Case Study No. 0882: The Librarian of The Hilarious House of Frightenstein

The Librarian from The Hilarious House of Frightenstein
4:10
The Librarian, played by Billy Van, had the goal of frightening viewers with tales of horror. Unfortunately for me, this went right over my head as a child. Only now do I appreciate the humor of this sketch.

Isn't it odd how things stay with you subconsciously? When I read Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, I pictured the Hogwart's caretaker, Argus Filch in my mind very similar to the Librarian. The similarity became even stranger to me when I discovered the Librarian had a cat, Horrendous, just as Argus Filch had a cat, Mrs. Norris. I'm so glad I have the opportunity to enjoy this show again. I can't thank the people at Critical Mass Releasing Inc. enough for bringing this show back to air in Canada.
Tags: librarian hilarious house of frightenstein children's television 70s billy van
Added: 6 years ago
From: kabukiwolf
Views: 46,933

[scene opens with the decrepit male librarian (pale skin, frazzled white hair, brown dress jacket, blue shirt, black tie) accidentally knocking over a pile of books in his library, then he turns and (as if noticing the camera for the first time) motions for the audience to "follow" him as he goes to sit down in a large green chair]
LIBRARIAN: Welcome ... welcome to the library, and I am the librarian.
[cut to another shot of the librarian as he shambles towards the chair, pointing his cane at a stuffed bird perched on top of it]
LIBRARIAN: This is Polly ...
[he then points his cane at a (living) kitten sitting on the shelves behind the chair]
LIBRARIAN: And this is Horrendous.
[he motions towards the kitten]
LIBRARIAN: Hello, Horrendous ... "Pussycat, pussycat, where have you been?"
[he laughs to himself, then sits down]
LIBRARIAN: Well, are you ready now for your daily session with fear?
[cut to another shot of the librarian, as he opens the book he was carrying and begins leafing through the pages]
LIBRARIAN: Oh, I have some terrifying ones for you today! And the first is entitled "Bow Wow"' ...
[he gives the camera an ominous look, then begins to read]
LIBRARIAN: [reading] "Bow wow says the dog ... meow meow says the cat!"
[he looks behind him at the kitten]
LIBRARIAN: [reading] "Grunt grunt goes the hog ... and squeak goes the rat!"
[he clears his throat]
LIBRARIAN: [reading] "Who goes the owl ... "
[the kitten mews softly]
LIBRARIAN: [reading] "Mew mew says the cat ... caw caw says the crow ... quack quack says the duck!"
[he gives the camera another "ominous" look]
LIBRARIAN: [reading] "And what cuckoos say, you know ... Koo-koo! Koo-koo!"
[he laughs, then speaks directly to the camera]
LIBRARIAN: Gripping, isn't it? Yes ...
[from off camera, there is a noise from the bookshelf]
LIBRARIAN: Horrendous, behave yourself!
[he turns back towards the camera]
LIBRARIAN: The next is entitled "The Owl" ...
[he starts reading again]
LIBRARIAN: [reading] "A wise old owl sat in an oak. The more he heard, the less he spoke. The less he spoke, the more he heard ... Why aren't we all like that wise old bird?"
[he looks up at the stuffed bird on his chair]
LIBRARIAN: Yes ...
[he takes his cane and pokes the bird]
LIBRARIAN: Quiet!
[he puts the cane down, then speaks directly to the camera]
LIBRARIAN: Get ready, for here comes horror again!
[he starts reading again]
LIBRARIAN: [reading] "Ding dong bell! Ding dong bell! Pussy's in the well! Who put her in? Little Johnny Green! Who pulled her out? Little Tommy Stout! What a naughty boy was that, to try to drown poor pussy cat! Who never did him any harm, and killed the mice in his father's barn ... "
[he turns the page, then speaks directly to the camera]
LIBRARIAN: And now ... and now I'm going to get you with this one! This will terrify you!
[he starts reading again]
LIBRARIAN: [reading] "Peas, porridge, hot ... Peas, porridge, cold ... Peas, porridge, in the pot nine days old! Some like it hot ... Some like it in the pot ... Nine days old!"
[he looks into the camera expectantly]
LIBRARIAN: Yes, I thought I'd get you with that! Yes, you're terrified! You're full of fear! You're ...
[he stops and gets a confused look on his face]
LIBRARIAN: You're laughing? Why do you laugh at the librarian? But never mind, I'll get you another day. And until that day, I will say ... goodbye.
[he closes his eyes, as the camera pans back]
LIBRARIAN: [quietly] Goodbye ...

---

From wikipedia.org:

The Hilarious House of Frightenstein was a Canadian children's television series produced by Hamilton, Ontario's independent station CHCH-TV in 1971. It was syndicated to television stations across Canada and the United States and occasionally still appears today in some television markets. In Canada, the series is currently airing on Space, TV Land Canada, Drive-In Classics and MTV2.

A quirky sketch comedy series that included some genuine educational content among the humor, the show's cast included Billy Van, Fishka Rais, Guy Big, Mitch Markowitz, Vincent Price, and Julius Sumner Miller. Van played most of the characters on the show.

All 130 episodes were made in a single nine-month span starting in 1971; the scenes with Price and Miller were all filmed within one summer.

---

From frightenstein.com:

Are you ready for fear? Then enter the library. Within the Librarian sketch (which is a show staple, appearing in every episode), the mock horror element of the Hilarious House of Frightenstein reaches its pinnacle. The man (played by Billy Van) is an old curmudgeon who haunts the castle library - a dark place full of antiquated volumes and dust and cobwebs by the kilo. His defining characteristic is his unique sense of the macabre, which is reflected in the choice of tales that he tells. The appearance of the Librarian is just like that of his books - ancient, wrinkled, and dusty. His costume is an old dress suit (missing only the top hat) reminiscent of a mortician's outfit from the last century. His long unkempt grey hair spills over the deeply grooved face with the fat nose and long moustache, onto his shoulders white with dust. The Librarian walks stooped over, leaning on a cane, and speaks in a deep, gravelly voice.

The Librarian sketch opens with a shot across the library, through a half empty bookshelf with a couple of stacks of books on it. The Librarian appears and knocks over one of the stacks, and the books land with a resounding whomp! He just smiles at this, and motions us to follow him. He picks up a large old volume, shuffles across the room to his high-backed chair and drops himself into it. On the way, he introduces us to Polly the stuffed bird (perched on the top of the chair), giving it a good whack with his cane; and also to his cat Horrendous, if it is prowling in the area. The Librarian cracks open the big volume, blows a cloud of dust from it, and now the fun begins. The Librarian has two loves: fables and nursery rhymes. He is quite convinced they are the most horrifying tales ever told. And evil-hearted one that he is, he wants to use them against us. He is ultimately impotent though, as the likes of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" and "The Tortoise and the Hare" won't scare anyone. After finishing his reading, the Librarian eagerly turns to the camera in hopes of seeing through it the horror on the faces of his viewers. He sees only smiles and laughter though (as he tells us), and this makes him crestfallen. But hope springs eternal within the heart of the Librarian, and he swears to us that he will get us next time. But for now, the Librarian grows weary ...

Case Study No. 0881: Ms. Rose

Burned Chapter 1
1:11
Ok I just wanna say that Chapter one really means Chapter 1,2,3, all in one chapter.(If it all fits of course) If you've read Ellen Hopkins books you know it's in poetry form and looks like different things but I won't be doing that. Also Congrats to TheBoredswimmer for getting the role of Jackie!!! I'll Tell You which chapter is which in here but just remember it's really, for me, Chapter 1. If you even read this comment GIR below and also anything else you wanted to say. And Also I'm not the one writing this story in my head this is Ellen Hopkins book so not copyright intended!!

---Burned---
(Chapter 1:Did You Ever)

Did You Ever, When you were little, endure your parent's warning, then wait for them to leave the room, pry loose of protective covers and consider inserting some metal object into an electrical out let? Did you wonder if for once you might light up the room? When you were big enough to cross the street on your own, did you ever wait for a signal, hear the frenzied approach of a fire truck and feel like stepping out in front of it? Did you wonder just how far the rocket ride might take you? When you were almost grown, did you ever sit in a bubble bath, and notice a blow-dryer plugged in with easy reach, and think about dropping it into the water? Did you ever wonder if the expected rush might somehow fail you? And now, do you ever dangle you toes over a precipice, dare the cliff to crumble, defy the frozen deity suffer the sun, thaw feather and bone, take wing to fly you home? I, Kayla Scarlett Von Stratten, do.

(Chapter 2: I''m Not Exactly Sure)

I'm not actually sure when I began to fell that way. Maybe a little piece of me always has. It's hard to remember. But I do know things really began to spin out of control after my first sex dream. As sex dreams go, there wasn't much sex, just a collage of very hot kisses, and Justin Proud's hands, exploring every inch of my body, at my fervent invitation. As a stalwart Mormon high school junior, drilled ceaselessly about the dire catastrophe awaiting those who harbored impure thoughts, I had never kissed a boy, had never considered that I might enjoy such an unclean thing, until literature opened my eyes.

(Chapter 3: See, The Library)

See, the library was my sanctuary. Through middle school librarians were like guardian angels. Spinsterish guardian angels, with graying hair and beady eyes, magnified through reading glasses, and always ready to recommend new literary windows to gaze through. A. A. Milne. Beatrix Potter. Lewis Carroll. Kenneth Grahame. E. B. White. Beverly Cleary. Eve Bunting. Then I started high school, where not-so-bookish librarian was half angel. half she-devil, so sayeth the rumor mill. I hardly cared. Ms. Rose was all I could hope I might one day be: Aspen physique, new penny hair, aurora green eyes, and hands that could speak. She walked on air. Ms. Rose shuttered old windows, opened portals undreamed of. And just beyond, what fantastic worlds!

