Friday, December 16, 2011

Case Study No. 0128: Vicki Myron

Library Cat's Story Becomes New York Times Best Seller
0:58
Dewey is the life story of a baby kitten that was left in a book return slot at the Spencer Library back in January of 1988.

Rumors are that Dewey's story will soon be made into a movie starring Meryl Streep as Vicki Myron, the librarian who rescued Dewey from the winter cold.

Cute photo of Dewey Readmore Books:
http://bit.ly/c96CPq

Dewey's Bio:

Dewey Readmore Books was the resident cat at Spencer Public Library. He was put in the book return one cold January night in 1988. When the staff found him the next morning, they decided to adopt him. After the library's board of trustees and the city council approved, the kitten was declawed, neutered, and given the proper vaccinations. A contest was held to pick a name, and Dewey Readmore Books was officially added to the staff. The staff cared for Dewey and donated their pop cans to feed the kitty. Patrons and friends from as far away as New York have donated money for Dewey's food.

Dewey generated lots of publicity for the library. He was featured in the local paper, Country Magazine, Cat Fancy Magazine, on the Sioux City television stations, in books, and on postcards. He was a video star in "Puss in Books", a documentary about library cats. Of course, Dewey was already the star of the library. Many people came in just to see him. Dewey even had his own job description.

Dewey passed away on November 29, 2006 due to complications from a stomach tumor. He had become very frail because of hyperthyroid disease for which he was receiving medication. He died in the arms of the library director, Vicki Myron. He had celebrated his 19th birthday eleven days before he died. Although Dewey is gone, he will be remembered by thousands of people whom he cheered by simply being a loving presence in the library. Although we may get another library cat, Dewey will never be replaced. The library won't be the same without Dewey.

Dewey's memory lives on. He is an official member of the Library Cat Society and was a contributing author on several occasions using Vicki Myron, the library director, as his scribe. Vicki has written an adult book about her life with Dewey at Spencer Public Library, published September 24th, 2008. It is titled, "Dewey: The Small-Town Library Cat Who Touched the World:."

Info from:
http://www.spencerlibrary.com/ dewey.shtml

http://www.deweyreadmorebooks.com/

Vicki has retired from the library, but you can contact her at: * Vicki Myron * P.O. Box 1155 * Spencer, IA 51301
Tags: feral cats dewey new york times spencer library 1988 library cat kitten movie book screenplay hero heroine love pets stray cat animal abuse kitties main coon calico tortie tabby tomcat mascot books friend companion iowa
Added: 3 years ago
From: feralcatnews
Views: 29,611

From amazon.com:

Dewey: The Small-Town Library Cat Who Touched the World
by Vicki Myron

One frigid Midwestern winter night in 1988, a ginger kitten was shoved into the after-hours book-return slot at the public library in Spencer, Iowa. And in this tender story, Myron, the library director, tells of the impact the cat, named DeweyReadmore Books, had on the library and its patrons, and on Myron herself. Through her developing relationship with the feline, Myron recounts the economic and social history of Spencer as well as her own success story—despite an alcoholic husband, living on welfare, and health problems ranging from the difficult birth of her daughter, Jodi, to breast cancer. After her divorce, Myron graduated college (the first in her family) and stumbled into a library job. She quickly rose to become director, realizing early on that this was a job I could love for the rest of my life. Dewey, meanwhile, brings disabled children out of their shells, invites businessmen to pet him with one hand while holding the Wall Street Journal with the other, eats rubber bands and becomes a media darling. The book is not only a tribute to a cat—anthropomorphized to a degree that can strain credulity (Dewey plays hide and seek with Myron, can read her thoughts, is mortified by his hair balls) - it's a love letter to libraries.

---

From ktiv.com:

Library Cat's Story Becomes New York Times Best Seller
By Allissa Hopkins

Posted: Oct 02, 2008 6:01 PM EDT

He was popular in his hometown of Spencer, Iowa, but a story about a cat named 'Dewey Readmore Books', has become a hit with readers across the country!

The book by former Spencer Librarian, Vicki Myron is now a New York Times 5th Best Seller.

Dewey is the life story of a cat that was left in the book return slot at the Spencer Library back in 1988.

It's ranked number three on Amazon.com, and was the top-seller on the Barnes and Noble Website Sunday.

While signing copies of her book in Sioux City today, Myron talked about her "chance" relationship with this beloved library cat.

"We had a bond that I've never had with another animal. There's no way to put that into words. I can't explain it, but I know that when I looked into his eyes that I was seeing an old soul in a cat's body. And, that's exactly what he was," said Vicki Myron, author of Dewey.

Dewey is being published in 22 countries and in almost as many languages.

There are even talks about a movie.

Case Study No. 0127: Norris McQueen, Grace, and Bill

The Librarian Strikes Back
7:01
Mild-mannered librarian Norris is bullied at work and unable to express himself to the girl of his dreams. But then he goes on an assertiveness course with a difference..
Tags: short film
Added: 3 years ago
From: sumoelvis
Views: 151

