Case Study No. 0195: "The sexiest librarian"

My Morning Jacket - Librarian
4:35
My Morning Jacket - Librarian

When the album came to this song, I just thought it was so lovely. I decided to put it up here without a video really since the song wasn't posted yet so others could hear it.
Tags: My Morning Jacket Librarian Evil Urges
Added: 3 years ago
From: ThisDJ4Hire
Views: 336,020

From blogspot.com:

Librarian by My Morning Jacket
From "Evil Urges" (2008)

Walk across the courtyard towards the library
I can hear the insects buzz and the leaves 'neath my feet
Ramble up the stairwell into the hall of books
Since we got the interweb these hardly get used

Duck into the men's room combing through my hair
When God gave us mirrors He had no idea
Looking for a lesson in the periodicals
There I spy you listening to the AM radio

Karen of the Carpenters singing in the rain
Another lovely victim of the mirror's evil way
It's not like you're not trying with a pencil in your hair
To defy the beauty the good Lord put in there

Simple little bookworm buried underneath is the sexiest librarian
Take off those glasses and let down your hair for me

So I watch you through the bookcase imagining a scene
You and I at dinner spending time then to sleep
And what then would I say to you lying there in bed?
These words with a kiss I would plant in your head

What is it inside our heads that makes us do the opposite
Makes us do the opposite of what's right for us?
'Cause everything'd be great and everything'd be good
If everybody gave like everybody could

Sweetest little bookworm hidden underneath is the sexiest librarian
Take off those glasses and let down your hair for me
Take off those glasses and let down your hair for me

Simple little beauty, heaven in your breath
Simplest of pleasures, the world at it's best

Case Study No. 0194: The Librarian and The Chicken

The Joke Project - May 2, 2007
1:50
the librarian and the chicken - a literary joke
Tags: sex daily Dirty joke Humor funny
Added: 4 years ago
From: thejokeproject
Views: 218

The following jokes have been rated SC ("Squeaky Clean"). These jokes are clean enough to wash with. No parent or adult guardian needed.

[scene opens with a woman speaking directly to the camera]
WOMAN: Okay, so ... A chicken goes into a library, and he goes up to the librarian and he says "Book!"
[she does a quick clucking motion to simulate the sound that a chicken makes]
WOMAN: And the librarian looks at him and says "Okay," and turns around, gets a book off the shelf, and gives it to the chicken. And the chicken waddles out, down the library steps, and out.
[she looks down]
WOMAN: And the next day, the chicken comes back, goes up to the librarian and says "Book book!" The librarian's like "What? I don't ... y'know, but alright." Turns around, gets two books off the shelf, gives them to the chicken. Chicken puts them under his wing, waddles out down the library steps, out the door. Next day, chicken comes back again.
[she starts clucking again]
WOMAN: "Book book book!" Librarian's like "I gotta know what's going on!" So she goes to the shelf, she gets three books down, she gives them to the chicken, he puts them under his wing, waddles out down the steps, out the library door. And this time the librarian decides to follow him, so she goes outside ...
[she looks around]
WOMAN: I guess it's a "her" because chickens are girls, and the chicken walks down the street, and then over a field, and then all the way through the woods. The librarian follows all the way up to a pond. Chicken goes up to the pond, and there's a frog on a lilly pad. Chicken takes the books out from under its wing, hands the frog the books, and the frog says "Reddit reddit reddit!"

---

From thejokeproject.com:

We're on a mission to make the world laugh every day by offering the world's first and largest collection of jokes on video, told by everyday people in an unscripted and unrehearsed format. People from around the world are constantly contributing to our collection of jokes. Over time, it has become a digital time capsule, showcasing real people telling jokes, as passed down to them in a one of a kind folkloric archive of humor.

We're doing the best we can to let you know the contents of each video before you watch them. So before each video, we've included our own rating system:

SC=Squeaky Clean
These jokes are clean enough to wash with. No parent or guardian needed

RH=Relatively Harmless
Under 3 years requires accompanying parent or guardian

PD=Pretty Dirty
May be considered offensive, rude, dirty, sexy -- depends on your perspective. Under 13 requires parent or adult guardian

XN=Extremely Naughty
Definitely will be considered offensive, rude, dirty, sexy -- depends on your perspective. Under 18 requires parent or adult guardian

Case Study No. 0193: Billy Hoppis and Thomas Youkel

Twitter archive inside the Library of Congress
2:04
The Library of Congress is preserving all the public tweets ever sent so that our descendants may read them. Jason Cochran went deep inside the Library's Washington, DC, storage area to see the stacks.
Tags: twitter tweets jason cochran library of congress social media tweeting alyssa milano libraries history anthropology pompeii documentary interviews
Added: 10 months ago
From: bastablejc
Views: 133