---

Ok So thats all for now. Please comment!!!!!!
Tags: dreamstreetfan100 TheBoredswimmer
Added: 2 years ago
From: dreamstreetfan100
Views: 72

From barnesandnoble.com:

"Burned" by Ellen Hopkins

Raised in a stern, abusive Mormon household, a teenage girl starts to question her religion and struggles to find her destiny.

Her father is abusive, her mother is submissive, and her church looks the other way. Confused and angry, Pattyn Von Stratten acts out and is sent to live with an aunt on a Nevada ranch. She finds the love and acceptance she craves, with disturbing consequences.

EXCERPTS

See, the Library

was my sanctuary.

Through middle

school, librarians

were like guardian

angels. Spinsterish

guardian angels,

with graying hair

and beady eyes,

magnified through

reading glasses,

and always ready

to recommend new

literary windows

to gaze through.

A. A. Milne. Beatrix

Potter. Lewis

Carroll. Kenneth

Grahame. E. B.

White. Beverly

Cleary. Eve Bunting.

Then I started high

school, where the

not-so-bookish

librarian was half

angel, half she-devil,

so sayeth the rumor

mill. I hardly cared.

Ms. Rose was all

I could hope I might

one day be: aspen

physique, new penny

hair, aurora green

eyes, and hands that

could speak. She

walked on air. Ms

Rose shuttered old

windows, opened

portals undreamed of.

And just beyond,

what fantastic worlds!

I Met Her My Freshman Year

All wide-eyed and dim about starting high school,

a big new school, with polished hallways

and hulking lockers and doors that led

who-knew-where?

A scary new school, filled with towering

teachers and snickering students,

impossible schedules, tough expectations,

and endless possibilities.

The library, with its paper perfume,

whispered queries, and copy

machine shuffles, was the only familiar

place on the entire campus.

And there was Ms. Rose.

How can I help you?

Fresh off a fling with C. S.

Lewis and Madeleine L'Engle,

hungry for travel far from home,

I whispered, "Fantasy, please."

She smiled. Follow me.

I know just where to take you.

I shadowed her to Tolkien's

Middle-earth and Rowling's

School of Witchcraft and Wizardry,

places no upstanding Mormon should go.

When you finish those,

I'd be happy to show you more.

Fantasy Segued into Darker Dimensions

And authors who used three whole names:

Vivian Vande Velde, Annette Curtis Klause.

Mary Downing Hahn.

By my sophomore year, I was deep

into adult horror — King, Koontz, Rice.

You must try classic horror,

insisted Ms. Rose.

Poe, Wells, Stoker. Stevenson. Shelley.

There's more to life than monsters.

You'll love these authors:

Burroughs. Dickens. Kipling. London.

Bradbury. Chaucer. Henry David Thoreau.

And these:

Jane Austen. Arthur Miller. Charlotte Brontë.

F. Scott Fitzgerald. J. D. Salinger.

By my junior year, I devoured increasingly

adult fare. Most, I hid under my dresser:

D. H. Lawrence. Truman Capote.

Ken Kesey. Jean Auel.

Mary Higgins Clark. Danielle Steel.

I Began

To view the world at large

through borrowed eyes,

eyes more like those

I wanted to own.

Hopeful.

I began

to see that it was more than

okay — it was, in some circles,

expected — to question my

little piece of the planet.

Empowered.

I began

to understand that I could

stretch if I wanted to, explore

if I dared, escape

if I just put one foot

in front of the other.

Enlightened.

I began

to realize that escape

might offer the only real

hope of freedom from my

supposed God-given roles —

wife and mother of as many

babies as my body could bear.

Emboldened.

I Also Began to Journal

Okay, one of the things expected of Latter-

Day Saints is keeping a journal.

But I'd always considered it just another

"supposed to," one not to worry much about.

Besides, what would I write in a book

everyone was allowed to read?

Some splendid nonfiction chronicle

about sharing a three-bedroom house

with six younger sisters, most of whom

I'd been required to diaper?

Some suspend-your-disbelief fiction

about how picture-perfect life was at home,

forget the whole dysfunctional truth

about Dad's alcohol-fueled tirades?

Some brilliant manifesto about how God

whispered sweet insights into my ear,

higher truths that I would hold on to forever,

once I'd shared them through testimony?

Or maybe they wanted trashy confessions —

Daydreams Designed by Satan.

Whatever. I'd never written but a few

words in my mandated diary.

Maybe it was the rebel in me.

Or maybe it was just the lazy in me.

But faithfully penning a journal

was the furthest thing from my mind.

Ms. Rose Had Other Ideas

One day I brought a stack of books,

most of them banned in decent LDS

households, to the checkout counter.

Ms. Rose looked up and smiled.

You are quite the reader, Pattyn.

You'll be a writer one day, I'll venture.

I shook my head. "Not me.

Who'd want to read anything

I have to say?"

She smiled. How about you?

Why don't you start

with a journal?

So I gave her the whole

lowdown about why journaling

was not my thing.

A very good reason to keep

a journal just for you. One

you don't have to write in.

A day or two later, she gave

me one — plump, thin-lined,

with a plain denim cover.

Decorate it with your words,

she said. And don't be afraid

of what goes inside.

I Wasn't Sure What She Meant

Until I opened the stiff-paged volume

and started to write.

At first, rather ordinary fare

garnished the lines.

Feb. 6. Good day at school. Got an A

on my history paper.

Feb. 9. Roberta has strep throat. Great!

Now we'll all get it.

But as the year progressed, I began

to feel I was living in a stranger's body.

Mar. 15. Justin Proud smiled at me today.

I can't believe it! And I can't believe

how it made me feel. Kind of tingly all over,

like I had an itch I didn't want to scratch.

An itch you-know-where.

Mar. 17. I dreamed about Justin last night.

Dreamed he kissed me, and I kissed him back,

and I let him touch me all over my body

and I woke up all hot and blushing.

Blushing! Like I'd done something wrong.

Can a dream be wrong?

Aren't dreams God's way

of telling you things?

---

From goodreads.com:

1. Why does Pattyn want to be like Ms. Rose?
Pattyn describes Ms. Rose as beautiful and smart. She is something extraordinary; she opens "fantastic worlds." Maybe Ms. Rose is what Pattyn thinks a woman should be, disregarding her strong religious molding.

Case Study No. 0880: Unnamed Male Librarian (Ali Cafe Cappuccino)

Ali Cafe Commercial - Chicken love Shakespeare
0:30
Two college students unleash hundreds of chicken in their library and get caught by the head librarian. This prank could lead to their expulsion from college. In a tight spot, they quickly come up with one of the craziest excuses to tell the librarian. But to get him to believe their story, they need the help of Ali Cafe Cappuccino because it's the great taste that can make people forget everything else and believe anything that they are told. More unbelievable stories to follow...
Tags: Chicken Graded English vers SD HIRES PAL
Added: 2 months ago
From: Livingroom NAD
Views: 630

[scene opens inside of an academic library, as dozens of live chickens are messing up the place (scattering feathers, poking at books, etc.)]
NARRATOR: Hours ago, in a library, hundreds of chicken were let loose.
[cut to an elderly male librarian (glasses, bald, bowtie, tweed jacket) sitting and staring at the two male students responsible for this prank]
NARRATOR: The culprits had only one way to make their story believable ...
[one of the students pushes a large coffee cup (with "Alicafe" written on the side) across the table towards the librarian]
[cut to the librarian taking a sip, then looking at the students and smiling]
LIBRARIAN: [translated] Really? You're telling me the chicken are here to read Shakespeare?
STUDENT: [translated] They love his work, sir.
[the librarian smiles again, then cut to a closeup of a packet of Alicafe being poured into a cup]
NARRATOR: The unbelievable taste of Ali Cafe Cappuccino. Makes everything believable.
["Unbelievable taste makes everything believable" appears on screen]

Case Study No. 0879: Staff of Unnamed Library (Mummy Trouble)

Mummy Trouble
7:42
When a mummy's ancient manuscript is stolen from the library exhibit, library customers start turning into mummies! How can this nefarious plot be stopped? Ask your librarian!
Tags: Mummy Trouble mummies Cretaceous Library Part one Haunted Woodhaven dinosaurs kung fu scientists at your libra
Added: 2 years ago
From: WoodhavenFilms
Views: 352

