Adam Carolla versus the African-American Research Library!
5:37
Kevin the Librarian wants to become Adam's official Black Correspondent (tm) ...
From the November 18th (2014) episode of the Adam Carolla Podcast. Used without permission.
Tags: adam carolla podcast african american research library fort lauderdale florida FiyahMuZik
Added: 5 months ago
From: BoondyAlBoondy
Views: 199
ADAM CAROLLA: Hey, Kevin?
KEVIN: [over the phone] Yes, sir!
ADAM CAROLLA: You're twenty nine from Florida?
KEVIN: [over the phone] Yes I am.
ADAM CAROLLA: Have you ... You wanna know--
KEVIN: [over the phone] I'm at work.
ADAM CAROLLA: Do I need a black correspondent?
BALD BRYAN: Ooh, you're at work?
KEVIN: [over the phone] Yeah.
BALD BRYAN: That's not good for a black correspondent.
ADAM CAROLLA: Yeah.
[everyone laughs]
ADAM CAROLLA: We're lookin' to go a little more ethnic.
BALD BRYAN: Sorry, Kevin.
ADAM CAROLLA: Um ...
KEVIN: [over the phone] But I--
BALD BRYAN: I'm sure you're a good guy.
KEVIN: [over the phone] I left my post, so I might be fired in a minute.
BALD BRYAN: Ooh!
KEVIN: [over the phone] So hey, I may be unemployed.
BALD BRYAN: He's back in the running!
JO KOY: There you go! Yeah, now you got it!
ADAM CAROLLA: Waddaya do, Kevin?
KEVIN: [over the phone] Hey, y'know?
ADAM CAROLLA: Waddaya do, Kevin?
KEVIN: [over the phone] Oh, I work at a library, I'm a library specialist--
ADAM CAROLLA: Awww!
JO KOY: What the heck?
KEVIN: [over the phone] I know ...
BALD BRYAN: That took a hit!
ADAM CAROLLA: Whooo ... Hold on! Is the library in a prison?
KEVIN: [over the phone] I do a little--
[Jo Koy laughs]
ADAM CAROLLA: No, I think I can save this! I think I can save this!
BALD BRYAN: There's a glimmer of hope!
ADAM CAROLLA: I've seen a lotta movies where they have to restock the books!
BALD BRYAN: That's right ... He comes by the cell, "You want a book?"
ADAM CAROLLA: Tryin' to get you a gig here, Kevin, listen carefully! Alright ...
KEVIN: [over the phone] Okay.
ADAM CAROLLA: Have you been tweeting me, Kevin?
KEVIN: [over the phone] Yes I have.
ADAM CAROLLA: And you've been wanting to know if you can be the show's black correspondent?
KEVIN: [over the phone] Yes, yes sir.
ADAM CAROLLA: Mm, what do you do at the library?
KEVIN: [over the phone] Uh, I work--
[Jo Koy interrupts with his "angry black man" impersonation]
JO KOY: Not read, mutha fucka!
ADAM CAROLLA: Oh, now listen--
[Kevin laughs]
JO KOY: I'll tell ya that much right now!
ADAM CAROLLA: Listen, Brown Sugar ...
KEVIN: [over the phone] You're damn right I don't read!
JO KOY: These books, they're just takin' up space!
[Adam laughs]
JO KOY: Mutha fucka, replace these books ...
ADAM CAROLLA: Yeah?
JO KOY: With videos a-and fuckin' TVs!
ADAM CAROLLA: Uh--
JO KOY: What the fuck we need books for, mutha fucka?
ADAM CAROLLA: It's called a library, they have--
JO KOY: Lie-brerry?
ADAM CAROLLA: Library.
JO KOY: Lie-brerry?
[Kevin laughs]
ADAM CAROLLA: Library.
JO KOY: Well, what we gonna do with all these books?
ADAM CAROLLA: Read 'em?
JO KOY: Say there a fire happen!
ADAM CAROLLA: Fire happens?
JO KOY: Wh-What catch on fire first?
ADAM CAROLLA: Uh, I guess the books--
JO KOY: Books, mutha fucka!
ADAM CAROLLA: It's true ...
JO KOY: Books!
ADAM CAROLLA: They do burn, because they're made of paper.
JO KOY: This is not a safe environment! To study!
[Adam laughs]
ADAM CAROLLA: Well, I don't think a lotta--
JO KOY: Replace the books with mutha fuckin' ... uh, iPads, mutha fucka!