[scene opens with Jason standing in front of the Library of Congress and speaking directly to the camera]
JASON: This is Jason Cochran in Washington DC, where the Library of Congress has just acquired every single public tweet ever sent.
[cut to Thomas Youkel ("Information Technology Specialist") opening a door marked "Restricted Area, Authorized Personnel Only", as they enter the computer room where the library's digital information is stored]
[cut to Jason talking with Billy Hoppis ("Asst. Director of Operations")]
JASON: First of all, it's kind of warm in here ... and, and noisy. Sounds like a water treatment plant or something. And that's just the computers doing that?
BILLY HOPPIS: That's right.
["This tweet's future home: A warm, humming, windowless computer room deep in the Library of Congress' Madison Building - @bastable" appears on screen, as various shots of the computer equipment in the room are shown]
JASON: [in voice over] This is where every single public tweet ever written will be preserved for all posterity.
[cut to Thomas speaking with Jason, as he points out some of the equipment]
THOMAS YOUKEL: Each one of these is a disk. Each one of these is a one-terabyte disk.
["I learned the tweets the Library of Congress will store, about 5 TBs worth, could fit on disks into a shoebox. Twice. Probably three times. - @bastable" appears on screen]
THOMAS YOUKEL: If you're asking me how many terabytes of tweets we are gonna take in, we're gonna take in five terabytes.
[cut back to Jason speaking with Billy]
JASON: So, what happened when you guys first announced that you're gonna be taking so many of the tweets from history?
BILLY HOPPIS: Well, we had a ... We noticed a large increase in the number of hits on our main gateway server.
[cut to Jason speaking with Matt Raymond ("LOC Director of Communications")]
MATT RAYMOND: The IT guys don't like me to say "crashed" ...
[cut back to Jason speaking with Billy]
BILLY HOPPIS: Nothing actually went down ... for good, or anything.
[cut back to Jason speaking with Thomas]
THOMAS YOUKEL: Do I actually actively tweet? No ... What am I, gonna send my wife a tweet that says I'm gonna be late for dinner?
[cut back to Jason speaking with Matt]
MATT RAYMOND: Y'know, it's not about finding out what he or Alyssa Milano ... Y'know, she retweeted me, by the way, I was very excited about that.
JASON: [laughs]
["Wow. When did I get so hungry? I could eat this table w/ a side of ranch. Everything is better w/ a side of ranch. - @Alyssa_Milano" appears on screen]
MATT RAYMOND: What she had for breakfast, like four months ago. It's for people to come in and do research, and let's make some discoveries about what we're like at this point in history.
[cut back to Jason speaking with Thomas]
THOMAS YOUKEL: Well, if you go back to even where we do have a lot of that minutiae in places like Pompeii and Herculaneum, that were covered by the volcano, by Vesuvius ... and you see the detail and the detail that come out from daily life in Rome, so why couldn't you mine tweets in the same fashion? To get what people were thinking at an immediate time period?
JASON: It's also kind of interesting that you would compare writing about Justin Bieber on the internet with, basically, the fall of a Roman city ...
["Should Justin Bieber get a new haircut? http://bit.ly/ bUCkOY - @jsykdotcom" appears on screen]
JASON: I kinda like that.
[cut to Jason speaking with Matt outside the building]
JASON: But I wanna know, what was the tweet that Alyssa Milano retweeted?
MATT RAYMOND: Well, it was the very first tweet ... In fact, we wanted to announce the acquisition by Twitter, so it said "Library to acquire entire Twitter archive, all tweets ever, more details to follow."
["Library of Congress to acquire ENTIRE Twitter archive: http://is.gd/ bsEpT (via @librarycongress @PoliticsDaily) - @Alyssa_Milano" appears on screen]

---

From dailyfinance.com:

Library of Congress' hidden Twitter computer room: WalletPop takes a peek
By Jason Cochran
Posted 12:15AM 05/20/10

The Library of Congress recently made headlines by announcing an unusual acquisition: every public tweet ever sent on Twitter. Cleverly, it made the announcement by Twitter -- and the interest brought the library's servers to a standstill. For all that, the IT guys in charge of keeping every tweet for posterity don't tweet at all.

Why would the Library be interested in obtaining something like that? And where are they going to put those tweets? I was given an exclusive invitation to come to Washington, DC, to find out.

In the humming computer stacks in the James Madison Memorial Building of the Library, preserving digital media is an ongoing challenge. Everything that's chosen for preservation, and there's a lot beyond Twitter messages, must be backed up, and as the storage media ages and evolves, must be put on the latest storage devices to ensure it can be read by the next generation of users.

The Library of Congress is your library. Like Twitter, it's free to use. So there's an advantage to keeping those throwaway bits of minutia clogging the Web.

If you're an anthropologist, you don't see a tweet as useless at all. Years from now, they will illuminate everyday life in a way we never have been able to do for previous generations.

Just like at home, computers can go down. At the Library of Congress, IT technicians sometimes find themselves in futile arguments with impassive computers. On one keyboard in the storage area, the IT guys jokingly leave spare change in the hopes that they'll appease the computer gods -- in this case, one of the processor towers is nicknamed Minerva, after a landmark mural in the Great Hall of the Library's Thomas Jefferson Building.

We're in the Library of Congress now, too: WalletPop is on Twitter as @walletpopper, and I'm there as @bastable.