Woodhaven Films Presents
Mummy Trouble

[scene opens inside a public library, as a little girl is standing in front of a "sarcophagus" (made out of cardboard boxes) as library patrons look on]
LIBRARIAN 1: Welcome to the special mummy exhibit. Please notice our mummy tomb.
[cut to a quick closeup of the sarcophagus (as ominous music plays), then cut back to the librarian]
LIBRARIAN 1: And this book we found with the mummy ...
[she points to a copy of Tutankhamen sitting on a nearby shelf, then one of the patrons places a paper bag over his head]
THIEF: Okay, gimmee the book!
[he takes another book and points it at the librarian like a gun, so she takes the "mummy" book and hands it to him]
THIEF: And gimmee all your money!
[she heads over to the front desk]
THIEF: Move fast!
[she walks behind the desk, then opens the "cash register"]
THIEF: Hurry up! I don't have all day!
[he takes another bag and puts it on the desk]
THIEF: Put 'em in here! All of it!
[she takes the money and puts it in the bag, then the thief exits the library]
THIEF: Thank you!
["The mummy awakens ... " appears on screen, then cut to the sarcophagus as a little girl wrapped in toilet paper slowly sits up]
["The plot thickens slightly in a secret hidden lair ... " appears on screen, then cut to a young boy wearing a wig dancing in the middle of the room, when the thief enters]
THIEF: Master, master! I found the book!
MAD SCIENTIST: Give it to me!
[he hands him the book]
MAD SCIENTIST: Ah, with this book I will rule the world!
THIEF: I also have the money!
MAD SCIENTIST: Give it to me!
[he hands him the bag]
MAD SCIENTIST: You fool, these are library bucks!
THIEF: What're those?
MAD SCIENTIST: Library bucks are when you can read a book in thirty minutes and get one dollar off your fines!
[the thief turns to the camera and smiles]
THIEF: What a great deal!
[an "applause" sound effect is played in the background]
MAD SCIENTIST: Yes, what a great deal, but this is not real money!
THIEF: Sorry Master, it won't happen again!
MAD SCIENTIST: You will be sorry ...
[he reaches for a lever, when he waves for the thief to step a little closer]
MAD SCIENTIST: Can you move a little--
[the thief steps closer]
MAD SCIENTIST: Can you move over there?
[he takes another step closer]
THIEF: Here?
MAD SCIENTIST: Yeah.
[he pulls the lever, and the thief "falls" down a trap door ... then cut to the thief being attacked by alligators (made out of cardboard)]
THIEF: Ahhh! No, please! This can't be happening? Why do I always have to die!
[cut to the mad scientist looking down at the thief]
THIEF: [from off camera] No, help me! Help help!
MAD SCIENTIST: Next time, get the right money!
THIEF: [from off camera] My hand!
[someone off camera throws a fake hand at the mad scientist, who picks it up]
MAD SCIENTIST: Eww, a hand ... Here you go, my pets.
[he throws the hand back down into the "pit", then starts dancing again]
MAD SCIENTIST: Dance party!
THIEF: [from off camera] Help me! Help, I'm still dying!
["Meanwhile back in the library ... " appears on screen, then cut to a young boy pulling a book off the shelf]
PATRON 1: This is just the book I wa--
[the mummy shambles up behind him and pulls him down off camera]
PATRON 1: Ahhh!
[the mummy gets up, and the patron (turned into a mummy himself) also gets up and shuffles off camera]
[cut to another young boy browsing the shelves, when the mummy sneaks up behind him and pulls him down off camera]
PATRON 2: Ahhh!
[she gets up, and once again the patron has been turned into a mummy]
[cut to two more young boys browsing the shelves, when the new mummies appear and pull them down]
PATRON 3: Ahhh!
PATRON 4: Mummies!
[they get up, and once again the patrons have been turned into mummies]
[cut to the librarian calmly typing at her desk, as one of the mummies is sitting in a nearby chair and moaning to itself]
LIBRARIAN 1: Hmm, the customers look a little strange today ...
[cut to various shots of the mummies wandering around the library and mindlessly typing on the computers]
LIBRARIAN 1: I'm gonna go make a phone call.
[she gets up and dials the phone]
LIBRARIAN 1: [into the phone] Hello, Special Forces?
[cut to one of the mummies pulling books off the "Easy Nonfiction" shelf, then back to the librarian]
LIBRARIAN 1: [into the phone] I mean, the customers have turned into mummies!
[she hangs up, then cut to a mummy continually bumping into the wall, as a young boy wearing a black gi enters the library and walks up to the librarian]
LIBRARIAN 1: You're a Special Force?
NINJA: That's right, I'm a ninja!
LIBRARIAN 1: People are turning into mummies, can you help us?
NINJA: That's what I'm here for ... I will use my special ninja powers!
[cut to one of the bookshelves, as the ninja jumps into view]
NINJA: Hi yah!
[he starts sneaking around the shelf, whne a mummy runs in behind him and tackles him to the ground]
NINJA: Ahhh!
[he continues to scream like a little girl from off camera, then falls silent ... he gets up, transformed into a mummy, and shambles away]
[cut to the ninja/mummy and his companion smashing a nearby book display, when another little girl walks up and reprimands them]
LIBRARIAN 2: Excuse me, gentlemen! Don't you realize this is a library? Go sit down and read a book!
[the mummy shrugs and walks off]
LIBRARIAN 2: Now!
[the ninja/mummy puts his head down, then walks off]
LIBRARIAN 2: Honestly, this is getting out of hand!
[cut to the other librarian sitting at the front desk, when the original mummy enters the scene]
LIBRARIAN 1: Are you the one that's turning people into mummies? What do you want? Who are you?
MUMMY: Return my book ...
LIBRARIAN 1: Okay!
["Back at the not so secret lair ... " appears on screen, then cut to the mad scientist holding the book while sitting next to a mummy, as the two librarians enter]
MAD SCIENTIST: Who are you?
LIBRARIAN 2: We're here for the book!
MAD SCIENTIST: [pause] And?
LIBRARIAN 1: People are turning into mummies!
MAD SCIENTIST: That is not my problem! It's my plan!
LIBRARIAN 1: Give us the book!
MAD SCIENTIST: Never! Mummy, go after them!
[the mummy gets up and chases one of the librarians, while the other grabs the book and tries to pull it away from the mad scientist]
LIBRARIAN 1: Gimmee that!
MAD SCIENTIST: No, I need it!
[she eventually takes it away from him, then pushes the lever as the mad scientist "falls" through the trap door]
MAD SCIENTIST: Ahhh!
[cut to the alligator pit, as the mad scientist is being eaten by his (cardboard) pets]
MAD SCIENTIST: I own you! No, I own you!
[cut back to the two librarians, as they run off camera while the sounds of sirens and a helicopter flying overhead can be heard]
LIBRARIAN 1: Let's get out of here!
[the mummy wanders in front of the camera in slow motion, as "The End?" appears on screen]

Starring in alphabetical order

Amine Amine
Catherine Carpio
Deandre Fernandez
Allyssa Freeman
Jade Gallagher
Ishrat Ibrahim
Sakib Ibrahim
Jung Tzen Liew
Jose Paredes
Kevin Paredes
Erick Surinarain

Set Production
Grace Dai
JeanPaul Enrique
Amisha Gapee
Abraham Mendoza
Louis Mendoza
Alex Parker
Gabi Parker
Juliette Parker
Abdullah Shah

Directed by
Ken Gordon

Made at Queens Library at Woodhaven
during the Summer Reading Program
2010

Support your Library!

Case Study No. 0878: Zombified Staff of Belize Library

Let's Play "The Spiteful Dead" Ep5 - Quoth the Zombies... Ever Moan (A)
14:41
LPisode #47
Note: Videos have been updated!
http://www.youtube.com/user/ GDGaming?feature= mhum#g/c/ C830BB137BAFB270

The escape plan has been made. Now our heroes must traverse a vast library for supplies. Unfortunately for them, that means becoming librarians. However, for our resident dracoon, this is where the game starts picking up.

* * *

{Mini-Sodes}
B - http://www.youtube.com/ watch?v= gzjpXBzBwLM
C - http://www.youtube.com/ watch?v= oGyWDiXPu9w
D - http://www.youtube.com/ watch?v= rqbKZEPWMrc
E - http://www.youtube.com/ watch?v= k2XMmPNOTg4

{Episode List & Discussion}
What do you think so far?
http://www.viddler.com/groups/letsallplay/discuss/1489

{Game Download}
RPG Maker Magazine:
http://www.rpgmmag.com/ game_display.php? id=74
RPG Maker Pavilion:
http://www.pavilionboards.com/ forum/ showthread.php? t=2800
Tags: lets let's play lp video game games playthrough talkthrough commentary walkthrough rpgm rpgm1 rm1 rpg maker RPG ???? RPG ????3 homebrew review the spiteful dead xisthruos zombie zombies
Added: 2 years ago
From: GDGaming
Views: 24

[scene opens in an abandoned clothing store, as Robert and Alicia are hiding from the waves of zombies roaming the streets outside]
ROBERT: [to himself] Some damn deep shit I'm in now ... if it weren't enough that I'm walled up in here because of those damn zombie things, I'm now an escaped convict traveling with a cop who's my ex!
[he looks around]
ROBERT: [to himself] Jeez, sounds like a bad soap ... Ah, she doesn't hate me anymore. Lately, she's been acting downright warm ... since we got out of the police department, at least.
[he looks around]
ROBERT: [to himself] Maybe ... maybe she's falling for me again. Maybe all this action is getting to her ...
[he looks around]
ROBERT: [to himself] Whatever, it's just like me to think about women during a time like this ... That's probably one of the reasons she left me in the first place! We just didn't belong together. The attraction was purely physical.
[he looks around]
ROBERT: [to himself] Oh jeez, that's right ... She's got the hottest body I've ever seen on a woman. And she's changing right behind that door ... oh man.
[he turns towards the door]
ROBERT: [to himself] Maybe I could just take a peek ...
[he takes a step towards the door]
ALICIA: [from off camera] Okay, I'm done!
[he quickly steps back, as Alicia (who wanted to change out of her police uniform) opens the door]
ALICIA: How do I look?
ROBERT: Er ... Don't you always wear that outfit?
ALICIA: [pause] Well, I like it, at least ... Brown vest, brown pants, brown boots, pink shirt. I remember when you said you liked it, too.

[...]