Slapdash Films presents
A film by Danny Phillips

The Librarian Strikes Back

[scene opens inside the Municipal Library, as Norris is reshelving books while Grace is helping a little girl find a book]
NORRIS: [looks longingly at Grace and imagines a halo appearing over her head]
[Bill suddenly appears behind Norris and gets in his face]
BILL: [singing in a mocking tone] Norris loves Grace ...
[Norris jumps back slightly]
BILL: Why don't you ask her out?
NORRIS: Don't be impertinent!
BILL: Or you'll do what?
NORRIS: [tries to puff himself up] I'm your manager!
[not impressed, Bill grabs him by the shirt]
BILL: So? Maybe I'll ask her out myself. She is pretty ... pretty ugly!
[he walks off and stands behind Grace, making lewd gestures while Norris does nothing, eventually storming out of the library and walking along the road when he sees the "Out of My Way! Assertiveness Training Centre"]
NORRIS: [shrugs to himself] What've I got to lose?
[he enters and sees a man at his desk, typing on a computer]
NORRIS: Hello? Hello?
[the man looks up and shrugs]
NORRIS: Uh, my name's Norris McQueen ...
MR. ASSERTIVE: Wadda you want?!
NORRIS: Well, I'm, uh ...
MR. ASSERTIVE: Get on with it, mate! Come on, I haven't got all day!
NORRIS: I was just here for assertiveness training ...
MR. ASSERTIVE: See, that wasn't so hard, was it? At least you found the right office! There's a bunch of grief counselors next door, got their clients running in all the time!
[he pounds his fist on the desk]
MR. ASSERTIVE: You're in the wrong office, I tell 'em!
[Norris jumps back slightly]
MR. ASSERTIVE: [makes baby noises] ... Imagine dealing with that all day.
[he gets up out of his chair]
MR. ASSERTIVE: You quite obviously need my services ...
[cut to Norris and Mister Assertive walking down the street]
MR. ASSERTIVE: Interesting life story, Mister Librarian. So tell me ...
[he elbows a passerby out of the way, and (when the man looks back as if to say "What gives?") keeps walking while giving the middle finger]
MR. ASSERTIVE: How is it that assertiveness is going to improve your life?
NORRIS: Well, there's a woman ...
MR. ASSERTIVE: Go on!
NORRIS: Well, we work together, and I think she's amazing.
MR. ASSERTIVE: So, what's the problem-o? How does she feel about you?
NORRIS: Well, we get on and stuff, but ... I dunno, I keep on meaning to ask her out on a date.
MR. ASSERTIVE: It's okay, I understand, and I think I can help!
[he puts his hands on his shoulders]
MR. ASSERTIVE: You've gotta be decisive! If there's something you want, work out a strategy and don't stop til it's yours!
[they see to a lady sitting in the park about to eat a piece of cake]
MR. ASSERTIVE: You hungry?
NORRIS: No, not ... Well, maybe.
MR. ASSERTIVE: Oh, be decisive! I'm hungry, and I fancy some cake!
[he walks over to the woman and stands over her]
MR. ASSERTIVE: That cake looks nice! Really tasty! Could I have some cake, please?
CAKE LADY: No, go away ...
MR. ASSERTIVE: Hmm, fair enough ...
[he moves in closer, hovering over the cake]
MR. ASSERTIVE: Mmm ... mmm ...
[he sticks his tongue out and starts licking his lips]
CAKE LADY: What do you want?
MR. ASSERTIVE: I hope you don't mind. I'm just gonna stand here and watch you eat that cake ... Which is good, 'cause I get all the pleasure without any of the cost. Y'know what they say, a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips!
[she relents and hands him the cake]
MR. ASSERTIVE: Aw, thanks! Don't you want it?
CAKE LADY: I've lost my appetite ...
[she gets up and leaves, and he starts eating]
MR. ASSERTIVE: [turns to Norris] I wanted the cake. I got the cake. That's lesson one, identify and object and make it yours!
NORRIS: But you made her feel bad! Kind of embarrassing ...
MR. ASSERTIVE: I'm not embarrassed. Assertive people don't feel embarrassed ... Lesson two, embarrassment is your friend!
[he throws the rest of the cake over his shoulder, then they see a muscular man with a can of Coke]
MR. ASSERTIVE: You thirsty?
NORRIS: Well ...
MR. ASSERTIVE: Come on!
NORRIS: Uh, yeah yeah! I could, I could drink a lake!
MR. ASSERTIVE: Good, 'cause it's time to get practical!
[he points to the man, who is doing pushups]
MR. ASSERTIVE: There's your drink! Your goal, go get it!
NORRIS: But look at the size of him!
MR. ASSERTIVE: The bigger they are, the harder they fall!
NORRIS: He'll murder me!
MR. ASSERTIVE: Are you gonna be a doormat all your life?
[he looks down, then nods his head and walks over to the man]
MR. ASSERTIVE: That's it, get 'im!
[he stops in front of the man, then nervously takes out a handkerchief and wipes his brow]
NORRIS: [stunted] Phew. It's hot. I'm really thirsty. Um, can I have some?
[the man takes a sip]
NORRIS: Uh, of your drink? To, to drink?
BIG BLOKE: How about you piss off, before I break you?
NORRIS: Uh, I'm suprised you went for a full fat Coke ... Y'know what they say, a second on the lips, a lifetime on the hips.
BIG BLOKE: What, are you saying I'm fat?!
[Mister Assertive, in the background, winces]
NORRIS: [nervously] No no no ... Uh, I just thought someone so fit and health-conscious as yourself wouldn't drink something so high in sugar.
BIG BLOKE: Uh, I'm just big-boned ...
[he hands Norris the Coke and walks off]
NORRIS: [gets a surprised look on his face, then smiles and takes a sip]
MR. ASSERTIVE: Norris, drink up! Savor the taste of victory!
NORRIS: [nods and takes another sip]
MR. ASSERTIVE: I thought you were gonna get your head kicked in!
[Norris does a spit take]
NORRIS: What?! But you let me do it?
MR. ASSERTIVE: Lesson number three was gonna be, know your limitations ... Big fish versus little fish, blah blah blah. You, my friend, are the biggest fish! You're the great white! You're Jaws 1, 2, 3, and 4!
NORRIS: Yeah, I'm Jaws!
MR. ASSERTIVE: Yeah!
NORRIS: [starts biting at the air and growling]
MR. ASSERTIVE: If you can ask someone that scary for that drink, you can do anything!
NORRIS: Yeah, I don't know how to thank you. I just feel so empowered, like I can do anything!
MR. ASSERTIVE: Well, lemmee know how it goes, and ...
[he hands him his card]
MR. ASSERTIVE: Um, pay me two hundred dollars.
NORRIS: What?
MR. ASSERTIVE: I'm not a charity worker. I just gave you the tools to get out there and grab life by the horns! Cheap at twice the price!
NORRIS: Yeah well, I'm only gonna pay you a hundred and fifty!
MR. ASSERTIVE: [laughs] I've created a monster ...
[he suddenly grabs Norris and puts him in a headlock]
MR. ASSERTIVE: Hey, it's two hundred dollars, or I'll rip your guts out and I'll feed ya to the pigeons!
NORRIS: [nervously hands him his wallet]
MR. ASSERTIVE: [lets him go and takes his money] Good lad ...
[friendly again, he gives him a pat on the back as Norris walks off]
MR. ASSERTIVE: Go get 'em, tiger!
[with Norris out of sight, the muscular man and the cake lady walk up to Mister Assertive]
MR. ASSERTIVE: Josh, Taylor. Thanks for responding so quickly to my text messages.
BIG BLOKE: You did say it was an emergency.
CAKE LADY: Do you think it worked?
MR. ASSERTIVE: That man is overflowing with assertiveness. Look out world!
[cut to Norris entering the library, as Bill is still harrassing Grace]
BILL: There he is. Grace was just telling me about the sexy lingerie she bought last week. Crotchless and everything ...
GRACE: [embarrassed] No! I, I ... how dare you!
NORRIS: It's okay, Grace. We both know it's his pathetic attempt at humor. Would you mind waiting at the counter for me? I want a word with Bill.
BILL: Sup, big-nuts? Come to give me a pay raise?
NORRIS: More a lesson in respect ...
[he punches Bill in the stomach, who goes down in a heap]
[cut to Grace at the counter, as Norris drags Bill over to her]
BILL: Grace ... Grace, I'd just like to apologize for pretty much everything I've ever said to you. It won't happen again.
NORRIS: Good lad ...
[he pushes Bill out of the picture]
NORRIS: Go find something useful to do.
[scene ends with Norris holding Grace's hand and looking into her eyes]

Norris - Chris Peters
Mr. Assertive - Paul Doran
Grace - Clarissa Phillips
Bill - Daniel Cross
Big Bloke - Fabian Probst
Cake Lady - Brigitte Najjar
Mr. 8 - Josh Dawson
Library Girl - Taylor Dawson
Library Customers - Terry Bates, Sue Bates
Music courtesy of Peter John Ross (sonnyboo.com)
Written directed produced and edited by Danny Phillips
Slapdash Films 2008