ADAM CAROLLA: Well, we tried that at LA Unified. It didn't work out that well ...
JO KOY: Mutha fucka, this a fire hazard, mutha fucka!
ADAM CAROLLA: Hey, Kevin?
KEVIN: [over the phone] Yes, sir!
ADAM CAROLLA: Here's the problem ... Jo Koy here is--
JO KOY: You're not black, mutha fucka!
ADAM CAROLLA: He's Asian, and he's blacker than you are.
BALD BRYAN: That's true.
ADAM CAROLLA: We've got a serious problem with--
JO KOY: I don't read!
KEVIN: [over the phone] Hey, y'know--
ADAM CAROLLA: We got a serious problem with you makin' a run.
[Kevin laughs]
KEVIN: [over the phone] If he could see where I work, and the people that I work with, he wouldn't--
JO KOY: Hey, Adam!
ADAM CAROLLA: Mm hmm, alright ...
JO KOY: Adam!
ADAM CAROLLA: Yes?
JO KOY: Adam!
ADAM CAROLLA: Yes?
JO KOY: Adam!
ADAM CAROLLA: Yes, Brown Sugar?
JO KOY: Adam!
ADAM CAROLLA: Yes?
[Adam laughs]
JO KOY: [pause] Adam!
[everyone laughs]
ADAM CAROLLA: Yes?
JO KOY: Whatchoo working at a library for?
ADAM CAROLLA: I'm not working at a library.
JO KOY: Mutha fucka!
ADAM CAROLLA: No, it's not me.
JO KOY: Which one am I talkin' to?
ADAM CAROLLA: You're talkin' to Kevin.
JO KOY: [pause] I thought mutha fucka's name was Adam!
ADAM CAROLLA: No, I'm Adam. That's Kevin ... Kevin?
JO KOY: Kevin!
[Alison laughs]
ADAM CAROLLA: Are a lotta people sleeping in your library?
JO KOY: Kevin!
ADAM CAROLLA: Maybe we can salvage this.
JO KOY: Kevin!
KEVIN: [over the phone] Oh, constantly! People sleepin' in the library, fillin' out food stamp applications ...
BALD BRYAN: Oooh.
KEVIN: [over the phone] Fillin' out unemployment ...
ADAM CAROLLA: Mmm.
JO KOY: Ah good, now that sounds familiar!
ADAM CAROLLA: Mm hmm. Hey Kevin--
KEVIN: [over the phone] People askin' me how to, people askin' me things like how to copy and paste. It's--
ADAM CAROLLA: Mm hmm.
KEVIN: [over the phone] This is, I work at the African American Research Library!
ADAM CAROLLA: Mmm!
BALD BRYAN: Ohhhh! Okay!
JO KOY: That's my mutha fucka right there! Alright now!
KEVIN: [over the phone] You feel me?
JO KOY: That's a library, mutha fucka, right there!
KEVIN: [over the phone] Thank you, I work at the African American--
JO KOY: What kinda, what kinda books you got? What kinda books you got? Ebony Magazine?
[Adam laughs]
KEVIN: [over the phone] Hey, here's the thing. I have no idea ... That's how black I am! I have no idea!
BALD BRYAN: Wow. Wow.
JO KOY: That's the kinda books you need to have there! African American! Jet Magazine!
BALD BRYAN: What are your other qualifications for being our black correspondent?
JO KOY: Vibe!
KEVIN: [over the phone] Uh, I know what all--
JO KOY: Hoops! Slam!
KEVIN: [over the phone] I know what every single one of them means.
ADAM CAROLLA: You know what everything ... every single what means?
KEVIN: [over the phone] Every single one of these words that Chick-fil-A banned.
BALD BRYAN: Oh!
ALISON ROSEN: Ohhhh ...
ADAM CAROLLA: You know all those words?
ALISON ROSEN: Wait, I have a question for you, then. Can you do the weird "Barely" voice?
KEVIN: [over the phone] Oh yeah, sure!
ALISON ROSEN: What is it?
KEVIN: [over the phone] Uh, it's from a viral video. There was this girl named Donna Goudeau, she got arrested three years ago, and the video came out recently and it went viral. Uh, she was tryin' to be hard, like she started crackin' up and was cryin' and she has a country drawl. She's from Texas, um, and she would say ... they asked her was she legally blind, and she said "Barely!"
ALISON ROSEN: Oh.
ADAM CAROLLA: Oh, right! Yeah!
