Case Study No. 0694: Daina Rose

Librarians are Great
4:43
Just a few of the reasons why librarians are important as told by a pilgrim-bear, a ninja, and a man with a mustache in a jogging suit. Being a librarian doesn't mean you can't have a sense of humor.
Tags: YouTube editor
Added: 1 year ago
From: MsDainaRose
Views: 203

[scene opens with a cartoon animation of a bear in a stereotypical pilgrim costume]
PILGRIM BEAR: Hello. First things first, this is not how pilgrims actually dressed, but for some reason a lot of people think it was. With very little research, one would quickly realize how inaccurate this outfit really is. Research is why I am here. I am going to tell you about research, and just as importantly why we need librarians.
[the bear smiles]
PILGRIM BEAR: There exists a growing notion that the internet can replace librarians, but this idea neglects to consider the fact that although the internet offers a lot of valid information, it also confronts the researcher with plenty of rubbish.
[the bear shakes her head]
PILGRIM BEAR: Without training and search logic, many researchers wander about drowning in the sheer amount of data available to them, not knowing that they may be looking at manipulated, innaccurate, irrelevant or biased information.
[cut to an overhead shot of the bear]
PILGRIM BEAR: How we look at information and where we get it is very important.
[cut to a shot of the bear with her back to the camera]
PILGRIM BEAR: Librarians are trained in offering assistance, insight and wisdom to users to more effectively determine the value of found information and find stuff we actually need.
[cut to another shot of the bear]
PILGRIM BEAR: Lack of valid information can lead to widely accepted falsities ... like pilgrims wearing buckles on everything.
[cut to another cartoon animation of a ninja and a jogger talking to each other]
JOGGER: Okay, so the pilgrim thing told you some stuff about what it is librarians do, and a few reasons why we need them, but there's more to it than that. If there's any hope to improve our ability to infer, interpret and synthesize ideas from information, long-standing school research practices like topical research need to be recognized as an obstacle to the growth of these skills. If an instructor asks a student to go research William Faulkner, they are pretty much telling them to collect up little bits of information from Google or Wikipedia and glue them together without much if any original or analytical thinking. This is where basic topical research falls short, and yet another reason why librarians will be so important in the already-booming information age.
NINJA: So, you mean I shouldn't go research William Faulkner with Google?
JOGGER: No, I mean that if we truly want to improve information literacy, we must have people who are trained in more indepth and creative ways of finding critical information than simply cutting and pasting together questionably valid things that have already been said. To do this, we need people who can help train others to use new technologies. Basic topical research gives good foundational knowledge about a subject, but does not lead to an innovative understanding of it.
NINJA: There is a lot of stuff out there. We really should start getting people to think analytically and creatively about how to interpret and better organize it all, or it's going to be pretty much impossible to keep up with the constant influx of new info.
JOGGER: Exactly. That's why we need people who can readily adapt to constantly changing and developing information technologies, and explain them and their use to others.
NINJA: But we also really need them to be able to reach out, so that they can actually get people to recognize the value a librarian can be as a resource. Along with learning how to navigate the highly complex researching tools required of them, librarians should know about things like online-based movie makers and video-editing software. Tools like those could make a message kind of fun accessible, while still being informative.
JOGGER: Can't forget social networking venues like Facebook, and media outlets like YouTube, either. Although those technologies might not seem crucial, the technology community needs to use every tool available so they can better serve as information specialists, regardless of speciality ...
[they both pause]
JOGGER: Let's dance ...
[he starts dancing, and the ninja quickly joins him, then cut to a live-action shot of a female librarian speaking directly to the camera]
DAINA: Hi, I'm Daina, and you just watched my little cartoon. What I'm trying to get across to you with all of this, is that librarians are important and we're going to need them in the future more than we need them today even. There's an ever-growing amount of knowledge available to us, and we need people who are capable of thinking analytically and being more creative about how we can go about organizing it. We need people who can actually come up with more innovative ideas. We need people who can actually work the technology, not just let the technology work us. And we need people who can teach that to others. My name is Daina, and I wanna be a librarian. Thanks for watching.

Case Study No. 0693: Marlboro Patch

The Last Will and Testament of Marlboro Patch
2:05
Opening Credits from the EEG DVD:

The Last Will and Testament of Marlboro Patch is a hilarious coming of age story about a socially awkward twenty-year-old librarian from Little Rutt, New Hampshire. When Marlboro attempts to uncover the mystery surrounding his father's sudden death, he is thrust into a whirlwind of plot twists that take him everywhere from espionage in Big Rutt to Shicklegruber's Ski Lodge for a drug and weapons deal. On his journey, he accidentally brings together a team of misfits who find friendship under the strangest of circumstances. Together they encounter an Abbot and Costello pair of FBI agents, a bipolar psychiatrist, an Elvis-obsessed megalomaniac salesman, and all the eccentricities that only a small town with nothing to offer has to offer..
Tags: Marlboro Patch EEG Shack
Added: 5 years ago
From: eeg2000
Views: 383

From rottentomatoes.com:

Last Will and Testament of Marlboro Patch (2004)

"It's never been easy being named after a cigarette... right now I'm locked in the bathroom with my laptop on my knee and the bus is surrounded by an armed militia."

So begins the wild adventure of The Last Will and Testament of Marlboro Patch, the story of a socially maladjusted New Hampshire librarian who attempts to unravel the mystery of his father's death, and winds up getting drawn into a bizarre world of intrigue unlike anything he's ever experienced. Marlboro Patch is 20 years old. He's never ventured outside his comfort zone -- much less New Hampshire -- but he's about to take that fateful first step toward an exciting new life. Later, after being questioned by the FBI, interrogated by militiamen, and involved in a sunrise shoot-out of epic proportions, Marlboro comes one step closer to discovering the truth about his mundane existence.