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Case Study No. 0125: Mrs. Carvin

Bully - Mission #55 Rats in the Library
3:14
Bully - Mission #55 Rats in the Library

Check it out:
http://www.bullymissions.com

From the dude who brought you:
http://www.gtamissions.com
Tags: bully game ps2 playstation rockstar missions Canis Canem Edit JIMMY HOPKINS bullworth acadamy Rats in the Library
Added: 4 years ago
From: BonersGames
Views: 89,672

[scene opens outside of the Bullworth Academy Library, as a group of nerdy students are loudly whining]
MELVIN: This is a disgrace!
ALGIE: It's appalling ... I don't want plague! Or a pet rat!
[one of them points at Jimmy, who is walking into the scene]
EARNEST: This is all your fault Jimmy!
JIMMY: Huh? What? No it isn't! What're you guys talking about?
ALGIE: The library is full of rats! And I've got my pre-pre-pre med tests next week, amigo! You're such a lame-o ...
MELVIN: Some king you turned out to be ...
ALGIE: Oh, how I long for the old days. Sure, we were laughed at and mercilessly bullied by everyone, but at least you could study without fear of rodents coming near us!
[a single rat runs out of the front door of the library, causing all the nerds to scream and hide behind Jimmy]
JIMMY: Get off!
[he pushes Algie away, then notices a stain on the front of his pants]
JIMMY: Ugh, did you piss yourself again Algie?
BEATRICE: Eww!
ALGIE: [covers his crotch with his hands] No! I swear! I spilled soda on myself ...
JIMMY: Soda ... Right. What a bunch of sissies! Well, I'm not afraid of a few rats.
[he shakes his head, then starts walking towards the library]
JIMMY: [to himself] Jeez, pathetic.
[cut to Jimmy inside the library, as "Clear the library of rats" appears on screen]
MRS. CARVIN: [from off camera] I want you to kill every single one of them, Jimmy. All of them!
[Jimmy begins exploring the library, watching the rats scurrying back and forth across the floor]
MRS. CARVIN: [from off camera] Please Jimmy, step up the extermination.
[Jimmy takes out his slingshot and begins taking out the rats]
MRS. CARVIN: [from off camera] Those critters are even worse than the students!
[Jimmy kills a few more rats]
MRS. CARVIN: [from off camera] There! I see one! Aaaha!
[Jimmy runs past the front desk, which Mrs. Carvin is standing on]
MRS. CARVIN: They're probably leaving their filth everywhere ... Disgusting!
[Jimmy kills a few more rats]
MRS. CARVIN: I saw one nibbling on a book! Kill it!
[Jimmy kills a few more rats]
MRS. CARVIN: Those filthy rats have no respect for my beautiful library!
[Jimmy has killed all 20 rats, as the scene changes to a closeup of Mrs. Carvin]
MRS. CARVIN: Check the delivery crates to see if any of them are still lurking in there!
[Jimmy walks up to some open boxes on the floor]
JIMMY: These crates?
MRS. CARVIN: Yes, those crates. The rats appeared once those books were delivered.
JIMMY: Everything seems to be fine, Miss. I think I got 'em all.
MRS. CARVIN: Thank you, Jimmy ... If you have any late fees, I think we can just forget about them.
JIMMY: I did that a long time ago ... Uh, I mean, thank you Miss.
["You Passed! Reward: $30.00, Nerd Respect: +15" appears on screen]
JIMMY: I think we can call that a wrap ...

---

From gamespot.com:

Game: "Bully" (PS2)
Mission: Rats in the Library

Start this mission in front of the school Library. The nerds are frantic outside of the Library; the Library is full of rats! Enter the library and find it, yep, full of rodents.

Dispose of the rats any manner you wish: firecrackers, slingshots, bottle rockets. Slingshot has unlimited ammo so it's probably the easiest route but if you see the rats gathering in groups (they do so around the corner of the Library), toss a firecracker close. There are 20 in all and this is a timed event. Watch for the rats to stop in certain areas and fire the slingshot in aim mode close by to eliminate the rodent. Complete the mission for +15 percent to nerd respect and $30 bucks.

---

From wikia.com:

Mrs. Carvin is the school's librarian. She was voiced by Patricia Kilgarriff.

Mrs. Carvin is a woman in her late middle ages. Although not ugly like Mrs. Peabody, she takes no care to make herself attractive. She has black hair that she wears in a bun on top of her head and wears old, shapeless dresses in bland colors. Her face is pinched and she does not wear makeup.

Mrs. Carvin is a tightly wound, prim and proper librarian. School gossip holds that she deliberately refused to date during high school and she has a fear of rats. Ms. Carvin can be found in the school's library and can sometimes be found walking around the school's campus.

During the mission Rats in the Library, Mrs. Carvin can be seen standing on her chair, scared. She begs Jimmy to kill the rats. After he does, she offers to excuse him of all his overdue book fines.

She appears in the Girls' Dorm if Jimmy causes enough trouble.

---

From wikia.com:

The Library is one of the peripheral buildings at Bullworth Academy. It is located to the east of the main building, and it is monitored by Mrs. Carvin.

It is the main hangout on campus for the Nerds, and some of the nerds like Cornelius find it a safe haven from the Bullies.

There are 2 yardsticks near the Library which can be used as Melee Weapons. At the right end of the library there is the entrance to the Observatory, as well as a secret short cut to Harrington House.

The inside of the library has two floors. In one corner is the globe that produces random facts about the world when spun. There is also a G&G card next to it. On the second floor is a rubberband. Students like the non clique students and Preppies can be seen inside the library. The Bullies can also be seen inside, despite what Cornelius states. The jocks could be seen in the library in Welcome to Bullworth but apart from that they rarely appear.

There are several flower pots scattered around the inside, and they can be picked up and thrown for lots of damage. The Prefects can be found inside patrolling, usually after 7 p.m.

The Library also has a interior/exterior mistake. On the outside, there is windows on the side walls, but inside there are no windows. Like at the corner with the globe, there is a window outside, but inside there is no window.

The Globe

The Globe can be found in the southeast corner of the Library. When you spin it by pressing triangle, it dispenses odd trivia from around the world, including:

* Canada: Dildo is a town in Newfoundland, Canada.
* Canada: Swearing in French has been outlawed in Montréal.
* China: Rescuing a drowning person is not allowed as it would be interfering with their fate.
* France: In 1778, fashionable women of Paris never went out in blustery weather without a lightning rod attached to their hats.
* Germany: During WWII, the Germans lost 126 generals. 84 of these were executed by Hitler.
* Italy: To "testify" was based on men in the Roman court swearing to a statement made by swearing on their testicles.
* Italy: In 1892, Italy raised the minimum age for marriage for girls to 12.
* Sweden: Twenty percent of all road accidents in Sweden involve a moose.
* UK: In Chester, you are allowed to shoot a Welsh person with a bow and arrow provided it is done inside the city walls and after midnight.
* UK: Every month the Thames water treatment plants remove over a ton of pubic hair, whereupon it is taken away to a landfill sight and buried.
* UK: Scotland is estimated to have been Europe's biggest persecutor of witches, putting to death over 4,000 alleged witches in the 17th and 18th centuries.
* USA: In Alabama, it is forbidden for a man to beat his wife more than once a month.
* USA: The IRS employee manual includes provisions for collecting taxes in the aftermath of a nuclear war.
* Zanzibar: The shortest war there has ever been was between Britain and Zanzibar during 1896. It lasted 38 minutes.