BALD BRYAN: Y'know what, though? Big strike against Kevin, he said "They asked" and not "axed", so--
ADAM CAROLLA: No, he said "axed!"
ALISON ROSEN: He said "axed"--
BALD BRYAN: Oh, he did!
KEVIN: [over the phone] I said "axed!"
BALD BRYAN: Oh, I'm--
KEVIN: [over the phone] Hey, that was a clear "X!"
BALD BRYAN: Sorry, Kevin.
KEVIN: [over the phone] That was clearly an "X" ...
BALD BRYAN: Didn't mean to--
ADAM CAROLLA: Yeah, he definitely ... definitely did the "axe."
KEVIN: [over the phone] That's was clearly an "X!"
BALD BRYAN: Okay, okay.
ADAM CAROLLA: So he's got that going for him ... So Kevin, what do you propose that you do as our black correspondent from Florida?
[Bryan plays a clip of Doctor Drew saying "What I do now?"]
ADAM CAROLLA: Yeah, what you do now?
KEVIN: [over the phone] Oh ... What I, what I do now is--
ADAM CAROLLA: Mm hmm.
KEVIN: [over the phone] Anytime Alison has something black ... black-ish comin' up in her news--
ADAM CAROLLA: Mm hmm.
BALD BRYAN: Like a fantasy?
KEVIN: [over the phone] Gimmee a call.
ADAM CAROLLA: Mm hmm.
[Alison laughs]
KEVIN: [over the phone] I show up, ten-twenty minutes late--
ADAM CAROLLA: Mm hmm, right.
KEVIN: [over the phone] I show up a few minutes late, and I just came and answer any questions that you have on black culture.
ADAM CAROLLA: Mm hmm ... Alright!
KEVIN: [over the phone] I've been listening to the podcast--
JO KOY: So, are you gonna answer them with a black voice, mutha fucka?
ADAM CAROLLA: Mm hmm.
JO KOY: You sound whiter than Alison!
ADAM CAROLLA: So we can--
KEVIN: [over the phone] Come on, my nigga.
JO KOY: Ah, there's my mutha fucka!
BALD BRYAN: Don't know if we can air that ...
ADAM CAROLLA: We can ... So Kevin, we can count on you when we go to these topics?
KEVIN: [over the phone] Instantly! Anytime, anytime you ... Well, not always, but y'know, most of the time. Most of the time.
ALISON ROSEN: Kevin, I have a question for you then, since you're here.
KEVIN: [over the phone] Yes?
ALISON ROSEN: "Bae" ...
KEVIN: [over the phone] Uh huh.
ALISON ROSEN: Does it, we read that it stood for "Before Anyone Else," but then I heard that that's not true and it's just short for "babe." What is it?
KEVIN: [over the phone] It is, yeah. It's just short for "babe," somebody just decided to make it an acronym. I don't know what "acronym" means, by the way.
[everyone laughs]
BALD BRYAN: Wow! Wait--
ADAM CAROLLA: Ohhhh ...
BALD BRYAN: Good answer! Good, if you had a cousin named "Acronym," that would be even better!
[Adam laughs]
ADAM CAROLLA: Alright, Kevin?
KEVIN: [over the phone] Yes, sir!
ADAM CAROLLA: I'm sure there's people you need to wake up and tell to go to the bathroom, so I'm gonna let you get back to your job.
BALD BRYAN: Mm hmm.
[Kevin laughs]
KEVIN: [over the phone] Thank you.
ADAM CAROLLA: Alright, but we'll keep Kevin in mind ... Let's keep Kevin's number.
BALD BRYAN: Yeah.
---
From adamcarolla.com:
Jo Koy and Michael DiTolla
Posted on: 11-17-2014 by: Chris Laxamana
Adam opens the show making fun of Dr. Drew, and he introduces a new segment, 'Tweet and a Miss'. Jo Koy is also in studio, and Adam asks his character Bung Lu Su to sign along to some classic kid show theme songs. Adam then jumps to the phones and talks with a caller who wants to be the podcast's black correspondent. He also chats with fans about businesses that exist to help other businesses, whether you should put money aside for college, and Steve-O's drunken appearance on 'Too Late with Adam Carolla'.
---
From twitter.com:
Fiyah (@FiyahMuZik)
Dear @adamcarolla, PLEASE allow me the honor of being the first official Black Correspondent for the @AdamCarollaShow.
1:38 PM - 14 Nov 2014
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