---

From netflix.com:

While investigating the mysterious death of his father (Michael Fuss), 20-year-old librarian Marlboro Patch (Jesse Weaver) discovers that his dad and their sleepy hometown of Little Rutt, N.H., were far more interesting than he could have ever imagined. Biker gangs, gun-running Nazis, FBI agents, 12-step programs and other insanity populate Marlboro's coming-of-age journey in this quirky indie comedy.

Case Study No. 0692: Unnamed Female Librarian (Phantasy Star II)

Let's Play PS II #12: This Must Get to the Governor!
10:56
Mission complete! We report back to base with Recorder in hand, where we've learned of a new problem. Some creature has not only been spewing all these bugs, but also mucking about with the Motavian weather-control system. Could a biologist help crack our latest case?

NEW MEMBER: Hugh Thompson
STANDING IN: Tim "NintendoCapriSun" Bishop
(youtube.com/user/NintendoCapriSun)
JOB: Biologist (CLASS: BLM [Black Mage])
GOOD: Broad range of anti-monster magic, has instant-death spells VOL and SAVOL at high levels, decent attack, mid-class armor
BAD: Subpar defense, weapon choices limited to short knives and slings, good spells take much grinding.
UGLY: Ineffective vs. machine types.

Voting has been closed for this episode's request.
Tags: video game let's play lp walkthrough commentary phantasy star ii ps psii ps2 dungeon biosystems lab recorder librarian hugh review
Added: 3 years ago
From: AzureMage253
Views: 990

From pscave.com:

PROLOGUE

Somewhere deep within the Andromeda Galaxy lies the Algo Star System. The parent star, Algo, has three planets orbiting about it. First is Palm, the home of the government. Governors, treasurers, and great thinkers dwell here in great ivory towers, away from the hubbub of everyday life.

Next is Mota, the shining jewel. Once a dry desert planet infested with ant lions, Mota has been transformed into a blue and green tropical paradise. Domed farms grow crops, and the water is regulated into dammed rivers. Life on Mota is sweet, peaceful and easy. The people have everything they want, and do not need to work.

Farthest out is Dezo, the ice planet. Little is known about this mysterious and dark planet.

One thousand years have passed since Alis and her friends liberated Algo from the evil Lassic. Algo has since prospered under the care of a giant computer called the Mother Brain. The Mother Brain regulates the Climatrol Tower, Bio-Systems Lab, and all other things that provide whatever the Mota people need.

You are haunted by nightmares every night. A young girl is doing battle with a giant demon. You are close by but cannot help; you can only watch, until the girl is fighting for her life and you awaken.

You are filled with sadness and fear when you awaken, but you have no time to worry about nightmares. It will be time for work soon. You are an agent in Paseo, the capital of Mota. Almost two years have passed since you began working for the Commander of Mota. He is responsible for smoothly promoting the plans of Mother Brain. He always has felt that Mother Brain could not make mistakes, but the recent plague of monsters over Mota are too much. They have made it hazardous to leave the towns. The Commander has decided that he must find out by himself how the monsters were created, and how to eliminate them. He is sending you on a mission to go to the Bio-Systems Lab and bring back the Recorder. The Commander is certain that an analysis of the Recorder data will determine the origin of the Bio-Monsters.

You return home and begin preparing for the mission. Your best friend, Nei, is worried. Nei is a product of a Bio-experiment combining human and Bio-animal cells; an outcast from the rest of society. Seven months ago, you took her into your home, and you have been like a big brother to her ever since. Nei begs you to bring her with you, and stands in the doorway to try and keep you from leaving her behind. Finally you bring her along.

Thus begins PHANTASY STAR II. PSII is a 6MB Genesis sequel to the Sega Master System's smash hit cartridge, PHANTASY STAR. While lacking some of its predecessor's finest game play features such as first-person dungeon movement, PSII is still a great game.

[...]

You and Nei are just outside of your home in Paseo. First, walk around the town to learn its layout. Paseo has a Tool Shop, Weapon Shop, Armor Shop, Teleport Station, Hospital, Clone Lab and two places found only in Paseo: your Home and the Central Tower.

There are people walking around town; go over to them one at a time to say "Hi." Some of them will only give you personal opinions, but some of them will tell you valuable information, such as: a man named Darum is robbing and killing people over on the North Bridge; the Bio-Systems Lab is on the other side of the lake; you can have your body cloned at the Clone Lab if you have enough cash; many people are goofing off every day, feeling they can live without working; no rain has fallen in a long time, which caused the lake to dry up; you should return home after getting to a strange town, since someone might show up; and that the Bio Lab made Mota flourish.

Pay attention to the woman who tells you that she likes Paseo because it's peaceful, and she is glad she moved to Paseo from Arima. Jot it down and then go to the Central Tower to visit the Library.

Read the library files on the Mother Brain, Bio-Systems Lab, and History of Mota. Note how the file says that nobody knows who created Mother Brain or where it is located. Also note the accident that happened two years ago in the Bio-Systems Lab.

[...]

In the northeast part of the level, you'll find something that looks like a computer, almost totally surrounded by orange damage squares. Stand in front of it and push Button A; you will find the Bio-Systems Lab Recorder. As soon as you have it, use the Escapipe and then the Telepipe to return to Paseo.

ANALYSIS OF RECORDER

Heal in the Hospital and then go into Central Tower to bring the Recorder to the Commander. The Commander will praise your good work, and then he'll make an extremely profound statement: his realization that, ever since the Mother Brain was introduced to Mota to control its environment, most of the people have turned into weak and lethargic beings. This all-important statement will foreshadow a climactic secret at the end of the game.

The Commander will direct you to see the Librarian, who will have finished analysis on the Recorder. She'll tell you that the accident in the Lab two years ago was caused by an overload of energy poured into the system all at once, causing one of the creatures there to evolve rapidly into a life form that does not fit into the cycle of nature, so it shouldn't exist. The natural cycles were all thrown out of order as a result. The Librarian has traced the energy leak to Climatrol, and directs you to go there to learn what caused it. She also gives you a Key Tube to cross the West Bridge.