Case Study No. 0192: Sheldon the Librarian

Sheldon The Librarian - Time-Lapse creation of page 7
9:29
A time-lapse video of me coloring page 7 of my webcomic, Sheldon The Librarian. This was first attempt at speeding up footage and toward the end I began recording in 30 minute chunks instead of 15. Well, apparently, my After Effects can't handle a 30 minute video, so there is no end. The next ones will be complete with roughs, inks, flats, and shading. Enjoy!

www.sheldonthelibrarian.com

Sheldon The Librarian (c) 2011 - 2012 Yoni Limor
Tags: web comic graphic novel time-lapse Sheldon (webcomic) Webcomic illustration Animation draw art book lesson Library Drawing Books Painting
Added: 1 month ago
From: yonsta
Views: 87

[Sheldon wakes up to find his roommate Charlie playing video games]
SHELDON: Breakfast? Really? Because it looks like you've been up all night leading your guild into goblin battles.
CHARLIE: Yeah, well, somebody's gotta dole out the justice ...
SHELDON: Hey, I had another one of those crazy dreams again.
CHARLIE: Yah-huh. And where were you this time, Sheldon? Feudal Japan? The wild, wild West?
SHELDON: Scotland, I think. Charlie ... I was a warrior dwarf.
CHARLIE: Yyyyyeah, so ... Promise me no more bedtime chorizo, okay?
SHELDON: No. It's more than that ...

---

From sheldonthelibrarian.com:

Sheldon 0007
by Yoni Limor on December 28, 2011 at 12:01 am
Posted In: Comic

The new page of Sheldon The Librarian begins to lend some insight into Sheldon's dream. Has he had them before? What do they mean? Where can I find some Rocket Ship pajama pants?

---

From facebook.com:

Sheldon is your average Little Person living in the big city of New York, but his world gets turned upside-down when he finds out that he is actually a descendant of Ancient Dwarves. Wizards, Elves and Faeries also sparsely populate this secret, magical world. Now a danger hidden for close to a millennia is resurfacing, and Sheldon must choose to accept destiny and become the hero he was always meant to be.

Once at the New York Public Library, Sheldon goes down to the secluded stacks to retrieve a book ... and never comes up again ... things are going to get REAL.

Case Study No. 0191: Carole Littleton

Per Avion 3x12 flashback
3:45
lost 3x12 claire flashback
Tags: lost 3x12 portugal blog claire flashback
Added: 4 years ago
From: Lauda
Views: 2,418

From wikia.com:

Carole Littleton is Claire's mother, Lindsey's sister, Christian Shephard's former lover and Aaron's grandmother. (It is uncertain whether the spelling of her first name is "Carole" or "Carol". The closed captions in "Par Avion" spell the name "Carole" but other sources, such as the onscreen credits of "There's No Place Like Home, Part 1" and the ABC MediaNet press release for "Whatever Happened, Happened", spell the name "Carol".)

Very little is known about Carole. Claire said she was a librarian. About 23 years prior to the events of "Par Avion", Carole had an affair with Christian Shephard. It is unknown how long it lasted, but Carole became pregnant with their daughter, Claire. Christian supported her and the baby, came down to visit several times, and he even paid for her house's mortgage. However, neither Carole nor her sister Lindsey approved of Christian dividing his time between families, and they made him promise never to come back.

Carole decided to tell Claire that her father was killed when Claire was two, and she proceeded to raise Claire by herself, working as a librarian. Unfortunately, Claire became angry and reclusive, adopting a Goth-like lifestyle. Claire later commented that she was "horrible" to Carole.

---

From wikia.com:

Episode 12 - "Par Avion"
Written by: Christina M. Kim & Jordan Rosenberg
Directed by: Paul Edwards

[Claire and Jin are at the beach, setting up a net in the water.]

CLAIRE: Will this work?

JIN: Yes, work.

[Sun walks towards them with two buckets of fish.]

JIN: Err, Sun, needs help.

CLAIRE: Okay.

[Claire walks up to Sun, and the two of them sit down and make chum.]

CLAIRE: Mmm... smells great!

SUN: Let's get it over with. This was my mother's worst fear.

CLAIRE: What do you mean?

SUN: That I would end up doing something very much like this, cutting bait. She had high hopes for my future. They did not include me marrying a fisherman's son.

CLAIRE: Well, I guess we don't always turn out like our mother's wanted.

SUN: Of course, mine never worked a day in her life.

[Claire looks upset.]

CLAIRE: My mom was a librarian.

SUN: Was?

[To avoid finishing the conversation, Claire looks over towards Jin.]

CLAIRE: We should get this stuff out there.

[Flashback - Claire walks into a hospital room. Her Aunt Lindsey is standing there next to her mom Carole, who is still in the hospital bed, unresponsive.]

LINDSEY: Where were you?

CLAIRE: Went home to take a shower.

LINDSEY: Oh, that must have been nice.

CLAIRE: They said she was still in surgery. I had glass in my hair, Aunt Lindsey.

LINDSEY: Well I'm glad that you're feeling refreshed.

