Case Study No. 1878: Staff of Unnamed Library (The Great Library Misery)

The Golden Rule for public libraries!
0:05
The public library is available for all!

Rich and poor!
Well and sick!
Old and young!
Tags: great miserable librarians
Added: 4 months ago
From: ToonLib
Views: 3

From wikipedia.org:

The Grouch Club was a talk show broadcast on CBS Radio West Coast on Mondays (later Tuesdays) between October 17, 1938 and April 25, 1939, followed on Sundays at 6:30 PM on NBC Red Network April 16, 1939 through January 21, 1940. Jack Lescoulie hosted as "grouchmaster", listening to people who wanted to complain about any problem in their life. Among the "grouchies" featured were familiar radio personalities (some also in movies): Jack Albertson, Arthur Q. Bryan (the future voice of Elmer Fudd), Emory Parnell, Ned Sparks, Don Brody, Mary Milford, Phil Kramer and Eric Burtis. Beth Wilson was a key singer and the hosts were Neil Reagan and Jim Barry. A key producer was a top movie screenwriter Owen Crump. Roland Kibbee was among the writers.

Simultaneous to the show was a series of 9 to 10 minute comedy short films also co-written and co-starring on screen, Jack Lescoulie. These were produced by Warner Brothers through Vitaphone. Arthur Q. Bryan and Nancy Evans often appeared in these, which showcased an unfortunate soul struggling with library book cards, voting trouble, parking problems and other troubles... warranting an entrance in the "Grouch Club".

Only 6 films were made in 1938-1939, the first of which eventually made it to DVD as an "extra" with the feature The Roaring Twenties. Lloyd French was key director.

* The Great Library Misery / September 10, 1938
* Tax Trouble(s) / March 18, 1939
* Witness Trouble / July 29, 1939
* Vote Trouble / September 9, 1939
* No Parking / December 22, 1939
* Trouble in Store / December 23, 1939

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From tcm.com:

"The Great Library Misery" (1938)

A man regales his buddies with the trials and tribulations he experienced while trying to check out a library card.

Grouchmaster ... Jack Lescoulie Jr.
Mr. Smith ... Arthur Q. Bryan
Librarian ... Nancy Evans
Library Manager ... Detmar Poppen

Directed by Lloyd French
Story by Nat Hiken

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From imdb.com:

Grouchmaster: [reading Mr. Smith's application into the Grouch Club] "About 6 months ago, 2 weeks after moving to this city, I decided to catch up on my reading. A friend of mine told me the city had one of the biggest free libraries in the county, so the next morning I went downtown and presented myself at the library desk."

[...]

Mr. F.T. Smith: Ahem. Eh Miss, I'd like a book.
Librarian: A what?
Mr. F.T. Smith: A book. You know, two covers with pages.
Library Manager: [walks up behind Mr. Smith] You'll have to leave, sir. You're making too much noise. According to Rule 16, persons using the library must maintain absolute silence.
Mr. F.T. Smith: [whispering] I'm sorry. I just came in. I'll be very quiet.
Library Manager: [leaves]
Mr. F.T. Smith: [whispering] I'd like a book.
Librarian: What book?
Mr. F.T. Smith: [whispering] "We Are Not Alone." It's by James Hilton.
Librarian: Make out the card, please. The attendant will get it for you. [she rings the bell] Book.
Attendant: Okay. [he takes the card from Mr. Smith]
[he leaves and then immediately returns with the book]
Attendant: Here's your book, sir.
Mr. F.T. Smith: Well, that's service. This is the book all right, Miss, I'll just take it right along. Eh, the name is Smith. F.T. Smith. Thank you, good day.
Librarian: One moment, sir. You'll have to check that book out.
Mr. F.T. Smith: Oh.
Librarian: Who is it for?
Mr. F.T. Smith: Smith, F.T. Smith. 485 North Mayflower.
Librarian: Are you Mr. Smith?
Mr. F.T. Smith: No, I'm Benny the Gat, wanted in Toledo for the Spumelli killing.
Librarian: I'll see if you're listed here, sir. Benjamin Gat, G-A-T...
Mr. F.T. Smith: No wait, Miss. My name is Smith. I'm not listed there.
Librarian: But haven't you a library card?
Mr. F.T. Smith: Library card? Why, I just got into the city.
Librarian: Well, you have to have a card.
Mr. F.T. Smith: Okay, give me a card.
Librarian: You'll have to fill out this... Three of these... Four of these... and two of these.
Mr. F.T. Smith: [takes the stack of papers] Now wait a minute, fill these out? Why, I can't even carry them! What are they, income tax returns?
Library Manager: [walks up behind Mr. Smith] You'll have to leave, sir. Rule 16 says...
Mr. F.T. Smith: [whispering] I'll fill out the forms. I'll be back right away for the card.

