUSAN: Oh, um ...
[she starts banging away at the keyboard (but the Solitaire window never leaves her desktop)]
STUDENT: Okay, I'll just get this one, then.
[she tries to hand a book to Susan, but she just stares at it]
SUSAN: [pause] Scanner's broken.
[the students all roll their eyes and leave]
NARRATOR: Now that the workload is thinning, Susan finds a moment to herself.
[she clicks on a folder named "History" ("Size: 428 MB, Date modified: 30/08/2013 5:19 PM")]
NARRATOR: She now has time to delete her Solitaire history ...
[smiling, she clicks "Delete" and moves away from the computer ... but then hears a Windows "critical error" sound effect, and looks up to find that her entire screen is filled with a "Error, Cataloging History Deleted" warning message]
[cut to a closeup of Susan, as she covers her mouth]
[cut to Gail at her computer terminal, when she hears the same "critical error" sound effect, so she puts on her glasses and stares at her screen]
[cut back to Susan (with a nervous look on her face), as Gail bursts out of the back room]
[she flips her hair, then stomps into Helen's office and slams her hands on the desk]
GAIL: Have you seen what Susan's done?
[cut to Susan looking around nervously, then back to Helen as she points at her and gives a "get over here" motion with her finger]
[cut to Susan standing in the entranceway to Helen's office, as her boss (while speaking calmly) shoots daggers with her eyes]
HELEN: Shut the door, Susan.
SUSAN: [pause] This one?
[she sighs, so Susan quickly closes the door and sits next to Gail]
HELEN: Susan ... Is there anything you'd like to tell us?
SUSAN: [pause] Well, I just--
[Susan jumps at the sound of Gail screaming in her ear, and Helen holds up her hand]
[she turns back to Susan]
HELEN: Susan, the cataloging from Two Thousand And One to Two Thousand And Thirteen ... Where is it?
SUSAN: [pause] I thought I was deleting my Soli ...
[she trails off, so Helen snaps at her]
SUSAN: My Solitaire history!
[she starts to cry, as Gail nearly faints in her chair]
SUSAN: And I accidentally deleted all the cataloging history from Two Thousand And One to Two Thousand And Thirteen!
GAIL: Twelve years, Susan!
HELEN: Dammit, Susan!
GAIL: Ooooh ...
[all three librarians being hyperventilating, as a stunned male student watches through the window]
[they all suddenly stop]
HELEN: I've got a solution!
[cut to outside of the office, as Helen opens the door and lets the other two librarians out]
NARRATOR: The day has come to a close. It's five o'clock, and the library staff are preparing to go home.
[cut to Gail sitting at her computer terminal]
NARRATOR: Gail, however, is not.
[cut to Susan passing the entrance to the backroom (giving a quick nervous glance at the closed door), before turning off her own computer]
NARRATOR: After the cataloging catastrophe, Gail has been required to work overtime until twelve years worth of cataloging history has been restored.
[cut to Helen exiting her office]
NARRATOR: The immense effort required to sustain Wadjimup Community Library is astounding.
[cut to Helen as she is about to flip the light switch in the backroom]
HELEN: Bye, Gail!
[cut to Gail seething in her chair as the light goes off, then cut to Helen walking out of the library]
NARRATOR: These women are truly pioneers in their profession.
[cut back to Gail, who is looking over some paperwork with a flashlight, before she breaks down crying]
NARRATOR: Thank you for joining. This has been ...
[cut back to Helen, who turns off the rest of the lights in the library before exiting]
NARRATOR: A Day in the life of a librarian!
Nick Harle ... Helen
James Miolin ... Susan
Benjamin Armstrong ... Gail
Director, Camera Man, Editor, Sound, Lighting
Make Up Artist, Assistant to the Director, Client
Extras (in order of appearance)
Callan Mawhirt ... Student 1
Brandon Shier ... Student 2
Toby Digny ... Student 3
Marc Ruiz ... Student 4
Ryan Dale ... Student 5
Special thanks to all cast, crew and the library staff!
A Day in the Life of a Librarian: The Series (Canceled)
by Benjamin Griggs
A mockumentary that explores the day-to-day proceedings at Wadjimup Community Library and it's quirky staff.
40 DAYS (Mar 18, 2014 to Apr 27, 2014)
$240 PLEDGED OF $6,500 GOAL