[Doctor Woodruff walks into the room.]

DR. WOODRUFF: Good afternoon. Are you the daughter? I'm Doctor Woodruff, neural surgery. I'll be observing your mother for the next few days.

LINDSEY: How is she?

WOODRUFF: We've managed to stabilize her immediate injuries, but... your mother's suffered a severe head trauma. We'll have to wait for the swelling in her brain to go down before we determine the full extent of her injuries. But, uh, I'm afraid we're looking at fairly widespread damage.

CLAIRE: Wait, what does that mean?

WOODRUFF: It means that right now, these machines are sustaining her life.

CLAIRE: It won't always be, I mean when she wakes up she won't need—

WOODRUFF: I can't say with any real confidence—that she will wake up.

CLAIRE: Can she hear us?

WOODRUFF: I'd like to think she can.

LINDSEY: How long will she be like this?

WOODRUFF: Could be a day, a week, or years. We'll just have to wait and see. But I can assure you she'll be well looked after.

LINDSEY: Oh, that's very nice, but we can't pay for that.

WOODRUFF: Don't worry; her expenses have already been taken care of.

LINDSEY: By whom?

WOODRUFF: I've been asked to keep that confidential.

Case Study No. 0190: Foghorn Leghorn and Bookworm (student library worker)

Tiny Toons ep The Weidest Story Ever Told PT 1
10:49
"Weirdest Story Ever Told" Wraparounds: Buster & Babs spend their day at the Looniversity library.
"Robin Hare": A Tiny Toons version of Robin Hood starring Buster Bunny.
"To Babs or Not to Babs": Babs is determined to become a star in Shakespeare's newest play.
"Elmyras 'Round the World": Buster dreams that Elmyra's world wide relatives have their eyes on him too.
Tags: yt:stretch=16:9
Added: 1 year ago
From: frankietinytoons
Views: 34,697

[inside the Acme Looniversity Library, Bookworm is seen eating his way through a copy of "The Good Earth", as the camera pans across the room to find Buster and Babs Bunny sitting and reading books]
BUSTER: [looks at the camera and whispers] Hiya, Toonsters! Today, Babsie and I are visiting the Looniversity library ...
BABS: [loudly] What better place to read some of the weirdest--
BUSTER: Shh!
BABS: [quietly] Oh ... weirdest stories ever told.
BUSTER: That's the one thing you gotta remember about libraries, folks. You have to keep--
[he stops when he notices that Foghorn Leghorn is standing behind him]
FOGHORN: [yelling] Quiet! I say, quiet! This is a library, son! There's people that're trying to read in here! How, I say, how can they concentrate if you keep flappin' your gums?! Ya gotta keep quiet!
[all of the other patrons huddle in fear at the yelling]
FOGHORN: [grabs the rabbits by their ears] You, I say, you understand?!
BABS AND BUSTER: Yes, sir.
FOGHORN: Good!
[he puts them back in their seats, then calmly talks to the camera]
FOGHORN: Nice kids, but about as quiet as a trainwreck ...

---

From tv.com:

"Tiny Toons Adventures"
Season 1, Episode 54 – Weirdest Story Ever Told
Aired: 2/8/1991

Buster and Babs have fun at the Acme Looniversity Library, where they have to face the wrath of loud librarian Foghorn Leghorn.

---

From wikia.com:

Bookworm is a cartoon character from the Warner Bros. animated television series, Tiny Toon Adventures. He appears occasionally on the show. Bookworm is a green male worm, who wears large, oval-shaped, black rimmed glasses and has a few black hairs on his head. He attends Acme Looniversity and lives in Acme Acres.

Bookworm is based on the bookworm companion of Sniffles from the Merry Melodies series.

This cute little worm crawls around Acme Acres, reading his books and trying to avoid becoming Sweetie's dinner. Bookworm works at the Acme Looniversity library and can often be found there going through the shelves. He is extremely well-read; one can always find him reading a book and then swallowing it up when he's through. Books are his primary source of nourishment. He is also proficient on the computer.

Bookworm is often chased by Sweetie, but usually outsmarts her or luckily gets away, sometimes using books against her. In the short, Eating Between the Lines, from the episode, Looniversity Days, Sweetie chases Bookworm throughout many famous books and stories that come to life in the Looniversity library. In Career Oppor-Toon-Ities, Bookworm is shown working part-time at the Acme Mall Bookstore as well as thwarting Sweetie's attacks on him.

Bookworm does not speak except for a few gulps and chewing sounds, but sometimes he will spit words that came from the book he most recently ate, such as in the episode segment, Tennis The Menace, against a cheating Montana Max.

In a few episodes, Bookworm is shown to be helpful to Buster and Babs (usually by searching for info on the computer for whatever it is that the bunnies are in need of at the moment). In the episode, Fields of Honey, he helps Babs in her search for Honey (an old classic Warner Bros. star and possible mentor for Babs). According to Buster and Babs in the intro to Eating Between the Lines, Bookworm is "the smartest kid in school."

