Case Study No. 1596: Paul Telner, Library Silence Monitor

Library Monitor FAIL
4:17
Paul FAILS at being a Library Silence Monitor.

http://paul telner.com
Tags: Paul Telner Pranks Silence Monitor
Added: 7 years ago
From: ApauledTV
Views: 78,360

[scene opens with a young man sitting at the front entrance to a college library, when he gets up and stops a male patron as he's entering]
PAUL: Hi, hi. Could I just talk to you for one second?
[the patron stops, as Paul shakes his hand]
PAUL: Hi, my name is Paul.
MALE PATRON 1: Hi, Paul.
PAUL: Hi. Could I ask you to move over here?
[they move over to the side]
PAUL: Um, I just wanted to talk to you for a quick second. Um ... Basically, we have a new policy here at the library, where we're trying to control noise levels. I noticed when you came in, you kinda made a lotta noise with the door. I don't know, did you notice that?
MALE PATRON 1: No, I didn't.
PAUL: Okay, when you came in, you kind of hit the side of the door ... kind of with your, I guess that's a belt.
MALE PATRON 1: Okay.
PAUL: You hit it with your belt. So what we're trying to do is we're just trying to cut down on that.
MALE PATRON 1: Oh.
PAUL: So ... Um, can I just ask, what makes you think you can come in and make that level of noise in a library?
MALE PATRON 1: [pause] I'm kind of offended by the way you're asking that.
PAUL: Oh, I'm sorry.
MALE PATRON 1: Look, I'm in a bit of a hurry right now--
[he starts to move, but Paul stands in his way]
PAUL: Look, I'm gonna have to--
MALE PATRON 1: They've given me a few minutes break--
PAUL: Alright.
MALE PATRON 1: And I've got a few things to do on my break.
PAUL: Okay, okay.
MALE PATRON 1: Now I need to get back to my class.
PAUL: Can I just ...
[he points off camera]
PAUL: Can I just talk to you for just one second over there?
MALE PATRON 1: You have talked to me for one second over there.
PAUL: But just, but just one second--
[cut to Paul talking to a female patron at the entrance]
PAUL: Have you been to a library before?
FEMALE PATRON 1: No, this is the first time.
PAUL: Oh, it's your first time at a library?
FEMALE PATRON 1: Yeah.
PAUL: Well, basically, when you're in a library, you have to be as quiet as possible.
FEMALE PATRON 1: Alright.
[he lowers his voice to barely above a whisper]
PAUL: [whispers] You can't talk that loud, kinda like I'm talking right now. You have to whisper. Can you try with me? Let's whisper.
[cut to Paul talking to another male patron at the entrance]
PAUL: [whispers] And could I just ask, when you're walking into the library, what makes you think you can bang your water bottle with your all-athletic ...
[he starts waving his arms around to mock the patron]
PAUL: [whispers] "I'm Mister Athletic Man! I play for varsity everything!"
[cut to Paul talking to another male patron at the entrance]
MALE PATRON 2: [whispers] Do you know where I can get today's paper?
PAUL: [whispers] I can't hear you, sir.
MALE PATRON 2: Do you know where I can get today's paper?
[Paul holds up his hand]
PAUL: [whispers] Too loud, too loud. You gotta quiet down a little.
MALE PATRON 2: Do you know where I can get today's paper?
PAUL: [whispers] Let's try whispering. Like a whisper, okay?
[the patron laughs]
PAUL: [whispers] "Do you know where I can get" ... Okay.
MALE PATRON 2: [whispers] Today's paper.
PAUL: [whispers] I can't hear you.
MALE PATRON 2: [whispers] Today's newspaper.
PAUL: [whispers] Today's ... or yesterday's?
MALE PATRON 2: [whispers] Today's.
[cut to Paul talking to another male patron at the entrance]
PAUL: [whispers] Do you listen to Marilyn Manson?
MALE PATRON 3: [whispers] No.
PAUL: [whispers] Okay, good.
MALE PATRON 3: [whispers] Do you?
PAUL: [whispers] No, I don't, but I think you do, because they way you walked in there, you seemed very dark and very mad at the world. Are you mad at the world?
[cut back to Paul talking to the male patron who was looking for the newspaper]
PAUL: [whispers] You asked me where the paper was, did you not?
MALE PATRON 2: [whispers] Yeah.
PAUL: [whispers] Okay. If you ask me where the paper is, and you come up to me, and you shout it at the top of your lungs like a maniac, okay?
[the patron moves like he wants to say something, but Paul continues]
PAUL: [whispers] In a wild ... wild maniac swinging off chandeliers, I can't do that!
[cut to Paul sitting at the entrance, when he gets up and stops another male patron]
PAUL: [whispers] Excuse me. Excuse me, sir? Sir?
[a female patron entering the library stops, but he waves her off]
PAUL: [whispers] No.
[she leaves, and he walks over to the male patron]
PAUL: [whispers] Sir ... Um, hi. Um, how are you?
MALE PATRON 4: Good.
PAUL: [whispers] Good. I'm working for the library, okay?
MALE PATRON 4: Yeah.
PAUL: [whispers] I'm on staff, and um ... When you walked into the library, I don't know if you noticed, but when you walked in you made a lot of noise with your bag and your pants. I don't know, you did something. I'm just wondering what you, what makes you think ... gives you the right, y'know?
[cut to Paul talking to another female patron (who has her face blurred out)]
PAUL: [whispers] When you're out there, you can play your Monopoly, listen to your Paula Abdul, I don't care! But when you're in here, you have to ... y'know, you're under our rules, and I'm sorry, I-I'm gonna have to--
FEMALE PATRON 2: Are you serious?
PAUL: [whispers] Yes, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
[cut back to Paul trying to escort the previous male patron out of the library]
MALE PATRON 4: I don't have time to do that, I have to go into the--
PAUL: [whispers] I'm gonna have to get you to leave, I'm sorry.
MALE PATRON 4: So, I have to--
PAUL: [whispers] You made, you made too much noise when you walked in, and we can't have that.
[cut back to Paul trying to escort the previous female patron out of the library]
PAUL: [whispers] Because I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. Can you just come this way with me?
FEMALE PATRON 2: I just--
PAUL: [whispers] Let's just talk about it.
FEMALE PATRON 2: I just wanna use the hole puncher!
PAUL: [whispers] Pardon?
FEMALE PATRON 2: I just wanna use the hole puncher!
PAUL: [whispers] Agan, you're too loud. You're too loud, we gotta keep it--
FEMALE PATRON 2: [whispers] You're too loud!
PAUL: [whispers] Oh, I'm too loud?
[she storms out of the library, as Paul tries to follow her]
PAUL: [whispers] You can use ... We, we just have to talk about this.
[cut back to Paul trying to escort the previous male patron out of the library]
MALE PATRON 4: You're wasting my time, I don't want to waste my time.
PAUL: [whispers] Excuse me?
MALE PATRON 4: You understand me?
PAUL: [whispers] Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me ... What gives you the right? You think you can talk to me like that? I work at this library, okay? So I don't mean to be the bad guy--
MALE PATRON 4: I don't know what you're talking about ...
[he starts to move, but Paul gets in his way]
PAUL: [whispers] I don't wanna be ... Wait wait wait! I don't wanna be the bad guy here, I just wanna let you know that you made a lotta noise--
MALE PATRON 4: Sir, you're wasting my time.
PAUL: [whispers] Wait, I'm trying to tell you, if you could please just stay calm--
MALE PATRON 4: I don't have no time to convince you, so--
PAUL: [whispers] Right, I have to ask you to leave.
MALE PATRON 4: I know the rules for the library.
PAUL: [whispers] The rules have been updated.
MALE PATRON 4: I know that.
PAUL: [whispers] Alright?
MALE PATRON 4: [pause] Please let me ... go.
[Paul points at the door]
PAUL: [whispers] Alright, I have to ask you to leave.
MALE PATRON 4: Sir, you don't have the right to block my way.
PAUL: [whispers] I work for the school.
MALE PATRON 4: You don't have the right to block my way.
PAUL: [whispers] I work for the--
MALE PATRON 4: Do you understand me?
PAUL: [whispers] Right, I work for the school.
MALE PATRON 4: Do you understand me?
PAUL: [whispers] I'm just trying to cooperate with you to make things work, okay?
MALE PATRON 4: I don't know what you're talking about!
[the patron starts raising his voice, as he's clearly lost his patience with this conversation]
MALE PATRON 4: Step out my way!
[he points a finger at Paul in a threatening manner]
MALE PATRON 4: Step out my way!
[Paul finally moves, then the scene cuts to black, as "myspace dot com slash apauled, youtube dot com slash apauledtv" appears on screen]
["We love you too" appears on screen]

