Wheelchair Library- Dane Cook
4:59
hilarious. just listen.
Tags: wheelchair library dane cook hilarious prank call
Added: 5 years ago
From: XxmolliebabyyyxX
Views: 11,908
[the sound of a phone ringing can be heard]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Henderson Public Library reference.
GENE: Is this a machine?
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: No ...
[she laughs]
GENE: Oh, well. I thought you were a machine there for a minute. Hello!
[she laughs]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Hello.
GENE: This is Gene. My name is Gene Winterbuck, I'm new to the area. How are you today?
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Fine.
GENE: Who am I speaking with?
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Angela.
GENE: Angela, heard a lotta great things about you.
[she laughs, and he gives a fake laugh in reply]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Okay, well--
GENE: Ah, let's see. Give you a little background on myself here ... I, uh, I'm in a wheelchair. I was in a statue accident about five or six years back, and now I'm confined to this metal hotrod.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Mm hmm.
GENE: Uh, there's some books that I need for people who are handi-capable such as myself, and if we could maybe get a list going here you can tell me if you have the titles.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Sure.
GENE: And then I could "cling clang clung clink clink" down to your local library and pick these up in a nice little gift pack.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Okay.
GENE: Let's do it! Let's go, let's go! Let's go, let's go!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Alright.
GENE: Alright, let me oil up my wheels here, and let's get started.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Do you have a library card yet?
GENE: I-I do, I just got my first library card.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Alright.
GENE: In uh, downtown Moscow about four years ago.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Oh.
GENE: Would that be able to be used in, uh--
[she laughs]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: We'd have to do a little updating.
GENE: I, I was told it was an international library card.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Oh ... Uh, do you have some--
GENE: You are so excited, and you're making me excited!
[she laughs]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Good!
GENE: No, you really are making me excited to come down there and fetch these books!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Well, you ... I think you'll enjoy it.
GENE: Well, that sounds delicious!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Let's, um, let's ... Tell me some of--
GENE: Yes, let's! I was going to say that too!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Mm-hmm.
[he laughs]
GENE: Okay, the first book is by the author Orny Fillz ... "F-I-L-L-Z."
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: "F-I-L-L-Z."
GENE: Yup.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: And it's--
GENE: Um ... No, I'm sorry. "F-H-I-L-L-Z." "Fuh-hillz."
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: I'm sorry, I--
GENE: Fhillz. Fhillz.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: "F" as in "Frank"?
GENE: Yes, "F" as in "Frank."
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Uh huh.
GENE: "H" as in "Hillz" ... Hillz.
[she laughs]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: That's an unusual name.
GENE: I know!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: "F-H-I-L-L-Z" ... And the first name again was?
GENE: You've got it! You-you won! Uh, I'm sorry, it's Peter.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Peter, okay.
GENE: No, I'm sorry, it's George ...
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Oh ...
GENE: I'm looking at, I have everything spread out in front'a me here. I always have to spread everything out on the floor like a map, and then I roll to each thing to identify.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Oh.
GENE: Okay, the first title is "Arms of Steel, Legs of Wheat."
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: "Arms of Steel" ...
GENE: Mm hmm.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: "Legs of Wheat."
GENE: Yes, nonfiction.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Alright, okay. You have another one, then?
GENE: Yes, I've got a bundle. I've got a gaggle here! Uh, let's see. "Ramp" ... Oh, romance novel. "Ramp to Her Heart."
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: "R-A-M-P", "Ramp"?
GENE: "R-A-M-P" to her heart.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: "To Her Heart."
GENE: It's about a small-town boy who goes to the city and he ... all the trials and tribulations. He falls in love with a girl who works on the fiftieth floor in a building with no elevators.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Oh my.
GENE: And he's going to get to her!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Mm hmm.
[he laughs]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Okay.
GENE: Okay, we have uh ... "How to Succeed in Business Without Really Walking."
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Yup.
GENE: We've got "Crawl to Me" ...
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Hang on, I'm having to write them down.
GENE: We also have "Mister Wobbles."
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Okay, "How to Succeed in Business--"
GENE: We have "Banana Day" ... I'm sorry, am I going too fast?
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Yeah, because I have to handwrite these.
GENE: Oh! Oh, I thought that you were recording them and you were gonna have somebody take them down later, like a translator of sorts.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: No. Uh, we have to do that--
GENE: Lemmee grab something to drink here, I'm so thirsty. My apartment, something's wrong with the heat and it ... steam is coming out of the wall.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Oh my!
GENE: Yes, it's steam! Constant steam, and I'm wet and hot.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Okay.
GENE: Excuse me ...
[he coughs]
GENE: Okay.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Okay.
GENE: Where were we? Where were we?
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: "How to Succeed in Business Without Really Walking"?
GENE: Yes.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Okay.
GENE: And that uh, is by Beakman.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: "B-E-E-K?"
GENE: Uh, three "E"s.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Three "E"s?
GENE: Three "E"s.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: "B-E-E-E-K" ...
GENE: That's what was sent to me in the gift pack.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Okay, if the title, if every word in the title is correct, we generally are able to--
GENE: Every word is correct!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Yeah, we're generally able to get it alright ... Okay! Uh, next?
GENE: Uh, "Johnny Noodlelegs."
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: "N-O-O-D-L-E" ...
GENE: John ... Yes.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: And "Legs"?
GENE: "Johnny Noodlelegs."
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Okay.
GENE: And he's a martial arts expert based out of Milwaukee, who actually does this form of self-defense where you throw your ... legs!
[he laughs]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Oh!
GENE: Sounds strange. Sounds odd, but it works for me!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Okay ... Um, are there others?
GENE: "Oops, I Crapped Myself"? And I believe it's about dice, the dice game. "I Crapped Myself" ...
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Okay, "I" ... Any author?
GENE: I'm sorry, could you repeat that title?
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: "I Crapped Myself."
GENE: Yes, that is, that is correct.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Okay, and do you have an author on that?
GENE: Hill ... is the last name. Hill.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Okay. Alright ... Okay.
GENE: Ahh ahh ahh! Could you just hold, ahh! I just dropped my pipe on my lap, and I am now on fire!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: My goodness!
GENE: Ohh! Ohh!
[the sounds of Gene stamping out the fire with his hands can be heard over the phone]
GENE: Oh, I'm sorry!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: That's alright ...
GENE: I'm gonna call you right back ...
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Okay.
GENE: My entire leg is aflame!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Oh, please get it out!
GENE: Ohh!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Ah, bye!
GENE: Ohh!
[the sound of the phone hanging up can be heard]
---
From amazon.com:
Crank Yankers Season 1, Ep. 10 "Dane Cook & Sarah Silverman"
Spoonie orders flowers; Gene Winterbuck calls a library; Hadassah catches crabs; Elmer's house gets peed on.
Starring: Dane Cook, Sarah Silverman
Runtime: 22 minutes
Original air date: August 04, 2002
Network: Comedy Central
---
From wikipedia.org:
Gene Winterbuck (Dane Cook) - A young man who uses a wheelchair and calls libraries requesting books with titles referring to disabilities, such as "Johnny NoodleLegs".
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