Case Study No. 0189: Kirjastotati

Let's Play - Kirjastotati (A Librarian)
1:03:27
A small Finnish-made AGS game this one. Seemed funny enough so I decided to do a little LP video of it. Unfortunately the fact that the game is originally in finnish and I'm translating on the fly makes this video less than optimal to watch.

Oh well, hope you still enjoy, I know I did!
Tags: AGS Big Blue Cup Library Librarian Brains Goth Cat Robot Boss Coffee Hemuuuli WHAM WHAMGAMES
Added: 6 months ago
From: whamtheman
Views: 164

[scene opens inside a library, with a male librarian (with a beard) talking to a female librarian (in pigtails and glasses)]
MALE LIBRARIAN: Welcome to the wonderful world of libraries! In your work, you're going to need a good back, quick fingers, and sharp wits. With first-timers, I'm always emphasizing patience; in the library, you should never lose your nerves. You may even lose your job if you do.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: But I've worked here for twenty years ...
MALE LIBRARIAN: Oh, don't try to fool me, little girl! I never forget a face!
[the player is prompted to ask a question]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: How many books does this library have?
MALE LIBRARIAN: Two hundred thirty five thousand, eight hundred and eighty four ... For you, you only have permission to touch twelve books in the following categories. Adult, guides, magazines, philosophy and religion.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Why?
MALE LIBRARIAN: Do not question God's will!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: So I can only touch twelve books ...
[the player is prompted to ask a question]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: When is the coffee break?
MALE LIBRARIAN: Not now.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Ten o'clock?
MALE LIBRARIAN: Nope.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Twelve o'clock?
MALE LIBRARIAN: Nope.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Two o'clock?
MALE LIBRARIAN: Nope. It's roughly after serving your fifth customer.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: What do we have for our coffee break?
MALE LIBRARIAN: Coffee.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Anything else?
MALE LIBRARIAN: Not for you. And you wouldn't have time to get anything else, anyway.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: How long is the coffee break?
MALE LIBRARIAN: You should ask how short is it ...
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Well, how short is it?
MALE LIBRARIAN: Enough about coffee!
[the player is prompted to ask a question]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: I already know everything.
MALE LIBRARIAN: But I know more ... I'll be on my coffee break, try not to destroy the library.
[he exits a door behind the front desk, as a pimply-faced goth kid approaches]
[she checks a sign above the desk]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: "Workplace rules. 1. The boss is always right. 2. If the boss is wrong, the first rule will immediately be enforced."
[she checks the desk]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: [to herself] It's the ring bell, so the customers can call me ... I don't like the ring bell. It reminds me of being busy.
[she approaches the male patron]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Good morning, how can I help you?
GOTH KID: Ummm ...
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: What kind of book are you looking for?
GOTH KID: That kind.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Uh, can you be more specific?
GOTH KID: Kinda like, about ... that. Y'know.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Do you know the name of the book?
GOTH KID: Uhhh ... Some kind of guide.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: What's it about?
GOTH KID: About ... that.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Where might it be?
GOTH KID: Young people section?
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Gotcha! Wait here, I'll find your book.
GOTH KID: Yeah ...
[she looks at the bookshelf behind the desk]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: [to herself] Those are reserved books.
[she leaves the desk and checks the stacks]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: [to herself] Only a select few are able to read these call numbers, filled with cryptic symbols ...
[she looks at one of the shelves, which has been cordoned off with black and yellow police tape]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: [to herself] A crime scene. If a book is stolen from us, the boss will look into it personally.
[she looks at a statue of a stuffed cat sitting near the window]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: [to herself] I love cats. They're fluffy and wuffy and soft ...
[she looks at the shelf marked "Guides"]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: [reading the titles] "Lace Crafts." "Do It Yourself Television." "Being a Teenager: Sex."
[she takes the sex guide and heads back to the front desk]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Have a book, kid!
GOTH KID: Thank you, this is the book I was looking for.
[he leaves, then an elderly bald man approaches]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: [to herself] Looks rich ... Although I like bald people, I'd like to know them a little bit better before touching them.
[she approaches the new patron]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: What're you looking for?
BALD MAN: Good day ... Don't they teach you any manners in here? It is rude not to greet a paying customer properly!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: The last time I checked, the library was free.
BALD MAN: But it works on tax payers' money!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Yes.
BALD MAN: Well, I pay taxes, thus I pay for the library!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Right.
BALD MAN: Besides, I pay more taxes than you do! We rich people pay a larger percentage of taxes, you know! More than likely, I'm paying more taxes than you get paid!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Now who's being impolite?
BALD MAN: Keep up that attitude, I'll tell your superior, and he's going to lower your salary!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Now you're rubbing salt in my wounds!
BALD MAN: Happily! In Finland, income inequality rises all the time, and social services will deteriorate as a result! Soon we'll be doing it like the Americans; low wage workers such as yourself are practically slaves for us rich folk! You'll be paying your debts happily ever after, working the sweat on your brow, day after day, twenty four hours a day! That's what we rich bankers would like!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: So, if you're that rich, why not just buy the book instead of coming here and pissing people off?