---

From thefourohfive.com:

Apauled is the brain child of Paul Telner, a Canadian comedian who has shot to Youtube fame with his wacky and risque antics. Paul - a self confessed orange soda addict; who has won many awards for this pranks carried out on unsuspecting students at his university campus as well as ill tempered members of the general public, is infamously known for smashing an official Youtube trophy in another one of his hilarious stunts. Think Jackass but smarter; Albert Einstein hurling water balloons in a shopping cart drive by, if you will. As a huge fan already, I jumped all over the chance to cover Apauled here on The 405 for my fortnightly column YMFOM!, so it was an honor to be lucky enough to talk with Paul for this EXCLUSIVE Interview. I'm not worthy Paul! Anyway check it out!!!

YMFOM: How did the idea of creating ApauledTV first start?

PAUL: ApauledTV grew out of Campus Cram, which was a comedy special we did first for Zilo Television, a college network in the States. The special did really well, so we thought, let's do Apauled and focus all the pranks around myself doing jobs and screwing them up. Some were real jobs, some were self-appointed and some are just things we say are jobs so we have an excuse to piss people off.

Apauled is pretty much based on my experiences working jobs as a teenager.I maybe had two jobs, both of which I was fired from. The first was at agrocery store, where my entire job was to find grocery carts and put themback into their dispenser. This actually inspired a segment in Apauled where I piss people off by taking their grocery carts when they are still full of groceries and putting them back into the dispenser. I actually did stuff like that just for fun, when no cameras were rolling. The second job was working at a movie theatre in Canada. I was the announcement guy. My job was to announce the name of the movie in front of audiences, and tell people to turn off their cell phones and not talk during the film. I kept getting in trouble because I changed the script they gave me every time I went in front of audiences. After a few weeks, I was so sick of listening to my managers yell at me, I decided to take things to the next level. I was working the night that American Pie was premiering, and decided to pull down my pants in front of a packed house, and put a delicious banana cream pie on my crotch, just to let audiences know what they were about to watch! Management fired me on the spot. They were the dumbest people I have ever worked for! I'm so glad I did that! The pie was delicious!

YMFOM: Of all the sketches you've ever done, what has been your favorite so far and why?

PAUL: Every segment we have done feels kinda like a baby and you love them each equally but I would have to say ones that hold special meaning for me are probably Gardening, The Friendly Goth and The Mascot. Gardening was a blast to film and I've never felt so close to getting my ass kicked. At the time I was scared shitless and running for my life, but there's nothing like after the prank is done, and you watch the footage with your crew and laugh for hours. I've never laughed that hard in years after watching that footage! The Friendly Goth was a total blast to make. Its something I never thought I could do, but my director Jay pushed me to do it and it was an incredible experience to play a character that's nothing like me. Its great immersing myself in a character and seeing how far they can go and where I can take them. It was a weird experience. When filming it, I actually felt like I was watching it on TV as we were making it. It was awesome.

The Mascot was probably the craziest shoot of my life. I still remember running across the court during a big basketball game in Canada. I just went for it and it felt like jumping out of a plane. Loved it. I remember getting home that night after all the chaos, and the trouble we got into, and just thought, that was a great night! We have to do that more.

YMFOM: Has there ever been an idea or sketch that you've backed out of doing? If so, why?

PAUL: There hasn't really ever been a sketch that I've backed out of. There have been ideas that we have thought of, that we couldn't do because of logistic reasons, but we have a rule. If something's really funny, we have to do it. I still remember when I dumped a bag of birdseed on someone in a park. I remember thinking, am I actually doing this? Might as well, it will look awesome on camera!

Most of our ideas really come from my director Jay and I sitting around and just laughing about something we find weird or dumb and then we say, we have to do that! Jay is great for getting me to push myself to places I never have comedically.

YMFOM: Has your success on Youtube changed your life in anyway? Would you say you've become somewhat of a "celebrity" in your home town?

