Case Study No. 2035: Space Jesus, Librarian of the Human Index

The Librarian
2:00
Fake trailer for the Brattle Theater's Smackdown.

Cast: Derek Concannon, Lindsey Loon, Bob Maguire
With Mike Weiner
Crew: Andrew Gorsuch
Directed & Edited by Omar Cruz
Script & Production - Bob Maguire
Concept - Omar Cruz & Bob Maguire
Tags: Provincetown (City/Town/Village) ptown Cape Cod (Geographical Feature) The Librarian (Film Series) weird humor Parody Philip K. Dick the Dalek Supreme Brattle Theatre (Theater)
Added: 11 months ago
From: TheBobMaguire
Views: 49

[scene opens with a shot of waves lapping up against the shoreline]
NARRATOR: He was not of this world! He was not of this time!
[cut to a male librarian (slicked-back brown hair, suit and tie) walking barefoot along the beach and speaking in a robotic monotone voice]
LIBRARIAN: What is love? What is it to cry? What is a soulmate? My name? What is it to cry? What is my name?
[cut to a closeup of the librarian's mouth]
LIBRARIAN: Space Jesus!
[cut to a man and woman dancing on the beach]
LIBRARIAN: [in voice over] What is love?
[cut to the man and woman with sad looks on their faces]
LIBRARIAN: [in voice over] Space-time. Love.
[cut back to the librarian walking along the beach]
LIBRARIAN: All are files in my human index.
[cut to a shot of the sand]
NARRATOR: On a deserted island, one man is hurtled into war against his greatest adversary ... himself!
[cut to the man speaking to the librarian (who is staring off into the distance)]
MAN: I had a talk with Samantha ...
[cut to the woman lying on the sand, smoking a cigarette]
LIBRARIAN: [in voice over] I'm sure it was a constructive monologue.
[cut to the man standing in front of the woman, looking off into the distance]
WOMAN: Do I get to take my bra off this time?
[cut to the librarian nodding his head up and down]
LIBRARIAN: [in voice over] Digital. Analog. Crayons.
[cut to the woman staring off into the distance]
WOMAN: Things just haven't been the same ... since you perverted!
[cut to a shot of the librarian]
LIBRARIAN: What? What? What is love? Is it to cry? What?
[cut to the woman walking away from the man]
WOMAN: Your father was so much better!
MAN: Are you gonna talk to me or just walk away? Talk to me! Don't you dare slam that door!
[she pantomimes closing a door behind her (as a loud "slam" sound effect can be heard), then cut back to the librarian]
LIBRARIAN: Your paternal ...
[cut to an older man shouting at something off camera]
FATHER: I said, put the raccoon in the waffle iron!
[cut back to the librarian]
LIBRARIAN: He came up from Ashby, and begat a son of mortal woman ... Ashby!
[cut to several quick shots between the man's face and his father]
FATHER: [in voice over] You're doin' it all wrong!
[cut to the man walking alongside the librarian]
MAN: Hey, what're you doing?
LIBRARIAN: I'm on vacation ... from tomorrow.
MAN: And you're an alien?
LIBRARIAN: Yes.
MAN: Who travelled back in time?
LIBRARIAN: Yes.
MAN: Well, what is your preferred means of time travel? Sports car or phone booth?
[cut to a shot of the empty beach]
NARRATOR: The alien visitor. Watch, in chronological order, as he travels from one tomorrow at a time to yesterday for the future in the name of yesterday's tomorrows ... now!
[cut to the librarian shaking his head back and forth]
LIBRARIAN: [in voice over] What? What is drama? What? What is avoidable unmedicated meltdowns?
[cut to the woman giggling to herself]
[cut to the father pointing at something off camera and growling]
[cut back to the woman giggling, when she looks at the camera and gives a dirty look]
[cut to a closeup of the librarian's mouth]
LIBRARIAN: All are in the human index.
[cut to a shot of the librarian walking along the beach]
LIBRARIAN: [in voice over] I am Space Jesus, librarian of the human index!
["The Librarian!" appears on screen]