[...]

Mr. F.T. Smith: Here they are, Miss. Every detail of my life. I haven't a secret left. Now can I have my book, remember?
Librarian: One moment, I'll look over these forms...
Mr. F.T. Smith: Yes.
Librarian: Oh, you've only been in this city for two weeks?
Mr. F.T. Smith: Two whole weeks.
Librarian: Oh, then these forms aren't for you. [she rips up the papers]
Mr. F.T. Smith: Wait a minute! You can't do this to me! Why, it took me three hours to get those things done!
Library Manager: [walks up behind Mr. Smith] You'll have to leave, sir. According to Rule 16...
Mr. F.T. Smith: Just one moment, please.
Library Manager: [leaves]
Mr. F.T. Smith: Now look, lady. Break it to me gently. Do I get a book?
Librarian: Of course, sir. The public library is available for all. Rich and poor, well and sick, old and young...
Mr. F.T. Smith: Do I get a book?
Librarian: Of course, sir. There will be a 5 dollar deposit.
Mr. F.T. Smith: 5 doll... Listen, isn't this a free library?
Librarian: You've only been in this city for two weeks. Therefore, you're classed as a visitor, and under Rule 118, must pay a deposit.
Mr. F.T. Smith: Look, I'm not a visitor, I live here! Lady, I don't mind the 5 dollars, but just as a matter of principle, is there any way I can get a book free in this free library?! [whispering] Just as a secret between us, I won't tell on ya.
Librarian: You can obtain a card by having this form signed by a property owner, or if your name is listed in the telephone directory, the city directory, or by having this form signed by 16 character witnesses.
Mr. F.T. Smith: Look, I'm just an ordinary citizen. I don't profess to be a mental giant, but I do happen to know the meaning of the word free! Now I was told I could get a book here free! Now I find out I have to pay 5 dollars or get half the state to sign papers for me!!
Library Manager: [walks up behind Mr. Smith] You'll have to leave, sir. You're...
Mr. F.T. Smith: I know, I'm making too much noise! Okay, I'm leaving... I'll take these forms, but I'll be back! I'll be back! Goodbye!

[...]

Grouchmaster: "A week later, I returned."
Mr. F.T. Smith: [smiling] How do you do?
Librarian: How do you do? Anything I can do for you, sir?
Mr. F.T. Smith: Oh no, I'm Smith. Remember, the guy who can't take out a library book?
Librarian: The public library is available for all. Rich and poor, well and...
Mr. F.T. Smith: Yes yes, Miss, I know all about that. I just came in to tell you that I now have a telephone. Can I have my card?
Librarian: A library card?
Mr. F.T. Smith: ... Miss, you said if I got a telephone, I could have a card.
Librarian: What was the name, please?
Mr. F.T. Smith: Smith. F.T. Smith, 485 North Mayflower Street.
Librarian: One moment. I'll check into that. [picks up phone] Look up Smith, F.T. North Mayflower.
Mr. F.T. Smith: The name of the book is "We Are Not Alone" by James Hilton.
Librarian: One moment, sir... Yes? Thank you. [hangs up]
Mr. F.T. Smith: There, I've written the name of the book.
Librarian: I'm sorry sir, but your name is not listed in the telephone directory.
Mr. F.T. Smith: Well, of course not, I just got the phone this morning!
Librarian: Rule 19D states applicants for cards must be listed in the telephone directory, have a property owner sign, own a house, or...
Mr. F.T. Smith: But you said if I got a telephone, I could have a card! Now, I don't need a telephone! I just got a phone because you told me...
Library Manager: [walks up behind Mr. Smith] You'll have to leave, sir. Rule 16 states...
Mr. F.T. Smith: All right, all right! I'm not licked... I'll be back! I'll be back!

[...]