The Library makes its first appearance in a cutscene in Save Algie. It is also the starting point of the mission Character Sheets

During chapter 3, Jimmy meets Earnest inside the Library where he is asked to find and bring back Cornelius. Starting of Chapter 4, Jimmy comes to ask Algie for the Nerds' help at the Library - Petey is seen here too and he tells Jimmy how to bring the Nerds back in line. Later on, Jimmy meets the Nerds inside the Library during Funhouse Fun, where Algie tells him the plan to mess up with the Jocks at the Carnival. Earnest also meets Jimmy outside of the Library during Paparazzi telling him to take pictures of Mandy, and Jimmy later returns here to give Earnest the pictures. During the mission Rats in the Library, Jimmy must get rid the Library of 20 rats that have been released by Townies.

The library is also vandalised by Ted, Damon and Bo during the mission Complete Mayhem.

Case Study No. 0124: Brewster Kahle

Brewster Kahle: A digital library, free to the world
20:07
http://www.ted.com Brewster Kahle is building a truly huge digital library -- every book ever published, every movie ever released, all the strata of web history ... It's all free to the public -- unless someone else gets to it first.
Tags: Brewster Kahle TED TEDtalks talks Book Design Entertainment Film History Library Media Music Internet Archive
Added: 3 years ago
From: TEDtalksDirector
Views: 24,705

From loc.gov:

Brewster Kahle, Digital Librarian, Director and Co-founder of the Internet Archive (www.archive.org), has been working to provide universal access to all human knowledge for more than fifteen years.

Since the mid-1980s, Kahle has focused on developing transformational technologies for information discovery and digital libraries. In 1989 Kahle invented the Internet’s first publishing system, WAIS (Wide Area Information Server) system and in 1989, founded WAIS Inc., a pioneering electronic publishing company that was sold to America Online in 1995. In 1996, Kahle founded the Internet Archive, the largest publicly accessible, privately funded digital archive in the world. At the same time, he co-founded Alexa Internet in April 1996, which was sold to Amazon.com in 1999. Alexa's services are bundled into more than 80 percent of Web browsers.

Kahle earned a B.S. from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) in 1982. As a student, he studied artificial intelligence with Marvin Minsky and W. Daniel Hillis. In 1983, Kahle helped start Thinking Machines, a parallel supercomputer maker, serving there as lead engineer for six years. He is profiled in Digerati: Encounters with the Cyber Elite (HardWired, 1996). He was selected as a member of the Upside 100 in 1997, Micro Times 100 in 1996 and 1997, and Computer Week 100 in 1995.

---

From ted.com:

We really need to put the best we have to offer within reach of our children. If we don't do that, we're going to get the generation we deserve. They're going to learn from whatever it is they have around them.

And we, as now the elite, parents, librarians, professionals, whatever it is, a bunch of our activities are, in fact, in trying to get the best we have to offer within reach of those around us, or as broadly as we can. I'm going to start and end this talk with a couple things that are carved in stone. One is what's on the Boston Public Library. Carved above their door is, "Free to All." It's kind of an inspiring statement, and I'll go back at the end of this. I'm a librarian, and what I'm trying to do is bring all of the works of knowledge to as many people as want to read it. And the idea of using technology is perfect for us. I think we have the opportunity to one-up the Greeks. It's not easy to one-up the Greeks. But with the industriousness of the Egyptians, they were able to build the Library of Alexandria -- the idea of a copy of every book of all the peoples of the world. The problem was, you actually had to go to Alexandria to go to it. On other hand, if you did, then great things happened. I think we can one-up the Greeks and achieve something. And I'm going to try to argue only one point today: that universal access to all knowledge is within our grasp. So if I'm successful, then you'll actually come away thinking, yeah, we could actually achieve the great vision of everything ever published, everything that was ever meant for distribution, available to anybody in the world that's ever wanted to have access to it.

Yes, there's issues about how money should be distributed and that's still being refigured out. But I'd say there's plenty of money, and there's plenty of demand, so we can actually achieve that. But I'm going to go over the technological, social and sort of where are we as a whole trying to get to that particular vision. And the way I'm going to try to do this is do it like the Amazon.com website -- the books, music, video and just go step, media type by media type, just go and say, all right, how we doing on this?

So if we start with books, you know, sort of where are we? Well, first you have to, as an engineer, scope the problem. How big is it? If you wanted to put all of the published works online so that anybody could have it available, well, how big a problem is it? Well, we don't really know, but the largest print library in the world is the Library of Congress -- it's 26 million volumes, 26 million volumes. It's by far and away the largest print library in the world. And a book, if you had a book, is about a megabyte, so -- you know, if you had it in Microsoft Word. So a megabyte, 26 million megabytes is 26 terabytes, it goes mega, giga, tera, 26 terabytes. 26 terabytes fits in a computer system that's about this big, on spinning Linux drives, and it costs about 60,000 dollars. So for the cost of a house -- or around here, a garage -- you can put -- you can have spinning all of the words in the Library of Congress. That's pretty neat.

Then the question is: what do you get? You know, is it worth trying to get there? Do you actually want it online? Some of the first things that people do is they make book readers that allow you to search inside the books, and that's kind of fun. And you can download these things and look around them in new and different ways. And you can get at them remotely, if you happen to have a laptop. There's starting to be some of these sort of page turn-ee interfaces that look a whole lot like books in certain ways, and you can search them, make little tabs, and it's kind of cute -- still very book-like -- on your laptop. But I don't know, reading things on a laptop -- whenever I pull up my laptop it always feels like work. I think that's one of the reasons why the Kindle is so great. I don't have to feel like I'm at work to read a Kindle; it's starting to be a little bit more specified. But I have to say that there's older technologies that I tend to like. I like the physical book. And I think we can go and use our technology to go and digitize things -- put them on the net and then download, print them and bind them and end up with books again.

And we sort of said, well, how hard is this? And it turns out to not be very hard. We actually went off to make a bookmobile. And a bookmobile -- the size of a van with a satellite dish, a printer, binder and cutter, and kids make their own books. It costs about three dollars to download, print and bind a normal old book. And they actually come out kind of nice looking. You can actually get really good-looking books for on the order of one penny per page, sort of the parts cost for doing this.

