Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Case Study No. 0531: Miss Scorn

What's with Andy 2x03 The Musical Fruit
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Tags: What's with Andy 2x03 The Musical Fruit
Added: 10 months ago
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[scene opens with young Andy Larkin on his knees, cleaning out a toilet in the high school bathroom, when he turns and speaks directly to the camera]
ANDY: You're probably wondering why I'm up to my elbows in ...
[he pauses]
ANDY: It's all a little complicated, so I'll start from the beginning ...
[flashback to Andy and his best friend Danny Pickett sitting in the school library, as an elderly female librarian is shelving books behind them]
ANDY: [whispers] There's nothing worse than detention in the library.
DANNY: [whispers] Yeah, it's like reading in prison!
ANDY: [whispers] And Scorn makes the perfect guard!
[cut to the librarian carefully placing a book on the shelf, then back to Danny, who gets up and pulls a book from the shelf and starts reading (although the resulting "hole" reveals that the librarian is spying on him from the other side of the shelf)]
SCORN: You're opening the book too wide! The spine will crack!
DANNY: Yes, Miss Scorn ...
[he closes the book slightly]
SCORN: A little more.
[he closes the book a little more]
SCORN: More!
[he closes it some more, to the point where it's almost completely shut tight]
SCORN: There!
[she walks away, as Danny strains to try and read the book in this awkward position]
[cut to Andy and Danny sitting on the floor behind some younger students, as the librarian is trying to conduct storytime ... however, one of the children starts laughing and reaches for the book, so she violently slams it shut]
SCORN: I told you! Touch it one more time and storytime is cancelled!
[all of the children begin crying, as Andy and Danny can only look on while the librarian pulls out a handkerchief and carefully wipes off the book]
[cut to Andy sitting at a table, reading a magazine, when he licks his finger to turn the page ... and the librarian suddenly comes rushing into the scene]
SCORN: Don't even think about it!
ANDY: Huh?
SCORN: Your saliva reacts with chemicals in the paper! You don't want to damage the magazine, do you?
ANDY: Uh ...
SCORN: Do you?!
[he gently puts the magazine down on the table]
[an elderly janitor walks into the library and uses a screwdriver on the nearby lightswitch, as the scowl on the librarian's face suddenly softens and romantic music begins playing]
[the janitor turns and looks at her as she blushes, and Andy turns his head in disgust]
ANDY: Guh, gross! Librarian lust!