PAUL: YouTube has been awesome. It has totally changed my daily routine in many ways. I actually eat in front of the computer now, which is weird. I have way more friends then I ever thought I would! Its funny, when I'm out at the mall now or restaurants, people sometimes come up to me and say stuff like, hey your the guy from YouTube. Its cool that people are starting to recognize me. After they tell me I'm the guy from YouTube, the conversation either continues or gets really weird and ends there. I love when things get weird! It's always kinda fun when people say hey. I'm the type of guy who walks down the street and says hi to everyone in sight. I love talking to strangers, so when someone actually knows who I and what I do, its the best and always fun.

I have an amazing base of fans who are so loyal. I talk to them everyday and so many of them I can really say are friends now. A day doesn't go by that I don't hear how their day has gone, or what's new in their life.

It's really inspiring to know that they're watching my videos and laughing. It's awesome. I get a lot of messages from people who tell me they were having a shitty or boring day and then watched my vids, and it made there day way better. Messages like that make everything so worth it. I love my viewers and fans, and I try and respond to every single comment and message they send me. Its tough at times, especially during production, but I have to get back to everybody. If there going to take the time to watch and message me, I owe it to them to at least say hey.

It's also amazing what people have started sending. I'm OBSESSED with orange crush, hotels and restaurants and talk about this stuff all the time in my vlogs. Fans have sent me orange crush pillows that they made for me, or orange crush scarves or even taken pictures of themselves next to orange crush signs in their hometown and sent them to me. It's amazing and overwhelming to see the warmth and support from people. As long as they keep watching and enjoying, I'll keep turning out videos.

[He really wasn't kidding either!]

YMFOM: Finally, where do you see yourself 4 years from now, in terms of your work on Youtube?

PAUL: In 4 years, hmmm. I see myself with facial hair for some reason. But i think the way were going and what were working towards is to really establish myself is one of the biggest comedians on YouTube and someone who is known for doing reality comedy and doing it well. Television is a big goal as well and something I'm working towards. I'd love to have my own television show but will always be doing stuff online and on YouTube. YouTube has been great and I think 4 years from now our videos will be better, pranks more elaborate and fan base/viewers wider and bigger. I really want to become the source for one of the best in reality comedy both online but also in film and television.

Over the next little while, we will be establishing Paultelner.com which is going to be a blast and a whole new way for me to get in touch with my fans and really talk to them in cooler ways then just messages and comments I really want to build the Paul Telner world and really bring people into what me and my friends are all about. From the way we speak, to what we laugh at, we want to build an awesome army of people who get what we do and become part of our world, it's an insane one and were excited.

Case Study No. 1595: Kate/Offred

The Handmaid's Tale - Official Trailer (1990)
2:27
Trailer for the 1990 film adaptation of 'The Handmaid's Tale', based on the best-selling and critically acclaimed novel by booker prize winning author Margaret Atwood.

Starring: Natasha Richardson as Offred; Robert Duvall as the Commander; Faye Dunaway as Serena Joy; Elizabeth McGovern as Moira; Aidan Quinn as Nick and Victoria Tennant as Aunt Lydia.

The screenplay was by Harold Pinter and the film was directed by Volker Schlondorff.
Tags: Handmaid's Tale Film 1990 Trailer Natasha Richardson Margaret Atwood Robert Duvall Faye Dunaway Elizabeth McGovern Aidan Quinn Victoria Tennant Dystopia Religious Tyranny Theocracy
Added: 2 years ago
From: GayGeisha
Views: 133,493

[various scenes from the movie are shown]
NARRATOR: Once upon a time in the recent future, a country went wrong. The country was called the Republic of Gilead. Ecological disasters ravaged the land, resulting in civil war, political turmoil and wide spread sterility. Only a very few women could still bear children ... These women were called Handmaids.
["The Handmaid's Tale" appears on screen, then cut to two women on a prison bus whispering to each other]
MOIRA: What'd you do? How'd they get you?
KATE: We tried to cross the border. What about you?
MOIRA: Gender treachery. I like girls.
KATE: Christ, they could've sent you to the colonies.
MOIRA: They don't send you to the colonies if your ovaries are still jumping.
[cut to a man reading from the Bible]
COMMANDER: "Rachel had no children, and Rachel said ... "
[cut to his wife sitting nearby]
SERENA: "Give me children, or else I shall die."
[cut to Serena talking to Kate]
SERENA: As for my husband, til death do us part.
[cut to the Commander having sex with Kate (now covered in a red veil and renamed "Offred"), with Serena in the bed with them]
COMMANDER: [in voice over] "So she gave Jacob her maid Bilhah, and Jacob went into her."
[cut to the Commander talking to Kate in private]
COMMANDER: I thought I'd like to get to know you a little ...
OFFRED: Get to know me?
[he chuckles]
COMMANDER: Yes ...
[cut to Kate being checked by a doctor]
DOCTOR: He's probably sterile.
OFFRED: Don't they test them? The men?
DOCTOR: No.
[cut to the Commander and Kate talking again]
OFFRED: What happened to the last one?
COMMANDER: She couldn't conceive, could she?
OFFRED: So what happened to her?
COMMANDER: [pause] She hung herself.
[cut to Serena talking to Kate while knitting]
SERENA: Maybe you should ... try it another way.
OFFRED: What other way?
SERENA: Another man.
OFFRED: What about the Commander?
SERENA: Well ... we just won't tell him, will we?
[cut to Kate (no longer wearing her veil) speaking with another man]
OFFRED: I'm going to have a baby.
NICK: He'll love you to death ... So will she.
OFFRED: Come on, you know it's yours! And I won't let them get it ... Do you wanna get out? We could get out together.
NICK: Baby ...
[cut to more scenes from the movie]
NARRATOR: Natasha Richardson, Faye Dunaway, Aidan Quinn, Elizabeth McGovern, Victoria Tennant, and Robert Duvall as the Commander ... The Handmaid's Tale.

---

From wikipedia.org:

The Handmaid's Tale is a 1990 film adaptation of the Margaret Atwood novel of the same name, directed by Volker Schlondorff the film stars Natasha Richardson (Kate/Offred), Faye Dunaway (Serena Joy), Robert Duvall (The Commander, Fred), Aidan Quinn (Nick), and Elizabeth McGovern (Moira). The screenplay was written by Harold Pinter.