So the idea of this technology actually may end up putting books back in people's hands again. There are some other bookmobiles running around. This is Eric Eldred making books at Walden Pond, Thoreau's works. This is just before he got kicked out by the Parks Services for competing with the bookstore there. In India, they've got another couple bookmobiles running around. And this is the opening day at the Library of Alexandria, the new Library of Alexandria, in Egypt. It was quite popularly attended. And kids starting to make their own books, and a happy kid with the first book that he's ever owned. So the idea of being able to use this technology to end up with paper where I can handle sort of sounds a little retro, but I think it still has its place. And being sort of from the Silicon Valley, sort of Utopia, and -- sort of, you know, sort of world, we thought if we can make this technology work in rural Uganda, we might have something. So we actually got some funding from the World Bank to try it out. And we found in about 30 days we could go and take a couple folks from Silicon Valley, fly them to Uganda, buy a car, set up the first internet connection at the National Library of Uganda, figure out what they wanted, and get a program going making books in rural Uganda. And it actually -- so technologically, it works.

What we found out of this is, we didn't have the right books. So the books were in the library. We could get it to people if they're digitized, but we didn't know how to quite get them digitized. Everybody thought the answer is, send things to India and China. And so we've tried that, and I'll go over that in a moment. There are some newer technologies for delivering that have happened that are actually quite exciting as well. One is a print-on-demand machine that looks like a Rube Goldberg Machine. We have one of these things now. It's completely cool. It's all conveyor belt and it makes a book. And it's called the "Espresso Book Machine," and in about 10 minutes you can press a button and make a book.

Something else I'm quite excited about in this particular domain, beyond these sort of kiosky things where you can get books on demand, is some of these new little screens that are coming out. And one of my favorites in this is the 100 dollar laptop. And I don't mean to steal any thunder here, but we've gone and used one of these things to be an e-book reader. So here's one of the beta units and you can -- it actually turns out to be a really good-looking e-book reader. And we have a quick hack that we did to try to put one of our books on it, and it turns out that 200 dots per inch means that you can put scanned books on them that look really good. At 200 dots per inch, it's kind of the equivalent of a 300-dot-print laser printer. We're in good enough shape. You actually can go and read scanned books quite easily.

So the idea of electronic books is starting to come about. But how do you do all this scanning? So we thought, okay, well, let's try out this send books to India thing. And there was a project with -- funded by the National Science Foundation, sent a bunch of scanners, and the American libraries were supposed to send books. Well, they didn't -- they didn't want to send their books. So we bought 100,000 books and sent them to India. And then we learned why you don't want to send books to India. The lesson we learned out of this is, scan your own books. If you really care about books, you're going to scan them better, especially if they're valuable books. If they're new books and you can just, you know, butcher them because you could just buy another one, that's not such a big deal in terms of doing high-quality scanning. But do things that you love. But the Indians have been scanning a lot of their own books -- about 300,000 now -- doing very well. The Chinese did over a million and the Egyptians are about 30,000.

But we sent -- thought, OK, if we're going to need to do this, let's do it in-library. How do we go and do this, and how do we get it down so that it's a cost point that we could afford? And we sort of picked the price point of 10 cents a page. If it's basically the cost of Xeroxing to digitize, OCR, package it up, make it so that you could download, print and bind it, the whole shebang, we would have achieved something. So we started out trying to figure out, how do we get to 10 cents? And we tried these robot things, and they worked pretty well -- sort of these auto page-turning things. If we can have Mars Rovers, you'd think you could turn pages. But it actually turns out to be pretty hard to turn pages, and the volume isn't there. So anyway -- so we ended up making our own book scanner. And with two digital high grade professional digital cameras, controlled museum lighting -- so even if it's a black and white book, you can go and get the proper intonation. So you basically do a beautiful, respectful job. This is not a fax, this is -- the idea is to do a beautiful job as you're going through these libraries. And we've been able to achieve 10 cents a page if we run things in volumes. This is what it looks like at the University of Toronto. And actually it turns out to, you know, pay a living wage. People seem to love it. Yes, it's a little boring, but some people kind of get into the Zen of it. (Laughter) And especially if it's kind of interesting books that you care about in languages that you can read, We actually have been able to do a pretty good job of this at getting 10 cents a page. So 10 cents a page, 300 pages in your average book, 30 dollars a book. The Library of Congress, if you did the whole darn thing -- 26 million books -- is about 750 million dollars, right? But a million books -- I think actually would be a pretty good start, and that would cost 30 million dollars. That's not that big a bill.

And what we've been able to do is get into libraries. We've now got eight of these scanning centers in three countries, and libraries are up for having their books scanned. The Getty here is moving their books to the UCLA, which is where we have one these scanning centers, and scanning their out-of-copyright books, which is fabulous. So we're starting to get the institutional responsibility. The thing we're missing is the 10 cents. If we can get the 10 cents, all the rest of it flows. We've scanned about 200,000 books. Now we're scanning about 15,000 books a month, and it's starting to gear up another factor of two from there.

So all in all, that's going very well. And we're starting to move out of the just out-of-copyright into the out-of-print world. So I think of -- we're kind of going from the out-of-copyright library stuff, and Amazon.com is coming from the in-print world, and I think we'll meet in the middle some place and have the classic thing that you have, which is a publishing system and a library system working in parallel. And so we're starting up a program to do out-of-print works, but loaning them. Exactly what loaning means, I'm not quite sure. But anyway, loaning out-of-print works from the Boston Public Library, the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institute and a few other libraries that are starting to participate in this program, to try out this model of where does a library stop and where does the bookstore take over. So all in all it's possible to do this in large scale. We're also going back over microfilm and getting that online. So we can do 10 cents a page, we're going 15,000 books a month and we've got about 250,000 books online, counting all the other projects that are starting to add in. So what I wanted to argue is, books are within our grasp. The idea of taking on the whole ball of wax is not that big a deal. Yes, it costs tens of millions, low hundreds of millions, but one-time shot and we've got basically the history of printed literature online. And then there's business model issues about how to try to effectively market it and get it to people. But it is within our grasp technologically and law-wise, at least for the out-of-print and out-of-copyright, we suggest, to be able to get the whole darn thing online.

Now let's go for audio, and I'm going to go through these. So how much is there? Well, as best we can tell, there are about two to three million disks having been published -- so 78s, long-playing records and CDs -- or at least that's the largest archives of published materials we've been able to sort of point at. It costs about 10 dollars a piece to go and take a disk and put it online if you're doing things in volume. But we've found that the rights issues are really quite thorny. This is a fairly heavily litigated area, so we've found that there are niches in the music world that aren't served terribly well by the classic commercial publishing system. And we've been starting to make these available by going and offering shelf space on the net. In the United States it doesn't cost you to give something away. Right? If you give something to a charity or to the public, you get a pat on the back and a tax donation -- except on the net, where you can go broke. If you put up a video of your garage band and it starts getting heavily accessed, you can lose your guitars or your house.

This doesn't make any sense. So we've offered unlimited storage, unlimited bandwidth forever, for free, to anybody that has something to share that belongs in a library. And we've been getting a lot of takers. One is the rock 'n rollers. The rock 'n rollers had a tradition of sharing, as long as nobody made any money. You could -- Concert recordings, it's not the commercial recordings, but concert recordings, started by the Grateful Dead. And we get about two or three bands a day signing up. They give permission, and we get about 40 or 50 concerts a day. We have about 40,000 concerts, everything the Grateful Dead ever did, up on the net so that people can see it and listen to this material. So audio is possible to put up, but the rights issues are really pretty thorny. We've got a lot of collections now -- a couple hundred thousand items -- and it's growing over time.