[Andy is harassing his older sister Jennifer over a petition she's trying to get other students to sign, when the principal enters the scene and breaks it up]
DEROSA: Alright, that's enough'a that!
[he takes the petition and starts reading it]
DEROSA: A petition for a fundraiser? What for?
[she laughs nervously]
JENNIFER: Uh, we haven't quite decided that yet ...
[he looks over at Andy, who is laughing at her]
DEROSA: Hey, I have a suggestion! We should talk about it in my office!
[he gives Andy a cold stare]
DEROSA: There's something in the school that I've been meaning to get rid of for some time now!
[they walk off]
ANDY: Why was he looking at me when he said "get rid of?"
DANNY: Surely you must be used to that by now.
ANDY: If DeRosa thinks it's gonna be that easy, he doesn't know Andy Larkin, the world's greatest prankster, very well! Come on!
[cut to the principal talking to Jennifer in his office]
DEROSA: The Inuit children up North are in dire need of books. Your fundraiser would really help towards providing them with a mobile library! Waddaya think?
JENNIFER: I-It sounds wonderful, but--
[noises from the ceiling above them can suddenly be heard]
DEROSA: What in tarnation is that?!
JENNIFER: Sounds like it's coming from the ventilator ...
DEROSA: The janitor swore he got rid'a the raccoon problem!
[cut to Andy and Danny crawling around in the ventilation ducts]
ANDY: So DeRosa thinks he's gonna get rid of me, eh? I'm a little too clever to let that happen!
[Andy daydreams that he's being handed a diploma by the principal]
DEROSA: Phi Betta Kappa to Andy Larkin, for brilliance in pranking.
[Andy snaps out of it and speaks directly to the camera]
ANDY: Sometimes even I amaze myself ...
[cut to the janitor's office, as he answers the phone]
CLYDE: Yes sir ... I hear 'em too, Mister DeRosa! Oh, this time those raccoons are dead meat!
[the janitor hangs up, then pulls out a smoke bomb (which he accidentally sets off), then cut back to Andy and Danny in the ducts]
DANNY: Hmm, which way?
ANDY: Shh, listen!
JENNIFER: [from off camera] As I was about to tell you, Mister DeRosa, I don't have anything to sell for the fundraiser yet.
[they crawl forward and find the air vent directly above the principal's desk]
ANDY: [whispers] Bingo!
DEROSA: I already have something in mind ... Pork and beans!
JENNIFER: Pork and beans? But ... where am I supposed to get pork and beans?
DEROSA: Try the kitchen. There's four hundred and fifty cans sitting there waiting for you.
[he writes something down on a piece of paper, then hands it to her]
DEROSA: That's your permission slip.
JENNIFER: Four hundred and fifty cans?! How come we have so much?
DEROSA: The cafeteria lady's eyesight isn't what it used to be. The order form was for fifty cans, but she misread it and ordered five hundred!
JENNIFER: Don't worry, Mister DeRosa, I'll get rid of them for you! They'll help raise a lot of funds for the library!
DANNY: [whispers] Why raise funds for the library?
ANDY: [whispers] Beats me. Miss Scorn is a freak about her books, they're all like brand-new ...
[he suddenly gets a wicked grin on his face]
ANDY: [whispers] Aha, but these pork and beans give me an idea for a prize-winning prank! I'm gonna make Jen's fundraiser the most memorable ever!
[the sound of something metal hitting the ground can be heard]
ANDY: [whispers] Did you hear something?
[Danny reaches down and picks up a smoke bomb]
DANNY: [whispers] It was this thing ...
[the bomb suddenly starts to smoke]
ANDY AND DANNY: Smoke bomb!
[cut to the principal's office, as the bomb drops down from the vent and lands right in front of DeRosa]
JENNIFER: Gasp! Smoke bomb!
[she runs off]
[cut back inside the air ducts, as Andy and Danny try crawling away as more smoke bombs begin exploding]
[cut back to the janitor's office, as he's throwing the smoke bombs into the ventilation system while talking to himself]
CLYDE: Area monitored! All exit ducts closed!
[he picks up a hockey stick and begins talking to it]
CLYDE: Come on, Gertrude! We've gotta get those rodents at the only available exit ... Sector L!
[cut back to Andy and Danny in the ducts, coughing and gasping for air]
DANNY: I ... I think I see a light!
ANDY: It's the way out! Let's go!
[cut to inside the library, as Andy and Danny drop out of the air vent in the ceiling]
ANDY: Uhhh ...
[they groggily get up, as the librarian suddenly appears before them]
SCORN: I can't wait to hear your excuse ...
[the janitor suddenly barges into the library (disturbing the nearby students trying to study)]
CLYDE: We've got raccoons! Nobody move until we know where they are!
ANDY: Please, Miss Scorn ... Don't turn us in!
SCORN: Over here! I found the pests!
[he walks over and - after exchanging a longing glance with the librarian - looks at the two boys (their faces covered in grime)]
CLYDE: These raccoons have gotten bigger since last time ...
[the principal (his clothes still smoldering from the smoke bomb explosion) enters the scene]
DEROSA: I should've known you'd be our resident raccoons! You both earned a detention! You'll be spending a week, during lunch and after class, with the janitor cleaning the school!
[he leans in close]
DEROSA: Have I mentioned that the janitor used to be a ... prison guard?
[cut to Andy and Danny re-shelving books in the library as part of their punishment]
ANDY: We can learn from even the smallest prank.
DANNY: There are no small pranks, just small prankers ...
ANDY: Take that, Nietzsche!
[he places the last book on the shelf]
ANDY: Let's go!
[they turn to leave, but the librarian stops them]
SCORN: A-hem! Since you love your work so much, why don't you arrange them all by weight?
[she hands Andy a scale, then walks away]
ANDY: Huh?
DANNY: Look on the bright side ... at least you're not Mister Scorn!
[camera zooms out to show their nerdy friend Martin Bonwick sitting at a nearby table, reading a book]
MARTIN: Mister Scorn? There is no Mister Scorn! You don't think anyone in their right mind would marry her, do you?!
ANDY: Why am I not surprised?
[the school bell rings, and Andy sighs]
ANDY: Janitor's office, here we come ...
[cut to the janitor's office, where further punishment is being doled out by the former prison guard]
CLYDE: I'll teach you boys what it means to be all caught up in it! You wanna tango? Well, you've found your partner right here!
ANDY: Huh.
[Andy begins day-dreaming that he and the janitor are dancing the tango, but Clyde catches him snickering to himself]
CLYDE: You find something amusing, Larkin?
ANDY: Uh-uh!
CLYDE: Well, just go ahead and laugh! Heh heh heh ... because you're gonna be scrubbing every bathroom in this school, starting with the boys' locker room!
[cut to a closeup of a disgusting toilet (covered in fecal matter!) then back to the janitor's office]
CLYDE: And when you're finished, I better be able to eat off it, just like mine!
[he opens the door to his personal restroom, with a sparkling-clean toilet and sink]
ANDY: You eat off that? Ever hear of a plate?
DANNY: Wow ... It is clean, though!
[he sniffs the air]
DANNY: Is that apple blossom?
CLYDE: Magnolia!
DANNY: With toilet-cleaning skills like that, your wife is a very lucky woman!
[the janitor suddenly turns away from them, and starts sniffling]
CLYDE: Unfortunately, I am without any feminine attention in my life! I am ... a bachelor! Now get out!
[he closes his eyes and lowers his voice]
CLYDE: Get out ... just go.