---

From gamefaqs.com:

"PHANTASY STAR II" FOR SEGA GENESIS

[Palma (Palm), Motavia (Mota), and Dezoris (Dezo) are three planets orbiting around Algol (Algo). On Motavia agriculture, animal breeding, social organization, public works, public order, and the climate are controlled by MOTHER BRAIN using radio towers and robots. MOTHER BRAIN originated on Palma, nobody knows how. Nobody knows where she is now.]

[Part 1.]

[You are an intelligence agent on Motavia. Motavia is suffering from drought and is overrun by monsters. You are to get the Recorder from the Biosystems Lab to supply data for analyzing the problems.]

PASEO. NEI joins. Leave PASEO.

Go north by tube. Find tube to west blocked by DARUM. Go to ARIMA.

ARIMA. [Town has been sacked by thieves from the east.] Rudolf Steiner (RUDO) joins.

Go to Thieves' Hideout in SHURE. Solve maze to get 2 DYNAMITE.

Go to Thieves' Lookout Tower in NIDO. Solve maze to get TEIM.

Go to DARUM. [He kills TEIM and himself.]

Go to OPUTA. [The Biosystems Lab lies to the south.] Amy Sage (AMY) joins. On fringe of town, find Ustvestia and get MUSIK technique.

Go to BIOSYSTEMS LAB. Solve maze to get RECORDER.

Return to PASEO. [Energy is being siphoned off from Climatrol to the Biosystems Lab to create monsters. You are to go to Climatrol to find out why.] Get KEY TUBE from Librarian. Hugh Thompson (HUGH) joins.

Go to ZEMA. [People are starving. There is a garbage dump in RORON.] Anna Zirski (ANNA) joins.

Go to KUERI. On fringe of town, find Scientist. [He needs Maruera leaves. According to the citizens you can get them on Uzo Island. A discolored spot in the sea marks the passage to the central lake.] Josh Kain (KAIN) joins.

Go to Garbage Dump in RORON. Solve maze to find owners of JET SCOOTER, which you will find abandoned at the shore outside. You can use it to visit the southeast quadrant of the continent, and the islands.

Scoot to east part of southeast quadrant. Go to PIATA. Shir Gold (SHIR) joins.

Scoot to UZO Island, the large island with hills. Enter hills from east to reach maze. Solve maze to get MARUERA LEAVES.

Go to KUERI. Give MARUERA LEAVES to Scientist to get MARUERA GUM.

Scoot to underwater passage and use MARUERA GUM to enter CLIMATROL. Solve maze to find NEIFIRST. [MOTHER BRAIN created NEIFIRST as a hybrid between human and monster. Rejected by the people, she takes revenge by creating monsters. NEI is a part of NEIFIRST.] Fight NEIFIRST. NEI dies. [CLIMATROL loses control and floods the continent. BIOSYSTEMS LAB stops producing monsters. Return to PASEO. You are to open the four dams to relieve the flooding. The Librarian says that the cards that control the dams are in a control tower in a town. MOTHER BRAIN sends robots to capture you.]

[Part 2.]

Return to PIATA. On fringe of town are CONTROL TOWERS; enter the middle one. Solve maze and use MUSIK technique to get DAM CARDS.

Scoot to RED DAM in south, YELLOW DAM in west, BLUE DAM in east, and GREEN DAM in north. Solve mazes in turn to open the dams.

[Fight ARMY EYES. You are captured and taken aboard the satellite GAILA, with no technique points and no items but your prison garb. GAILA takes off.] Solve maze to reach console. [You are heading for Palma, the original home of MOTHER BRAIN. Tyler intercepts GAILA and returns you to PASEO. Palma is destroyed.]

[A spaceship is available to take you to Dezoris. The Librarian says that somebody there has a key to MOTHER BRAIN.]

[Part 3.]

Go to Dezoris. Solve the SKURE Mines maze to find a MAGIC CAP or two, a MOGIC CAP, and four exits to the surface of Dezoris. Equip MAGIC CAP to speak with escaped pets. Go to the towns of AUKBA, ZOSA, and RYUON. Equip MOGIC CAP to speak with citizens. If you equip MAGIC CAP you can still speak with them but they lie and cheat you. [According to people in ZOSA, there are a beautiful man and invisible buildings on Dezoris.]

From AUKBA, go westward. A crevice to the west shows a path from the brink. Enter and solve maze to reach ESPER sector. Go to ESPER MANSION. [LUTZ's guardians revive him and he speaks to you.] LUTZ gives you AEROPRISM to find invisible mazes.

Solve MENOBE Temple maze to get NEICROWN and NEIMET. Solve NAVAL maze to get NEISHIELD and NEIEMEL. Solve IKUTO maze to get NEISHOT and NEI-SLASHER. Solve GUARON maze to get NEIARMOR and NEICAPE. Go to LUTZ with all eight items and get NEISWORD. [LUTZ suspects that MOTHER BRAIN was sent as a trap for Algol.] LUTZ sends you to SPACESHIP NOAH.

Solve NOAH maze to find DARK FORCE. [Fight DARK FORCE.] Proceed to MOTHER BRAIN. [Fight MOTHER BRAIN and find out who is behind the plot to destroy Algol.]

---

From phantasy-star.net:

Biosystems Lab

(Use Dynamite to destroy door.)

(Find more Dynamite within to destroy door leading to hole. Jump in the hole to get to the basement.)

(Find RECORDER)

(ITEM-->Recorder- This device records all events in the Biosystems lab. If this can be delivered to Paseo, we will know what caused the Biohazards.)

Central Tower

- (Rolf) "This must get to the governor!"

- (Commander) "Splendid work, Rolf! I will immediately compare the recorder with the library data. I have always believed that Mother Brain is absolutely right all the time, and that our life is protected by Mother Brain. But under the reign of Mother Brain, we have turned into weak and lethargic beings. Under the circumstances, we cannot help realizing that fact. The data must be ready. You'd better get going to the library!"