Plot summary
In the near future war rages across the fictional Republic of Gilead and pollution has rendered 99% of the population sterile. Kate is captured after seeing her husband killed and daughter kidnapped while the family tried to escape into Canada. Kate is trained to become a Handmaid, a concubine for one of the privileged but barren couples who rule the country's religious fundamentalist regime. Although she resists being indoctrinated into the bizarre cult of the Handmaids, mixing Old Testament orthodoxy and misogyny with 12-step gospel and ritualized violence, Kate is soon assigned to the home of the Commander and his cold, inflexible wife, Serena Joy. There she is renamed "Offred" - "of Fred".

She is forced to lie between Serena Joy's legs and have sex with the Commander, in hopes that she will bear them a child. Kate continually longs for her earlier life. She soon learns that many of the nation's male leaders are as sterile as their wives. She decides to risk the punishment for fornication — death by hanging — in order to be fertilized by another man who will make her pregnant, and subsequently, spare her life. The other man turns out to be Nick, the Commander's sympathetic driver. Kate grows attached to him and eventually becomes pregnant with his child.

Kate ultimately kills the Commander, then hides from the men who come looking for her. She thinks that the men are the Eyes, the governments secret police. However, it turns out that they are soldiers from the resistance movement, which Nick, too, is a part of. Kate then flees with them, leaving Nick behind in an emotional scene.

In the closing scene, Kate is shown pregnant and alone in a stationary trailer. She reminisces about Nick and the current situation, hoping that once the resistance has won, she and Nick will be together and she will be reunited with her daughter.

---

From earthlink.net:

THE HANDMAID'S TALE

Schlondorff, Volker (Director). The Handmaid's Tale. United States/Germany: Bioskop Film, 1990.

Starring: Natasha Richardson (Kate/Offred, Librarian); Robert Duvall (Commander)

Based on the Novel: Atwood, Margaret. The Handmaid's Tale. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Co., 1986.

The Commander, Offred's master in this dark vision of American society, expresses no surprise when his Handmaiden beats him at an illicit game of Scrabble: "Because you're a librarian." That's the only mention of her occupation before women were enslaved and their value reduced to their ability to conceive. She is the main character, however -- a strong woman struggling to survive under new and appalling societal sanctions. Note that in the book she is not a librarian but a "discer," one of a team of ladies who digitize library books before shredding them. Libraries get a little more mention in the book, with the theme of Library as Church/Temple/Sanctuary (rich with symbols to tease academics). Her problems start when the discers are suddenly fired and removed from their workplace, and we do see a (former) university library defiled when the women's Salvaging -- a modern-day witch trial -- takes place on its wide lawn. This scene is also in the film but its location unidentified. Neither film nor book have much in the way of library issues, but Offred (her birth name is not revealed in the book) could be examined as a metaphor for repressed knowledge. (And despite this story being largely touted as "feminist," the men have it just as bad as the women; the film isn't as balanced as Atwood's tale.) Book and knowledge access comparable to Fahrenheit 451.

Case Study No. 1594: "The portrayal of librarians in comic strips (Part II)"

The portrayal of librarians in comic strips (Part II)
2:20
It took awhile, but the second part in the series is finally uploaded ...

At this rate, I'm sure I'll get Part 3 up by around 2025 ;)
Tags: librarians comic strips
Added: 7 months ago
From: ComixLibrary
Views: 16

From thedeskset.org:

The strip is called "Pearls," although it used to be called "Pearls Before Swine," and the cartoonist is Stephan Pastis. Monday's strip has Pig, a rather sweet, hapless, and innocent character, standing at the Circulation Desk of the public library. He says to the prim and stern librarian, replete with a bun in her hair and tiny glasses perched on her nose and attached to a neck cord, "Hi. I need to return a book that's eleven days overdue. Will the fine be large?" The librarian, looking at her computer screen rather than at Pig, replies, "Oh we stop adding to the fine after ten days. Otherwise it gets too big." Pig looks relieved and says, "Oh good. So what happens when it's over that?" In the final panel, Pig is hung by his arms high on the wall of a dungeon, and that same librarian, wearing a black hood and holding a cat-o-nine-tails, stands before him. Pig comments, "This seems excessive." While I cringed when I read the strip, a small part of me was exhilarated at the power the librarian had. Does that make me a bad person?

---

From cartoonistgroup.com:

Cartoonist(s): Greg Evans
Comic/Cartoon: Luann
Viewable Date: 2009-08-15

The first panel shows the outside of the public library, as Quinn says "Thanks for meeting me here, Luann." She replies "Always happy to show off the library, Quill. So, this report you're doing ... "

The second panel shows Quinn taking to her, saying "'American Libraries.' I thought you could show me around, I'll take notes." She replies "I'm here to please you. Serve you. Help you. As an official librarian."

The third panel shows Quinn writing in his notepad, saying out loud "'The librarian is quite ... ' Hm ... What's the word?" She looks over his shoulder, saying "Appealing?"

---

From cartoonistgroup.com:

Cartoonist(s): John Deering
Comic/Cartoon: Strange Brew
Viewable Date: 2010-09-10

Clint Eastwood (dressed as the Man With No Name from Sergio Leone's "Dollars Trilogy") is standing in front of the returns desk, as the female librarians says "What about this application process do you not understand?"

The caption reads "The Man With No Name Goes for a Library Card."

---

From penny-arcade.com:

I spent some time talking to the Unshelved guys in the airport after the convention, mostly about Lois McMaster Bujold and Gene Wolfe, who are people I have very little opportunity to discuss in the space of a day. When I meet a person who wants to discuss books at length, I'm sure they can sense my desperation. They may even be able to smell it. My first thought is to cripple them, so they can't escape.

I told Gabriel that I thought one of them was still a librarian, and after a pause of indeterminate length we had the following conversation.

Gabe: Wait a second ... So you're saying MEN can be librarians?
Tycho: Yes. That's what I'm saying.
Gabe: Well, what do they call them?
Tycho: Librarians.
Gabe: I thought "librarian" implied gender, like ... like "sorceress."
Gabe: I don't know. It just seems like they should have another name.
Tycho: I like "Libratorr."
Gabe: No, I've got it! Librarymans!

Seriously, in one go. This is a transcript.