BALD MAN: Do you think I'd be rich if I hadn't used every opportunity to be cheap?
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: So what kind of book are you looking for?
BALD MAN: Something to get me more money ...
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: So why are you in the library, looking for something that would help you make more money?
BALD MAN: Because I saw a product in the store today which interests me.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: And you decided to come to the library to get it?
BALD MAN: Of course! Why should I waste my money for something that I'm only going to read a part of?
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Was it a thick book?
BALD MAN: It was a flat one!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: What was the name of the book, if you saw it in the store already?
BALD MAN: I can't remember ... It was green.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: I think I can find it for you now.
BALD MAN: That's the spirit! That's how you serve a customer!
[she leaves the desk and checks the magazine rack]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: [reading the titles] "Schoolgirl." "Health Journal: Asthma, Diabetes, Allergies." "Garden."
[she takes the gardening magazine]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: [to herself] This magazine about gardening tells about growing a money tree.
[she heads back to the front desk and gives the magazine to the man]
BALD MAN: This is the right book ... Goodbye!
[he leaves, then an old woman with a walker approaches]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: [to herself] Old granny. Roughly seventy five to eighty years old. Looks like she needs help moving around.
[she approaches the new patron]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Hello! How can I help you?
OLD LADY: Oh, what a young and pretty librarian!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Thank you.
OLD LADY: I remember when I was young like that ... I might've been prettier than you, though. Nowadays I'm all wrinkled. Got to use all kinds of waxes nowadays to make myself look like a human being! Aloe vera is very good stuff, smells good too! Reminds me of the flowers of my childhood.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: I like flowers, too.
OLD LADY: There used to be so much more flowers. Now there's only those grey boxes of concrete everywhere! The forests of my childhood, chopped down! Even the old berry bushes are gone! When I had the energy, I used to go away every summer, picking berries out of bushes! Do you go picking berries?
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: I ...
OLD LADY: Don't you care about the beautiful forests of Finland? My husband died during the War, you know. Defending the forests of this country, and the country itself! Did my husband die for nothing?!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: I didn't mean that--
OLD LADY: Excuses! I'm going to tell your manager! Manager, you have a rude librarian here!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Shh!
MALE LIBRARIAN: [from off camera] Shut up! Can't I even eat some pastries in peace over here?
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: You must have a lot of wisdom to share ...
OLD LADY: I don't know, I just came here to get a book, not to gossip ... but did you know that in the next county over, there was a nice young man working in a library? You two would fit well together! You look just like him, both wearing huge glasses on top of your noses! Is that called fashion?
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Yes, the latest.
OLD LADY: And you're wasting your money on the latest fashion? I've got stuff like that in my attic! They don't even know how to value money anymore ... It was better when we used the markka; they should bring the old currency back! I've got a lot of old Finnish markkas in my sock drawer!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Why? They're not worth anything anymore.
OLD LADY: In our bobbin lace shop, we still pay each other in markkas. We don't trust these new-fangled Euro thingies!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Right ... so, what book would you like?
OLD LADY: I already told you!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: No you didn't.
OLD LADY: You are not going to tell me that I have a poor memory! I demand to see your superior!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: But--
OLD LADY: They're telling me I'm demented!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Hey! I didn't say that!
MALE LIBRARIAN: [from off camera] Accept the facts!
OLD LADY: Huh?
MALE LIBRARIAN: [from off camera] You are demented! Now, for god's sake, let me have these chocolate cookies in peace!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: I want to help you find your book.
OLD LADY: Young people today are so lazy!
[she leaves the desk and heads for the "Guides" section, grabbing the "Lace Crafts" book]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: [to herself] As a child, I used to often borrow craft guides ... I did skip this one, though.
[she heads back to the front desk and gives the guide to the old woman]
OLD LADY: Thank you, now my pension days will be much nicer! How long can I borrow this again?
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Four weeks.
OLD LADY: I'll be back to return it, then ... Bye bye, I'm leaving now.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Have a good rest of your life!
[she leaves, then a little baby crawls up to the desk]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: [to herself] It's a baby. Some people think they're cute, I think they're a little bit gross.
[she inspects the baby again]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: [to herself] Kick the baby!
[she approaches the new patron]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Hi! Good day! How are you doing?
[the baby gives no reaction]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: I'm talking to myself here ... I'm the librarian. Hey! I'm still talking to myself!
[she tries again]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Goood mor-niiing ...
BABY: Goo goo!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Do I have to serve a baby?
BABY: Gaa gaa!
MALE LIBRARIAN: [from off camera] Don't underestimate the customers!
BABY: [babbles something like "That's what you get!"]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Where are your parents?
BABY: [babbles something like "At home!"]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: What kind of book are you looking for?
BABY: [babbles something like "The works of Plato!"]
[she leaves the desk and checks the "Philosophy/Religion" section]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: [reading the titles] "Religions of the World." I'm not interested in religion, I make my own fortunes ... though not very well.