- (Librarian) "Analysis on the recorder has been completed. The cause of the accident in the Biosystems lab was an overload of energy poured into the system all at once. As a result, the creature made a rapid evolution. This creature does not fit into the cycle of nature, thus should not exist. And because this kind of creature was created, the natural cycles went out of order. Please look at this graph. It shows the amount of energy consumed in the last couple of years. Let's overlap the graphs of temperature and rainfall on it. As you see, the energy which was to be used by Climacontrol to control temperature and rainfall seems to have flowed into the Biosystems lab. Biohazard could be something that was schemed up by someone. Please find out why the energy leaked from Climacontrol. Also, if you are going south, take this with you. The bridge over the west river can be passed with this. Good luck!"

(ITEM-->Key Tube- It is a metal pole, 20cm long, with markings.)

Case Study No. 0691: St. Anthony Park Librarian

Do I have a deal for you!
3:10
A fake infomercial for a Library Card.

Made for the 2010 MELSA Quiet on the Set Short Film Competition.
Tags: MELSA Quiet on the Set 2010 Quiet on the Set Library
Added: 2 years ago
From: madinthehead87
Views: 206

["The following is an upaid program from your Local Library." appears on screen, then cut to black-and-white footage of someone placing a VHS copy of the movie "Out of Sight" on the counter]
JOHNNY: [in voice over] Are you tired of paying money to rent movies?
[the unseen person reaches in and places some dollar bills on the counter, as a horn sounds and a big red "X" appears on screen, then cut to a man looking at some books on a shelf]
JOHNNY: [in voice over] Have you read all the books in your house and still crave more?
[the man shakes his head, as a horn sounds and a big red "X" appears on screen, then cut to color footage of a young man walking into a public library and speaking directly to the camera]
JOHNNY: Hi, Johnny Cosmo here, and do I have a deal for you! The library card!
[camera zooms in as Johnny holds up a Ramsey County library card, then cut to a young man taking books off a shelf]
JOHNNY: [in voice over] The library card gives you access to thousands upon thousands of books and movies!
[cut to a closeup of the woman carrying a stack of books and smiling broadly for the camera]
JOHNNY: [in voice over] And it's all free!
["Free" appears on screen (as a "ka-ching" sound effect plays), then cut to black and white footage of a male patron giving a book to a young female librarian at the front desk]
JOHNNY: [in voice over] With old library cards, you had to check out your books at the front desk, which was slow and time-consuming.
[the librarian fumbles with the card as she looks at her computer with a confused look (and the patron rolls his eyes and checks his watch in frustration), then cut to color footage of Johnny holding a book while standing in front of the self-checkout machine]
JOHNNY: Now all you have to do is bring over your library book ...
[he holds up the book ("Treasure Island") for the camera]
JOHNNY: To one of these self-checkout machines! Simply slide your library card under the scanner, then the book ...
[it takes a few moments, but the barcode eventually registers with the machine, as Johnny points excitedly at the screen]
JOHNNY: There it is!
[cut to a closeup of the machine]
JOHNNY: [in voice over] Print out the receipt ...
[he pulls out the receipt ("Due: 07-06-10"), then cut to a closeup of Johnny with a big smile on his face]
JOHNNY: And it's yours!
[he lowers his head and mumbles under his breath]
JOHNNY: For three weeks ...
[he then looks at the camera and smiles again]
JOHNNY: It's that simple!
[cut to Johnny in another part of the library, standing next to a window and reading a book, when he looks up and speaks directly to the camera]
JOHNNY: And if you don't believe me, just listen to these folks!
[cut to a male patron holding up his library card and speaking directly to the camera]
PATRON 1: Thanks to my new library card, I've discovered other fantasy novels besides "Lord of the Rings" and Harry Potter! Who knew?
[cut to another male patron, standing next to a shelf of DVDs and speaking directly to the camera]
PATRON 2: I love my library card! Did you know there were movies before "Star Wars"? Neither did I!
[he holds up his library card]
PATRON 2: You can check them out with your library card!
[cut to a female patron typing at a computer, as she holds up her library card and speaks directly to the camera]
PATRON 3: Thanks to reading books, I am slowly overcoming my addiction to Facebook!
[she steals a quick glance at the computer screen, before turning her attention back to the camera]
PATRON 3: It's a ... good thing. Thanks, library card!
[cut back to Johnny speaking directly to the camera]
JOHNNY: You can even use your library card to check out music, magazines, and comic books ... The possibilities are endless!
[cut to another male patron happily scanning his book in the self-checkout machine, before taking it to another part of the library where he begins reading]
ANNOUNCER: Warning, using a library card could lead to becoming more knowledgable and intelligent. Side effects may include the ability to discuss current literature, using big words, knowing what you're talking about, telekinesis, and increased brain size.
[cut to Johnny walking out of the library and speaking directly to the camera]
JOHNNY: The library card is now available at all your local libraries, for nine easy payments of zero dollars and zero cents!
[he holds up his library card, then cut to another angle of Johnny speaking directly to the camera]
JOHNNY: The deal of a lifetime!
[the camera zooms back to show the entire library building, then cut to a closeup of Johnny's face]
JOHNNY: Get yours today!
["The Library Card, Available now at all Libraries! For more information call: 651-645-5731" appears on screen]

This film was produced for the
Quiet on the Set Short Film Competition
sponsored by MELSA, Comcast, 102.9 FM
and IFP MN

Written & Directed by Conor Holt

Cast
Johnny Cosmo ... Ben Stasny
Testimonial #1 ... Andrew Albing
Testimonial #2 ... Cormac Strahan
Testimonial #3 ... Laurel Wiehe
Extra #1 ... Joseph Mueller
Extra #2 ... Katie Holt
Extra #3 ... Tyler Stuart
Librarian ... Jessica Drake

