Do I have a deal for you!
A fake infomercial for a Library Card.
Made for the 2010 MELSA Quiet on the Set Short Film Competition.
Tags: MELSA Quiet on the Set 2010 Quiet on the Set Library
Added: 2 years ago
["The following is an upaid program from your Local Library." appears on screen, then cut to black-and-white footage of someone placing a VHS copy of the movie "Out of Sight" on the counter]
JOHNNY: [in voice over] Are you tired of paying money to rent movies?
[the unseen person reaches in and places some dollar bills on the counter, as a horn sounds and a big red "X" appears on screen, then cut to a man looking at some books on a shelf]
JOHNNY: [in voice over] Have you read all the books in your house and still crave more?
[the man shakes his head, as a horn sounds and a big red "X" appears on screen, then cut to color footage of a young man walking into a public library and speaking directly to the camera]
JOHNNY: Hi, Johnny Cosmo here, and do I have a deal for you! The library card!
[camera zooms in as Johnny holds up a Ramsey County library card, then cut to a young man taking books off a shelf]
JOHNNY: [in voice over] The library card gives you access to thousands upon thousands of books and movies!
[cut to a closeup of the woman carrying a stack of books and smiling broadly for the camera]
JOHNNY: [in voice over] And it's all free!
["Free" appears on screen (as a "ka-ching" sound effect plays), then cut to black and white footage of a male patron giving a book to a young female librarian at the front desk]
JOHNNY: [in voice over] With old library cards, you had to check out your books at the front desk, which was slow and time-consuming.
[the librarian fumbles with the card as she looks at her computer with a confused look (and the patron rolls his eyes and checks his watch in frustration), then cut to color footage of Johnny holding a book while standing in front of the self-checkout machine]
JOHNNY: Now all you have to do is bring over your library book ...
[he holds up the book ("Treasure Island") for the camera]
JOHNNY: To one of these self-checkout machines! Simply slide your library card under the scanner, then the book ...
[it takes a few moments, but the barcode eventually registers with the machine, as Johnny points excitedly at the screen]
JOHNNY: There it is!
[cut to a closeup of the machine]
JOHNNY: [in voice over] Print out the receipt ...
[he pulls out the receipt ("Due: 07-06-10"), then cut to a closeup of Johnny with a big smile on his face]
JOHNNY: And it's yours!
[he lowers his head and mumbles under his breath]
JOHNNY: For three weeks ...
[he then looks at the camera and smiles again]
JOHNNY: It's that simple!
[cut to Johnny in another part of the library, standing next to a window and reading a book, when he looks up and speaks directly to the camera]
JOHNNY: And if you don't believe me, just listen to these folks!
[cut to a male patron holding up his library card and speaking directly to the camera]
PATRON 1: Thanks to my new library card, I've discovered other fantasy novels besides "Lord of the Rings" and Harry Potter! Who knew?
[cut to another male patron, standing next to a shelf of DVDs and speaking directly to the camera]
PATRON 2: I love my library card! Did you know there were movies before "Star Wars"? Neither did I!
[he holds up his library card]
PATRON 2: You can check them out with your library card!
[cut to a female patron typing at a computer, as she holds up her library card and speaks directly to the camera]
PATRON 3: Thanks to reading books, I am slowly overcoming my addiction to Facebook!
[she steals a quick glance at the computer screen, before turning her attention back to the camera]
PATRON 3: It's a ... good thing. Thanks, library card!
[cut back to Johnny speaking directly to the camera]
JOHNNY: You can even use your library card to check out music, magazines, and comic books ... The possibilities are endless!
[cut to another male patron happily scanning his book in the self-checkout machine, before taking it to another part of the library where he begins reading]
ANNOUNCER: Warning, using a library card could lead to becoming more knowledgable and intelligent. Side effects may include the ability to discuss current literature, using big words, knowing what you're talking about, telekinesis, and increased brain size.
[cut to Johnny walking out of the library and speaking directly to the camera]
JOHNNY: The library card is now available at all your local libraries, for nine easy payments of zero dollars and zero cents!
[he holds up his library card, then cut to another angle of Johnny speaking directly to the camera]
JOHNNY: The deal of a lifetime!
[the camera zooms back to show the entire library building, then cut to a closeup of Johnny's face]
JOHNNY: Get yours today!
["The Library Card, Available now at all Libraries! For more information call: 651-645-5731" appears on screen]
This film was produced for the
Quiet on the Set Short Film Competition
sponsored by MELSA, Comcast, 102.9 FM
and IFP MN
Written & Directed by Conor Holt
Johnny Cosmo ... Ben Stasny
Testimonial #1 ... Andrew Albing
Testimonial #2 ... Cormac Strahan
Testimonial #3 ... Laurel Wiehe
Extra #1 ... Joseph Mueller
Extra #2 ... Katie Holt
Extra #3 ... Tyler Stuart
Librarian ... Jessica Drake
Shot & Edited by
Sound Mixer & Designer
Special Thanks to
The St. Anthony Park Library Staff
Shot at St. Anthony Park Library