[she continues reading the titles]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: "Plato's The Republic."
[the last book in the section is written in Braille]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: [spelling out the title] "The Bible."
[she takes "The Repulic" and heads back to the desk, where she gives it to the baby]
BABY: [babbles something like "Thank you!"]
[he crawls away, then a ninja suddenly appears before her in a cloud of smoke]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: [to herself] It's either a cold blooded assassin, or a pathetic live action role player ... I'm not gonna start guessing with the threat of my life in the balance.
NINJA: Cough cough ...
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: How can I help you?
NINJA: You can serve me. I'm looking for a great treasure.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Is that a real sword?
NINJA: This sword is more genuine than the smile on the librarian's face.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: You're not allowed to bring weapons in the library.
NINJA: Enemy can strike at any time! Always need to be prepared!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Yes, but the security guard might not agree with you there ... Where are they, by the way? They should've stopped you outside.
NINJA: The enemy always is present!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Did you kill them?!
NINJA: He who stands in my way shall receive "cold pardon" ...
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Right, I won't stand in your way. Whatever the "cold pardon" is, I don't want it ...
NINJA: You have good sense of self preservation, librarian!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: So, what is this great treasure?
NINJA: A book! Cough cough ... Mighty guide telling magics.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: What kind of magics?
NINJA: I have great problem! Smokey bombs make me cough! Cough cough ... I'd like to know how to breathe better.
[she leaves the desk and checks the magazine rack, taking the Health Journal]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: [to herself] "Health Magazine Number 3." This one is all about asthma, diabetes, and allergies.
[she heads back to the desk, where she gives it to the ninja]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Here you are.
NINJA: I shall remember your brave deed. Future generations shall hear of your power.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Thank you for the honor. Now could you please leave? Bladed weapons make me nervous.
NINJA: Thy will be done.
[the ninja disappears in a puff of smoke]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: [to herself] It is time for lunch right about now ...
[she enters the door behind the front desk, where she finds her supervisor standing in the break room]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: I'm here for my coffee break.
MALE LIBRARIAN: Ah yes, you workers expect to have stuff like that nowadays. Don't spend too long. You have one minute.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: I better get started, then.
[she checks the coffee machine]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: [to herself] Most of this year's budget was spent on a new coffee machine ... Too bad only the boss can use it. All we have is this old one, which some antique collector might pay a good sum for.
[she opens the cabinet above the sink, and looks at all of the coffee mugs]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: [reading the captions on one of the mugs] "I'm not a momma's girl."
[she looks at a paper cup]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: [to herself] This one won't handle coffee.
[she looks at a red coffee mug]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: [to herself] This is not my cup.
[she looks at an old chipped blue coffee mug]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: [to herself] This will have to do ...
[she tries to bring the mug to the coffee machine]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: [to herself] It's too dirty, I have to wash it first.
[she turns on the sink and rinses the cup]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: [to herself] It has been washed.
[she brings the mug to the coffee machine]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: [to herself] I have filled the cup.
[she drinks the coffee]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Aaah!
[cut to the front desk, as the librarian's coffee break is over, when a crazy-looking man approaches]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: [to herself] It's a local hobo.
[she approaches the patron]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Good day, how may I help you?
HOBO: No! How can I help such a lovely creature as yourself? I don't see a wondeful package like that everyday!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Ahem, thank you ... I'm guessing you've indulged in something other than orange juice this morning?
HOBO: Maybe a little ... Hik! That won't slow me down, though. I'm in the best shape of my life!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Well, that's good for you ... So, what would you like?
HOBO: You!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Me?
HOBO: Well, I had something else in mind, but I forgot when I stepped through the door ... My feet go soft before you! My heart pounds, and the stuff in my pants gets hard!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Please spare me the details ...
[she takes a step back]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: [to herself] I shall press the silent alarm.
HOBO: Hik! I think you're secretly trying to press the silent alarm ...
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: How did you know?
HOBO: Listen, young lady, you are talking to the former ... Hik! I can't remember exactly anymore. I've been a lot of things, maybe even a security guard in the past.
MALE LIBRARIAN: [from off camera] Watch closely, rookie ... That man was once an employee of mine!
HOBO: Hik! No, that voice! You ... you took everything from me!
[he begins to cry]
MALE LIBRARIAN: [from off camera] I don't like failures!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: How terrible!
MALE LIBRARIAN: [from off camera] What did you say?!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: I mean, how terrible the weather ... that the forecast promised for tomorrow. I just remembered.
MALE LIBRARIAN: I need to buy shorts!
HOBO: Boo hoo ...
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: So, what book are you looking for?
HOBO: Oh, oh it's been such a long time ...
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Keep talking.
HOBO: When I last touched soft, sensual--
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Please do not continue.
HOBO: Womens' ...
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: No!
HOBO: Front cover.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Hmm? That's a strange euphemism for it, if I didn't know better.