Shot & Edited by
Conor Holt

Sound Mixer & Designer
Greg Albing

Assistant Director
Andrew Albing

Production Assistants
Joseph Mueller
Tyler Stuart

Gaffer
Andrew Albing

Music by
Greg Albing

Special Thanks to
Greg Albing
Gregg Martinson
Wayne Powers
Peg Doheny
The St. Anthony Park Library Staff

Shot at St. Anthony Park Library

Case Study No. 0690: Prudence Goddard

Newhart 163 "Poetry and Pastries"
22:25
Dick is chosen to judge the annual Poetry and Pastry contest. Miss Goddard, the reigning champion, uses her feminine wiles to try to influence the judging. Michael throws an all-male baby shower
Tags: Newhart Stratford Inn Vermont
Added: 4 months ago
From: PumpkinGoo
Views: 831

[Dick and Joanna find Michael on the couch, moping about how Stephanie gets to have a baby shower but he gets nothing]
JOANNA: Michael, you know showers are for women only.
MICHAEL: So are Sweet Sixteen parties, but it didn't stop me from having one!
DICK: Michael, wadda you want us to do, th-throw a shower for you?
[he suddenly springs up, very excited]
MICHAEL: Would you? Oh, would you? Could you, could you?!
DICK: [pause] No!
MICHAEL: Oh, thanks a lot, Dick. Set me up just to knock me down ...
JOANNA: Well, y'know, why shouldn't the father-to-be have a party? It might be fun, I could make my famous potato sal--
MICHAEL: Uh, ix-nay, Misses Ick-Day ... There'll be no skirts at this soiree, right Dick?
DICK: [pause] Yeah, y'know, let a woman into a baby shower and the next thing y'know, they're crashing our gymnastics classes.
MICHAEL: So true! Okay, let's divvy it up ... I'll do the guest list and you provide the rest, and serve whatever you like. Y'know, quiche, finger sandwiches.
DICK: Mmm, artichoke hearts in a creamy vinagrette?
[even though Dick is mocking him, Michael smiles]
MICHAEL: You sly dog, you've thrown one'a these before!
[he laughs]
MICHAEL: Well, adios!
[as he leaves, Prudence Goddard (the overweight female librarian) walks into the inn]
MICHAEL: I'm having a shower!
PRUDENCE: So? I've had four today, and I still feel dirty ...
[she walks over to Dick and Joanna, holding a letter]
PRUDENCE: Hello, Dick. Joanna.
DICK: Miss Goddard.
PRUDENCE: As you know, I wear two hats ... The hat of head librarian, and the toque of president of the local pastry club. Today I'm in the latter guise to extend a rare honor.
[she hands him the letter]
DICK: [reading] "The pastry club proudly presents an evening of poetry ... and pasties."
[she angrily grabs the letter]
PRUDENCE: That can't be right, that should say "pastries!"
DICK: Either way, it sounds like a fun evening ...
JOANNA: You said something about an honor?
PRUDENCE: Well, as you know, every year the poetry competition is judged by Talcott Harding.
[Joanna turns to her husband]
JOANNA: Honey, you've seen Talcott. You know, that sweet little old man with the long white hair ...
DICK: Oh yeah, I-I met him at the market once. He, he bit me when I took the last bottle of herbal conditioner.
PRUDENCE: Ordinarily, Talcott would jump at the chance to judge the contest again ...
DICK: What-what's stopping him from jumping?
PRUDENCE: He's dead.
DICK: That ... that would make it dicey.
JOANNA: So who'll be judging this year?
PRUDENCE: Dick, we feel the next logical choice would be you.
DICK: No, no thanks. I ... I hate poetry.
PRUDENCE: Well, so did Talcott Harding, but he showed up!
DICK: Look, I-I can't tell a good poem from a bad one.
PRUDENCE: Oh, you won't have to, I win every year.
DICK: Well, that'll certainly make it easier ...
PRUDENCE: Then you'll do it?
DICK: No, l-like I said--
[she smiles and starts walking off]
PRUDENCE: Good!
[before she leaves, she turns towards Joanna]
PRUDENCE: I hope that we won't have another unattractive display of tears when you lose again this year.
[she smiles and walks off]
PRUDENCE: Well, see you Saturday!
[she exits, as Joanna smiles and walks up to Dick]
JOANNA: Gee honey, if I win this year, I hope people won't think you gave me preferential treatment ...
[Dick doesn't even look up from the ledger he's writing in]
DICK: Well, you ... you won't be winning.
[her face falls]
JOANNA: Why not? Don't you think my poems are good enough?
DICK: "Good" is, y'know, such a ... subjective term. Uh, y'know, while most people like what William Shakespeare wrote, I'm sure there are some people that, y'know, that don't.
JOANNA: So you're saying that even though you don't care for my poetry, some people might.
DICK: [pause] Yeah, alright.
JOANNA: How kind and sensitive and compassionate you are to tell me my poems are stupid!
[she storms upstairs]
DICK: See, "stupid" is uh ... I mean, y'know, it's such a subjective term.

[...]

[Joanna is writing something down, as George the handyman walks in]
GEORGE: Morning, Joanna. If you're doing the crossword, I can help you with "Fiddler on the Blank."
[he points up at the ceiling]
JOANNA: Actually George, I'm working on a poem.
GEORGE: Well, I can't help you with that ... but if you want, I could hot-glue the tassles on your pasties.
JOANNA: George, they're pastries ... besides, I'm not entering this year.
GEORGE: Why not? Now that Talcott Harding's passed away, Miss Goddard isn't a shoe-in anymore ... Unless she's carrying on with the new judge.
JOANNA: Dick is the new judge.
GEORGE: And he uses the same herbal conditioner Talcott used, the kind that gets Miss Goddard all hotted up!
[Joanna sighs, as George looks over her shoulder at the poem]
GEORGE: "The Big Hurt" ... Gee, I tried to write a poem once called "The Big Hurt," did you drop an engine block on your foot too?
JOANNA: This isn't about a physical hurt, it's about my personal feelings.
GEORGE: Can I read it?
JOANNA: Well, it's not really polished yet.
[she hands the piece of paper to George]
JOANNA: I mean, the imagery might be a little off. Also, the rhymes are a bit forced ...
GEORGE: It's beautiful!
JOANNA: I thought so too!
GEORGE: This is even better than that poem Miss Goddard wrote last year, "Ode to a Glistening Plowman" ... You've got to enter this poem!
JOANNA: With Dick judging, it'd be like spitting in the wind.
GEORGE: But this should be shared with the world, and if it means taking a faceful of spit, I'm your man!