[Robert and Alice soon discover a mage hiding in the store]
ROBERT: I'm Robert Miguelle, and this is Officer Alicia Cetty. A few of those monsters chased us, so we came here ... in case you hadn't guessed already.
BEN: Pleased to meet you.
[he turns to Alicia]
BEN: Charmed.
ROBERT: You?
BEN: My name is Benjamin Ferikson ... Err, have you heard of my works?
[the two look at each other]
BEN: I thought so ... Nearly everyone I've spoken to thinks I'm off my rocker.
ALICIA: I'm ... sorry.
BEN: [pause] You don't have to be. Well ... um, well.
[he turns away]
ROBERT: Unh ... Ben?
BEN: Oh, yes yes, right. Hrmmm, let me try to explain this to you ... are either of you familiar with the magic arts?
[the two look at each other]
BEN: In the dark?
ALICIA: [pause] Witchcraft, you mean?
BEN: Sort of ... I'm sure either of you can recall the myth of ancient Amalyian priests and monks performing miracles through the supposed "bond" between them and the Goddess? In my youth I was lucky enought to come across the legendary "third book" of the covenant, the last known record of the sacred rites of Amalya.
[he looks around]
BEN: Many scholars have doubted its existence ... you can imagine the response I received when I claimed finding it. I decided to instead spend my energies learning some of the rites. I thought maybe then someone would believe me. I've been teaching myself since, but my skills at this point are only minute.
ROBERT: [pause] So you're a wizard?
BEN: The ancients preferred "magi," but yes.
ROBERT: [pause] I'm still not sure I can believe you ...
ALICIA: Yes, that's a little hard to swallow, Ben ... could you perhaps show us more?
BEN: [pause] No ... not for a while, sorry. You see, spellcasting takes quite a bit out of me.
ROBERT: Uh huh ...
BEN: [pause] You two must be hungry ... I have some food stocked in my room. Would you like to come along?
ROBERT: [pause] You've been hiding out?
BEN: Yes ... For a while, I've been living in a secluded part of the library so that I could more fully research the mystic arts.
[he turns away]
BEN: I only recently discovered the city had become overrun by zombies ... I, well, I thought I was the last living person left on the island! I'm glad that I found you two ...
ROBERT: Don't tell me you've been getting lonely.
BEN: Uhm ... well, yes ...
[he faces them again]
BEN: But I've also been planning an escape ... though I haven't worked out the details.
ROBERT: Hell, if you've got a plan, I'm sure we can help out ... After all, we are all in this together.
BEN: Splendid! Let me show you to my place, eh? We can all stay there a few nights!
[the screen fades to black]
BEN: Right through this passage ...
[the sound of splashing water can be heard]
ALICIA: Ewww, what ... is this?
BEN: Oh ... forgot to tell you ... this is a passageway through a sewage drain.
ROBERT: [pause] You've got to be kidding! This is at least waist deep!
BEN: Yeah, sorry ... Don't worry, it lets up a little ways up the tunnel.
ALICIA: Ugh ... so until then, we'll have to slog through it ...
[the sounds of movement can be heard]
ROBERT: [pause] Hey, I've just been thinking ...
ALICIA: Yeah?
ROBERT: This would be a terrible way to die ...
ALICIA: Oh, god ... I don't even want to think about that now!
ROBERT: Heh ...
[the sounds of movement can be heard]
ALICIA: Ben? Have you ever researched about zombies?
BEN: As a matter of fact, I did thumb through a few books on the subject recently ...
ALICIA: And?
BEN: Well, there's not really much to know outside the movies. They're the living, walking dead, they travel in packs ... and they eat flesh. That's about it.
ALICIA: What about intelligence?
BEN: There is none whatsoever. Your average zombie is about as intelligent as an insect.
ALICIA: I mean, what about the information left inside the brain of the victim?
BEN: Hmmm ... From what I know, it's non-existant. Zombies themselves are not human. They are a completely different species altogether ... Perhaps, since they do harbor their victims' bodies, perhaps they do retain a certain amount of knowledge from their hosts. It is an interesting subject, one I may want to look into.
[the sounds of movement can be heard, then cut to a hidden room beneath the library, as Robert and his party emerge from the sewer system]
BEN: Here we are ...
ALICIA: Nice place.
BEN: Hey, thanks ...
ROBERT: Whew, finally here ...
BEN: If you'd like, there's a few dozen crates of canned food up in the storage area past the staircase. Take all you want, but please ... eat all you take. We shouldn't waste what we've got. Also, I only have one bed, but there are some sheets up in the storage as well ...
ROBERT: Is there plumbing in this joint?
BEN: All there is, is running water ... you'll just have to use a bucket for the time being ... Rest up. We can discuss our strategy tomorrow.
[the screen fades to black]
ROBERT: Hey, Alicia. What kind of food has this guy got?
ALICIA: [pause] I hope you like spam for every meal of the day.
ROBERT: Oh, geez ...

Every day just seems longer than the last ...
It's hopeless.

We can't seem to come up with a viable escape method. So much for Ben's "strategy."
There's hardly ever time for planning, though ...

Robert has made it a habit of leaving after breakfast, and spends most of the day outside in the clock-tower. He won't let me follow, so I'm stuck here ...

True, Benjamin has proven himself quite a jovial fellow, and I enjoy hearing his stories, but he spends far too much of the day engrossed in his books.
I've tried reading them myself, just to pass these interminable hours, but I can't get into them. Most are centuries old, and written in tongues ...

All I can do to pass the time is write.

I'm afraid.
I fear for my family.
My mother ... stern at times, almost to an unbearable level, but still a kind, nurturing woman.
Father ... so kind ... so easygoing ... even when put to the limit ...
Cicilla ... no older than ten. Did those creatures get to her as well ... ?

Robert and Ben don't share this problem.
Robert - orphaned as an infant.
Ben - he could care less of his parents ...

I feel like I'm facing this alone.

Robert wants to wait out the winter months here ... in the study.
I've expressed my concern.
But he's convinced the cold doesn't affect the zombies; that we'd just freeze to death trying to outrun them ...
From what I've been hearing during the night, that seems to have some truth to it.

At night I can hear them scuffling about, moaning.
Searching for their next victim.

I want them to stop. I want to scream out at them until I grow hoarse.

Then they would find me.
Chase me.
Tear me apart.

I want to cry.
But no tears ever come.

How much longer ... can we go on like this?