Grouchmaster: "A month passed by, and again I returned."
Mr. F.T. Smith: [surly] Hello.
Librarian: Anything you wish, sir?
Mr. F.T. Smith: Oh, nothing much. Just browsing around. You don't mind, do you?
Librarian: The public library is available for all. Rich...
Mr. F.T. Smith: And poor, well and sick. Yeah, yeah. I know... Look, Miss, I took care of that little matter about having a property owner sign this form. A Mr. Emil Schnitzel. Lives on our block. [hands her a piece of paper]
Librarian: Thank you, I'll check on that. [picks up phone] Check on property owner. Mr. Emil Schnitzel. North Mayflower Street.
Mr. F.T. Smith: Uh, by the way, the name of the book is "We Are Not Alone" by James Hilton.
Librarian: One moment, sir... Yes? Oh. Thank you. [hangs up]
Mr. F.T. Smith: Do I get the card here, or at that other desk?
Librarian: Mr. Emil Schnitzel was foreclosed yesterday. He is no longer listed as a property owner.
Mr. F.T. Smith: Well, you can't do this to me! Why, I...
Library Manager: [walks up behind Mr. Smith] You'll have to leave, sir. Rule 16 states...
Mr. F.T. Smith: All right, all right! I'll play your little game! It's me against the system, but I won't give up! I'll get that book! I'll get that book!

[...]

Grouchmaster: "Did I give up? No! Four months later, I came back."
Mr. F.T. Smith: Hello, Miss.
Librarian: How do you do, sir?
Mr. F.T. Smith: I just came in to tell you I bought a house. A nice big house. 28 rooms and 7 baths. All I need is 2 rooms and a shower, but I bought a house! [shows her a picture] Lovely, isn't it?
Librarian: Rule 114 says library employees must not converse on personal matters with people using the library.
Mr. F.T. Smith: Look, Miss, I don't wanna discuss anything with you! All I want is my card!
Librarian: Card?
Mr. F.T. Smith: My library card! Look, I'm F.T. Smith. I'm now a property owner. Here, I'm listed in the telephone directory. Here's the bill of sale on my house. My driver's license, my social security number, my marriage license, 6 cards of membership in 6 clubs, and a letter from the mayor! [calmly] Break it to me gently, do I get my card?
Librarian: Let's see... Yes, these seem to be okay. I'll have your card made out in just a moment, sir.
Mr. F.T. Smith: No... No... No, I can't believe it! I'm actually getting a card! For 6 months I've been coming here! For 6 long months, I've been...
Librarian: Did you say 6 months, sir?
Mr. F.T. Smith: I said 6 long months.
Librarian: You mean you've lived in this city for 6 months?
Mr. F.T. Smith: Sure.
Librarian: Well then, all of this is unnecessary. Rule 24 states if you are a resident of this city for 6 months, you are automatically entitled to a library card. Without the necessity of co-signers, property ownership, or desposit.
Mr. F.T. Smith: You mean... I didn't need the telephone? Schnitzel? The house? Nothing?!
Librarian: No, sir. Here's your card. [hands him a library card]
Mr. F.T. Smith: Card... I got a free card! It's all mine!
Librarian: On behalf of the library officials, may I wish you many happy hours of joyful reading in the public library, according to Rule 56.
Mr. F.T. Smith: [smiling] Yeah... Can I have the book? Look, I wrote it all out here for you, according to Rule 47. [hands her a piece of paper]
Librarian: "We Are Not Alone." Oh, this is a very popular book just now. It's on reserve.
Mr. F.T. Smith: Well, when can I get it?
Librarian: Well, if the 2,452 people who are ahead of you read it fast enough, you may be able to get it by the middle of next May.
Mr. F.T. Smith: Look lady, I don't ask much of life... all I wanna do is read "We Are Not Alone!" It's just a little book! Not one of your great big books! But I want that book! I've got a card now, and I demand that book!
Library Manager: [walks up behind Mr. Smith] My dear sir, this is the fifth time I've apprehended you for violating Rule 16 of the library code, making too much noise! I shall take the proper course. Give me your card. [he rips up the card] You may leave now. Rule 166 states that after a period of 5 years you may again use the library. Good day! [he leaves]
Mr. F.T. Smith: No! No! It can't be true! [starts to cry] It can't be true! All I wanted to do was read "We Are Not Alone!" It's just a little book! Oh no! No!