Moving images: if you think of theatrical releases, there are not that many of them. As best we can tell, there are about 150,000 to 200,000 movies ever that are really meant for a large-scale theatrical distribution. It's just not that many. But half of those were Indian. But anyway, it's doable, but we've only found about a thousand of these things that -- to be out-of-copyright. So we've digitized those and made those available. But we've found that there's lots of other types of movies that haven't really seen the light of day -- archival films. We've found, also, a lot of political films, a lot of amateur films, all sorts of things that are basically needing of a home, a permanent home. So we've been starting to make these available and it's grown to be very popular. We're not quite a YouTube; we tended towards longer-term things and also things that people can reuse and make into new movies, which has just been great fun.

Television comes quite a bit larger. We started recording 20 channels of television 24 hours a day. It's sort of the biggest TiVo box you've ever seen. It's about a pedobyte, so far, of worldwide television -- Russian, Chinese, Japanese, Iraqi, Al Jazeera, BBC, CNN, ABC, CBS, NBC -- 24 hours a day. We put -- we only put one week up, which is mostly for cost reasons, which is the 9/11, sort of from 9/11/2001: for one week, what did the world see? CNN were saying that Palestinians were dancing in the streets. Were they? Let's look at the Palestinian television and find out. How can we have critical thinking without being able to quote and being able to compare what happened in the past? And television is dreadfully unrecorded and unquotable, except by Jon Stewart, who does fabulous job. So anyway, television is, I would suggest, within our grasp. So 15 dollars per video hour and also about 100 dollars to 150 dollars per celluloid hour, we're able to go and get materials online very inexpensively and have them up on the net. And we've got, now, a lot of these materials. So we've got about 100,000 pieces up there. So books, music, video, software -- there's only 50,000 titles of it. Mostly the issues there are legal issues and breaking copy protections. But we've worked through some of those, but we've still got real problems in Washington.

Well, we're best known as the World Wide Web. We've been archiving the World Wide Web since 1996. We take a snapshot of every website and all of the pages on it, every two months. And actually, it's really been pioneered by Alexa Internet, which donates this collection to the internet archive. And it's been growing along for the last 11 years and it's a fantastic resource. And we've made a "Way Back Machine" that you can then go and see old websites kind of the way they were. If you go and search on something, this is Google.com, the different versions of it that we have, this is what it looks like when it was an Alpha release and this is what it looked like at Stanford. So anyway, you've got basically an idea of where things came from. Mostly people want to see their old stuff out of this. If there's one thing that we want to learn from the Library of Alexandria version one, which is probably best known for burning, is: don't just have one copy. So we've started to -- We've made another copy of all of this and we actually put it back in the Library of Alexandria. So this is a picture of the internet archive at the Library of Alexandria. And we now have also another copy building up in Amsterdam. So we should put it in the San Andreas Fault Line in San Francisco, flood zone in Amsterdam and in the Middle East. Right, so anyway ... so we're hedging our bets here. If we go and put it in a couple more places, I think we'll be in good shape.

There's a political and social question out of this. Is all of this, as we go digital, is it going to be public or private? There's some large companies that have seen this vision, that are doing large-scale digitization, but they're locking up the public domain. The question is: is that the world that we really want to live in? What's the role of the public versus the private as things go forward? How do we go and have a world where we both have libraries and publishing in the future, just as we basically benefited as we were growing up? So universal access to all knowledge -- I think it can be one of the greatest achievements of humankind, like the man on the moon or the Gutenberg Bible or the Library of Alexandria. It could be something that we're remembered for for millennia for having achieved. And as I said before, I'll end with something that's carved above the door of the Carnegie Library -- Carnegie -- one of the great capitalists of this country -- carved above his legacy: "Free to the People." Thank you very much.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Case Study No. 0123: Large Lavender Live Hand Anything Muppet

No Cookies in the Library - Classic Sesame Street
2:48
Much to the chagrin of a tempermental librarian Cookie Monster can't seem to comprehend that libraries don't have cookies. My mom loves this skit for some reason.
Tags: Classic Sesame Street library Richard Hunt Cookie Monster Frank Oz Muppets 1970's
Added: 5 years ago
From: sawing14s
Views: 635,778

[scene opens with a male Muppet librarian reshelving books]
LIBRARIAN: [to himself] Now, let me see. Under the present Dewey Decimal system, this book belongs--
[Cookie Monster enters the library]
COOKIE MONSTER: [loudly to himself] Wow! Look at all these books! Me never seen so many books before!
LIBRARIAN: Shh!
COOKIE MONSTER: Hm? Oh, yeah yeah, right right ...
[he suddenly trips and falls down]
COOKIE MONSTER: Whoops!
LIBRARIAN: Quiet, please!
COOKIE MONSTER: Uh, did not see wastebasket.
LIBRARIAN: Alright ...
COOKIE MONSTER: Uh, excuse me, sir? Sir?
LIBRARIAN: Hmm?
COOKIE MONSTER: Uh, could you tell me what you doing with all these books here?
LIBRARIAN: Oh, well ... Why, this is a library. Yes, yes.
COOKIE MONSTER: Oh!
LIBRARIAN: People come in here to borrow books they'd like to read!
COOKIE MONSTER: Oh, that terrific!
LIBRARIAN: Mmm.
COOKIE MONSTER: This library!
LIBRARIAN: Yes.
COOKIE MONSTER: Oh! Well, that great because me try hard to read.
LIBRARIAN: Oh, that's very good ...
COOKIE MONSTER: Yeah.
LIBRARIAN: Now, what can I get you?
COOKIE MONSTER: Well, uh, me want a book about Little Red Riding Hood ...
LIBRARIAN: Alright.
COOKIE MONSTER: And one box of cookies, please.
LIBRARIAN: Maybe you don't understand. You see, this is a library ...
COOKIE MONSTER: Yeah?
LIBRARIAN: Yes, we have books here, only books. We have no cookies.
COOKIE MONSTER: Oh ... Oh! Oh, me see!
LIBRARIAN: You understand?
COOKIE MONSTER: Okay, okay! Then, uh, let's see. Me take book of nursery rhymes!
LIBRARIAN: Alright!
COOKIE MONSTER: And a box of cookies, please.
LIBRARIAN: [slightly agitated] Ahem, we don't have cookies! We only have books, just books. No cookies, alright?
COOKIE MONSTER: Oh, oh yeah, right right, got it now. Okay. Then, uh, let's see. Me take, uh, picture book.
LIBRARIAN: Picture book ...
COOKIE MONSTER: Yeah ... and a box of cookies.
LIBRARIAN: [puts hand on his forehead] Oooh ... How many times do I have to tell you, we don't have cookies! Only books!
COOKIE MONSTER: Oh, okay ...
LIBRARIAN: Just books! No cookies!
COOKIE MONSTER: Okay, no get upset, no get upset. Okay, don't get excited. Me not fussy. Just gimmee box of cookies ...
LIBRARIAN: [screaming] We don't have cookies! No cookies! Just books!! That's all!!! No cookies! Understand!? Just books! Books!!
COOKIE MONSTER: [quietly] You know what? Me get feeling you only have books ...
LIBRARIAN: [screaming] That's right! Just books!!
COOKIE MONSTER: Me got it. Me got it now. Okay, okay ...
LIBRARIAN: [calming down] Alright, at last.
COOKIE MONSTER: Good. Good.
LIBRARIAN: Now, what do you want?
COOKIE MONSTER: Me want book about cookies.
LIBRARIAN: Fine, that we have. A book about cookies. Good.
COOKIE MONSTER: [pause] And a glass of milk, please.
[the librarian gives one last stunned look, then promptly faints]
COOKIE MONSTER: [looking down at the fallen librarian] A book about cookies and a glass of juice?