We had other librarians approach us during the convention as well, presenting robust plans for maintaining the relevance of the public library in a time when you can know almost anything in the space of a minute. I have a soft spot for such places, having retreated to them as a young man, and also having serviced instructional technology professionally before I hung it up to devote myself to this ridiculous adventure. The librarians that approached us seemed to believe that digital culture was the answer, the alchemical social aspects of gaming. I doubt these rogues have the support of the infrastructure, but it's exciting to imagine the institution transformed.

---

From gocomics.com:

Close to Home
by John McPherson

A group of librarians (all wearing white lab coats) are performing scientific experiments on books, i.e. a male librarian is examining a book under a microscope, a female librarian is lifting a book out of a vat of liquid, and other librarians are looking at a blackboard with books mixed into mathematical equations.

The caption reads "Library Scientists."

---

From cartoonistgroup.com:

Cartoonist(s): John Hambrock
Comic/Cartoon: The Brilliant Mind of Edison Lee
Viewable Date: 2010-04-19

Young Edison Lee is holding a globe and asking his grandfather Orville "Hey, Grandpa, what's big, round, over 4.5 billion years old, and getting hotter?"

Orville (who is staring at the television and doesn't see the globe) replies "That head librarian Maude Kravitz. Although I seriously question the 'hotter' part."

---

From blogspot.com:

First panel: Hammie is taking some books from a librarian who is behind a desk. She says, "There you are. These are due back in 21 days." Hammie says, "Okay."

Second Panel: Hammie is carrying his stack of books and walking next to Zoe who has none. Hammie says, "I hope I can finish all these by then." Zoe tells him, "You have to."

Third panel: Hammie says, "What?" Zoe says, "Your library card states that you must read every word of every book by the due date.... or else!" Her eyes are closed, the image of a knowledgeable person.

Fourth panel: Hammie's eyes are huge. He protests, "But these are CHAPTER BOOKS!" Zoe, looking up and away, as if at an adult, asks, "Have you ever seen such huge biceps on a librarian?"


For the record, I never believed this. I frequently check out stacks of books and sometimes go through them outside and turn them back in (the drive-up box). But I had my first encounter with late fees a couple years and I was so freaked out, a day late, and it was 25 cents. That's it?

This made me laugh.

---

From netcom.com:

Source: Dave Coverly, Speed Bump (Kansas City: Andrews McMeel, 2000) 86.

Description: In room full of computers, a librarian explains: "Sir, this is a library. If you want a book, go to a bookstore..."

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From thecomicstrips.com:

Cartoonist(s): Mike Peters
Comic/Cartoon: Mother Goose and Grimm
Viewable Date: 1987-09-07

A female librarian is whispering into the phone, as a male vampire stands in front of her. She says "He says he wants a book he can sink his teeth into."

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From google.com:

In a March 1, 2001 "Blondie" strip, Dagwood and his wife are sitting at a library table. Quite aware of the smiling young librarian, Dagwood says, "Wow, librarians sure have changed over the years." The librarian immediately frowns and yells, "You!! Quiet!!" Dagwood finishes his thought: "Gulp, maybe not."

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From tumblr.com:

"Librarian Fear Factor"

An elderly female librarian is shaking and sweating while holding a book towards the shelf, as a game show host says "You saw it here first, folks! Dorothy is about to misshelve a book!"

Another female librarian is hiding behind the bookshelf, covering her eyes and saying "I can't look!"

---

From wikia.com:

Mrs. Hickson is the school librarian at P.S 38. She is 39 years old, born on September 9, 1971.

Trivia
* She has a nickname of Hickey, as said in Big Nate Strikes Again.
* Nate also states that "If you're in the library, she wants to see you doing something".
* She never forgets a name, a face, or an overdue book, as stated by Nate.
* She also is not into "hanging out", and it was probably not her idea to put in the bean bags in the library.
* It is interesting to note that in one of the puzzles in Boredom Buster, Mrs Hickson was one of Nate's favourite teachers. This is opposed to in Strikes Again, as seen in the pictures on the right.
* Mrs. Hickson appears to be heavier in Big Nate Flips Out.

Example
* (from "Big Nate", February 26 2013) - Nate Wright walks up to his friends Teddy Ortiz and Francis Pope in the school library. He says "I had a brainstorm, boys! I know exactly what we should call ourselves! We'll combine the first letters of our last names: Pope, Ortiz, Wright! Get it?" He then yells out "POW!" and that makes Mrs. Hickson kick them out of the library for noise. Francis says "We get it", Teddy says "Nice move dorkus" and Nate says "Some brainstorms are stormier than others."

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From cartoonstock.com:

Artist: Baldwin, Mike
Title: Cornered

A female librarian is sitting at the returns desk, holding a gun. A male patron is on the floor, apparently shot dead. The caption reads "She vowed to put an end to overdue books and unpaid fines. It was the right thing to do ... Even used a silencer."

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From mchumor.com:

McHumor.Com by T. McCracken

Reference Book Cartoon 9062: A woman carrying a stack of books in a library has her back popping out. "Mrs. McWit, reshelving encyclopedias, slips a disk, proving again that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing."

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From blogspot.com:

"Drive-by shushing" by Randall McIlwaine

Two ancient-looking librarians drive the bookmobile past two teenagers standing on the sidewalk; one of the women leans out the window and shushes them.

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From jantoo.com:

Cartoonist: Martha Campbell

A female librarian is standing behind a desk with a "Quiet Please" sign, holding a remote control and saying "My job's been a lot easier since I thought of using the mute."

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From gocomics.com:

FoxTrot
by Bill Amend

Andy is sitting at her computer, while her husband Roger stands behind her drinking his coffee; she says "Google's putting a bunch of libraries online", to which he replies "Wow!" The computer then chimes in with a "Shhh!"; she whispers "Clearly, they're sparing no details", and he replies "I can see."

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From cartoonistgroup.com:

Cartoonist(s): Alex Hallatt
Comic/Cartoon: Arctic Circle
Viewable Date: 2013-07-16

Oscar the Penguin is walking with Frank the Polar Bear, saying "I'm helping Snowpeak library with their seed-lending scheme." Frank asks "Which part are you involved in?" They then stop in a room filled with full-grown vegetables, and Oscar replies "Overdue returns."