[she leaves the desk and checks the magazine rack, taking the "Schoolgirl" magazine]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: [to herself] A very popular magazine for little girls.
[she heads back to the desk, where she gives it to the hobo]
HOBO: Hik! I won't need this!
[she leaves the desk and checks the "Adults" shelf]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: [reading the titles] "A Book of a Book of a Book." "Poems: Shortcuts to a Woman's Heart." "Women by Charles Bukowski."
[she takes the Bukowski book and brings it back to the hobo]
HOBO: That looks like a nice book ... Ahhh, hik! How pleasant it feels in my hands! I think I touched you when I picked up the book.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: The pleasure is all yours ...
[he leaves, then a blind man approaches]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: [to herself] He's got a note on his chest. He's deaf, mute, and blind.
[she approaches the new patron]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Hello!
BLIND MAN: ...
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: No answer.
[she leaves the desk and checks the "Philosphy/Religion" section, where she picks up the Braille Bible and brings it back to the man]
BLIND MAN: ...
[he takes the book and walks away, then a geeky-loving male teenager approaches]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: [to herself] Judging by the appearance and the smell, he hasn't showered in awhile.
GEEK: Hmmnhnhmmh ... Hey, man.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Nice glasses.
GEEK: ROFL!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Who's "Rofl"?
GEEK: It's what a n00b such as yourself seems to be.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: I'm sorry, but I have no idea what you're talking about.
GEEK: You've never used the interweb? OMG! Everyone talks like this? Don't you have any tech books in this library?
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: I'm guessing you don't mean a barcode reader or digital directory?
GEEK: Well, you should have those in the library, at least ... How poor!
MALE LIBRARIAN: [from off camera] Poorness is a state of mind!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: So, what can I help you with?
GEEK: I'm looking for a book about something ...
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Yes?
GEEK: At my house, the internet connection is pretty slow, even though it's a 100mb WLAN, y'know?
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: So you're upgrading?
GEEK: No LOL! I wish, I might just end up moving out.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: So you're looking for books on moving?
GEEK: Wut? Well no, I'm looking for something to improve my social skills. Get a little experience and bonus points in speechcraft, y'know?
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: I'm still not sure I understand?
GEEK: You'll know what I'm looking for if your perception skill is at least eight ... Judging by your glasses, it is.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: I'm going to go look for your book now. Just a minute.
GEEK: Roger that.
[she leaves the desk and checks the "Adults" section, where she picks up the book of poems and brings it back to the geek]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Here you go.
GEEK: Mmhmn, yeeesss ... "May the force be with you," y'know? Quite l33t of you! Well, been AFK in World of Warcraft for so long, the guild is gonna be angry. C U!
[he leaves, then a robot approaches]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: [to herself] It's a talking tin can. It's a local mad scientist's invention. It talks a lot, but is mostly harmless.
[she approaches the new patron]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Good evening.
ROBOT: Good evening. I demand something to enslave mankind.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Please wait a minute.
ROBOT: I shall hold.
[she leaves the desk and checks the "Guides" section, where she picks up the book on "Do It Yourself Television" and brings it back to the robot]
ROBOT: Suitable object.
[it rolls away, then a zombie shuffles over to the front desk]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: It's one of the living dead.
[she approaches the new patron]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: We're going to close the library soon, but I'll serve you.
ZOMBIE: Braains!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Brains?
ZOMBIE: Nom nom braains!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Quite so ... This is not a restaurant.
ZOMBIE: Aaaiii ... Braains?!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: I'll find you something with brains in it ...
ZOMBIE: Braains!
[she leaves the desk and inspects the cat statue near the window]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: [to herself] The cat's head is loose. Children have torn it off before.
[she takes the cat's head off and opens it up to reveal the brains inside]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: [to herself] A cat's head. It's smiling and looks cute.
[she heads back to the desk, where she gives the cat's head to the zombie]
ZOMBIE: Braains! Nom nom nom!
[he shambles off]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: The library will now close. The day is done.
[cut to the two librarians standing behind the front desk]
MALE LIBRARIAN: Well? How was the day?
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Wonderful!
MALE LIBRARIAN: Don't be so smug! You'll be making mistakes in the future. Besides, the library didn't make any profit today.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: So how can I make profit, if nobody returns their books late for the late fee?
MALE LIBRARIAN: You have to complain that the books are damaged, or don't mark them as returned even if the customer asks. Just tell them that the return machine is now broken, and that it's too bad they'll be fined.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: But that's cheating!
MALE LIBRARIAN: That's why it's your job and not mine.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: I quit!
MALE LIBRARIAN: You can't. Your contract says that you have to give me one month's notice if you're quitting ... Besides, the break room floor is dirty. Some of my chocolate chip cookies got crumbled up on it. Chop chop, you still have some work time left to clean up the mess.
[cut to the female librarian alone in the break room, holding a broom with a sad look on her face]

Samuli Jaaskelainen
Kriina Rytkonen
2011

Adventure Game
Game Studio 3.11

---

From adventuregamestudio.co.uk:

Kirjastotati
Author: Samuli Jaaskelainen
Resolution: 320x200 at 16-bit color

This game is about a normal day in a shoes of librarian in a small library. You encounter various customers as well as exciting coffee break during your day. The game takes about an hour to complete.