[...]

["An Evening of Poetry and Pastries" is being held inside the public library, as Dick stands behind a podium at the front of the room]
DICK: Alright, our last contestant is Miss Goddard. Miss Goddard?
[she gets up]
PRUDENCE: Thank you, Judge Loudon ... and might I add that your hair smells particularly herbal this evening.
[she leans up against the nearby bookshelf in a seductive pose]
DICK: Well, I ... wondered why you were sniffing me before.
PRUDENCE: "The Entwining", by Prudence Goddard ...
[she clears her throat as Dick sits down in a nearby chair, then she begins reading]
PRUDENCE: "Weaving and churning and heaving, they went until they were spent and filled with the scent of passion and moisture and fear!"
[she rips off the frilled scarf around her neck and hangs her head, as Dick begins to stand up (assuming her poem is finished)]
PRUDENCE: "Swooning and sighing and crooning, they lay for most of the day. They rolled in the hay, while he swore that he'd never deceive her."
[everyone in the audience gets very uncomfortable, as George gets up to turn on the nearby fan]
PRUDENCE: "Groaning and gasping and moaning, they shrieked until their loins creaked, the two lovers peaked. How ironic that soon he would leave her."
[she gives a dirty look to Art Rusnak sitting in the audience (who fidgets nervously in his chair), as the audience gives a polite round of applause, while Dick stands up and turns off the fan]
DICK: Thank you, thank you Miss Goddard.
[George leans over and whispers to Joanna]
GEORGE: Well, we've got a better idea of what killed Talcott Harding ...
DICK: Well I think, uh, I think that's about all we have. I know ... I know I've heard enough. Um--
[George stands up]
GEORGE: Wait Dick, I've got one.
[Jim Dixon leans over to his friend Chester Wanamaker]
JIM: I hope it's a haiku, I'm hungry.
[Dick sits back down, as George begins reading]
GEORGE: "The Big Hurt ... My hurt comes from a flame no one can see. It's seared away the hope inside of me. Time heals most things. I'll scar where I've been burned, but what I've lost can never be returned."
[he sits back down, as the audience (stunned at how good the poem is) applauds]
DICK: George, I-I had, I had no idea you were so ... you were so profound.
GEORGE: Well, Joanna's the profound one, she wrote this poem.
[the audience bursts out laughing, as Prudence stands up]
PRUDENCE: Profound? This is the woman who holds the town record for the number of times she's checked out "Sixty Days to a Tighter Tummy!"
[she laughs]
JIM: I thought I held that record ...
JOANNA: I wrote that poem! Doesn't anyone believe me?
[the audience responds in the negative]

[...]

[after everyone (including her own husband) admits doubt as to whether Joanna could really be the author of the poem, she explodes at them]
JOANNA: I refuse to be degraded by some small-minded people who get some perverse joy in passing judgment just so they can fill up their own empty lives!
JIM: [pause] Well, I don't like it, it doesn't even rhyme.
JOANNA: It's not a poem! It's what I'm feeling ... Angry, hurt. Like what I felt when I wrote that poem.
[she sits back down]
DICK: Oh, so all that burning and searing was because of our ... our little tiff.
JIM: Tiff? Sounds like you were branding her!
[Prudence suddenly gets a wicked smile on her face and begins writing something down]
PRUDENCE: Oh, I feel another poem coming on!
DICK: So, the reason that-that your poem was good was ... well, be-because of me.
JIM: Get a load'a this guy, first he humiliates his wife and now he's trying to take credit for her beautiful poetry!
PASTRY CLUB MEMBER: What a disgrace!
CHESTER: A damn disgrace!
ART: Damn damn disgrace!
[the audience murmurs angrily, while Prudence taps George on the shoulder and hands him a piece of paper]
PRUDENCE: Here ... a little bedtime reading.
[George smiles and slyly places the paper in his pocket]
CHESTER: Dick, make a decision! Who's the winner?
DICK: Well, it's a ... it's a tough call, but the-the winner is my-my lovely and talented wife Joanna.
[the audience applauds, as Joanna jumps up and screams in delight]
JOANNA: Oh, I can't believe it! After all these years of never even coming close, the one year my husband is the judge is the year that I finally win this prestigious honor, and I am just about the happiest--
DICK: Jo-Joanna ... you're babbling.
JOANNA: [quietly] Girl in the world.
[she sits back down]
DICK: Well, that uh ... that puts an end to our--
PRUDENCE: Oh, not so fast! You still have to judge the pastry competition!
DICK: The ... the pastry competition?
CHESTER: Poetry counts for ten percent, pastry for ninety!
JIM: It's a biathlon!
[everyone gets up and heads for the dessert table]
DICK: You mean, you mean all this-this poetry crap was just a ... a warm-up for a pastry competition?
JOANNA: Well, why do you think the pastry club hosts it?
[Prudence walks up behind Dick and whispers seductively to him]
PRUDENCE: Wait until you sink your teeth into my hot sticky buns!
[she walks away]
JOANNA: Don't listen to her, I made my cranberry crisp!
DICK: Wh-What's that?
JOANNA: Dick, it's your favorite! You know how much you love my cranberry crisp, with a big cup of coffee!
[she walks away, as Dick mumbles to himself]
DICK: How else am I gonna wash it down?

---

From imdb.com:

"Newhart" (Season 8, Episode 3)
Poetry and Pastries (2 Oct. 1989)

When Dick is named the judge of the local poetry and pastry contest, Joanna is convinced she will win until Dick belittles her ability as a poet.