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From fborfw.com:

For Better or For Worse

ID: 12413
Publication Date: 2013-03-27
First Published On (if retro): 1984-03-28
Collection Book: Just One More Hug
Treasuries: Making Ends Meet

Description: Elly Patterson shows her husband John around the library where she will be working part-time as the childrens' program coordinator. The books, records, magazines, and the children's corner. When she asks him if there's anything he'd like to take out, his eyes latch on to Susan.

Caption: Over here, we have the children's corner... Besides books, we've got records, films, magazines... see anything you'd like to take out?

Lynn's Notes: In order to inject a bit of jealousy between my two main characters, I showed John firing off a definite ogle in the direction of Elly's shapely co-worker, Sue. I planned to take this farther and have something of a relationship evolve between John and Sue resulting in a serious exchange amongst all three. As in other attempts to show some "straying from the fold," I lost my nerve and never continued with the storyline.

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From lisnews.org:

All It Takes To Be A Librarian...
January 27, 2007 - 5:54pm

The Family Circus cartoon for Jan. 27 is another classic. Since FC isn't online until a month after the comic appears in print (just open up the newspaper folks) here's the gist of the cartoon. Billy and Dolly are coming out of the library. Dolly says to Billy "To be a librarian, all you have to learn is how to say "SHH!". We all know Dolly isn't the brightest light on the comics page, but now she's spreading that old librarian stereotype. I think this calls for Leslie Burger to lay the smackdown on Bill Keane. It could be worse. Maybe next month Dolly will touch off a real firestorm by telling Jeffy "I may be dumb, but I'm a lot smarter than all those librarian bloggers."

Case Study No. 1593: Unnamed Female Librarian (Super Dude at the Library)

Super Dude at the Library
1:00
Dodge Center Public Library
PO Box 430
Dodge Center, MN
55927
507-374-2275

Super Dude just saved the world from a giant meteor. Upon landing his boss, lays him off officially due to there no longer being any danger, therefore his super hero services are no longer required. Nice.

The Local Librarian takes notice and gives Super Dude a tour of the Dodge Center Library, explaining how the local library may help him get his career back on track.

Super Dude and his situation are meant as a metaphor for returning veterans who have given so much for their country, only to find a very slow job market, and economy upon returning home. Perhaps libraries can help the heroes who have helped us.

This is part of the Power to the User contest.
http://www.gale. cengage.com/ librareo/
http://www. theothersideofthetracks. com/
Tags: Library Dodge Center MN Power to the User Contest Animation Funds Money Super Dude Paul Janakowsky Metaphor After Effects Power to the user
Added: 5 years ago
From: niceminnesota
Views: 890

[a stereotypical looking superhero (yellow skin, crewcut, ripped muscles, blue tights) is holding a giant meteor above his head, when a man appears next to him]
BOSS: Thanks for saving the day, Super Dude, but since we're no longer in need of your services, we're laying you off.
SUPER DUDE: I just saved the Earth, only to be out of a job! Now what will I do?
[a female librarian (black hair, glasses, black dress) appears]
LIBRARIAN: Relax, Super Dude, the library has got your back. Your local library is jam packed with epic-level career resources at your disposal, totally for free!
[Super Dude drops the meteor right on top of his old boss]
SUPER DUDE: Show me how this could be!
[cut to inside the library, as the librarian shows Super Dude a computer terminal]
LIBRARIAN: Your library has free access to the internet, meaning you can search all those job-posting websites, keep up with your friends and contacts via email, send resumes to companies in need of a superhero, and you can conduct research on firms to get ready for that big interview when it finally comes.
[cut to the librarian and Super Dude walking through the stacks]
SUPER DUDE: This library if chockful of knowledge, ready to be uploaded to my brain! Within these stacks of books, I may find a veritable fortress of solitude for study!
LIBRARIAN: With your local library's help, you can get back to being that superhero you were meant to be in no time!

Case Study No. 1592: Staff of the Fordham Law School Library

Fordham Follies: Libraria
3:46
An original video created by the cast of Fordham Follies 2011 at Fordham Law School. Come see our show March 24 & 25, 2011 at the Pope Auditorium in the Fordham University Lincoln Center campus.
Tags: Libraria Disturbia law revue Fordham Law School Rihanna parody Law Students gunner gunners library above the law law school stack 7 zombies law school musical goth sexy hot law school hot NOS energy drink psychotic law students
Added: 3 years ago
From: FordhamFollies
Views: 8,152