["December" appears on screen, as the scene changes to the roof of the library, as Robert stands underneath the clock tower]
ROBERT: [to himself] Seven o'clock ... I guess I'm out a little early.
[Ben enters the scene]
ROBERT: Ben.
BEN: Yeah, hi Robert.
[he walks over and stands next to him]
ROBERT: [pause] It's a dense forest of concrete, a habitat to hundreds of blood-thirsty monsters. You can't see them, but you know they're there. You can hear them moaning and scratching at the walls ... Sometimes, if you listen closely, you can hear screaming. I guess it's only natural there would be others like us out there, running and hiding. Being hunted.
BEN: Robert, have you found anything new about them yet?
ROBERT: Yeah, look. At the base of the library.
[he looks over the ledge]
BEN: There must be at least a hundred of them!
ROBERT: Yeah. The same thing happened when Alicia and I escaped the police station. They must have some kind of "sixth sense" for the living.
BEN: This is terrible! We're going to be stuck inside here!
ROBERT: [pause] Maybe not.
BEN: What? You have a plan?
ROBERT: Is there any way we can get to that parking garage from here?
BEN: Hmmm ... not that I know of. It's totally unconnected with the library.
ROBERT: We'll find a way. A car's the only way we can break through those hordes. Then maybe we can make it to the harbor ...
BEN: How about we make a connection?
ROBERT: Eh?
BEN: Between the buildings. Like maybe a grappling hook?
ROBERT: [pause] That may work. Go talk with Alicia about it. I think I'll need to study the zombies' movements a little while longer ...
BEN: Uh ... whatever you say.
[he leaves, as Robert continues staring over the ledge]
ROBERT: [pause] Damn, what's with those things? It's like they know I'm watching them ...
[he starts firing his shotgun over the ledge]
ROBERT: Fuckers! How the fuck do you like that, huh?!
[he reloads, then stops]
ROBERT: [pause] Screw it, I'll need these rounds for later ... Wonder how Alicia's doing. Seems like I haven't seen her in ages.
["March" appears on screen, then cut to Robert and his party in the hidden room under the library]
ROBERT: Go over the plan once more.
ALICIA: We're going to look for materials for a make-shift grappling hook. If we travel in a group, we'll be better protected from being overpowered by monsters. Once we make the grappling hook, we'll use it to reach the multistory. After that, we'll hotwire a car and drive it to the harbor. We sail away from there on out.
ROBERT: Good. If all goes well, we'll be out of here by tonight.
["Chapter 2: Textbooks Roasting on an Open Fire" appears on screen, as Robert checks one of the bookshelves in the room]
ROBERT: [reading] "Mind Focus and the Importance of Physical Conditioning."
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: This book is written in odd symbols.
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Alchemy Made Easy."
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Advanced Studies Booklet 2."
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Advanced Studies Booklet 1."
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "McKeelin's Spell Studies, Early Course, Charms and Cantrips."
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "The Art of The Magi."
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Harvold and Grich's Advanced Study of Darklings."
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Harvold and Grich's Comprehensive Beastiary."
[the player heads for the entrance to the sewers]
ROBERT: Don't even want to think about going back there.
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "The Unfinished Tales of Renoir."
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "High, Fly High."
[Robert and his party use Ben's secret entrance to enter the main library, where they are immediately attacked by a zombie]
CADAVER 1: Uuuuugghhhaaa ...
[they defeat the zombie, as "Monster dropped a book ... " appears on screen]
ROBERT: [reading] "Man's biggest problem has always been his stubborness. We are too quick to see things the way in which we were taught, and too slow to come to independant thought. To truly come to grips with our universe, we must leave behind all rhyme and reason ... "
["Found 'Astro Physics'" appears on screen, then Robert checks one of the bookshelves]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf S"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf T"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf U-V"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf W-Z"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf O"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf P"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf Q"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf R"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf K"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf L"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf M"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf N"
[they enter another room in the library, where Robert stops to check a nearby sign]
ROBERT: [reading] "Historical Fiction"
[they enter the Historical Fiction room, as Robert checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf A"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf B"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf C"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf D"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf E"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf F"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf G"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf H"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf I"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf J"
[Robert and his party encounter another zombie]
CADAVER 2: Rrrrrrggggg ...
[they defeat the zombie, as "Monster dropped a book ... " appears on screen]
ROBERT: [reading] "Of these creatures, the most intriguing is the domesticated."
["Found 'Biology'" appears on screen, then they encounter another zombie]
CADAVER 3: Ho ...
[they defeat the zombie, as "Monster dropped a book ... " appears on screen]
ROBERT: [reading] "Fueled by their anger towards the humans who had demeaned them for centuries past, the demons invaded from the west. Overpowering their adversaries with ... "
["Found 'The Demon Crusades'" appears on screen, then they return to the main reading room as Robert checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Mystery"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Children's Literature"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Romance"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Poetry"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Short Stories"
[he stops to check a nearby sign]
ROBERT: [reading] "Fantasy/Science Fiction"
[they enter the Fantasy/Science Fiction room, as Robert checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf D"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf C"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf B"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf A"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf G"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf F"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf E"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf J"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf I"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf H"
[he checks another shelf]
[they return to the main reading room, where they encounter another zombie]
CADAVER 4: Uuuuubbbaaa ...
[they defeat the zombie, as "Monster dropped a book ... " appears on screen]
ROBERT: [reading] "Animousity recieves clear hell in verse enters seadog."
["Found 'Est Quay No'" appears on screen, as Robert checks a sign near the front desk]
ROBERT: [reading] "Belize Library, where our motto is ... Use the library more! Ground Floor - Non Fiction. Second Floor - Research. Third Floor - Fiction. Fourth Floor - Archives. Please return materials to their proper locations! Have a nice day!!"
[the player heads for the main entrance of the library]
ROBERT: Way too risky to leave. It'd be the Police Department scene all over again.
[Robert and his party encounter another zombie]
CADAVER 5: Ho ...
[they defeat the zombie, as "Monster dropped a book ... " appears on screen]
ROBERT: [reading] "The beast said unto us, 'Come, ye small ones, onto my back. Our journey takes us over many seas.' Being a rather docile party, we did as told."
["Found 'Puffles the Dragon'" appears on screen, then they climb the stairs to the second floor, where they encounter another zombie]
CADAVER 6: Luuuuuhhh ...
[they defeat the zombie, as "Monster dropped a book ... " appears on screen]
ROBERT: [reading] "Though it wasn't such an odd occurrance. Mark sat back into his chair with his bottle of scotch, and let his worries wander away in a drunken stupor ... "
["Found 'Colony 6'" appears on screen, then they enter another room where they encounter another zombie]
CADAVER 7: Fuuuuhhh ...
[they defeat the zombie, as "Monster dropped a book ... " appears on screen]
ROBERT: [reading] "Over time, I found the man's table manners most inappropriate for a person of his rank ... "
["Found 'Pinsky VIII'" appears on screen, then Robert checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "W-X"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Y-Z"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "S-V"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "J-L"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "M-O"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "P-R"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "A-B"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "C"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "D-F"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "G-I"
[Robert stops to check a nearby sign]
ROBERT: [reading] "The Arts and Media"
[they enter the Arts and Media room, as Robert checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Videocassettes"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Comics"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Art Collections"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Microfilm"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Biological Studies"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Mathematics"
[he stops to check a nearby sign]
ROBERT: [reading] "Scientific Studies"
[Robert and his party encounter another zombie]
CADAVER 8: Uuuuunnnngghhh ...
[they defeat the zombie, as "Monster dropped a book ... " appears on screen]
ROBERT: [reading] "With little or no purpose left in my life, I have chosen to write about my late husband. He was a decent man, never spoke a word against anyone ... "
["Found 'Brian Eaher'" appears on screen, then they encounter another zombie]
CADAVER 9: Ho ...
[they defeat the zombie, as "Monster dropped a book ... " appears on screen]
ROBERT: [reading] "It was clearly a summer's eve. The field adourned in deep green, whilst the mild sea breezes carressed it. Though I still knew not where I was."
["Found 'Shadows 1887'" appears on screen, as Robert checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Biography"
[they enter another room, as Robert checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf Z"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf Y"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf W-X"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf V"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf U"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf S-T"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf P-R"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf L-O"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf H-K"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf G-H"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf D-F"
["Placed 'The Demon Crusades' on the shelf." appears on screen, then Robert checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf C"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf A-B"
[Robert stops to check a nearby sign]
ROBERT: [reading] "3rd Floor - History. 4th Floor - Archives 1."
[Robert and his party encounter another zombie]
CADAVER 10: Uuuuuhuhuhhhh ...
[they defeat the zombie, as "Monster dropped a book ... " appears on screen]
ROBERT: [reading] "A&'77 r&w c)uee h)6 i&) vvu e8) sde"
["Found 'Te&fv d%ug$'" appears on screen, as they climb the stairs and then Robert stops to check a nearby sign]
ROBERT: [reading] "3rd Floor - Historical Non Fiction. 4th Floor - Archives 1."
[Robert and his party encounter another zombie]
CADAVER 11: Yrrrggghhhhsss ...
[they defeat the zombie, as "Monster dropped a book ... " appears on screen]
ROBERT: [reading] "Pride of the Emperor (1346-48). Vernon Dwoin. This gorgeous portrait was done by the very last of the 'ancient peoples'. It was inspired by his days in the 'Demon Crusades' when a chance encounter ... "
["Found 'Gothic Art'" appears on screen, then Robert and his party enter a room without any lights on, where a strange robed figure can be seen wandering around]
LIBRARIAN: Oh, the books ... Oh my, the books ... All out of order ...
[they are forced out of the room by the robed figure, then Robert stops to check a nearby sign]
ROBERT: [reading] "3rd Floor - Biography. 4th Floor - Archives 2."
[Robert checks one of the nearby shelves]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf E"
["Placed 'Est Quay No' on the shelf." appears on screen, then they encounter another zombie]
CADAVER 12: Noigel ...
[they defeat the zombie, as "Monster dropped a book ... " appears on screen]
ROBERT: [reading] "Azmael left the cottage tome in hand, and another life on what remained of his conscience. He also realised a sudden dryness in his throat ... "
["Found 'Heart of Cold'" appears on screen, as they climb down the stairs and return to the first room in the library, where Robert checks one of the shelves]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf S"
["Placed 'Shadows 1887' on the shelf." appears on screen, then they move on to the Fantasy/Science Fiction room, where Robert checks one of the shelves]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf H"
["Placed 'Heart of Cold' on the shelf." appears on screen, then they head back to the second floor, where Robert checks one of the shelves]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf G-I"
["Placed 'Gothic Art' on the shelf." appears on screen, then they enter the Scientific Studies room, where Robert checks one of the shelves]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf A"
["Placed 'Astro Physics' on the shelf." appears on screen, then they head to the fourth floor, where Robert checks one of the shelves]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf Q-T"
["Placed 'Te&fv d%ug$' on the shelf." appears on screen, then they head for the Archives 2 room, where Robert checks one of the shelves]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf P-R"
["Placed 'Pinsky VIII' on the shelf." appears on screen, then they encounter another zombie]
MONSTER: Orriaaahhhh ...
[they defeat the zombie, as "Monster dropped a book ... " appears on screen]
ROBERT: [reading] "This was the story of six young men and women striving to find fame, wealth, and love, in the romantic city of Catsablinka ... "
["Found 'Castablinka'" appears on screen, as they enter another room and Robert checks one of the shelves]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf P"
["Placed 'Puffles the Dragon' on the shelf." appears on screen, then they return to the Historical Fiction room and Robert checks one of the shelves]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf C"
["Placed 'Catsablinka' on the shelf." appears on screen, then they return to the Scientific Studies room and Robert checks one of the shelves]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf B-C"
["Placed 'Biology' on the shelf." appears on screen, then they return to the Biography section and Robert checks one of the shelves]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf A-B"
["Placed 'Brian Eaher' on the shelf." appears on screen, then they head for the Fantasy/Science Fiction room and Robert checks one of the shelves]
ROBERT: [reading] "Shelf C"
["Placed 'Colony 6' on the shelf." appears on screen, as (having re-shelved all the books) Robert and his party enter the room that previously did not have any lights on]
BEN: There was some rope here, if I'm not mistaken ...
[with the robed figure now gone, they are free to explore the room's contents, as Robert checks one of the bookshelves]
ROBERT: [reading] "The Irrational Fear of Large, Lummoxing Zombies Chasing You"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Hyperactive Children Grown Up. A study for over-worried parents."
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Yeah, it wuz just last summer. Little feller wuz swang by his leg till it popped clean off. Damndest thing I ever saw."
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Born to Fight Dinosaurs"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Night of the Cringing Wildebeast"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "Corn Dogs. Need We Say Anything Else?"
[he checks another shelf]
ROBERT: [reading] "There's Always Room for Jell-O"
[he checks a crate on the ground, as "Found 'Anchor'" appears on screen]
[he checks a barrel on the ground, as "Found 'Rope'" appears on screen]
[the player tries to leave the room]
XIS: [from off camera] Where are you going?
ROBERT: [pause] What the fuck was that?
BEN: Eh?
XIS: [from off camera] Where are you going?
ROBERT: Shit, there it goes again!
ALICIA: Are you feeling alright?
XIS: [from off camera] Where are you going?
ROBERT: Damn, you had to have heard it that time ...
XIS: [from off camera] Where, where, where ...
ROBERT: What the fuck is this?! This ...
XIS: [from off camera] wherewherewherewhere wherewherewherewhere wherewherewherewhere wherewherewherewhere
ROBERT: Stop it, dammit!!
ALICIA: Robert ... ?
ROBERT: I-I'm sorry ... I've got no idea what's--
[the music suddenly changes]
ROBERT: That ringing ... Do you hear it? You have to!
BEN: Robert, we're all a little shaken ...
ROBERT: I'm not making this up!
[the screen suddenly flashes red]
BEN: What?
ROBERT: Alicia!
ALICIA: Robert?
[the screen turns red]
ALICIA: Robert? What? Is there something on my face?
BEN: I think you just need to calm down ...
ROBERT: How the hell can I calm down when both of you just melted?!
ALICIA: Robert?
[the screen returns to normal]
ROBERT: [pause] I'm just a little tired ... That's all. Would it be alright with you if we rested here for a while?
BEN: I don't see any harm. As long as we don't spend too much time.
[the screen fades to black]
ROBERT: [to himself] It seemed so real ... so shockingly vivid ... What's happening to me? Have I reached my limit? I remember things like this happened to people during the war. The Merran Coast was hell on everybody ... sometimes more so for others ... faces of the dead taunting them with vicious expressions, or grimaces ... enemy soldiers turning into fanged, ape-like demons ... I'd only heard of such things. Neither I, or anyone I knew had suffered anything like it ... We were too tough for that. So why? Maybe I wasn't ...
ALICIA: [from off camera] Oh, my god!!
[cut back to the room, as Robert runs up to Alicia and Ben]
ROBERT: What? What is it?!
ALICIA: Oh, god ... !! The smell! Oh, god! All that blood!
BEN: Take it easy ...
ALICIA: I know, I know. But I can't ... I can't even close my eyes without seeing it ...
ROBERT: Now you ...
[he turns to Ben]
ROBERT: Ben. Do you know anything about this? It seems right up your alley.
BEN: Maybe ... I don't know. I've never really seen a hex in action before.
ROBERT: A hex? Is that what this is?
BEN: Like I said, I have no idea ...
[the music changes again]
BEN: Is that the ringing?!
ROBERT: [pause] Yeah.
[the screen starts changing colors]
ROBERT: [pause] Don't remember any of this.
[a figure suddenly appears in the doorway]
XIS: Don't worry yourself. Just close your eyes, and let me break your little spines ...
ROBERT: You ... god damn it! What the hell are you?
XIS: I can dig my hands into your chest cavity and remove your heart and lungs, if you'd prefer ... Maybe you'd like your intestinal track spooled out? I could just eat it like a long strand of pasta, you know.
ALICIA: [pause] Robert?
ROBERT: Stay calm ...
[the figure jumps on Alicia]
XIS: By all means ... struggle. It makes the flesh more tender ...
ROBERT: Damn ... !
[he pulls Alicia away]
ROBERT: Run!! Damn you!
[Robert and his party leave the room]
XIS: Waste of effort. I think it is time I stopped using my power to merely terrorize ... Very well. No more games.
[the room suddenly bursts into flame]
XIS: See if they can outrun me in a burning library ...
[Robert and his party make their way through the burning library and down to Ben's hidden room in the basement ... however, as they close the secret entrance, a loud banging noise can be heard from outside]
XIS: [from off camera] I know you're in there!! I can smell it!!!
[Robert turns and looks at the entrance to the sewer system]
ROBERT: Ugh ... guess this is the only way left to go.
[Robert and his party escape into the sewer system]
XIS: [from off camera] Damn you!! Open this hatch!
[he eventually breaks through, and walks into the room]
XIS: What a quaint study ... What resources lie here.
[the screen suddenly shakes]
XIS: Urgh!! Curse this hunger!!
[he enters the sewer system and chases after them, as the scene fades to black]