Bob Newhart ... Dick Loudon
Mary Frann ... Joanna Loudon
Kathy Kinney ... Miss Prudence Goddard

---

From tvacres.com:

LOUDON, Richard "Dick" & Joanna
(Newhart)
c/o The Stratford Inn
28 Westbrook Road
Just off Route #22
Norwich [or River City], Vermont.

Dick is a "How-To" book writer. Joanna [nee McKenna] is a real estate agent. Together, they run the Stratford Inn, built in 1774. Room rates range from $35 to $55 a night. In revolutionary times, the Inn was a brothel.

The Inn's support staff includes their attractive maid, Leslie Vanderkellen [replaced by her spoiled sister, Stephanie] and George Utley, their droll handyman [there's been an Utley at the Stratford for generations].

Some of Dick's "How-To" books are So You Wanna Plant Plums (Dick's first book), Building Your Own Patio Cover, How To Make Your Dream Bathroom, Installation & Care Of Your Low-Maintenance Lawn Sprinkler, Let's Build a Barbecue, Pillow Talk (how to make pillows) and Shelf Help (how to build shelves).

Dick's first novel was called Murder at the Stratley. On page 6 of the novel, the innkeeper's wife, Johanna (Joanna with an "H") is bludgeoned to death with a typewriter, dismembered and then dumped in a lake. All the novel's characters were poorly veiled references to everyone in the author's small Vermont town, despite the author's insistence that nobody in town appeared in the book. Because the novel featured a lusty, man-hungry librarian, Miss Prudence Goddard, the local town librarian prominently placed Murder at the Stratley in the library's glass display case under the big lamp. Dick immodestly called his mystery novel "The Greatest Story Ever Told."

Case Study No. 0689: Sharon Holderman

introducing your librarian
2:12
I am more than just a librarian.
Tags: librarian
Added: 3 years ago
From: holderman1325
Views: 163

Introducing ... Your Librarian
Sharon Holderman

[scene opens with a closeup of the definition of "job" in the dictionary]
SHARON: [in voice over] My job does not define who I am. Your job does not define who you are.
[cut to an image of a jigsaw puzzle]
SHARON: [in voice over] They are only one part of us.
[cut to a closeup of a colorful floor mosaic]
SHARON: [in voice over] We are defined by so many things. Our personalities, who we love, what we do.
[cut to an image of a man wearing a "question mark" mask]
SHARON: [in voice over] What is my hobby?
[cut to several images of a young woman holding various culinary dishes]
SHARON: [in voice over] Cooking.
[cut to an image of food on the table]
SHARON: [in voice over] Trying new recipes creates either delicious dinners ...
[cut to an image of the inside of the stove, with burnt food everywhere]
SHARON: [in voice over] Or hilarious stories and pizza delivery.
[cut to an image of various ingredients (flour, sugar, etc.) on the table]
SHARON: [in voice over] There's something amazing about starting with basic ingredients ...
[cut to an image of a heart-shaped cookie covered in white frosting]
SHARON: [in voice over] And creating something with my own hands.
[cut to an image of strawberries covered in dark and white chocolate (to make it look they're wearing tuxedos)]
SHARON: [in voice over] It's a great accomplishment.
[cut to an image of a book, with the pages folded over to make the shape of a heart]
SHARON: [in voice over] What is my passion?
[cut to an image of a beach with a volleyball net]
SHARON: [in voice over] Beach volleyball, two women on a side.
[cut to an image of a cake with "Congratulations Sharon, We'll miss you" written in frosting]
SHARON: [in voice over] I sold everything I owned and moved to California in my car to compete with some of the best players.
[cut to several images of some female beach volleyball players]
SHARON: [in voice over] I've been sponsored by Victoria's Secret, and played professionally across the country. This is the best part-time job I've ever had.
[cut to an image of a young woman looking up at the sky]
SHARON: [in voice over] What inspires me?
[cut to a photograph of a rock formation]
SHARON: [in voice over] Photography. I took classes in college, and now take my camera everywhere.
[cut to a photograph of a building]
SHARON: [in voice over] There are amazing views and famous places ...
[cut to a photograph of tire tracks in the sand on a beach]
SHARON: [in voice over] And breathtaking beauty in the most unexpected locations.
[cut to a photograph of a couple kissing on an old wooden bridge]
SHARON: [in voice over] I can capture a moment, a feeling, a connection, and I can make it timeless.
[cut to an image of a window sign ("Hours, 9 til 5, Mon.-Fri.")]
SHARON: [in voice over] What is my job?
[cut to an image of two female librarians reading "The Book of Knowledge"]
SHARON: [in voice over] My job is being a librarian.
[cut to an old photograph of a stereotypical female librarian surrounded by piles of books]
SHARON: [in voice over] I don't memorize the Dewey Decimal System.
[cut to another old photograph of a stereotypical female librarian, sitting at her desk]
SHARON: [in voice over] I don't read Shakespeare in my spare time.
[cut to an image of a female librarian holding a finger to her lips, while the Nancy Pearl action figure sits in the foreground]
SHARON: [in voice over] I don't shush people.
[cut to a closeup image of a compass]
SHARON: [in voice over] My job is to help you find information.
[cut to an image of Brian Solis' Conversation Prism ("the art of listening, learning, and sharing")]
SHARON: [in voice over] I teach technology, Google, databases, and library catalogs so you can find what you need.
[cut to an image of a table covered in various examples of technology (iPad, laptop, cellphone, etc.)]
SHARON: [in voice over] Then, you can navigate the world of information today and tomorrow.
[cut to an image of the earth in a woman's hands]
SHARON: [in voice over] My job does not define me. I am so much more.
[cut to an image of a woman cooking]
SHARON: [in voice over] I am a cook.
[cut to an image from a wedding reception]
SHARON: [in voice over] I am a wife, sister, aunt, and daughter.
[cut to an image of a female beach volleyball player]
SHARON: [in voice over] I am a volleyball player.
[cut to an image of two women sitting next to each other and laughing]
SHARON: [in voice over] I am a friend.
[cut to an image of a woman holding a camera]
SHARON: [in voice over] I am a photographer.
[cut to a photograph of Sharon smiling for the camera]
SHARON: [in voice over] And I am your librarian.

