Jimmy Fallon: Do Not Read List - Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
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Before you head to the beach this summer, Jimmy wants to give you a bunch of books you should avoid, including "Caring For Your Miniature Donkey."
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Jimmy Fallon: Do Not Read List - Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
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[scene opens with "Late Night" host Jimmy Fallon sitting at his desk, talking to the audience]
JIMMY: I put together a list of books I think you should avoid, and I'm gonna show them to you right now in the latest installment of my "Do Not Read" list! Here we go!
[the graphic for this segment (featuring a "Date Due" pocket in the back of a library book with "Do Not Read" stamped on it by an unseen librarian) appears on screen, then cut back to Jimmy]
JIMMY: Now uh, before we start, I just want y'all to know that every book I'm about to show you is one hundred percent real! These are--
[Steve Higgins, the show's announcer, can be heard snickering off camera]
JIMMY: It is, though! They're actual books, you can see them on Amazon ... check them out at your local library. These are actually real books! Let's see what's on my "Do Not Read" list, here we go.
[he reaches under the desk and pulls out a book]
JIMMY: This first one is a cookbook. Uh, they're always good to have around here ...
[the camera focuses on the cover]
JIMMY: "Not Your Mother's Fondue" by Hallie Harron ...
[the audience laughs]
JIMMY: Really? Is it cheese melted in a bucket?
[the audience laughs]
JIMMY: Then it is my mother's fondue!
STEVE: There you go!
JIMMY: How much can you ... It's not your mother's fondue.
[he reaches under the desk and pulls out another book]
JIMMY: This next one is a "how-to" book ...
[the camera focuses on the cover]
JIMMY: "Caring For Your Miniature Donkey" by Bonnie Gross ...
[the audience laughs, as he flips through the pages]
JIMMY: Pretty thick book.
STEVE: Yeah ...
JIMMY: Uh, as I do with every book I show you guys, I've read this front to back, and my favorite part was at the very end. Here's a picture of her and her miniature donkey there.
[he shows the page with a photograph of the author and her donkey, as the audience laughs]
JIMMY: Cute!
STEVE: Awww ...
JIMMY: And then over here, is an ad for "Miniature Donky Talk Magazine!"
[the camera focuses on the ad on the next page ("Official publication of the International Miniature Donkey Registry for Miniature Donkeys 38 inches and under"), as the audience laughs]
JIMMY: Apparently, it's the "Talk of the Donkey World!" I bet whenever miniature donkey owners get the new issue, they talk about it non-stop!
[cut to Steve at the announce booth]
STEVE: All the time! Twenty four-seven!
[cut back to Jimmy at his desk]
JIMMY: Yeah ... Look at the copy here, what it says.
[the camera focuses on the ad again]
JIMMY: "Read MDT" ... That's "Miniature Donkey Talk."
[the audience laughs, as Jimmy starts yelling in a serious voice]
JIMMY: You better read MDT and "learn from others what mistakes to avoid before you buy your first donkey! If you don't subscribe to Miniature Donkey Talk, then you're not serious about donkeys!"
[the audience laughs]
JIMMY: Chill out, man!
[cut back to Steve at the announce booth, as he adopts the same serious voice]
STEVE: And don't tell me you're gonna get a little ass! I've heard it! I've heard it, they're miniature donkeys!
[cut back to Jimmy at his desk]
JIMMY: I've heard that joke already, okay!
[cut back to Steve at the announce booth]
STEVE: I'm reading the newsletter!
[cut back to Jimmy at his desk]
JIMMY: It's the talk of the donkey world!
[the audience laughs, then Jimmy goes back to his normal voice]
JIMMY: Alright, buddy!
STEVE: [from off camera] I got it!
JIMMY: Geez, get another donkey or something, I don't know what to tell that guy!
[he reaches under the desk and pulls out another book]
JIMMY: This guy, this book right here, guys, this is a mystery book!
STEVE: [from off camera] Oooh!
[the camera focuses on the cover]
JIMMY: "Batter Off Dead" by Tamar Myers ...
[the audience laughs, as the camera zooms in on the cover image (a stack of pancakes where they syrup forms the image of a human skull)]
JIMMY: It's the old classic mystery combo of murder and pancakes! There's even a skull in the syrup, look at the skull!
STEVE: [from off camera] Ewww ...
[the audience applauds]
JIMMY: I'm scared and hungry! But wait, it gets stranger ... Over here, look at this.
[the camera focuses on the bottom part of the cover]
JIMMY: "A Pennsylvania Dutch Mystery with Recipes!"
[the audience laughs]
STEVE: Oh!
JIMMY: Y'know, it's a murder-mystery cookbook! Yeah!
[cut to Steve at the announce booth, as he pantomimes moving a skillet over the grill]
STEVE: Oh! Ahhh!
[cut back to Jimmy at his desk, feigning shock]
JIMMY: Wait, two teaspoons? What?
[the audience laughs]
JIMMY: But apparently, these--
STEVE: [from off camera] Buttermilk?
JIMMY: There's no way there would be two teaspoons! Gulp!
[the audience laughs]
JIMMY: Apparently, these books are popular, 'cause look up here ...
[the camera focuses on the top part of the cover]
JIMMY: It says, "National bestselling author of As the World Churns!"
STEVE: [from off camera] What?
JIMMY: She's ... It's good stuff!
[cut to Steve at the announce booth]
STEVE: "Batter Off Dead" and "As the World Churns" ...
JIMMY: [from off camera] That's correct ...
STEVE: Well, god bless her!
[cut back to Jimmy at his desk]
JIMMY: You guys, we're down to our last book.
STEVE: [from off camera] Aww ...
[the audience voices its displeasure]
JIMMY: It is about the Olympics ...
STEVE: [from off camera] Oooh!
JIMMY: Which start next week ...
[he reaches under the desk and pulls out another book]
STEVE: [from off camera] Yeah!
JIMMY: Yep, it's called ...
[the camera focuses on the cover]
JIMMY: "Inside the Olympics" by Dick Pound!
[the audience laughs]
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From latenightwithjimmyfallon.com:
Do Not Read List
Posted by Emmy Blotnick 07/17/2012
The Do Not Read List returns with some books we cannot recommend, including Caring For Your Miniature Donkey and a classic by the author Dick Pound. It's a great one -- watch!
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