---

From rpgmmag.com:

"The Spiteful Dead" (an RPG Maker fanmade creation)
Developer: Xisthruos
System: RM1
Genre: Horror
Released: Sep. 2002

I originally played it way back when it first came out but I never got farther then the third card. I just put the game down and moved on to other things.

This time I vowed to play the game from beginning to end. It's always important to play other's games so you get a deeper understanding of what has been done, and how each games comes together.

Presentation (Plus)
* The character depth was the best I've ever seen.
* I was also impressed with the use of color and the overall polish of things. The creative use of tiles and effects to make a futuristic setting was very impressive and definitely worth a look for anyone trying to create that feel in a RPG Maker 1 game.
* Many scenes where done well, like the fireside scene. This creativity could have spilled over into the games many black screen sequences.
* Many dungeons where like puzzles on their own so you actually enjoyed traversing them rather then just feeling like another dungeon filled with encounters.

Presentation (Minus)
* The excessive use of the wait command nearly floored my impatience, forcing me to wait staring at a black screen for a huge amount of time during the games many black screen story sequences. Speaking of which, these could of easily been built into a mini scene rather then have the player just read words on a black screen without even music playing in the background.
* I found the library puzzle to be a deal breaker. I had to traverse it many times and wanted to give up rather then find a shelf to return yet another book.

---

From pavilionboards.com:

"The Spiteful Dead"
Game by Xisthruos - Rated M for Mature

The game takes place in the great island-city of Belize, which has been infested with zombies. Robert Miguelle, Alicia Cetty, and their friends need to find a way off the island. The game is a survival-horror, and it is very impressive. The story is epic, it has a bunch of fun mini-games, a few puzzles, the battles are balanced well, and the bosses are challenging. It also has a unique spell system (for RPG Maker), where instead of just magic spells, you also have a limited reserve of ammo for your guns. Of course, there's magic spells, too, and they tend to be rather useful, though you gotta be wise in their usage, as they cost HP to use.

[...]

Ep4 - The Recluse

People didn't believe it. They said it wasn't possible. But the rumors were true. There exists a cutscene longer than the ones in Xenosaga!

Commentary by Kisthruos

-I kind of wish RPGM would have let me change the colors of the tile palette instead of only being able to darken the entire screen. I could have created a dark atmosphere without the game's colors being dull and grey.

-Perhaps the opening of the downtown area could have been extended with a little more exploration and more of a 'safety net' before the lengthy cutscene occured.

-Decently excecuted action scene with minimal hiccups.

-Robert is a lonely pervert. Good or bad?

-Alicia is kind of a weak character throughout the game. It stands to reason a teenage boy would have difficulty writing lines for an adult woman in a relationship. More melodrama between her and Robert. Still, there exists worse in the depths of RPGM hell.

-Ben is also somewhat weak. He's supposed to be in his forties, but he seems to act more like an autistic child at times.

-I had a bit of fun describing the zombies's behavior and history in detail, as well as that of the world's magic. In the future, I would prefer to relegate this to side information rather than make it something the player has to sit through.

-The cutscene is long because I wanted to make it seem as though a lot of time had passed while the characters waited (or hoped) for evac. Could have been creative and set up more player involvement via dialogue choices or simple puzzle scenes (procurement of food/supplies, maintenance of their shelter, failed attempts to escape, etc.) As long as it only replaced the dialogue and didn't slow things down even more.

-This episode is pretty much all cutscene. Cutscenes are also kinda problematic in RPGM because they eat up a ton of scenario data.

-THE END. I'm not sure how much more I can apologize for writing I did eight years ago.

Ep5 - Quoth the Zombies... Ever Moan

The escape plan has been made. Now our heroes must traverse a vast library for supplies. Unfortunately for them, that means becoming librarians.

Commentary by Xisthruos

-I guess the basic mechanic of collecting books and placing them around the libarary can get a bit tedious. The quickest and best route is to travel around the library, exterminating all the zombies (bottom to top), THEN look for where to place the books (top to bottom). The library is symmetrical, so I'd hoped that would simplify things. However, I understand the objective isn't exactly clear at first. Perhaps if RPGM would have let me store more info regarding an item, the puzzle could have been simpler, or I could have come up with a simpler code for the book titles/library sections.

-Level design is of utmost importance in making games, although it's easily overlooked. The problem with the library dungeon is that the massive size of the area doesn't pair well with the arbitrary book-finding puzzle. Neither of these two issues is a big problem on its own, but they combine poorly. It's not as though I hadn't put a lot of thought into this area, but for some reason I hadn't taken into account that other people don't have the same level of INHUMAN patience I seem to have. The library just wouldn't have been as impressive if it wasn't so large, though.

Ep6 - Carmageddon

Xis has begun his attack. The library is in flames. The city is in ruin. And the only path to freedom is blocked by a hoard of zombies. Our heroes are going to need more than willpower to plow their way to victory.

Commentary by Xisthruos

-It's definitely from this point onward that players decide that they really like the Spiteful Dead. Congratulations on making it through the slow (but reasonably fun) part of the game!

-the "Escape from the library" scenario has some randomness to the outcome of certain events (can't remember which specifically), but it's nothing that would keep you stuck for long since the odds are stacked in your favor.

-It's theoretically possible to beat XIS2005 in the library, but since he's so tough it's just about impossible. Hence why I handed out a save point beforehand. If you (somehow) managed to defeat him, you were able to proceed through the library without being pestered by him at all. The group of zombies would still try to get you though, and the rest of the game would proceed as normally. It's not really recommended you try to beat him, anyway.

Case Study No. 0877: Mister Membrane

"Zot Away" advertisement
1:10
Sister Euthanasia from up at the high school gets some friendly personal hygiene advice from the school librarian.
Tags: Zot Away Sister Euthanasia advertisement Dick Geier
Added: 6 months ago
From: Dick Geier
Views: 54

[scene opens in a library, as a nun is looking at the card catalog (while scratching her backside), and the male librarian (next to a "Library Quiet" sign) watches her from behind the front desk ]
LIBRARIAN: [to himself] Hmm, there's Sister Euthanasia, from up at the high school.
[cut to a closeup of the nun's backside]
LIBRARIAN: [to himself] That picking and pulling at her habit ... It's a sure sign of dingleberries.
[cut to a closeup of the librarian, shaking his head with a concerned look on his face]
LIBRARIAN: [to himself] I sure wish she'd ask me about new "Zot Away" ...
[cut to the nun closing the drawer on the card catalog, then walking up to the librarian]
NUN: Mister Membrane, we're friends. Have you ever gotten those ... you know, those little furballs in your rear end?
LIBRARIAN: You bet!
[he reaches under the counter and pulls out a gallon of water (with a piece of paper reading "Zot Away" taped to the side)]
LIBRARIAN: And I use new "Zot Away" everyday!
[cut to a closeup of the gallon of water]
LIBRARIAN: It has twice the dingleberry-killing ingredients as the leading brands, special anti-bacterial compounds slow the accumulation of smegma ...
[cut to a closeup of the librarian's face]
LIBRARIAN: And, it's gentle on the ol' keister ... seester!
[he smiles and winks, then cut to the nun]
NUN: Hmm, "Zot Away" ...
[she looks up at the heavens]
NUN: I'll try it.
[cut to the librarian standing near the entrance to the library and reading a book (as "Weeks Later" appears on screen), when the nun enters]
LIBRARIAN: Hey sister, how's the ol' bunghole?
NUN: Great! Thanks to you and new ...
[she reaches under her habit and pulls out the same gallon of water]
NUN: "Zot Away"!
[cut to a closeup of the gallon of water next to a caulking gun (also labelled "Zot Away")]
ANNOUNCER: "Zot Away!" Sold at any drug store, and now with a convenient applicator!