Special Thanks to ...
Cindy Gray
Bethany Simunich

---

From osu.edu:

Title: Introducing Your Librarian
Creators: Holderman, Sharon (Director, Ohio State ATI Library)
Keywords: librarian job stereotype
Issue Date: Aug-2009
Publisher: The Ohio State University Libraries
Series/Report no.: The Ohio State University Digital Storytelling Program. Workshop at Agricultural Technical Institute (ATI). August 2009
Abstract: Many people define someone's personality by their job. Considering the common stereotypes surrounding librarians, this is not always a positive perception for me. I created this video to demonstrate that I am multi-dimensional and not only a stereotypical librarian.
URI: http://hdl.handle.net/1811/45154
Appears in Collections: Digital Stories

Case Study No. 0688: Staff of the University of Maryland Library

Terry Dan: Library Patron
3:49
Andrew Lindberg and Peter Eaton's entry in the 2008-09 UMD Library Student Video Contest. A mockumentary about a homeless library user (inhabitant).
Tags: library libraries homeless college umd duluth
Added: 3 years ago
From: umdlibraryduluth
Views: 1,446

[scene opens with several shots of students and librarians in the University of Maryland Library]
NARRATOR: UMD's library was finished in 2000. The result of several years of planning and construction, the library is designed to be a home away from home for students and faculty alike. However, it has come to light that some individuals have taken this convenient facility literally. Due to UMD's all-indoor facilities, the number of impoverished individuals in the library has increased rapidly in the past few years. Homeless people are reported to use the library during the day to keep warm, before heading to various shelters in the area. One individual has even found shelter in the library annex.
[cut to a car driving up to a liquour store, as a homeless man (long hair, trucker hat) is outside holding a bottle in a paper bag]
NARRATOR: Meet Terry Dan. A Northwoods local, Dan alleges that he was a student at UMD from 1997 to 2000, when in a bizarre chain of events, his house burned down, his girlfriend died in a skiing accident, and his family was eaten by a pack of rabid wolf pups.
[cut to Terry speaking directly to the camera]
TERRY: Don't, uh, don't tell me I don't ...
[cut to Terry walking through the stacks with no shirt on]
NARRATOR: With little to turn to, he found comfort in his studies, but due to a mix-up with his financial aid, he ended up owing the university several thousand dollars. Terry decided to start living on the streets in early 2000.
[cut back to Terry speaking directly to the camera]
TERRY: Yeah. Uh, well, lost my job down at the shipping yards. Got laid off before all this economy's goin' down and ... Y'know, figured make the most'a things, hanging out down at the Cozy. They got some nice ladies down there that took me in. And, y'know, just tryin' to bum a smoke or beer off somebody downtown by First and First.
NARRATOR: Tragically, Terry has turned to alcohol as a form of comfort.
["How do you make an income?" appears on screen]
NARRATOR: [from off camera] Terry, how do you find an income?
TERRY: Uh, the plasma plans. You get two times a week. I go Tuesdays, Thursdays. You rack in the cash ... eh, they cover the bills. Y'know what I mean? Y'know?
["How do you manage your hygiene?" appears on screen]
NARRATOR: [from off camera] Terry, how do you ... how do you manage your hygiene, living in the annex?
TERRY: Well ... They got some sinks over there, with the hand soap. It's not just, not just hands. It can, uh, y'know?
NARRATOR: [from off camera] Really?
TERRY: It'll rinse off, like ... Get the stink out from the pits, and down in the dirty zones. Clean up, uh, hygiene. I think that's about it.
[cut to Terry singing to himself while using the bubbler to rinse out his silverware]
TERRY: Who's da man? Terry Dan! Touchdown man! In the Northland! Shine 'em up ...
[he looks at his reflection in the spoon]
TERRY: Hey, Terry! Hey, Terry Dan, ya look good! Yeah ... Good enough!
["How long have you been living in the annex?" appears on screen, then cut back to Terry speaking directly to the camera]
NARRATOR: [from off camera] So how long have you been living in the annex?
TERRY: Uh ... It's about, frankly, ever since I got kicked outta this basement at some college partiers. Eh, they're so drunk they just, y'know, didn't even know I was livin' down there for awhile.
["How do you manage to live in the annex?" appears on screen]
NARRATOR: [from off camera] So you get away with using all these facilities and you don't have to worry about authority coming in here and telling you to get--
TERRY: Oh, I got a little secret weapon I pull out. I got an "Under Construction" sign!
NARRATOR: [from off camera] Really? Where'd you acquire that from?
TERRY: Oh, I just lifted it outta the maintenance room.
NARRATOR: [from off camera] You don't say?
TERRY: Danny left it unlocked when they were building the new building, and ... Y'know, what they don't know don't hurt 'em!
[cut back to Terry walking through the stacks without a shirt on]
NARRATOR: Shortly after filming, Terry won over a hundred thousand dollars at Fond-du-Luth Casino. He was last seen hopping a boat, bound for Argentina.

Terry Dan
Library Patron

Terry Dan ... Kyle O'Leary
Directed by Andy Lindberg, Peter Eaton

---

From umn.edu:

UMD Library Student Video Contest

2008-09 was the second annual UMD Library Student Video Contest, where students submitted videos that were set in the library or about the library. Students competed for prizes by demonstrating their artistry as cinematic auteurs, and now we get to show off their work and show off our fine institution. Below are the entries from the past two years of the video contest.

Terry Dan: Library Patron
by Andrew Lindberg and Peter Eaton
A mockumentary about a homeless library user (inhabitant)