[scene opens with a female student (black hair, glasses, blue sweater) studying in the Fordham Law School Library, then cut to the stacks area where a young female librarian (black hair in a bun, cardigan sweater) is taking a book off of the shelf]
[cut back to the student, then to another female librarian (brown hair in a ponytail, blue cardigan sweater) at the front desk typing on her computer]
[cut back to the student (as the camera focuses on a can of NOS Energy Drink sitting next to her), as she starts to nod off, so she reaches for the can ... but finds it empty]
[cut to a quick shot of the student (now wearing a tight black dress and milky-white contacts, with a drop of blood in the corner of her mouth) sitting at the desk surrounded by zombies, then back to the student (in her normal outfit) as music begins to play]
STUDENT 1: What's wrong with me?
[cut to another shot of the "zombie" student, then back to her in her normal outfit]
STUDENT 1: Why do I feel like this?
[cut to another shot of the "zombie" student, then back to her in her normal outfit (as she rubs her forehead)]
STUDENT 1: I'm going crazy now ...
[the scene fades out, then cut to the "zombie" student dancing and singing in the library, with two female students in similar "goth" outfits and two male students (with ripped white t-shirts and blood dripping out of their mouths) providing backup]
CHORUS: No more NOS energy drink, can't get my brain started! How 'bout one espresso sip, don't even think about it!
[cut to another shot of the group dancing]
CHORUS: On my life, on my head, don't wanna think about it!
[cut to a closeup of one of the female zombies]
STUDENT 2: Feels like I'm going insane, yeah!
[cut back to the group doing the "Thriller" zombie dance]
CHORUS: Like a thief in the night, anxiety grabs you! It can creep up inside you, and consume you! A disease of the mind, it can control you! Exams too close for comfort ...
[cut to a male student studying in the library, when the two male zombies emerge from the stacks behind him]
CHORUS: Put on your thinking cap, you're in a class full of gunners!
[cut to the zombies in a study room, clawing at the windows]
CHORUS: Gunners won't play nice ... watch out, you might just go under!
[cut back to the two male zombies in the library, as they drag the student's body back into the stacks]
CHORUS: Better think twice, your train of thought will be altered!
[cut back to the zombies in the study room]
CHORUS: So if you must falter, be wise ...
[cut to another shot of the male student's body being dragged along the floor]
CHORUS: Your mind's in Libraria, it's like the darkness is the light!
[cut back to the zombies dancing]
CHORUS: Libraria, we'll be staying up all night!
[cut to another shot of the zombies dancing]
CHORUS: Libraria, ain't college easy type ... Libraria, Libraria!
[cut to one of the female zombies dancing through the stacks]
CHORUS: Bum bum be dum, bum bum bum be dum dum!
[cut to one of the male zombies dancing through the stacks]
CHORUS: Bum bum be dum, bum bum bum be dum dum!
[cut to the other female zombie dancing through the stacks]
CHORUS: Bum bum be dum, bum bum bum be dum dum!
[cut to the other male zombie dancing through the stacks]
CHORUS: Bum bum be dum, bum bum bum be dum dum!
[cut to a closeup of one of the female zombies]
STUDENT 2: Faded law books on the wall ...
[cut to the zombies dancing in the library]
CHORUS: Feels like they're talking to me!
[cut to a closeup of the other female zombie]
STUDENT 3: Disconnecting on Stack Three ...
[cut back to the zombies dancing in the library]
CHORUS: The wi-fi don't even work!
STUDENT: I gotta get out, or figure this shit out! Exams too close for comfort, ohhh whoa whoa ...
[cut to black and white footage of the zombies shambling around the stacks]
CHORUS: Like a thief in the night, anxiety grabs you! It can creep up inside you, and consume you! A disease of the mind, it can control you! Exams too close for comfort ...
[cut to color footage of the librarian at the computer, struggling in fear as she is handcuffed to the desk and two of the female zombies stand over her (one holds another pair of handcuffs while the other has a roll of duct tape)]
CHORUS: Put on your thinking cap, you're in a class full of gunners!
[cut to the other female librarian sitting at her desk reading ... unaware that the other female zombie is pouring Drano into her cup]
CHORUS: Gunners won't play nice ... watch out, you might just go under!
[cut back to the first librarian (now unconscious with her mouth covered in duct tape), as the female zombies stand over her]
CHORUS: Better think twice, your train of thought will be altered!
[cut to the other librarian, as the female zombie stands behind her and slowly reaches for her neck]
CHORUS: So if you must falter, be wise ...
[cut back to the zombies in the study room]
CHORUS: Your mind's in Libraria, it's like the darkness is the light!
[cut back to the zombies dancing in the library]
CHORUS: Libraria, we'll be staying up all night!
[cut to another shot of the zombies dancing]
CHORUS: Libraria, ain't college easy type ... Libraria, Libraria!
[cut to the zombified student writhing around on top of a table]
CHORUS: Bum bum be dum, bum bum bum be dum dum!
[cut to one of the female zombies dancing through the stacks]
CHORUS: Bum bum be dum, bum bum bum be dum dum!
[cut to one of the male zombies handcuffed to a chair]
CHORUS: Bum bum be dum, bum bum bum be dum dum!
[cut to the other female zombie smiling at the camera as she spins around in her chair]
CHORUS: Bum bum be dum, bum bum bum be dum dum!
[cut to the other male zombie dancing through the stacks, then cut to the zombified student calmly reading a book (as the other zombies surround her), when the scene fades to black]

Zombies/Singers
Lori Bennett
Alessandra Carcaterra
Joe De Metro
Derek Morales
Sara Yood

Victims
Domna Antoniadis
Colleen J. Hibbert
Jere Keys

Additional Vocals by
Jere Keys
Karen Wahl

Directed by
Jere Keys

Choreography by
Alessandra Carcaterra

Makeup by
Eydie Marie
www dot eydiemarie dot com

Music adapted from "Disturbia"
written by Andre Merritt, Chris Brown, Brian Kennedy & Robert Allen

Special thanks to
Fordham Law School Library Staff

Fordham Follies 2011
March 24 & 25
8pm - Pope Auditorium - $12

---

From fordham.edu:

Fordham Follies is a comedic musical review written, directed, and performed by your fellow law students (often referred to as "Law Revue" at other law schools). The production follows the experience of a student throughout the three years of law school- from your acceptance letter, through finals, and on to graduation. Writing of the show takes place during the fall semester, while casting, rehearsals, and the production take place during the spring semester.

Case Study No. 1591: Jude (student library worker)

Bookies (2003) Trailer
1:26
Good movie. Nick Stahl is awesome!!
Tags: nick stahl johnny galecki lukas haas rachael leigh cook david proval
Added: 6 years ago
From: depplover63
Views: 61,138

From earthlink.net:

BOOKIES

Illsley, Mark (Director). Bookies. Germany/USA: International Arts Entertainment, 2003.

Starring: Johnny Galecki (Jude, Library Assistant)

Jude works the "ass-early" morning shift at the university library, which is fine because some of the books from the night-drop contain betting slips. He and three friends (working from a dorm room) field sports bets but are so successful they become targets of organized crime whose territory has been compromised. Bets are placed and payments exchanged by placing them in certain library books. "We made sure to use books that had never been checked out in the history of the school. Philosophy, the unabridged works of Plato, or anything in a foreign language." He's a genius but has a weakness for drugs and money and is not very appealing. If you've never heard of this film, think "Sundance Film Festival." Or Wal-Mart video bargain bin.