[Andy and Danny are walking outside the school carrying cleaning equipment, as Andy complains that the janitor will never let them out of their detention duties]
DANNY: It wouldn't be bad if he wasn't so miserable all the time ...
[Andy suddenly gets a wry smile on his face]
ANDY: Danny, did Bonwick say that Miss Scorn isn't married?
DANNY: Uh-huh.
ANDY: And do I remember the janitor saying he doesn't have a wife?
DANNY: You got it.
ANDY: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
DANNY: That it's gonna take weeks before my hands are supple again?
ANDY: No ... Love match!
DANNY: Right, love match ... Uh, that was my second guess.


[Andy and Danny walk into the school cafeteria, as the janitor and librarian are both waiting in line for the school's pork-and-beans charity luncheon]
ANDY: Time for Operation Love Machine!
[he walks up to the librarian]
ANDY: Miss Scorn, I found out that there's a man standing in this very line that has so much in common with you, it's ridiculous!
SCORN: Oh, really? Like what?
ANDY: Well, you're ... uh, both pretty old.
[she looks away as a student walks by with a plate of pork and beans balanced on top of a library book he's carrying]
SCORN: Oh! Pierre Bourdieu is not a lunch tray!
[she runs off after him, as Andy gets an angry look on his face]
ANDY: Strike one ...
[cut to the janitor getting his pork and beans at the front of the line, as he sniffs the contents of the bowl]
CLYDE: Reminds me of Winnipeg in the summer ...
[Andy suddenly appears behind him]
ANDY: You like that, eh? Well, I heard that Miss Scorn knows the recipe! Uh, you should go ask her for it!
[they both look back at the librarian near the end of the line]
CLYDE: [whispers] I ... think I might.
[the sound of an electrical spark can be heard off camera]
TERI: [from off camera] Oh no! The hot plate just blew a fuse ... Is there an electrician in the house?
CLYDE: On my way!
[he runs off camera]
ANDY: Strike two ...
[cut to the librarian carrying her tray past Andy, as he breathes into a paper bag and pops it]
[the loud noise causes her to drop her tray and spill the pork and beans all over the floor]
ANDY: Pork and bean mishap in aisle three!
[Danny laughs, as the janitor enters the scene]
SCORN: I'm very sorry! I, ah ... oh!
CLYDE: Don't worry about this, Miss Scorn. I'll have it cleaned up in no time!
[their eyes lock, as romantic music plays, and Andy turns towards the camera]
ANDY: He hits it outta the park!
CLYDE: I hope you don't mind me saying, but you ... you keep a very clean library!
SCORN: And you do a great job on the floors! I, uh, I can even see myself in them ... sometimes.
CLYDE: Lucky floors ... I--
[he takes her by the hand]
CLYDE: I never noticed before, but your voice sounds just like a ... like a--
[the sound of someone farting off camera interrupts him, then cut to several students holding their stomachs and groaning in pain]
DEROSA: That's enough! There will be no more fa--
[more farting sound effects interrupt him, then the students begin leaving the cafeteria and heading for the bathrooms]
LUNCH LADY: Principal DeRosa, I just found my glasses and I have some bad news ... The "Best Before" date on those beans was two years ago. They're rancid! What should we do?
DEROSA: Nothing! And keep quiet about it, the damage is done!
[cut to Andy and Danny spying on the principal from the other side of the cafeteria door]
ANDY: This prank just keeps on getting better!
[they turn and see the students suddenly running out of the bathrooms, as the "vinegar and antacid fizz bombs" that they planted in the toilets earlier have gone off and are filling the hallways with foam]
ANDY: And better and better!
[they walk back into the cafeteria, as Jennifer throws down her apron in disgust]
ANDY: Hey, take a look at Jen!
[he waves his hand in front of his face]
DANNY: I would, but my eyes are watering.
ANDY: I'm pleased to announce that Jen's fund raiser is officially a disaster!
[they high five]
ANDY: Check please!


