Case Study No. 2051: "Buffets and Librarians"

Buffets and Librarians
1:46
Buffets and Librarians

Mike DeStefano

(P) 2010 Stand Up! Records

Released on: 2010-07-06

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MIKE: Raping a stripper is like taking extra food from a buffet ...
[the audience laughs]
MIKE: Some girl yelled out one night, "Oh, that's wrong!" Oh, really? It is? Thanks, thanks. I thought it was right, I-I didn't know.
[the audience laughs]
MIKE: I-I thought ... Oh, thank you for reminding me that I'm doing a seminar on, like, y'know, helping women with their issues. Y'know, ya fuckin' dope!
[the audience laughs]
MIKE: She's like, "So you think a stripper deserves to be raped?" Did I say that? No, it was an analogy! I was using an analogy! Not a deserving, uh, who deserves it. I mean, nobody deserves to be raped! Nobody! Nobody deserves a fucking stranger's thumb jammed in their ass against their will! Nobody!
[he pauses]
MIKE: But if you have to say who deserves it ...
[the audience laughs]
MIKE: I would have to say that a librarian deserves a thumb jammed in her ass ... less than a stripper does.
[the audience laughs]
MIKE: If it's a stripper, there's a story. She was getting too close, I was trying to push her away.
[the audience laughs]
MIKE: I just had lasik surgery, she was scaring me up.
[the audience laughs]
MIKE: I was, y'know? If you jam your thumb in a librarian's ass, that was premeditated.
[the audience laughs]
MIKE: You left the house saying "I am jamming my thumb in a librarian's ass today."
[the audience laughs]
MIKE: There were diagrams found ... What're you gonna say? "Oh, she fell off the ladder, I was trying to help her?" No!
[the audience laughs]

---

From amazon.com:

OK Karma
Mike DeStefano

Audio CD (June 8, 2010)
Original Release Date: 2011
Number of Discs: 1
Label: Stand Up! Records
ASIN: B003TVQPA6

1. Warm Welcome From Mike [Explicit]
2. NO! [Explicit]
3. BOO! [Explicit]
4. Ass Hair Waxer [Explicit]
5. Rage Against The Cul-De-Sac [Explicit]
6. Homeless Tough Love [Explicit]
7. Fighting Terrorism [Explicit]
8. Bull-Emia [Explicit]
9. Buffets And Librarians [Explicit]
10. Overused Words [Explicit]
11. A Million Bucks [Explicit]
12. Free Tibet [Explicit]
13. Spiritual Handgun [Explicit]
14. Heroin Is Bad For Some People [Explicit]
15. Fake Optimism [Explicit]
16. Lead Finger [Explicit]
17. Chocolate Milk [Explicit]

The title of Mike DeStefano's first stand-up CD isn't so much an assessment of his status in the universe, nor is it an open, ''Bring it on!'' style exhortation. No, more in keeping with the conflicted Buddhist he represents on the cover (gun in one hand, meditation beads in the other), ''OK Karma'' is a mantra. If Buddhism is about realizing that desire, attachment, and addiction cause all suffering, OK Karma is DeStefano's way of acknowledging that we've all seen some sh*t. Okay, he says, this is how the world is. And if the world's like this, we'd better put aside our weeping and our bitching and get down to the laughter. It just might save our sorry lives.

DeStefano's delivery is straight-up Bronx. No trickery or slippery rhetoric here, just truths - the harder, the funnier. With years of New York, sink-or-swim comedy behind him (and, before that, a life full of the heavy kinds of experiences that render a guy a wee bit unlikely to care if an audience loves or hates him), DeStefano has learned how to dish it out, how to take it, and how to wrap an audience around his finger (we're guessing it's always the same one...) in an hour or less. Listening to him level humanity, regardless of color, religion, age, or political inclination, is a revelation. Because it doesn't matter who you are, suburban kids who think they're gangsters are always annoying.

Appearing now on the 2010 edition of NBC's ''Last Comic Standing'' and nearly every night on a stage somewhere in the great Big Apple, Mike DeStefano is ready to receive his adoring fans. Just, for the love of Buddha, learn how to spell ''excuse me'' before you try to shake his hand.