Case Study No. 0876: Emily

The.Station.Agent.WMV
0:57
Librarians
Tags: Librarians
Added: 3 years ago
From: deanxavier
Views: 1,348

[scene opens with Emily absentmindedly walking through the library, then she screams and drops her books when she notices Fin standing in front of her]
EMILY: Oh, fu-- I'm so sorry. Oh god, I didn't know anybody was in here.
[she gets down and begins picking up the books]
EMILY: Can I help you?
[he holds up a book on railroads]
FIN: Check this book out.
EMILY: Okay ...
[she gets up and heads behind the desk]
EMILY: Um, do you have a library card?
FIN: No.
EMILY: Okay. Well, do you live in town?
FIN: Yes.
EMILY: Okay. Well, um, I need a proof of address, so if you could bring in a piece of mail, then I can give you a card.
[Olivia suddenly appears behind them]
OLIVIA: You can put it on mine ...
[she turns to Fin]
OLIVIA: Hi.
FIN: Hi. Uh, no thanks. I'll ... I'll come back.
OLIVIA: You sure?
FIN: Yes.
OLIVIA: Oh, sorry about last night. I ... overstayed my welcome. Bleh.
[Emily looks at both of them incredulously]
FIN: Bye.
OLIVIA: Bye.
[he walks out, as Olivia turns to a mortified Emily]
OLIVIA: Hey Emily.
EMILY: Oh god, I just screamed in his face!

---

From earthlink.net:

THE STATION AGENT

McCarthy, Thomas (Director). The Station Agent. United States: SenArt Films, 2003.

Starring: Michelle Williams (Emily, library worker); Peter Dinklage (Finbar McBride); Bobby Cannavale (Joe Oramas); Patricia Clarkson (Olivia Harris)

Fin McBride, dwarf by birth and loner by nature, only thinks he's found peace and quiet in his inherited train depot home in rural New Jersey, but instead is forcibly drawn into a community of characters so real and colorful you'll want to add them to your Christmas card list. One is the pretty young girl (Emily), single and pregnant, who works in the library. We have no reason to believe she is schooled in librarianship, but she is the only face seen there. She won't issue a library card until he can confirm his address with a piece of mail, which is laughable when you know the mailbox next to his front door is more decorative than functional. At the end of the film, the three special friends (Fin, Joe and Olivia) are relaxing together when Fin wonders out loud when the blimp was invented. Joe: "You can go down to the library and ask that little hottie." Olivia: "She is cute." Joe: "It's the librarian fantasy, man. Glasses off, hair down, books flying ..." Fin: "She doesn't wear glasses." Olivia: "Buy her some; it's worth it." The library/librarian connections are thin in this film, but do yourself a favor and chase it down anyway. Wonderful, warm and funny. Not surprising, a multiple-award Sundance Film Festival winner.

Case Study No. 0875: Ezra Stiles

The Librarian
2:06
Ezra's part time job was about telling you to be quiet and read yo' book!

Song: YES by LMFAO
Tags: The Librarian
Added: 1 month ago
From: Ezra Stiles
Views: 18

["The Librarian Update" appears on screen, as the camera focuses on an unseen person drawing a face (with the thought balloon "Historical Tidbit of the week!") in the first panel of a comic strip]
RAHUL KINI: This is the historical tidbit of the week, by Rahul Kini.
[the second panel shows a sketch of the Redwood Library and Athenaeum]
RAHUL KINI: The oldest lending community library in America is a small eleven-room building on Fifty Bellevue Avenue, Newport Rhode Island.
[the third panel shows a map of the United States, with an arrow pointing to Newport, Rhode Island]
RAHUL KINI: The Redwood Library, founded in 1747.
[the fourth panel shows a sketch of the New York Society Library (labelled "NYC Library")]
RAHUL KINI: Its one hundred and sixty thousand volume Athenaeum is older than the New York Society Library ...
[the fifth panel shows a caricature of Benjamin Franklin flying a kite]
RAHUL KINI: Benjamin Franklin's library company in Philadelphia.
[the sixth panel shows a caricature of a man wearing glasses while saying "Yeah, yeah ... I'm ola"]
RAHUL KINI: It was commissioned by Peter Harrison ...
[the seventh panel shows a sketch of a large building with marble columns and an American flag]
RAHUL KINI: Who showed the New England community the first form of classical design architecture, a style that Thomas Jefferson was trying to popularize ...
[the eighth panel shows a sketch of the floor plan for the library (with labels for the "Harrison Room" and "Terry Reading Room")]
RAHUL KINI: But miserably failed when people realized that there was no point. As a result, when the library was first built, the main room - and only room - was called the Harrison Room, and to this day houses the works of America's most beloved authors.
[the ninth panel shows a red book labelled "Edith Wharton", a green book labelled "Henry James", and a blue book labelled "JK Rowling"]
RAHUL KINI: Like Edith Wharton, Henry James, and Charles Bird King.
[the tenth panel shows a sketch of Ezra Stiles preaching to his congregation]
RAHUL KINI: It was in 1756, a year after Ezra Stiles moved to Newport Rhode Island to preach in the Second Congregational Church, that he decided to become the librarian of Redwood Library.
[the eleventh panel shows a sketch of Ezra (still wearing his priestly vestments) saying "Please don't make noise! This is a library!!!"]
RAHUL KINI: Here, he maintained correspondence with Yale Fellows and other important people in Connecticut.
[the twelfth panel shows a sketch of Ezra writing a letter with a quill pen (and the Yale logo written in blue above it), then caricatures of Mike Tyson and Paul Giamatti]
RAHUL KINI: His prolific letter writing and research built his reputation among the world's intellectual community, as well as it became good material for historical tidbits.
[the thirteenth panel shows a caricature of George Berkeley standing next to Redwood Library with a "4 Sale!" sign, while saying "Yo take care of my crib ... "]
RAHUL KINI: There is some debate as to whether Redwood Library was the former home of George Berkeley, a renowned philosopher and supporter of Yale.
[the fourteenth panel shows Ezra standing in front of an empty bookshelf covered in cobwebs, while saying "WTF!!!!" (with the caption "During American Rev ... ")]
RAHUL KINI: What is known is that during the American Revolution, over half the volumes vanished from the shelves during its use as a British officers club.
[the fifteenth panel shows a person holding a book labelled "Library misses books, please give them back!"]
RAHUL KINI: However, it wasn't until 1806 that the library actually started advertising that their books were missing.
[the sixteenth panel shows a pie chart, with the green area marked "Found" and the blue area marked "Ain't nobody got time for that!"]
RAHUL KINI: In 1947, an initiative was pushed to retrieve most of the books. Today they have about ninety percent of the original volumes.
[the seventeenth panel shows a drawing of the Ezra Stiles College's logo]
RAHUL KINI: Redwood Library was once the home for the brightest scholars and researchers on the East Coast, and as long as Stilesians know about it, it'll continue to be so. As long as librarians like Stiles offer the community access to the great works of our time, we will - as Redwood Library's motto states - have nothing in view but the good of mankind.
[the eighteenth panel shows a young man holding an iPad, while saying "Yeah Steve Jobs!"]
RAHUL KINI: [pause] Unless everyone starts using eBooks ...

---

From redwoodlibrary.org:

Ezra Stiles
b. North Haven, CT, November 29, 1727
d. New Haven, CT, May 12, 1795

Scholar, educator, son of a congregational minister, president of Yale.

Called to Newport; believed living here would be an excellent opportunity due to thriving seaport, cultural center, and the Redwood Library. Ordained as pastor of Second Congregational Church on October 22, 1755, beginning 20-year residency here.

His Newport days were considered the happiest and most active of his life. Becomes the librarian of the Redwood Library in 1756. Influential in obtaining works for the library. Portrait of Stiles in possession of library - a copy of an original painted in 1794 by Reuben Moulthrop.

Left the people of Newport and historians two important documents - his map of Newport, c. 1758, and his diary, which was subsequently edited by F.B. Dexter and published in 1901. Diary reported in great detail on Newport's daily life and the map is an impressive effort on his part. The map details houses with the number of stories, wharves, etc. He paced out the distances of these items. Original map, in possession of Redwood Library, is considered one of the greatest treasures of the institution.

A leading intellectual of the colonial period, often referred to as "the most learned man in New England" (subjective). A very open-minded person to other forms of religion.

Graduated Yale (1746); licensed to preach and named tutor at Yale (1749); admitted to the Bar in Connecticut (1753). While at Yale, becomes engaged in electrical experiments after apparatus is sent by Benjamin Franklin.

Stiles played important part in the founding of Rhode Island College (now known as Brown University) in 1764.

Stiles took great interest in the welfare of Negro slaves. He himself owned one and set him free. Held evening classes on Clarke Street for Negroes, which included preaching and singing.

Fond of silkworms, had white mulberry trees in his garden for use in experiments and the manufacture of the silkworms. The parsonage main door faced south into garden, however has now been turned toward street. The parsonage of Stiles is located at #14 Clarke Street, also known as the Henderson Home for Aged Men.

Still standing across the street at #15 Clarke Street is his church, now converted to condominiums. Sometimes referred to as the "Dr. Stiles Meetinghouse," Stiles was afraid that during the British occupation of Newport the guns of the warships were aimed at the church.

During this occupation most of his congregation had left town. He was thought of so highly by his parishioners that they were unwilling to dismiss him as their pastor. Stiles was not formally dismissed by the congregation until the next minister took charge in May of 1786 - ten years after he left town.

A staunch supporter of the Revolution, advocate of rights and liberties, leaves the hostilities of Newport for Dighton, MA, in March of 1776. He does visit Newport, not to live but to preach while living in Dighton. Visits Newport after occupation ends.