[after the students demand their money back due to the tainted beans, Jennifer and Principal DeRosa confront Andy and Danny]
DEROSA: Larkin! C'mere!
ANDY: Uh oh, we're busted!
[they run off, and when Jennifer and DeRosa turn the corner, they appear to have disappeared ... until the principal looks up at the open air vent in the ceiling]
[cut to inside the library, as Andy and Danny come tumbling out of the vent ... only to find Jennifer and DeRosa standing right in front of them]
ANDY: Hey, Principal DeRosa, we were just ... uh, checking out the ducts.
DEROSA: Larkin, I've had it up to here with you! This was the last straw! You're expelled!
ANDY: Brutal ...
JENNIFER: Not half as brutal as the Inuit kids not getting any books thanks to you screwing up my fundraiser!
ANDY: What're you talking about? The fundraiser was for the library ...
JENNIFER: A library for Inuit kids up North, not this one, dullard!
[the sounds of people laughing can suddenly be heard off camera]
DEROSA: Who's that? Come on, show yourself!
[cut to the back of the room, as the librarian and janitor (holding hands) emerge from behind the bookshelves]
ANDY: In spite of everything I've seen today, I can honestly say ... this is the grossest!
DEROSA: Miss Scorn? Janitor? Explain yourselves!
CLYDE: We're ... in love, Mister DeRosa!
[Andy and Danny pretend that they're gagging]
DEROSA: In love? Why, that's preposterous!
CLYDE: I beg to differ, Mister DeRosa! Why should I not feel love's sweet sting like everyone else? Why should the furnace be the only thing in the basement with a fire burning in its belly?
SCORN: And why must I only read of love in the romance section? Why can't I experience it first-hand?
[Andy turns and speaks directly to the camera]
ANDY: I'm gonna puke!
SCORN: Boys ... We'd like to thank you.
CLYDE: Yes, if it wasn't for you, we wouldn't have gotten together ... Mister DeRosa, we're aware of the predicament regarding the bathrooms. It would be an honor if the students would use mine.
DEROSA: Thank you! Thank you!
CLYDE: Providing you change your mind about expelling these two boys!
DEROSA: No way! I've finally got Larkin where I want him! I'll ship in some porta-potties if I have to!
ANDY: Uh, maybe we should check the expiration date on those cans, 'cause it wouldn't be good if a principal knowingly gave students bad pork and beans, now would it?
[the principal growls in anger, then cut to the students lining up outside the janitor's bathroom and paying Andy and Danny a "cover charge" in order to use the facilities]
DANNY: Another satisfied customer!
DEROSA: How much money have you raised?
ANDY: Enough for a mobile library full of books!
DANNY: And with the repeat customers, we'll be able to buy microfiches!
DEROSA: Fine ... but you're not getting away with this completely!
ANDY: Uh--
DEROSA: And you can forget about the bean cans! I've destroyed the evidence! Now, there's still the matter of all the foaming toilets ...
ANDY: Eh, good thing the janitor can clean a mean bathroom!
[the principal fakes a look of concern]
DEROSA: That's just the thing, no one can find him! Or Miss Scorn! Rumor has it that they've gone off to get hitched!
[he crosses himself]
DEROSA: So, grab your buckets and brushes, and get to work ... toilet boys!


From wikipedia.org:

"What's With Andy?" is a Canadian animated series that started on September 22, 2001 and ended on March 4, 2007. It was originally an interactive Flash movie with completely different voice actors and a promotion for Fox Kids. Shortly after, a TV series was developed with new voice actors and it aired on Teletoon. The series was produced by CineGroupe. It was based on a series of books by Andy Griffiths.


"The Musical Fruit"
Season 2, Episode 29
Original air date: December 17, 2003

Jenn sets up a charity luncheon with all proceeds going to needy Inuit kids. As usual something goes wrong and although it wasn't entirely Andy's fault he gets caught and tagged with the blame. Is he finally going to get suspended? Meanwhile, the school janitor, Clyde, and librarian, Ms. Scorn, have a crush on each other and Andy tries to keep them together.


From wikia.com:

Mrs. Scorn is the Librarian at East Gackle High. She looks after the school's library, and cares more about the books then the people who read them.

Also in love with the school's janitor named Clyde.

Despite having divorced Mr. Scorn, her maiden name is unknown.

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