---

From wikia.com:

In a Cookie Monster sketch, a Large Lavender Live Hand Anything Muppet librarian (performed by Richard Hunt) became extremely frustrated due to Cookie's inability to comprehend that the library doesn't have cookies.

Case Study No. 0122: Sexy Librarian on the Prowl

Bar-fari: Sexy Librarian On The Prowl - Comedy.com
1:14
In this episode of Bar-Fari, we head to a bar in Venice Beach with hidden cameras to capture the actions of a sexy librarian as she decides whether or not to kiss a guy she meets in the bar. A Comedy.com original series. This is 100% real!
Tags: barfari safari bars drinking alcohol women sexy librarians library kissing making out hidden cameras series comedy.com
Added: 2 years ago
From: comedycomedy
Views: 51,169

NARRATOR: The footage you are about to see was captured in the jungle by hidden cameras. And by "jungle," we mean a bar in Venice Beach ...
[night-vision footage of a campfire is shown]
NARRATOR: A roaring fire represents romance in many cultures.
[cut to night-vision footage of a young blonde woman wearing thick glasses]
NARRATOR: And this rare species of "Sexy Librarian" tries to capitalize on this milieu.
[cut to the woman sitting next to a man at the bar]
NARRATOR: She awkwardly puts her arm around this male species of Mongoloid, in an attempt to lure him into mating ...
[they are both chewing gum]
NARRATOR: Her breath no longer smells like a garbage dump, and she's ready for the Mongoloid's mount.
[they both take their gum out and place it on the table]
NARRATOR: He appears ready as well.
[cut to a close-up of the man's face]
NARRATOR: But now, he realizes he has a wife and kids at home. He weighs his options.
[the camera pans over to focus on the woman's face]
NARRATOR: Little does he know, the "Sexy Librarian" ... is a man.
[cut to a shot of the two still sitting together]
NARRATOR: He's totally cool with that.

Comedy.Com
Produced by Venice the Menace

Case Study No. 0121: Henry Armitage

tentacles
7:05
Just skip at 0:40 and start to listen. hilarious.
This is a musical based on H.P. Lovecraft's Cthulhu mythos, but even if you haven't read his books this is funny.
Made by H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society.
Tags: lovecraft musical tentacles shoggoth on the roof
Added: 4 years ago
From: aabeeceed
Views: 170,113

HENRY ARMITAGE: A Shoggoth on the roof. Sounds crazy ... no, certifiably insane! But here in our little village of Arkham, Massachusetts, you might say every one of us has a Shoggoth on the roof, and I'm not speaking metaphorically. It's not easy having a malevolent shapeless monster like that hanging over your head, but there it is. Arkham is the home of many strange things; a big monster like that on such a pointy roof, you may ask how does it stay up there, if it's so difficult? That, I can tell you in one word ... Tentacles!

[the chorus begins singing]
Tentacles, tentacles! Tentacles!
Tentacles, tentacles! Tentacles!

HENRY ARMITAGE: Here in Arkham, tentacles get into everything eventually! Changeless legend-haunted Arkham, where the clustering gambrel roofs sway and sag over attics. Where witches hid from the King's men in the dark olden days of the province. Well, the king is gone, but the witches are still here ... and the cultists, and the monsters, and regular folks just trying not to notice. We try not to think about the scariest one of all. The gigantic half-dragon half-octopus half-humanoid Great Old One himself, Cthulu! Waiting to return from his city beneath the sea!

[Henry begins singing]
Who day and night
Must slumber in R'lyeh
Wave his tentacles
Having nasty dreams
And who has the might
As master of R'lyeh
To drive humanity insane?

[the chorus joins in]
Cthulu, Cthulu! Tentacles!
Cthulu, Cthulu! Tentacles!

[Henry stops singing and the chorus continues]
Who must bow and kneel and scrape and slave all day
To raise R'lyeh, Cthulu's way
Who must live in ignorance until the day
They find they've read too many nasty books
The cultists, the cultists! Tentacles!
The cultists, the cultists! Tentacles!
That night I started growing gills and swimming in the sea
And soon I'll know the wonder of the sun-ken city
The Deep Ones, the Deep Ones! Tentacles!
The Deep Ones, the Deep Ones! Tentacles!
Who's always last to know, who fills the air with cries?
Whose sanity is blasted, and then who usually dies?
The victims, the victims! Tentacles!
The victims, the victims! Tentacles!

HENRY ARMITAGE: We have the shoe factory, and the brickworks, and a wonderful insane asylum we're all mighty proud of. But the heart of the town is its Miskatonic University. It may not be the biggest school in New England, but there's no finer place in the world to study medieval metaphysics. It's my honor to be its head librarian ... Y'see, many folks from the University, as you walk through Arkham streets and in our small community, we always have had some special types as well. For instance, Herbert West, the mad scientist.
HERBERT WEST: Those small-minded doctors have needlessly and irrationally delayed me in supremely great work. The reanimation of dead tissue was within my grasp!
ALLEN HALSEY: Herbert, your perverse experiments are the vagary of a demented maniac and cannot be allowed to continue. Your request for the use of human cadavers is completely denied!
HERBERT WEST: Ha ha, I warn you Doctor Halsey, you'll regret this decision!
HENRY ARMITAGE: And Randolph Carter, the writer with the weird dreams who keeps showing up everywhere ...
RANDOLPH CARTER: I repeat to you, gentlemen, that your inquisition is fruitless! Question me forever if you want, I do not know what has become of Harley Warren!
WOMAN: Mister Carter, there's a telephone call for you ...
HENRY ARMITAGE: And Obed Marsh, the cursed old man from nearby Innsmouth ...
OBED MARSH: What are ye lookin' at?! What, you think I'm ugly?! Izzat it? I'll be showing ye ugly!

[the chorus begins singing]
Die die die, die! Die die die, die!
Die die die die, die die die die die!
Die die die, die! Die die die, die!
Die die die die, die die die die die!

