Case Study No. 2067: Staff of Unnamed Library (HERPADERPSMIT)

HERPADERPSMIT | The Librarians
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Added: 1 year ago
From: HERP DERP SMIT
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[scene opens with three male patrons standing in a library, looking through the books on the shelves (as one of them giggles while reading his book)]
PATRON 1: Aw man ... Aw man, this is some brilliant S-H-I-T! Ah!
[he turns the page and continues to chuckle, then cut to another one of the patrons reading a book with a look of deep contemplation on his face (even though he's holding it upside down)]
[cut to the third patrons pulling a book on tropical rainforests off the shelf, as he smiles and begins to read]
[cut to a shot from the other side of the shelf, peering at the three men through the books (while the first patron laughs again)]
PATRON 1: Who thinks of this shit?
PATRON 4: [whispers] Hey!
[they look around, then cut to a fourth male patron standing on the other side of the shelf, whispering to them while looking through the books at them]
PATRON 4: [whispers] Hey! Hey! Yeah, you! C'mere! C'mere!
[the patrons gather around on their side of the shelf to talk to him]
PATRON 1: What's up?
PATRON 4: [whispers] Dude, don't you make any sound right now ...
PATRON 1: Well, yeah, it's a library--
PATRON 4: [whispers] No! No, they're coming ...
[the patrons start murmuring amongst themselves about this cryptic message, when another male patron joins their group (no doubt curious what the commotion is about)]
PATRON 4: [whispers] No, shh! Shut up, shut up, shut up! Don't you make one fucking noise!
[the first patron turns to the newcomer]
PATRON 1: They're coming ...
PATRON 2: They're coming?
PATRON 3: Who?
PATRON 4: [whispers] No noise right now, no noise!
[the first patron suddenly recoils away from the shelf]
PATRON 1: Ah, d-dust! I'm so allergic! I'm so--
[he stumbles away, then stops and lets out a loud sneeze]
PATRON 1: Achoo!
[cut back to the other side of the bookshelf, as the whispering patron grimaces]
PATRON 4: [whispers] Do you have any idea what you just did?
[cut back to the group of patrons on the other side of the bookshelf, as the camera begins to shake]
PATRON 1: Wait ... What is that? Guys?
[they stumble around (as if caught in an earthquake), then cut to a group of four female librarians approaching from the other end of the room]
PATRON 2: Whoa!
PATRON 1: Stop ... Take it easy.
[the librarians suddenly charge, and the patrons scream in terror]
[the librarians tackle the patrons to the ground, then the whispering patron emerges from behind the bookshelf to witness the carnage, throwing his hands up in the air and yelling in frustration]
PATRON 4: I told you!
[he stops (realizing his mistake), then turns just in time to see another female librarian as she leaps on top of him, hissing and clawing at his face]
PATRON 4: Ahhh!
["Luciano Picazo Productions" appears on screen]