After Newport days (moved March 1776), took charge of parishes in Taunton, MA, Providence, RI, and in May 1777, took charge of a church in Portsmouth, NH.

Elected president of Yale in September 1777, but did not accept post until March 1778, died in office. Buried at Grove Street Cemetery in New Haven, CT.

Case Study No. 0874: Tammi Sauer

Dancing With Tammi Sauer (The Librarian)
1:01
Dance instruction by author Tammi Sauer Video Promotion for Chicken Dance. A picture book by Sterling Publishing written by Tammi Sauer and illustrated by Dan Santat
Tags: tammi sauer chicken dance sterling publishing dan santat the librarian steps
Added: 3 years ago
From: dsantat
Views: 7,496

[scene opens with a garage door slowly opening to reveal author Tammi Sauer standing and covering her eyes]
ANNOUNCER: And now, Sterling Dance Academy presents ... Dancing with Tammi Sauer!
[she moves her hands and speaks directly to the camera]
TAMMI: Hi, I'm Tammi Sauer. Children's book author, part time dancer, and former librarian. I'm here to help you shake it up on the dance floor! I know you've heard of the "Cotton Eye Joe" and the "Macarena", but today I've got a new move for you! I call it "The Librarian"! When we put it together, it's going to look a little bit like this ...
[she puts her right index finger to her mouth, then her left index finger]
TAMMI: We're going to go "Shhh", "Shhh" ...
[she moves her right hand across her mouth like she's closing a zipper, then her left hand]
TAMMI: "Zip It", "Zip It" ...
[she moves her right hand over her mouth like she's turning a key, then her left hand]
TAMMI: "Lock It", "Lock It" ...
[she makes a move like she's throwing something over her right shoulder, then her left shoulder]
TAMMI: "Throw Away the Key", "Throw Away the Key" ...
[she starts marching in place]
TAMMI: We're gonna march at a ninety-degree angle ...
[she moves her left hand across her nose]
TAMMI: And then we're going to push up the glasses!
[cut to Tammi facing the camera]
TAMMI: Now remember, practice makes perfect!
[she points to the camera]
TAMMI: And I'll see you on the dance floor!
[cut to Tammi dancing with a young girl]
ANNOUNCER: This video is property of Sterling Dance Academy, copyright 2009. Tammi Sauer is not a professional dancer. Dance results may vary. Please dance responsibly. "Chicken Dance" in stores August 1st. For more information, visit www dot elvispoultrybooks dot com.

VIDEO CLIP COPYRIGHT 2009 TAMMI SAUER STERLING PUBLISHING
387 Park Avenue South, New York NY 10036 CHICKEN DANCE
ISBN-10: 1402753667 ISBN-13: 978-1402753664
WRITTEN BY TAMMI SAUER ILLUSTRATED BY DAN SANTAT
PLEASE DANCE RESPONSIBLY
TAMMI SAUER IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY PHYSICAL OR EMOTIONAL HARM AFTER WITNESSING THIS VIDEO
"DANCING WITH" SERIES COPYRIGHT 2009 TAMMI SAUER AND DAN SANTAT
"CHICKEN DANCE" in stores now

---

From tammisauer.com:

I participated on the Oklahoma Showcase of Authors and Illustrators Panel with the amazing Anna Myers, Darleen Bailey Beard, Dian Curtis Regan, Mike Wimmer, and Chris Nick. During my presentation, I gave some skinny on my books, my school visit presentations, and took the opportunity to debut "The Librarian" in front of a live audience.

One thing is clear ... librarians rock!

Case Study No. 0873: "A Librarian or a Stripper?"

A librarian or a stripper?
3:53
Three guys got fooled in a hidden camera video show
Tags: prank librarian stripper funny hilarious men intuition guys male hidden camera
Added: 1 year ago
From: 0prospects
Views: 134

[scene opens in a boardroom where a bunch of men are sitting around a table]
NARRATOR: Everyone in the room is in on the joke, except this guy ...
[camera zooms in on one of the men, then cuts to his girlfriend sitting in another room]
NARRATOR: His girlfriend set him up, and she's watching in the back with our producers.
[cut to a woman walking into the room, closing the door behind her]
KIRA: My name is Kira, and I am from Stuff Magazine. Thanks so much for being part of our focus group. Next month, we're actually doing a feature, and it's called "Male Intuition: Does it Exist?" So we're gonna show you some pictures of real women, and then what we want is just some honest answers as to what you think they do for a living.
[Kira shows a picture of the first woman]
KIRA: Woman number one. Tell me if you think that she is a nurse from Fort Lauderdale, or a telemarketer from Tallahassee? So who think's she's a nurse?
[some of the men raise their hands]
KIRA: Okay, so let's see what she does ...
[she reveals another picture of the woman in a nurse outfit]
KIRA: She is a nurse! Okay ...
[she replaces the picture with a different woman]
KIRA: Okay, so woman number two. Would you say she's a truck driver from Jacksonville, or that she works at a cosmetics counter in a Tampa department store spritzing perfume?
[some of the men say "truck driver"]
KIRA: Truck driver?
[she reveals another picture of the same woman wearing a trucker hat]
KIRA: She's a truck driver!
[she points to the boyfriend]
KIRA: Why did you say truck driver? It's--
BOYFRIEND 1: I dunno. Cosmetics, her face doesn't look like she's ... I dunno. It just--
KIRA: Like she knows what she's doing?
BOYFRIEND 1: Yeah. Well, the first thing ... I dunno. Just, you said truck driver, and I can kinda see a woman like that. Her hair doesn't look too nice.
[she replaces the picture with one of his girlfriend]
KIRA: Okay, so woman number three. And, let's see, do you guys think that she is a librarian or a stripper?
[while the boyfriend looks confused, all of the other men confidently yell out "stripper"]
KIRA: Stripper? Well, let's uncover what she is ...
[she reveals another picture of his girlfriend dressed in sexy lingerie]
KIRA: She is a stripper! You guys were right!
BOYFRIEND 1: Uh, excuse me? Where did you get that picture? I've been going out with this girl for six [bleep] years, man!
[the other men act incredulous, saying things like "Are you serious?"]
BOYFRIEND 1: [gets up] Are you [bleep] kidding me?
[cut to the girlfriend laughing in the other room, then back to the boyfriend]
KIRA: We're gonna have to disqualify this entire focus group. If he knows her, I can't pay you guys.
[cut to Research Group 2 entering the room]
NARRATOR: Now let's see how Tom reacts.
[cut to Kira putting up a picture of Tom's girlfriend]
KIRA: Is this woman a librarian or a stripper?
[all of the men again say "stripper", and Kira reveals another picture of his girlfriend dressed in a sexy outfit]
KIRA: She is a stripper! You guys were right!
[one of the men starts pointing at the picture]
MAN: She looks familiar, I know her from a bachelor party from two weeks ago!
TOM: [angrily] Lemmee tell you something ...
MAN: This is Naughty Nicole! I know this chick, I swear to God!
TOM: Her name's Nicole, but it's not Naughty Nicole. And she wasn't at your bachelor party, because she's my girlfriend!
KIRA: Then I can't pay you guys your focus group checks, because--
[the other men feign anger at not getting paid]
KIRA: I can't--
TOM: What's going on? Come on, come on!
KIRA: I-I'm sorry, she filled out an application with us, and she wrote down "stripper."
MAN 2: Are we gonna get paid, or what?
KIRA: She went to Astronaut High in Florida. I mean, is this, this is uh ... Nicole, right?
TOM: Oh, you guys, man ... Alright, alright.
KIRA: Well y'know, what's weird is actually--
TOM: [screaming] No, everybody's in on this! What's goin on?!
[cut to Tom's girlfriend making a nervous face to the camera, then back to the focus group]
KIRA: Whoa, Tom! Tom, relax! It's gonna be okay. We didn't know that you were, like, such a wild guy ...
[cut to Research Group 3]
NARRATOR: Andy is in for the biggest surprise!
[cut to Kira putting up another picture, with the camera focused on Andy so that the audience cannot see who the woman is]
KIRA: And here's our third woman ...
[Andy has a look of shock on his face, as the camera pans around to reveal that the picture is of an older woman
KIRA: So, looking at this picture, would you say that she is a librarian or a stripper]
[Andy nervously fidgets in his chair as the other men again say "stripper"]
ANDY: [looks around] Wait, that's my mom!
[Kira reveals another picture of Andy's mom wearing a bikini with her hair in pigtails]
KIRA: Your mom?
ANDY: The [bleep] is that?!
KIRA: Oh, your mom's ... um, a stripper?
ANDY: [gets up and starts yelling] That's my, that's my mom! She's not a stripper, she's a kindergarden teacher! She doesn't take glossy photos!
KIRA: I can't--
ANDY: No! No! [bleep] ...
[he leaps over the table, grabs the photo, and starts ripping it apart]
ANDY: [bleep] This is digusting!
[Andy's mom enters the room as everyone starts applauding]
KIRA: You're on a hidden camera show!
[Andy suddenly realizes what's going on and looks like he's about to faint]
KIRA: It's gonna be okay! It's gonna be okay!
[cut back to Research Group 2, as Tom is still angry]
KIRA: She doesn't look like a girl that behaves badly ...
TOM: She behaves badly, she's just my girlfriend, and she's not a stripper!
[Tom's girlfriend enters the room and hugs him, as everyone applauds]
KIRA: You're on a hidden TV camera show called "Girls Behaving Badly!"
[cut back to Research Group 1]
KIRA: You're on a new hidden camera show, "Girls Behaving Badly", and we got you!

---

From wikipedia.org:

Girls Behaving Badly is an American reality comedy television show on the Oxygen cable channel, and is also syndicated to television stations across the United States and Canada by Sony Pictures Television.

The show, described by the channel as "Sex and the City meets Candid Camera", presents five women playing pranks on unsuspecting victims. Many different pranks have been taped by the show's hidden cameras.