HENRY ARMITAGE: Then there are others in Arkham. Some live here, some just visit ... The head of a local cult. Some kind of horrible monster. I do not even want to know what that is. We normal folks just look the other way and try not to lose our minds. And among ourselves, we get along just fine. Well, of course, there are some who think that the magical Elder Sign is shaped like a star. And some who think it's shaped more like a tree. But that is all settled now. Now, we just try to--
ARKHAM RESIDENT 1: It's shaped like a star with a little flame inside it!
ARKHAM RESIDENT 2: No, it's like a tree! It's got branches coming off it!
ARKHAM RESIDENT 1: I'm telling you, it's a star!
ARKHAM RESIDENT 2: Use the star one and you'll be fighting off the Old Ones with your bare hands! It's a star!

[the chorus begins singing]
Star! Tree! Star! Tree! Star! Tree! Star! Tree!
Tentacles, tentacles! Tentacles!
Tentacles, tentacles! Tentacles!

HENRY ARMITAGE: Tentacles! Like I said, you cannot live in Arkham without coping with the Shoggoth on the roof!


---

From wikipedia.org:

A Shoggoth on the Roof is a parody musical of Fiddler on the Roof based on the works of H. P. Lovecraft. Published by the H. P. Lovecraft Historical Society, it is credited to a member of the society who is referred to only as "He Who (for legal reasons) Must Not Be Named".

There have been many legal difficulties in performing "Shoggoth"; however, it was staged for the first time, in a Swedish translation, at Miskatonicon, a H. P. Lovecraft convention in Sweden, on November 4, 2005. It was staged for the first time in English at a games convention, Leprecon, in Ireland on February 23, 2007. The production was organised by the Trinity College, Dublin Gamers Society. They avoided the legal issues surrounding the Fiddler on the Roof score by using a completely new score for the musical.

The story parodies that of Fiddler on the Roof, following the tale of Professor Henry Armitage, the librarian at the fictional Miskatonic University (from the Lovecraft short story "The Dunwich Horror"), and his attempts to marry off his three daughters. It is set in 1920s America.

The action is set in the fictional town of Arkham, Massachusetts. The action opens in a manner reminiscent of Fiddler, with a shoggoth on the roof of the Miskatonic library building. Armitage addresses the audience, speaking of all the strange things in Arkham and its horrific history. He then explains how a shoggoth can stay up on "such a pointed roof": Tentacles! ("Tentacles")

Back at Armitage's house, his three daughters, Prudence, Asenath and Jill, along with their mother Marion are cleaning. The three daughters begin chatting and Prudence reveals that she's fallen in love with Herbert West, a doctor and assistant professor at the university. Meanwhile, Armitage arrives home, and he and Marion discuss finding a suitable husband for Prudence. Marion suggests Wilbur Whately, and Armitage agrees to ask him to lunch. ("Arkham, Dunwich") Prudence hears this and rushes off to see Herbert.

The action then moves to a graveyard, where Randolph Carter and Harley Warren are discussing how best to enter an ancient tomb. A ghoul spies on them as they break in.

Prudence and Herbert meet outside the library, and she confides in him about her parents' plans. He exclaims that he "needs her too much," and will ask her father for her hand in marriage.

Later that night, Jill and Asenath sneak out to visit the library, and it is revealed that Asenath has plans to summon an incubus. They take the Book of Eibon from the library and summon a byakhee. ("Byakhee, Byakhee") However, the creature frightens them and they run away.

Meanwhile, Carter and Warren are opening the tomb, and Warren arranges to go down and relay information to Carter via the telephone equipment they have. He then seems nervous of actually entering the tomb, so Carter pushes him in.

In a scene that appears to take place a few days later, Jill and Asenath attend a ceremony at the Esoteric Order of Dagon. The head cultist intones a prayer to Cthulhu and sacrifices a victim. ("Shoggoth Prayer") Asenath seems attracted to the cultist, and asks Jill to follow her down to the beach to watch him. Jill, however, decides to stay, and watches Obed Marsh, a decrepit old man, clean up the hall. He sings to himself, wishing he were a Deep One. ("If I Were a Deep One") Jill then comes out from her hiding place and chats to him. He's attracted to her, but Jill plays hard to get, going to join her sister.

A few days later, Armitage encounters Wilbur Whately at the library, and asks him to go on a date with Prudence. Wilbur accepts. ("Arkham, Dunwich - reprise") After Wilbur leaves, however, Prudence and Herbert West come to see Armitage, and Herbert asks his permission to marry her. He explains to Armitage about his "great work," the reanimation of dead tissue. ("To Life") Overwhelmed, Armitage gives his consent.

The action then returns to Carter and Warren. Carter is being chased by a ghoul, while Warren discovers the tomb is actually empty, except for an inscription saying "Asenath was here". They decide to head home, but encounter Armitage on the way, who is being attacked by ghouls on his way home. Carter and Warren fight them off, but Armitage is still worried about how to break the news of Herbert and Prudence's marriage to his wife. A chance remark by Carter gives him the idea to tell his wife about a nightmare to get her consent.

That night, Armitage and his wife are in bed, when Armitage starts screaming and tells his wife about a nightmare he had, featuring her Grandma Prudence and Lavinia Whately, saying that Prudence should marry Herbert West. ("The Nightmare") Marion is impressed by this and agrees to marry Prudence to Herbert.

The next day, Jill goes to visit Marsh in his shack. The two of them talk about the Deep Ones, and they end up staring into each other's eyes. Meanwhile, Asenath finally talks to the head cultist at the beach, and he confesses he's fallen in love with her. ("Victim of Victims") They agree to ask Armitage's permission to marry.

Obed Marsh and Jill ask Armitage for his blessing for them to marry, explaining that they've fallen in love. Armitage is horrified at the concept, but Jill explains her feelings ("Very Far From the Home I Love"). Armitage eventually gives them his blessing. Asenath and the head cultist then come to ask his blessing. However, Armitage has a violent prejudice against the cultists and refuses absolutely.

The scene then changes to Prudence and Herbert's wedding, with almost everyone in the town present. Carter and Warren turn up, and head to the buffet table. Asenath and the head cultist then turn up, and they try to explain to Armitage how they're part of the same community. ("Arkham, Dunwich - second reprise") The song is interrupted by Wilbur Whateley, who is enraged at both being denied Prudence and at not being invited to the wedding. He vows revenge, and reads an incantation from the Necronomicon to summon Cthulhu, who appears behind the library and crushes many of the villagers. He then eats Wilbur, and demands to know what's going on. ("Do You Fear Me?") Cthulhu goes on a rampage, destroying the university and killing the entire cast. He then departs, and Herbert West uses his reanimating formula to return himself to life, as well as the rest of the cast. They discuss what to do, now that the Great Old Ones have returned. Armitage explains that no matter what the Old Ones do, they can't kill knowledge, and that knowledge is the only weapon against them. ("Miskatonic")

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From cthulhulives.org:

A Shoggoth on the Roof
The Musical

Book and Lyrics by HE WHO (for legal reasons) MUST NOT BE NAMED

Restored and digitally remastered by SEAN BRANNEY and ANDREW LEMAN

Published October, 2001 by The H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society

The book and lyrics of A Shoggoth on the Roof were written some time during the early 1970s, by a person whose name we are not permitted to reveal. A former member of the HPLHS, this unnamable person was later institutionalized, and an agreement with his family prevents us from giving his identity.