Case Study No. 1590: Barbara Gordon/Batgirl and Unnamed Female Librarian

The Unkindest Tut Of All Part 3
8:36
last part
Tags: Batman Robin Adam West King Tut Victor Buono
Added: 5 years ago
From: FanOfBats
Views: 43,792

[scene opens with Barbara Gordon in her bedroom, talking to her pet parrot]
BARBARA: Charlie, did you hear what King Tut said?
[the parrot squawks]
BARBARA: Well, it was something very interesting. If the quote he quoted is the quote I think he quoted, I may just have figured out Tut's entire plot.
[the parrot squawks]
BARBARA: It's a mistake only an Egyptian bibliophile would have noticed ... Lucky I'm an Egyptian bibliophile.
[she gets up and activates the secret room which conceals her superhero costume]
NARRATOR: Luckily for us, she's an Egyptian bibliphile! And even luckier, she's Batgirl, the supremely feminine scourge of all that is criminal!
[cut to Batman and Robin in the Batcave]
ROBIN: You didn't believe that prediction, didja Batman? Say it isn't so!
BATMAN: I take whatever Tut says with a ton of salt, Robin ... but there was something he said which may be a key to his ultimate caper. He sent it to Bruce Wayne, it had something to do with a quote of some sort.
ROBIN: I was in the Batmobile at that time.
[Alfred (who had been polishing the Batmobile in the background) steps forward]
ALFRED: Oh yes, I remember, sir!
BATMAN: What's it all about, Alfred?
ALFRED: It was to the effect that, um ... a man who knows when he is lost has had it.
BATMAN: Had it ... Of course! It's staring us right in our masks, Robin! That quote is on line seven-six-nine of Chapter Fourteen, Scroll Thirty Two of the thirteenth section of the works of Ramses the Bald, one of the many ancient and irreplaceable scrolls at the Gotham City Library!
ROBIN: How could I have missed that one?
BATMAN: And with Gotham City's police out of the way, he thought he'd have clear sailing ... Let's go, Robin, and let's hope we're not too late. The Gotham City Library closed five minutes ago.
[cut to the interior of the public library, where King Tut and his gang are being chased through the stacks by Batman and Robin]
ROBIN: We can still catch him!
[they turn the corner (where an open shelf is marked "Priceless Collection of Ancient Egyptian Scrolls"), only to find an older female librarian (short brown hair, pink blouse and skirt) kneeling on the floor, her hands tied behind her back]
BATMAN: Robin, look out!
[they kneel down next to the librarian (who appears to be having trouble breathing)]
BATMAN: This librarian has been bound in the ancient Thuggee tradition ... She won't live a minute longer in that position, Robin.
[he pauses, then turns to Robin and casually continues the conversation (while the librarian can only stare up at the ceiling in pain)]
BATMAN: And when faced with the prospect of choosing between the apprehension of a criminal and the saving of a human life, one must always save the life.
ROBIN: Gosh Batman, you're right again!
[he nods, then uses a "bat-knife" to cut the librarian's bonds (who lets out a gasp of air as she's finally free to breathe normally)]
BATMAN: What happened?
LIBRARIAN: That big hulking brute raced in here and stole our most expensive scrolls! All the police that usually guard the, the library boarded out on another job ... They said that you'd protect us, Batman!
ROBIN: Don't worry, we'll get those scrolls back!
BATMAN: Doesn't Barbara Gordon work in this library?
LIBRARIAN: Today's her first day off in a month.
BATMAN: Hmm.
LIBRARIAN: Batman, you've just got to get those scrolls back! They are ancient and irreplaceable!
BATMAN: Yes, I know, my dear.
[they stand up, leaving the librarian on the floor]
BATMAN: Let's go, Robin.
ROBIN: Frankly, Batman, I'm stumped!
BATMAN: Perhaps a clue will turn up.
[they run off, then cut to King Tut's secret lair, where he and his gang are looking over a table covered in the pilfered scrolls (failing to notice Batgirl sneaking up behind them)]
KING TUT: We have performed a most marvelous theft! The Golden Statue of Orshakon is almost within our grasp!
[Batgirl walks up behind them (as they are still unaware of her presence)]
KING TUT: Osiris! Nubis! Gather up these scrolls, and let's make tracks!
BATGIRL: The only tracks you'll be making are straight to the penitentiary!
[they finally turn around]
KING TUT: Batgirl!
BATGIRL: In the flesh!
KING TUT: Y'know, it's against my principles to beat up on ladies, but in your case I'll make an exception ... Get her! Get her!
[she beats up the henchmen, then turns her attention back to King Tut]
KING TUT: Uh, how did you figure out my plan?
BATGIRL: Simple, I recognized a quote from the works of Ramses the Bald, and realized then it was the scrolls you were after. I got to the library as you escaped, and followed you here.
KING TUT: Y'know, I could always use a smart girl in my line of work. The ones I've had lately are rather inferior, would you--
BATGIRL: I'm afraid not! Batman and Robin will be here momentarily, I blazed a trail for them ... Consider your criminal career kaput!
[his female cohort sneaks up behind Batgirl, holding a large vase]
KING TUT: Oh ... goodbye, Batgirl.
BATGIRL: You're not going anywhere!
KING TUT: No, but you are ...
[she hits Batgirl over the head with the vase, knocking her out]
KING TUT: To dreamland! Defeated by a mere whisp of a girl! Now, for the second time ... Let's make tracks!
[cut to Batman and Robin standing before them]
BATMAN: The only tracks you'll make are straight to the penitentiary.
KING TUT: There's some sort of delayed echo in here ...
BATMAN: As a duly deputized officer of the law, it's my duty to advise you of your rights.
KING TUT: You'll have to catch me first! Get 'em! Get 'em! Get 'em!
[they fight off the henchmen, then head for Batgirl and help her to her feet]
BATMAN: So it was you who blazed the trail ...
BATGIRL: I was just doing my duty as a citizen.
BATMAN: I like that kind of talk. Perhaps we could, uh, get together some evening and ... discuss crime-fighting techniques?
BATGIRL: Uh, no one knows where you live.
BATMAN: Yes, that does constitute somewhat of a problem ...
ROBIN: Look out, here they come again!
[they continue beating up King Tut and his gang (as Batgirl sneaks away)]
BATMAN: Batgirl never stays around long enough for us to thank her ...
ROBIN: She's probably very modest.
BATMAN: I wonder who she really is ...
[cut to Batgirl striking a pose outside]
BATGIRL: I wonder who he really is ...

---

From blogspot.com:

Season 3 Episode 100
Original Air Date: 10/19/67
Special Guest Villain: Victor Buono as King Tut
Guest stars: James Gammon, Patti Gilbert
Written by: Stanley Ralph Ross
Directed by: Sam Strangis

Synopsis: King Tut has a new scam going: he's predicting crimes in Gotham and trying to convince the townfolk he's gone straight. In the process, he discovers that Bruce Wayne and Batman are one and the same. Now he intends to let the rest of the city in on the news.

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From alaeditions.org:

In "The Unkindest Tut of All" (October 19, 1967), Batman rescues some Egyptian scrolls burgled from the library by King Tut (Victor Buono); Cathleen Cordell plays a librarian.